Irritated with Day Care

When kids are playing on playground equipment -- and on a playground -- they need to be in gym shoes. It's just safer. She didn't intend this e-mail to offend you or insult you. She's trying to keep kids safe and that's a good thing. Personally, I think kids should change into gym shoes when they go outside to play if they're not wearing them. Any other shoes aren't really appropriate for running and playing.

And, yes, some people have to be TOLD to do certain things with their kids. You might not be one of those people, but trust me, there are a lot of clueless parents out there.

I wouldn't feel insulted, the director is not insulting you...she's doing her job by sending out this "shoe policy" as a general reminder to all of the parents that kids should be wearing safe footwear like sneakers on the playground. And they should be. Part of her job is to promote school safety and footwear is part of it.

I'd recommend sneakers over mary-janes. More of the top of the foot is left exposed in mary-janes. Sneakers are safest and best for kids!

When my kids were in daycare we had the same policy. The elementary schools here also have the same policy. It's just a safety thing.

You're seriously feeling insulted? That means you're taking it personally. Do you not honestly see why it's a good idea to make sure that all of the children are wearing appropriate footwear at all times? It has nothing to do with your or anyone else's parenting being "regulated to death" it's about covering their own fanny's so that when a child gets hurt from falling a parent can't say to them, "You didn't tell me that the kids would need running shoes/sneakers" or "You never told us that Mary Janes would get wood chips stuck in them and jab my daughter's feet! You should have let us know that sneakers were a better option!" or "My child FELL while climbing the slide! You said her sandals were too slippery, so why did you let her climb it?" when that same person would ream out the teachers had they not let the child climb the ladder.

Easy solution. Rather than be discriminatory, make sure everyone is on the same page and ask everyone to conform on this particular article of clothing. It's really not too much to ask. Save your righteous indignation for something down the road when you have cause to be insulted.

Nah, don't feel insulted. It really does have nothing to do with assuming parents being clueless. What you have to remember, is that they are still a business. They are still liability for anything that happens on their property. There was probably an injury in another class and it prompted the school to enforce this. They can't enforce clothing and shoe rules for just one child.

Do you have any older children? It gets MUCH worse as they get older, and trust me...it has nothing to do with parenting. If this insults you, everything about grade school, middle school, and high school will insult you. It's really not a big deal. It's kind of a lesson in what putting a child in school is like.

Relax. In the scheme of thiings, this is nothing. Just put sneakers on
her. I am sure she has a good reason for this. I just do not see anything
to get upset about.

This is for the safety of the children and it is a pretty standard procedure.

The daycare my children go to send a memo every spring reminding us about appropriate footwear for the playground. It includes actual pictures of what acceptable examples are and what unacceptable examples are. Now, you would think that parents aren't clueless but some are...

The good news? You always have the freedom to send your child to another daycare that doesn't regulate these choices for your family. I would imagine that in the Minneapolis area that there are many choices for preschool.

I heard some other providers talking about this once. I thought they were over stepping and that people would feel like you do. Ever since that time though I've realized more and more how often kids are wearing flip flops, coming without socks, doing it in winter when it's not even right, and when I get ready to go to an indoor playground I get tired of providing socks for children without them. I'm beginning to believe I might want to have a policy about tennis shoes. I haven't done it though.

This week we were at the park and the kids were tossing around frisbies. One of the girls was slipping and falling and then crying very LOUDLY about it. It was hard for me to feel a lot of sympathy because this child tends to make everything high drama and I have explained to her repeatedly that she should bring her tennis shoes to play in. She's going on 5 and will start school soon. At a certain point we just get tired of not having the right things for our kids :)

Please don't feel insulted. I run my own preschool. In the middle of winter I had to make specifications about outdoor clothing to my families simply because kids weren't coming prepared for the weather. I'd imagine that for your director, "Tennis shoes" is the simple way of keeping it fair for all kids. Your daughter might wear quality shoes, but a lot of parents send their kids in shoes that can become problematic for climbing or running. I know that if I mandate a change for a family, I have to mandate it for everyone. Basically, you are getting a taste of what many schools may be like as your child becomes older; there will be more and stricter regulation. Sorry. I know it's not fun (my families were probably a little exasperated) but on my end, it's a real pain in the butt to have to remind parents constantly about "dressing for the weather/ for play" etc. It makes more of our interactions less pleasant. I'd rather just throw out the expectation, and then we can move on to more important things-- like how awesome their kids are!:)

