DH goes to bed in the morning as he is maintaining a night schedule for work. But there is a habit I have noticed that is absolutely getting to me lately. He'll get food while he is up and leave it out, for me most of the time to find in the morning, no longer good. This morning I had to toss out cheese slices because they where mush and warm, a good amount of lunch meat that was also very much room temperature for hours. And then the kicker, a good two pounds of ground beef I had cooked a day or two ago so we could have several meals in a row this week, sloppy joes, chili, spaghetti and so on. It wasn't cheap either, beef prices haven't been all too great around here lately.
So yes, I was decently upset this morning as I had to get rid of a handful of days worth of meals and lunches. And this isn't the first time, this has happened on several other occasions, and I have tossed many things before. I have talked to him about it and he just grumbles about it, says he'll eat it and not to toss it, after it has been out for hours on hours and usually meat or dairy and very much room temperature, and having been for quite awhile, and repeats this at some point. Really bugs me because we are budgeting and trying to feed our kiddo and tossing stuff out really wears on that pretty quick. Don't know what else to do about this. Once in a blue moon is fine, but not like this.
I agree, I try to double check if it is good. But my mommy instincts get to me, I would hate to have a sick kiddo or such because I mis-guessed if food is okay since we have one with a sensitive tummy. She takes probiotics now which are doing wonders though. Lunch meat, probably too, all that salt! Haha. I just worry more with fresh meat and cheeses and things along those lines.
Also, let me say this is just one little pet peeve of mine. We have a normal dinner, which we do nearly every night. And to the "POOR DH" thing, he just gets extra hungry on weekends regardless and wants to eat extra food long after I am asleep. He has many pet peeves with me too of course. I just don't like having to toss food and having to wake up to cleaning it or figuring it out every single time.
I think it is OK to ask to not wake up to that all the time too. Mommies have a full job too, we all do. It is just a little thing that gets tiring after awhile. We compliment each other all the time too, but we again, like normal married couple have our pet peeves, like me, I have to work on getting better at staying on top of laundry and putting shoes in the same places. And this is just one of his, but, it also can end up costing us some money and meals. Only reason it gets a little troublesome and why I am trying to figure out something to do.
A note might be a good idea though! But only when it is just us around. He always does eat in the kitchen and yes I think he just eats and forgets what time it is and heads off to bed which I understand. But indeed might be helpful to gently ask him. Just wanna make sure we have meals and money so we can all eat and be good and happy. I usually leave him to it too if he says he'll eat it, but doing this on his own he completely wrecked his stomach once already. Which was awful.
Thank you kindly for all the suggestions too! We talked about it again, an actual sit down conversation though he didn't really want it. He said he'll just try to double check before he goes to bed and we'll see how it goes, if that doesn't work, the idea of mentioning how much money/worth was thrown away is a good idea especially for perspective.
SIDE NOTE: He does get dinner, again, he does get dinner. He rarely if ever has to cook dinner. Unless I am sick or such which is very rare I never get sick really. This is just an issue as simple as cleaning up after self, and putting a thing back in a fridge and common respect, not a control issue at all or anything close to that or some crisis. Just a need to not waste money and meals. Thank you ~ <3
I'd tell him that he has to go to the store and pick up replacements. If he has to go out of his way to buy it, see how much it costs him to buy it twice, maybe he'll think twice about it. You make it too easy for him - all he has to "suffer" is a scolding and you know that does nothing...
Unless he's intentionally doing it to tick you off, there has to be a way to solve the issue. Is this a new habit since working the night shift? If so, I wonder if a rough mental adjustment is playing a part.
When he pulls food out, what happens next? Does he make something to eat then take it elsewhere to eat it? Instead, he should eat in the kitchen or at least not leave that room until he has tidied up. It is easy to get into a tv show or whatnot and forget all about it.
He might need visual cues. A sign posted on the fridge, a note by the tv/computer. On the bedroom door, if he eats before coming to bed.
