49 answers

Just a Sensitive Mom??? I Don't Think So!!

OK MAMASSS!!! I never do this BUT I need your opinion about the situation Analiese had today at school with her coach. (My initial reaction wasn't so great...thank goodness I was at home! LOL) SO, Friday Analiese wore a dress to school with "gladiator sandals" and she had P.E. that day (we didn't know) so she had to sit out with a few others who weren't wearing the appropriate shoes. Fine, I understand. Btw, Analiese is always in closed toe--appropriate shoes 99.9%, of the time..not 100 because of the little incident on Friday. Anyway, Liesey wore black "ballet flats" to school today...(this has never been an issue) and as luck would have it, she had P.E.! Her coach told her that she had to sit out. Ok, that's fine, I understand safety. It didn't end there. He then went to Analiese and asked her why she was wearing those shoes...

Analiese: "My mom told me to wear them today."
Coach: "Don't blame it on your mom. We can go call her right now and I'll ask her myself."
Analiese: "She did, she told me to put them on because it was time to go."
Coach: "I think you're doing this on purpose because you did it on Friday too."
Analiese: "No, I didn't."
Coach: "Stop blaming your mom, you should get an "orange card", go walk the yellow line and stop lying."
And she did, crying and embarrassed.
Analiese is an all "A" and "E" student..AND in the FIRST grade!!! FIRST grade! I know it's the mom in me that's angry but I just feel, in general, this was inappropriate. Thoughts??

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks moms for all your responses!!

To Abbie H.- I can ASSURE you that my only child (hence LIESEYSmom) is NOT his root of frustration. As I stated above, my daughter is an all "A" and "E" student, reading at an exceptional level, if she had issues in P.E. I'm sure her grades would have been different.

BTW, I am on the PTA and a Homeroom parent for my daughter's school/class. I am at her school at LEAST 3 times a week. I feel that if it was an issue it could have been easily addressed as he and I have spoken casually on so many occassions. I mean come on....I get 5000 (LOL) forms, flyers, etc. in her take home folder everyday! Why not one from him?
EDIT- SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE ORGANIZED MOMS WHO NEVER FORGET ANYTHING AND ALWAYS GETu EVERYTHING RIGHT!! ONE DAY, I HOPE TO BE JUST LIKE YOU!! LOL!!
On a more REALISTIC note...I would LOVE nothing better than to tell you what school my daughter attends so that way you can know that this P.E. schedule thing has been an issue! Last year, they sent home a schedule for P.E. days..this year they didn't. I've asked, other parents have asked and it hasn't been done. This is why I said 99.9% of the time my daughter is in tennis shoes! Yes, she should have continued wearing them..my mistake! There has NEVER been a complaint before! Long update short, I went to the school and the principal wasn't there so I met with her secretary because coach was in a class...told her what happened...she was appalled...said she would set up a meeting....still nothing. This happened Tuesday and I spoke with her Wednesday. SO, my daughter had P.E. today AND wore tennis shoes..and his response to her was..."Why couldn't you just wear those on Tuesday?" ..................................................................I understand the question but I've been to the school twice since then and he has been unable to meet with me...yet he asks her this? It's all very odd to me. Oh, and btw, it was School Spirit Night last night and I told some of the other parents and they have all said that they hear this coach is very mean and rude to the students (their children), they've complained and nothing has happened...AND they have ALL requested a P.E. schedule and still haven't received one.

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Don't let these people who "think you should know the schedule by now" bring you down on this. I'm barely able to remember dinner some days! Sheesh. I do remember in first grade that I was more worried about when recess was than what is next on the agenda.

I agree with most of the posts that you should either confront him or speak with the Guidance Counselor on this. I have a feeling that she isn't lying to you in regards to the convo. If this were my daughter, I would be doing one or the other.

Good luck :)

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I would ask him HIS version. Perhaps his wording was a bit harsh for a first grader, but (especially if you're at the school all the time and on PTA and a room parent) -why don't you know when her P.E. classes are and dress her in athletic shoes that day? My kindergartner has P.E. on Mondays and Wednesdays. I've known that since last August.