This is pretty normal stuff and if you look around at the other kids, you'll see why notes like this need to go out. I'm always surprised by how many parents send their little kids off to pre-school, daycare or elementary school wearing totally ridiculous footwear - open-toed sandals, sling backs, mules, wedges, flip-flops etc. It is so easy for a kid to stub a toe or have a foot slip off of the rung of a ladder or a slide step.

She basically did what you asked - safe footwear for a daycare includes sneakers and that's about it. Seriously, look around at any playground and you'll see in a second how stupid people can be. Don't take it personally, and get her some sneakers for school.

Unfortunately, many parents seem to think that flip flops, and little wedge sandals are appropriate playground shoes for little girls.

I worked for a local youth development organization for years - we had the same policy, especially for summer time when almost all the activities involved physical movement. Before the policy was put into place kids would come to club in shoes(and clothing) better suited for school dances than playground activity - risking sprains and broken bones. And not being able to participate because, really, who can play kick ball in wedge sandals

Some parents just don't get it. So youth directors are forced to enact policies that protect the children. You are a sensible Mom - and smart enough to realize that the director is just protecting those children whose Moms are not that aware.

But, yeah, it is irritating for the parents who know better. We got that also.

God Bless

there are a couple reasons for the tennis shoes thing. one is the safety and thats a biggie another is taht maryjane type shoes or black bottom soled shoes leave scuff marks thus requiring a janitor to take extra time cleaning up scuff marks. a child is safter running in gym shoes. and if your upset now wait until your little one hits regular school and you need gym shoes , regular shoes, soccer shoes, cleats, cheerleading shoes......all in one semester lol

I wouldn't take it personally.... if you know that what your child is wearing is safe and suitable for the type of play she does at school ( running, climbing etc....) I wouldn't sweat it.

Some people need things spelled out to them. I used to have a 3 year old come to my daycare wearing shoes that were cute, yes... age and play appropriate, no. She couldn't even walk in them... two sizes too big with a heel. Other kids come wearing crocs or flip flops which I totally hate, because they are always flipping off and tripping on them. Kids have enough accidents as it is, without having to deal with shoes that promote them.

Some people ARE clueless and it doesn't have to do with being a parent or not. As the director of the school, she has an obligation to make sure the kids are safe and they can't enforce policy if it isn't written specifically and given to each parent.

I'm sure it's just easier this way (how come she gets to wear "fancy" shoes and I don't, blah blah) and honestly, why is it a big deal? Those daycare workers are not paid nearly enough to deal with the drama of footwear on top of everything else. Just have your daughter wear tennis shoes to daycare. Trust me, once you get to "real" school the issues will be bigger than this, don't sweat the small stuff.
The other option is homeschooling, which seems very popular these days :)

Don't feel irriated. I am a preschool teacher/director and also a mother of 3 small children. It is very important for safety to wear tennis shoes- even the mary jane type shoes I have seen kids get hurt with because of their soles. I write a shoe policy every year and it doesn't change a thing- I still have 3 year olds with high heel sandels and our play ground has wood chips in it and I have seen kids get hurt because of not proper foot wear. Be glad she wants your child to be safe- maybe she didn't handle it well, but from experience sometimes it just has to be said. Many parents have no clue and it is fustrasting on this end battling parents on doing wants best for "OUR" kids since we are with your kiddos alot as well.
Just my thought.

The school my daughter attends for before/after care and camp has a shoe policy. I never though much about it. They are not allowed to wear open-toe shoes and the shoes must have a back. I don't feel that they are regulating my choices at all. It's a safety issue, it's their facility, and I'm free to send her somewhere else if I don't like the policies.