I would try to do something to solve the situation, because waking up to food laying out in my kitchen would not be something that I was okay with. There are very few things that I personally need to be 'just so' but this would be one of the things.
Added: Like the other responders, I often make up a meal that my husband can grab & go, or pop in the microwave when he gets home. I use reusable takeout containers.
Look: allowing him to deal with the consequences of his habit? That's an adult relationship. Adult:adult not adult:child. Marriage is two adults.
My husband and I are both adults.
My husband has this annoying habit of leaving a glass with some ice in it or the remaining dinner salad in the counter--according to him, he's going to have more to drink, or finish the salad--later.
Guess what? He might actually do that O. day out of 20. I like to get my kitchen clean immediately after we finish dinner.
I got sick of hearing "I was gonna..." Or "what happened to my glass...?"
So guess what? The glass can sit til the cows come home now and the disgusting salad is congealed and waiting for him, still, after work the next day.
Guess what? Doesn't happen anymore.
I do plenty for everyone in my home, but when my prompt cleanliness is an issue? I don't want to hear it. And I don't. Anymore.
I treat my husband like a capable adult. I'm not his mother.
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Try NOT tossing not or putting it away. Let him do that. Even if it's a day later.
By cleaning up after him? You're enabling the behavior.
If he chooses to still eat it? Natural consequences.
I would talk to him again. Maybe lay it out what it means to your family in dollars and cents. Say he leaves most of a package of sliced cheese out, that's about $2-$3? And if he leaves ground beef, that's probably $4 pound (I'm guessing). So I would say, "DH, I had to throw about $10 this morning. That's half a tank of gas. That's dinner for you at work. That's a week of school lunch. I now have to replace all that, so double it to $20 for the night. I'm upset because I feel like you think it's just about the food when I'm concerned about the money. How can we resolve this?"
What about making him a dinner/lunch/snack that is just "his" and if it has to be thrown out later, then he's the only one affected, not everyone for 3 other meals.
ETA: I also wonder what he is doing taking 2lbs of meat out of the fridge in the first place. You should ask him why, if he's obviously not going to eat 2 pounds of hamburger.
So, from what I understand, your husband comes home hungry from work and needs a meal? What about you plating a meal for him before hand? Or making a sandwich before you go to bed and placing it immediately in a front and center position, so that he doesn't have to dig around 2 lbs of cooked meat and things, or pull out half the contents of the refrigerator to make himself a sandwich?
I don't think waking him and making him put it away or making him eat the warm, left out food is a smart or beneficial approach. From all my years of being around night shift people who arrive home at odd hours, they are bit out of it and not too aware of their surroundings. But you know him best and know if this has become a truly annoying, hard to deal with habit, or can a simple prepared meal solve the trick? He might feel pampered by a prepared dish of food, easy to find.
One tip: in my refrigerator, I keep all the deli items, such as lunch meat and cheese(s) in one container, so easy to pull out, put back.
And with today's technology, you can start sending him pictures of the food he has left out on the counters and will now be throwing away because he forgot to put them back in the frig. A picture speaks a 1,000 words.
GL!
Here's an idea: when you are packing up dinner/doing dishes, have him make up his plate for later so that most of the dishes get done. That would mean a plate waiting for him to unwrap/heat/eat and not much more.
What I'm wondering is if he makes a snack when he's really tired and so he's just forgetful. My other concern would be that if he's so tired he can't remember to put things away, he likely shouldn't be using the stove, you know? Just a safety thing. What if he forgot to turn off a burner? I think that would be a bit more of focus of concern. It's not just wasteful, it's really not safe.
ETA: definitely with Christy Lee and Julie on this. Making a plate ahead is what I do when my husband has to work late because he's tired and heck, I want to make his life easier. And I don't understand treating one's spouse like a child. Maybe this is an indicator that counseling for better communication might be helpful. My husband works hard and if I can be a bit proactive instead of turning it into a control issue, I'd prefer to go that route. The only time I'd wake my husband is if there's an emergency.
There's a simple solution to this.