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I think the teacher was WAY over the top. The kids are six years old. I would call and talk to him and then I would talk to the principal. I would expect the coach to apologize to my child for calling her a liar. Children learn nothing beneficial by being demeaned by their teachers. They do learn when they see adults correct their mistakes. And in my mind, the coach made a big one.

If they are just going to have pop PE days - then the kids should all have gym shoes that are kept at school. And my son is 6 and yes, I do pick out his shoes for him. What on earth is an 'orange card' and what is walking the yellow line'?

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Hey! I havent read your responses, but do they just randomly pick a day for PE class???
My daughter has PE, Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Friday.
She gets to dress up on Wed because no PE.

Unless they are randomly picking a day for PE, it is halfway through the school year, you should be aware of when PE is.

I think the teacher was hard on her, but wearing inappropriate shoes twice in a row could be frustrating.

Make sure she has the right shoes on and no more worries.

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I am a little late in responding to this...but wanted to suggest that your daughter is reporting to you her version of the conversation between her and her teacher. I seriously doubt that it is a word for word report but the way she processed it.
I feel like you can solve this issue pretty easily, just get a calendar, as the other Moms have suggested and mark the PE days with a shoe stamp or something to remind you ( and her) that it is the day for tennis shoes. Personally, I would think that tennis shoes would be the shoe of choice for most school days since she is outside playing on the playground, and doing other things that would make tennis shoes preferable over dress shoes or sandals. Just MHO.
Use this as a teaching moment for your child...she needs to start learning to take responsibility for going to school prepared for the day.

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Don't let these people who "think you should know the schedule by now" bring you down on this. I'm barely able to remember dinner some days! Sheesh. I do remember in first grade that I was more worried about when recess was than what is next on the agenda.

I agree with most of the posts that you should either confront him or speak with the Guidance Counselor on this. I have a feeling that she isn't lying to you in regards to the convo. If this were my daughter, I would be doing one or the other.

Good luck :)

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I would ask him HIS version. Perhaps his wording was a bit harsh for a first grader, but (especially if you're at the school all the time and on PTA and a room parent) -why don't you know when her P.E. classes are and dress her in athletic shoes that day? My kindergartner has P.E. on Mondays and Wednesdays. I've known that since last August.

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OK from your story I thought your daughter was in middle school until you got to the end and she's only in first grade. Sheesh! A first grader wearing the wrong shoes on purpose on PE day? Can a first grader really be expected to keep track of what days are PE days? Yes that's a harsh punishment for a small child wearing the wrong shoes.

Just get the PE days right, mom! He he. Really though, an elementary school child should always have play- approproate shoes for school, whether it's PE day or not. They do play on a playground every day right? Or is it freezing cold in Katy TX and they don't go outside (sorry, I don't know). I would save the gladiator sandals for saturday and sunday.

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Well, the first thing I would do is ask for a P.E. schedule. Which days do they have P.E.?
That would help avoiding anything like this in the future.

Although....I have to say that I never let my daughter go to school in sandals or little "ballet flats". P.E. or no P.E., I volunteered in her classroom and those little kids needed shoes they could run and jump and climp in. My son went to the same school from K-8 and they weren't allowed in the gym without some type of tennis shoes on. A) To prevent damage to the floor B) to prevent slipping and a child being hurt.
My daughter caught the shoe bug from me and trust me, she had more shoes than she could wear before they wore out, but she wore cute sneakers and things like that to school. I used different colored ribbons instead of shoe laces to match her outfits. She had school shoes and other shoes. She did not wear the "other" shoes to school. It was just my rule.
As a matter of fact, most of the schools near us do not allow flip flops, sandals, anything with an elevated or hard heel.
It's for safety reasons.

That said, I would get the coach's side of the story. Maybe he's made it clear that only a certain type of shoes are acceptable. If your daughter hasn't relayed that to you, (she's only in the 1st grade), then the coach should communicate with you what type of shoe attire is necessary and acceptible.
Maybe the shoe policy is in the student handbook and you missed it. Not saying you did, but my kid's dress codes were pretty clearly stated in the student handbooks.

I don't like that he didn't contact you and let you know what footwear was appropriate if it was a problem. So...contact him yourself. Ask to be shown the shoe policy. Ask to be shown the P.E. schedule.
As I said before, P.E. or no P.E., little kids at this age have recess and should be wearing shoes that protect their feet and keep them steady on them. I have a daughter too, and function definitely had to win out over style when it came to school shoes.

Calling you shouldn't have been a threat, he should have just done it so he could explain all of this to you.

Since he didn't, contact him yourself. Clarify what is appropriate to avoid any of this in the future.

Best wishes.

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I think the teacher was WAY over the top. The kids are six years old. I would call and talk to him and then I would talk to the principal. I would expect the coach to apologize to my child for calling her a liar. Children learn nothing beneficial by being demeaned by their teachers. They do learn when they see adults correct their mistakes. And in my mind, the coach made a big one.

If they are just going to have pop PE days - then the kids should all have gym shoes that are kept at school. And my son is 6 and yes, I do pick out his shoes for him. What on earth is an 'orange card' and what is walking the yellow line'?

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Oh, I'd be calling in the morning to complain to the prinicpal. If anyone talked to my child like that.... Grrr! Then, make sure you watch her p.e. days or send a spare pair of shoes for her to keep at school. Either way, I'd be so mad!

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He was inappropriate. I swear the gym coaches are shoe nazis now. It bugs me. My kids have been told no converse or vans. Those are sneaker enough to me for elementary school gym. I cant afford to buy another sneaker just because the gym teacher does not like it. Sore subject here. I really dont remember it being this bad when i was little! I think we did gym class in our "jellies"!

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Is this a gym teacher?

We write gym days on the calendar so we wear the right shoes. Would that help you/her out in remembering?

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Our school has the kids bring a pair of shoes they keep there year round for gym. Why don't you do that?

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I thought she was in HS! That's crazy!

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Ugh...don't let the other moms/dads beat you up for not knowing when gym was. I know I've had trouble remembering it before. My daughter HATES gym shoes so it was abnormal for her to wear any type of athletic shoe, although I always made her wear them on gym days. Last year, we just had to make sure she wore the athletic shoes on gym days, but you know how mornings go....sometimes you forget and kids don't remind you. I also work full time and have another daughter. Anyway, I'm so happy this year my daughter brings a pair at the beginning of the year, leaves them at school and changes at school on gym days.....this has made life much easier!!

So maybe you can have her keep a pair at school to resolve this issue. It doesn't sound like he was being very kind to your daughter, but the other posters are right you need to talk to him first. Go in calmly and get his side of the story. Then apologize about the sandals and to him that she has worn the ballet flats in the past and you thought they were acceptable. If he does admit to blaming your daughter, ask that he talk to you first next time. And leave it at that.

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We write PE in different colors (each kid has their own color) on the day of the week they have PE, and we still forget the rigth shoes sometimes. My boys are easier, but my daughter HATES to wear sneakers.

The gym teacher was WAY out of line and I'd be in the school chatting with the principal about the way my child was spoken to. Unacceptable.

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She is in 1st grade! The PE teacher should give her a break! I think it was innapropriate on his behalf. Shaming and accusing should never be a part of a teacher's vocabulary. I would have handled this much different! I am sorry this happened.

M

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1st grade? He sounds awful. My kids elementary school has a spare extra shoe bin for kids without proper footwear on gym days, or they have to sit out if they can't find anything that fits, but I can't imagine our gym teacher ever grilling a small child over this. Usually I'm all for backing the school discipline, but I'd go pay "coach" a visit and tell him your DD was NOT lying, you DID tell her wear those shoes because you did now know she had PE that day. Ask for some kind of schedule or notification when they will have PE. Tell him your DD was distraught over his getting upset with her and you hope the rest of the year follows in a more positive tone.

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You're obviously very involved in school...why don't you ask for a PE calendar? Another reason I LOVE school uniforms:) No open-toed shoes allowed!

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He was mean. Some adults just get used to bossing around kids and they don't think respect goes both ways. All he had to do was remind her to wear her gym shoes on those days and tell her it is her responsibility to remember. 1st graders have a hard time remembering things like this.