Have a meal prepared for him, ready to heat up.
This is what I with my ex-husband and he worked swings and mids. The fights for throwing food out were bad. I finally told him - I will prepare you a plate. You fix it - I don't care if you leave at the computer - (which he did) but STOP wasting food.
Not only did he have a "lunch" that I prepared for him BEFORE he left for work - he had a prepared plate that was something he liked and could easily warm up. I even had a glass of milk or something for him next to the plate. He would just leave the milk out so our daughter wouldn't be able to have a bowl of cereal when she woke up. That just chapped my hide.
I am not as quick to toss something depending on what it is and if I know how long it has been out. I am not super picky about that. I look at it, smell it and my hubby has no problem with eating something like that. My motto... is when it doubt throw it out. Nothing stays in my fridge 3 days and we don't do leftovers. I'm not in the situation of counting every dollar I spend so I understand how that can get under your skin if you are wasting money.
Also, after being married almost 27yrs, there will be little things that bug each one of you about the other.
Pick your battles.
Running joke around here is when hubby is looking for something like his shoes, etc... I just say go look where you took them off. He is the worst at leaving clothes or shoes right where he took them off BUT... it is at least in the master bedroom/bath area and not in the rest of the house.
I irritate him because I am a zombie when I wake up and it takes me a bit to wake up. He gets up in the middle of the night to work with international people and by early morning, he usually has my email box full of things I have to follow up on and I do not get up at the crack of dawn like he does. I work efficiently and at my pace.
We work 24/7 with each other running our company (over 7 years) so we have to give each other some space and some leeway with our little pet peeves.
He saves us SO much money on our home and our daughter's condo because he is not afraid to get his hands dirty and work to install new toilets, ceiling fans, paint, mow and edge his own grass, etc.. Most every family around here have hired help for gardening, any handywork in the house, house keepers, etc. and we could very well do the same but another motto of ours is.... why pay someone else to do what you can do yourself just because you can. The money we save is unreal.
His overwhelming qualities of managing our company and working his butt off to make our home and daughter's condo nice trumps any pet peeve of mine about him.
Why would he be taking out two pounds of ground beef, never mind the other stuff, how the hell much does he eat in one sitting!?
Or is he drunk or something?
Sorry, not sure what advice to give here...if he isn't drunk or mentally challenged maybe he's just lazy and stupid :-(
That would make me BONKERS!!!! My husband would probably still eat it. I am NOT a leftover fan but my hubby will eat leftovers that have been in the fridge for a week or more. If I go to throw something away he says I'm wasting it. I'm with you, there is NO way I would keep food that got left out.
Give him natural consequences -- let him eat it. Don't make dinner, just give him his warm, bacteria-laden leftovers. He'll stop soon enough.
How do you resolve other issues with him?
If you look at what this is - him doing a behavior that wastes money, pisses you off, and is lazy/inconsiderate - and he is repeatedly doing this even though you've told him it's costing you meals and annoys you then ... I'd say it's time for a chat.
Sometimes sitting down and actually telling a person that you find it disrespectful (to the family in terms of cost and you as a person cleaning up after him) is what it takes for them to get you're not going to put up with it.
There are lots of things you could do - notes, making him eat it, etc. But honestly, if this is bugging you, why shouldn't you be able to tell him and expect him to stop?
My friend piles her husband's dirty clothes and mess on his side of the bed and he finds it when he goes to climb in. Guess what? He still leaves his socks on the floor.
I don't have time for that kind of stuff. I would expect my husband to listen to my request and take it seriously.
Good luck :)
I would make sure he is present to witness you throwing out the food and tell him the dollar value of the food he is wasting. Maybe he will take it more seriously. I would not tolerate a child doing this and I certainly wouldn't tolerate a grown man doing it. Find out what needs to be done to make it stop. Does he need you to make him a sandwich for him for when he gets home?