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If you're room mom and so involved, I don't understand why you don't know the PE schedule. Is it totally random, and if it is and you know this, just have her always wear tennis shoes.

Don't know the mind of the coach, don't want to, shouldn't have been so mean, but you can't control other people, only yourself.

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Some people are mean. Sadly, some of them teach.

If you can't get the meeting set up SOON, I suggest sending your daughter to school with a note for the PE teacher, saying something along the lines of "I understand the shoes I have been choosing for my daughter have been inappropriate for PE. I apologize. Parents have not been provided a PE schedule this year, and I have been unsuccessful in setting up a meeting with you so I can note the dates. Is there anything we can do to get a schedule for the rest of the year? Thanks".

This does a few things:
1) It makes clear that your daughter was not lying.
2) It makes clear that YOU know what's happening.
3) You are taking responsibility and apologizing - which you shouldn't HAVE to do - BUT it gives him an opportunity to feel like he's "resolving a problem" rather than feeling like he's having a conflict.

If he takes such an approach as a challenge or confrontation, you need to meet with the principal ASAP. When I was a kid, I had a gym coach in 3rd or 4th grade who was a terrible bully, a 5th grade teacher who was spiteful, and a pedophile teaching 7th grade history. Given how many teachers I had in those 12 years, that's not a bad track record; it means most of my teachers were good people. But we were kids and those people should have been dealt with before they caused harm. They weren't. And they did. So do what you need to do. Good luck to you.

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I think I would approach someone at the school about a written schedule of what days they have PE, as a start....
I have NEVER heard of an elementary kid getting reprimanded for their shoes, even during PE. Most schools they don't even dress out until 6th grade. In the private schools my kids were in, they dressed out starting in 3rd grade in one school, and not until middle school in the other. In public school, no dressing out until 6th grade.
Time to whip out the school handbook and dress code, and anything else that might cover this, and approach the teacher with your concerns.
I'd be very careful, though, that you get the teacher's version of events before you make any accusations. Usually, the truth lies somewhere in the middle of the two versions you hear---even with adults involved.

FWIW, I have always told my kids that if an adult/teacher has an issue with something that "I" have told my child (to do, wear, whatever) that they don't need to defend or argue with them about it. Just TELL them that they (the teacher) needs to talk to me (the mom) and I'll handle it. Really--- let your daughter know that she it's ok for the teachers to call you about this sort of thing. It isn't back-talk or anything else for her to respond to a teacher's comment of "I should call your mother", by saying, "O.k. Let's do that."

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I don't blame you for being ticked. It's inappropriate for an adult to confront a child in such a manner. Your poor baby was probably shaken up. I had to let a bus driver know that when my son was in first grade. You don't EVER question my child about things I have set in place. Anyone that has a problem has to talk to ME! Leave my child out of it. I hope things get sorted out. Coach owes you and Analiese a sincere apology! Best wishes.

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I would speak to the coach and let him know that you don't appreciate him calling your daughter a liar. I have a almost 14yods that forgets stuff all the time and this would humiliate him. I can see where your daughter would say you told her to wear them (she said to put them on it was time to go) and he should know that is how a 1st grader would view that comment. Talk with him, and if it doesn't change, talk with the principal/counselor.

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Totally inappropriate. I was thinking middle school, until you said first grade. OMG. Horrible! I would be furious. Does she have a locker or place at school she can leave a pair of appropriate gym shoes? Or can you get a gym schedule for her class?

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This brought back memories of my daughter's dedicated but very strict physical education teacher. She was adamant that the children wear sneakers and was often thought to be harsh with young children who didn't them. (I never saw this treatment.) The flip side of the coin with her, was that she was so very dedicated that she volunteered for extra classes so children could have more p.e.

I do think you need to talk to the coach, in an inquisitive and calm way, for your own peace of mind and because your daughter benefits every time she sees her parents handle something well and respectfully.

I do have a question for you before your speak to the coach. In our area, p.e. classes are taught by certified teachers and are called "Phys. Ed. Teachers". While some of them may also coach after school, in school we always addressed them as a teacher. So my question is... is this a regional difference in what we call the teacher or do you really have coaches for your gym classes? Thanks!

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I would also be furious!!! Your child is in first grade!!! I would most def call the school. I cannot believe a teacher would talk to a young child like that. I would make it clear that if a teacher has an issue other than the normal get in line, or stop talking ect..... then they are to contact you. A first grader is not responsible for the shoes they wear to school. Things happen parents forget. He should have just sent a note saying these are our gym days, please try and remember to wear appropriate shoes. Not scream a little child.

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I would have been at that school so fast his head would have spun. I would have let him know that I did pick out those shoes and he should not go around calling children liars. I would definitely have my panties in a bunch over this. He bullied your daughter.

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Wow! I thought she was in Jr. High or High School too and even then it wouldn't have been appropriate. You should definitely complain to the principal!

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Yes, I would say the coach's reaction is inappropriate and I would talk to him as well as have a talk with the principal. There is no need for a teacher/coach to talk to a 1st grader like that and accuse them of lying and trying to blame someone else.

Isn't there a way to know when they will be having gym class - is it a regularly scheduled thing or is just really random? Can we pack some sneakers in her bag or have some kept at school for just such a purpose?

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I've forgotten when gym day is frequently because I have three daughters, all with gym on different days.

My eldest, who is now in 6th grade, keeps gym clothes and a pair of sneakers in her gym locker at school.

My youngest is pretty good about remembering on her own, and she's in 1st grade. She likes wearing sneakers most days anyway.

My middle daughter wears only sneakers in the warm months, but right now since it's cold will only wear boots. Boots. Nonstop. We don't have any snow and we've had a mild winter, but it's WINTER MOMMY WINTER!!!!11!!eleventy!!! so she's wearing boots everywhere all day long. I send her sneakers in her backpack every day.

::sigh::

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*ETA* I am also the mom of a child who gets good grades. I thought things were going well at school and last week I found out that he's been acting up at school since returning from christmas break, and apparently nobody saw fit to tell me until now! All I'm saying is that assuming makes an a$$ of u and me and you should investigate this further before charging in like a mamma bear.

It sounds to me like there could be a backstory here. Yes, there's no excuse for him to speak to the children that way, but it sounds like he's really frustrated and snapped. I'd want to find out whether my child(ren) are the specific cause of said frustration (as opposed to the student body at large) before proceeding.

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I would tell the PE coach you did tell her to wear those shoes. I would also pack some PE shoes and socks in her back pack or bag. Some that she can put on herself. If she has a cubby or desk she can leave them at school would be better. Dont leave shoes your worried about going missing.

I do not like the fact that he accused her of lying. To me, that is uncalled for. Period. End of story.

If I were you, I would absolutely go down and talk with the coach face to face and ask for hus version of the events. Then inform him that you did in fact tell her to wear those shoes. It is always good to let the teachers/coaches be aware that this student has parents who are involved and get the day by day run down of how school went for your child. They need to know that you are keeping track of what goes on with your children, hopefully that will prevent any further un-called for conversations from the coach to your child again.

~This is why I am glad I have mostly boys! They LOVE PE and I am fully aware of what days they have it...b/c they *have* to wear comfy clothes so they can play :) Seriously, my 2nd grader won't even wear jeans on PE days! Doesn't your daughter's class have a 'set' schedule for PE days? If they do, you need to humble yourself when you speak to the coach because you were in the wrong for making sure she wasn't wearing appropriate shoes....but none the less there is NO reason that your child should ever be talked to like that by a teacher/coach!

Coach was acting like a jerk. I was a teacher, and saw lots of teachers badger children unnecessarily. He shouldnt have handled it that way.

I guess, if this happened to my daughter I would have a conversation like this with her: "Coach wants everyone to wear the correct shoes so that they can participate. From now on, we will make sure that you wear the correct shoes for PE. Don't be upset or embarrassed. Its not a big deal and you are not in trouble." I'd try to minimize the drama - its a simple problem with a simple solution.

You could also go to the school and talk to the coach. Explain that you will help her wear the correct shoes for PE day, but also that your daughter wasnt lying and blaming her mom. She was answering the question that he asked as honestly as she could.