I'm in the camp of he must just be lazy. My husband will leave out the ketchup, but not the meat. Why was 2 pounds of ground beef for recipes out? I'm not sure why he would even take that out. I get taking out stuff to make a sandwich, but I don't get the rest of it.
I also toss food that I have a question on. I do not want to be sick or get my kids sick because we ate questionable food, it's just not worth it to me.
I think you need to have a long talk with him about it. Or even ask him if you were to make a couple of sandwiches for him after dinner so he could just grab that? We keep a lot of prepackaged stuff (fruits and vegetables mainly) and they are easy grab, no mess snacks. Maybe try that and see if it helps?
Why don't you just have something ready for him to heat up and eat, or a sandwich already made? Put a sticky note on the fridge saying, "If you are hungry, please eat the leftover meatloaf/potatoes/green beans I left you." Or whatever. That would not only solve the problem but be nice to him so he doesn't have to come home and make himself something and mess up the kitchen. Good luck.
Yep, I get that too. It's freaking annoying. I just put everything out for him to eat, and tell him he doesn't get anything else. Or freeze extra foods after you have a plate for him to eat. That way all the extra food is still good to eat, and I doubt he will waste any time thawing the food out and cooking it himself! That's what I started to do.
An chance you have to usually pee in the middle of the night and can go check quickly? Or leave a note on his pillow? Or an automated text? If he's not arguing he thinks you're wrong but instead forgets, maybe there are ways to remind him. An alarm on his watch or phone?
Don't throw out the cheese. If cheese is moldy, throw it out. But room temperature and mushy is not unsafe. Unappetizing perhaps, but totally safe. Just stick it back in the fridge and forget about it.
With meats, just smell them. Most of the time, if it dorsn't smell bad, it's fine - especially as others said, ground beef will be reheated, and most lunch meats are chocked full of preservatives.
Leave a note. Use bright post it notes.. Leave it on the outside of the refrigerator door and on the actual containers or packages of food inside the refrigerator .
Create an area of your refrigerator that is a "NO SNACKING" area..
But leave him small amounts of food in a special section of the refrigerator he CAN snack on.
My husband loves to snack also. But he has gotten in the habit of asking if he can eat leftovers or things still completely sealed up.. But I have never told him "no". It is a nice courtesy and I appreciate it.
I noticed he will not eat from the freezer, so that is also a good place for me to keep important things. Or the extra lunch meat etc.. I separate large packages into smaller quantities and this works well for us.
I am also famous for me notes on fresh baked goods, dips, ..or things I prepare for events, etc. My family laughs that I am not subtle.. Ha!
Don't gently do anything. Go wake his butt up and make him go put them up.
Don't be a door mat because that won't make him remember. Good lord, if this was your child you'd get on to them a lot more. He's an adult not a child so he's MORE responsible and needs to be chastised more.
Another thing you can do is make him go spend his own money on the items to replace them. If he leaves the meat out tell him on his way home he needs to buy X pounds of hamburger meat. If he leaves cheese and luncheon meat out tell him he needs to pick up replacements on his way home.
The more time he spends in the store repurchasing the foods he's wasting the more he's going to get tired of it and start thinking in terms of "If I don't go back in there and put that stuff up I'm going to have to go by the store in the morning before I come home and buy new stuff".
Use Love and Logic with him. He's an adult and he should be smart enough to learn from the natural consequences.
I wouldn't eat stuff that had gotten to room temperature either. Milk? You could cook things with it right away then toss the rest. Toss any leftovers too. Like make a big pot of home made mashed potatoes or something else like a couple of boxes of Jello Pudding that is the COOKED kind. That kills any recent bacteria with the boiling heat and it will be eaten quickly so it's okay.
As for the luncheon meat...nope, no way. Gone.
I have the same problem here, so I understand. :) Our cheese gets left out for hours until it has a nice crust on the outside. Yick! I try not to nag, but when it's an almost daily thing, it gets old. I can usually catch the issue and put the things back in the fridge fairly quickly, but when I'm working hard too, it's hard to have a good attitude about that all the time. I have to pick my battles.