As far as the PE schedule - the classroom teacher must know it, or have it because she has to get the kids there on the right days. If she doesnt have time to copy it, ask to see her copy and write the days down - or just send your daughter in tennis shoes every day.

That was uncalled for on the coach's part. If the coach needed 'proof' then they should've verified it w/you. I'd confront the coach first then Take it to the principal. They had no right to call your child a liar & humiliate her like that. The coach and principal owes her, and you, an apology! I was called a liar & got blamed, and punished in front of a different classroom for something someone else did so I definitly know how she feels. Good luck!

I don't know any first graders that have a COACH at school. Since your child does, weren't there any guidelines sent home regarding tennis/gym shoe requirements for PE? If not, I would have a talk with the principal when I spoke to him/her about how your child was treated. If everything you say is true, that teacher was way to harsh and he needs to be walking the yellow line. In addition, he ows your child an apology.

Blessings...

i havent read all the responses but your so what happened made me giggle about the organized moms who never forget anything.

that being said have you tried going to the principle? i think calling your daughter a lier was way out of line.

hope it works out and i love your daughters name, we spell our little girls annaliese. :)
have a great day

I don't think you are sensitive but a good mom. When I was in 7th grade so I was a lot older I had a teacher accuse me of lying and it bothered me because i was the A student. I was accused of not attending a choir concert yet I was there with my parents. My mother wrote a note to the teacher explaining what I had told her had happened with my teacher and then stating what had happened. The note was respectful yet direct so no tension between me and the teacher developed. I only remembered this now because I was going through old school papers and found it and now as a parent I look back and am thankful my mother stepped in and helped me handle the situation. I would do this quietly and speak or write a letter to the PE teacher first or a friendly phone call. I would also say what you will do to help your daughter have shoes like always in tennis shoes or leave a pair at the school if possible. I think schools have a responsibility to communicate what the children's schedule is and if that is not up to common sense they they need to be not so hard on kids and teach them how to problem solve the situation. And i would avoid talking to the principle about this situation unless it continues.

Updated

I don't think you are sensitive but a good mom. When I was in 7th grade so I was a lot older I had a teacher accuse me of lying and it bothered me because i was the A student. I was accused of not attending a choir concert yet I was there with my parents. My mother wrote a note to the teacher explaining what I had told her had happened with my teacher and then stating what had happened. The note was respectful yet direct so no tension between me and the teacher developed. I only remembered this now because I was going through old school papers and found it and now as a parent I look back and am thankful my mother stepped in and helped me handle the situation. I would do this quietly and speak or write a letter to the PE teacher first or a friendly phone call. I would also say what you will do to help your daughter have shoes like always in tennis shoes or leave a pair at the school if possible. I think schools have a responsibility to communicate what the children's schedule is and if that is not up to common sense they they need to be not so hard on kids and teach them how to problem solve the situation. And i would avoid talking to the principle about this situation unless it continues.

Sorry Mom but you should know the days she has P.E. I am sure he
could have handled it better. However it was two days in less than a week.
You need to put up a schedule and check it every morning.

Dear LieseysMom,

I have raised 3 children in KISD and we have had SOME experiences.
I think you should talk to the coach and get his side of the story but don't go in with mindset of "guns blazing" until you hear him out. Then base your response on what he tells you.

I come from a long line of teachers and I told my kids that if they got in trouble at school, they would get in trouble at home. ( This was how it was with us growing up.) Until...we had run ins with coaches here.

.
They start in kindergarten with expectations of an adult. You will need to be the buffer as your child grows. While it is important to teach them responsibility, I believe children need to be children, too. Be very involved while your child is small while teaching them to handle situations themselves. This worked well for us b/c the school knew something was up if either my husband or I had to get involved. The msg. comes across alot stronger that way. AND...we had to get involved (per our kids request) a few times in their later years. It is important to be there for your dtr. but it is also VERY important that you show your dtr. the other side of things as well. ( This would not have happened if she hadn't done this 2 days in a row.) Katy is very good about giving clear cut guidelines about what they want. You need to do the same. There is a way to do this where you stand up for your dtr. (which you need to do) but to extend grace and mercy at the same time. This is the better way. (at least the first time). LOL

There are some excellent teachers in KISD and there are some that I hope will vacate or change their ways as the good people of Katy systematically remove admin. and school board members. I am hopeful about Katy's future but in the mean time...you need to be diligent about finding the truth in situations like this. Feel free to contact me if you would like more info.

Blessings to you and your family.

KP

I don't agree with what the gym teacher did at all. I hold my second graders accountable for their actions and for when things are forgotten as well. I also don't let them blame their parents. But I also don't berate them or tell them they did something on purpose, or anything like that. In fact, I had a student wear pants with a hole in them today. He told me first thing this morning and I asked why he wore them. His response was that his mom told him to. So we discussed some different options for how to handle a situation like that in the future. I then gave him a safety pin to pin the hole, put a note in his take home folder so his mom will know about the pants, and we went about our merry little way.

I would definitely continue trying to set up a conference with the teacher. Call, email, visit with him every day until you get a conference scheduled. And although you have every right to be upset with the way he handled the situation, make sure you are calm during your meeting. State your concern and why, and then offer up a few ideas of how you think the problem could have been solved or could be solved in thefuture.
Also, a suggestion I always made to my students when I worked at a school with a rotating gym schedule was for them to bring a cheap pair of tennis shoes to leave at school or in their bag. That way thery were always prepared. Just make sure her name is written on them in case they end up in lost and found.

Haven't read all the responses so this may have already been suggested. Can she bring an extra pair of velcro tennis shoes to leave in her locker/cubby/backpack. When I taught 4th grade, my girls were too "cool" to wear tennis shoes. They left them at school and put them on right before PE class. The only rule was that it couldn't take more time than it took the class to line up. It never caused any problem and cut down on a lot of tears/missed PE classes.
Also, you may have to explain to your daughter that some people are "rougher" around the edges than others and help her learn to not take it personally. She sounds like a great kid!

I just have a simple question....do the P.E. days change every week? If they do...that is the issue. My 6 year old who is in Kindergarten knows what day he has gym every week. It has never changed since the beginning of school. The classroom teacher should have students write in their planners...things to bring to school(gym shoes). Also, how about just keeping a pair of gym shoes at school in her locker? I get it that your mad that this teacher hurt your daughters feelings. Unfortunately, life is not fair...it is a hard but important lesson for kids to learn. I think that every teacher has a bad day. They are human. Before going to the principal...how about contacting this teacher. Email him...leave a note in the office for him to call you. Maybe what your daughter told you is not really the whole story. Maybe she exaggerated a little. I think that as parents we need to be our children's advocates and cheerleaders...it is up to us if we are going to escalate a conflict or deescalate it. Not everyone is going to love/respect our children the way we do. It seems as though you are really letting this get to you....let it go for now.

I would have been mad. Heck, I get annoyed with 4 year olds that I feel are not being as sweet as possible to my 18 month old! However, being a teacher I have bad days where I speak to my students or treat them in ways that I would throw a fit over if it were done to my child. It's a good life lesson for your daughter (and for you) that not everyone is always going to be nice to you but we forgive and move on. If it happens again, call a conference with the coach. Accusing a little girl of lying about her shoes seems a little too harsh. (BTW: not to lump all PE teachers together but my elementary PE teacher was a real hag. I remember her getting on to me for the smallest infractions. It's probably the cacophony of noise they endure all day long in the gym that leads them to insanity.)

Based upon what you have written I believe the coach was in the wrong. A teacher/coach is an adult and efforts should be made to prevent little children from becomming upset. My daughter is six, I pick out her shoes. I had a similar situation occur at our school. My daughter wore her new rain boots to school because there was a chance of rain. The PE teacher told her that she was not allowed to wear boots to school in front of the other children. That was in November. Since that day my daughter refuses to wear rainboots because she does not want to get into trouble. I looked up the dress policy, turns out there is no prohibition against rainboots. Further all types of kids were wearing boots without being reprimanded. So I contact the principle. The principle saw my concern: 1. contact the parent of inappropriate dress issues, 2. criticism's should be given in private not public and 3. know the dress policy before you correct someone. The principle himself walked into my daughters kindergarten class and apologized to my daughter. My suggestion is to contact the principal and lodge a complaint. I would explain that the teachers excessive reaction was innapropriate given the age of the child and instead of creating a safe and encuraging learning enviroment has created a hostile learning enviroment.

I am divided on this. he is making her take responsibility for her own actions which is good. But at the same time she is in first grade not sure she understands how what she did is wrong. so I can see both sides. I do believe in making kids take responsibility for their own actions but I don't think she is old enough for it to be handled this way yet. Its not like she is in 5th grade old enough to know better and to young to care.

This was a great learning situation for all involved. If you plan on keeping your child at that school, be careful that you do not become known as 1) the mom that will come to her daughter's aid every time she messes up, not letting your daughter take any blame and accuse/attack the teacher/school and 2) the mom who goes and blabs to all the other parents about how horrible the teacher/school is.

Yes, it does seem like an excessive response but does this warrant an all out attack on him? It seems like something that can be handled very calmly as one of those "I see where you are coming from but it was really different" kind of situation. Does the P.E. teacher have your daughter in other classes to see her "A" and "E" behavior? When a teacher sees improper P.E. attire two days in a row, it could come across as a "What are you going to do about it?" And many kids will not take responsibility and they will blame someone else. Teachers hear it all the time. Should he have assumed your daughter was lying, no but sometimes giving a minor consequence reveals the attitude or at the least keeps the behavior from continuing.

My suggestions: 1) anytime your daughter doesn't wear tennis shoes, send them along in case she has P.E., 2) set up a meeting when the P.E. teacher is available and calmly tell him that you understand how it came across and agree your daughter needed consequences and that you will make sure she has tennis shoes on the days she doesn't wear them, 3) depending on whether or not you told your daughter to wear the ballet slippers or not you can set that record straight on whether she lied or not, 4) assuming things work out with the teacher, make sure that all the parents you talked to know that it all went well and keep things positive (so many parents look for stuff to complain about and things get blown way out of proportion by the time it gets passed on to the 3rd or 4th set of ears, 5) do not involve the principal unless there was irreparable damage done, and 6) teach your daughter how things can come across differently than they really are and how you respectfully approach a teacher together (until she is old enough to do that on her own) after class to explain a situation. Make sure she sees that she is partly to blame. You don't want her to think that she did nothing wrong or she will learn to paint the right picture in the future to bring you running with guns blazing.

Prepare your child for the path, not the path for the child.

The coach's response was not acceptable, once she said my mother told me to put them on this morning, he should have sent her to the office. There, the office attendant could call you and confirm the information given and stopped all this madness. I agree with the others that say tennis shoes for school, but I remember wearing my "Jellies" to school at her age and my "Mary Janes" too, so I would keep a spare set in her backpack or keep them in the car (if you drop off/pick up) and check the schedule before she gets out or you leave the house. I felt bad for my son because on a day where it snowed a good 6 inches I sent him in his snow boots because the only other shoe he has that fits are slide on canvas shoes (fine for gym but not for deep snow!) and I was not thinking it was PE day!

Do they not have a set schedule of PE days? If they do, perhaps it would be helpful to post that on the fridge or by the front door to check before heading out.

My son is in kindergarten and we pick his clothes out the night before. If you do it ahead of time, it's less likely the morning rush with get the best of you.

Or maybe a pair of tennis shoes can live in her backpack just in case.

That being said, it does SOUND like the coach reacted inappropriately in terms of the WAY he talked to your daughter. Keep in mind though, that you got this story relayed through a first grader who, herself, was upset. She MAY have been feeling attacked and embarrassed and so recalled the event more dramatically than a bystander would have (not like she's lying, just that feeling impact memory).

Stop fretting and call the teacher. Don't attach him, just ask what's going on. Mention that you know there was an issue with the shoes and ask about the policy. (at my son's school they must wear athletic shoes on PE days and they are NEVER allowed open toed shoes because it isn't safe on the playground).

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