I worked in a daycare and so many little kids came to school in flip flops and "dress shoes" and ended up falling, cutting toes, having lost flip flops at nap time (in daycare kids sleep in their shoes in case of a fire, at least that what my director told me). It was a pain to deal with 12 pairs of little shoes. I was happy when they switched to a sneaker policy! I don't remember any parents having issues with it. Some even just bought a pair and left in the cubby at daycare for their kids to switch into when they got there.

My daughters elementary school has the same rule. Maybe she is trying to be consistent with local school rules so there isn't such an abrupt change. Also shoes other than lace up tennis shoes tend to get sand and wood chips inside during play. This makes for kids constantly taking off and emptying their shoes... And possibly taking them off entirely, which can be a problem.

They do this in Elementary school too.

We get a letter every September, December, and March. Its directed at the parents that send their kids to school in flip flops, heels, and open toed sandals. I know a 1st grader that LOVES to wear boots and heeled dress shoes to school.

We also get reminders in November to send coats to school with our kids so that they can go outside for recess....

Our center's policy is for children to play on the climbing structure and go on field trips they must wear athletic shoes. Some of the parents leave an extra pair of tennies in the cubbies so they don't forget on fieldtrip days. When my older daughter was there she always had a pair that stayed for the playground too. I'm a toddler teacher and I actually encourage my parents if the kids have crocs (fakes are fine too!) to wear them for potty training - they are much easier to clean after an accident and be ready for the playground!

We put out frequent reminders in the monthly newsletter during the warmer months and some children have had to stay behind on fieldtrips. I'm sure it wasn't meant to insult anyone but more as a means to reach the majority of parents quickly to let them know of this important change.

I ran a family daycare for over 20 years and the problem was children not only coming in flipflops but ones that were 2 sizes to big!! I get it children feet grow fast but you still need to buy shoes that fit. When they were in my care I was responsible for them so I did what I felt would keep them safe under my care. So all the parents were told the children would not be allowed to run outside if they were not wearing proper shoes. Now all I asked was they brought outside play shoes they could change into for outside time. I know the kids liked wearing their cute summer shoes so I felt this was a fair way to do it. There were always the parents that would still let their children come in flipflops so I just asked those parents to bring an extra pair of shoes to leave with me. So, yes some parents are clueless as you put it and asking or reminding about safe footwear does not always work. If I insulted one parent by trying to keep the children safe, oh well they just had to deal with it. My job was to care for those children and to keep them safe first and foremost.

I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. It's irritating when you spend time thinking about good choices for your child, and then you're covered with a blanket policy that doesn't address your situation.

Also, I think I'd also have a hard time not thinking, "Well, she doesn't even have kids!" right or wrong:)

You've gotten a lot of good responses about the logic -- I just wanted to weigh in with some sympathy! I know I'd feel the same in your shoes, and then I'd eat it and follow the policy:)

I have generally ignored this memo from our daycare and worked on the assumption that if they have rubber soles and tread that defines a sneaker. And no one has ever said anything about it.

He mostly wears shoes by Vincent - the structure of every style of their shoe is exactly the same - tread, leather, toe cap, etc. But some look like sneakers and some have a dressier looking top. So I call them all sneakers.

I think that she worded it wrong and even though your daughter's shoes are probably fine there could be some that are wearing shoes that aren't. It is easier to send out a note to everyone then to point fingers to some. I think I would pack a pair of tennis shoes in her backpack and let her change into them when they go on the playground. It will keep her MaryJanes looking good longer too.

They make policies like this because they don't want to be sued when someone sends their child in flip flops and that child gets hurt on the playground.

The problem is that so many people want to sue someone, rather than take responsibility for their choices and actions.

Unfortunately, that means that all the people that DO take responsibility for their choices and actions, get treated like children and lose rights/privileges to silly policies that tell us we need to use COMMON SENSE.

My kids play outside in open-toed athletic sandals and haven't hurt themselves any more than they do when they wear tennis shoes, and I distinctly remember my parents making me wear jeans in the summer because I was tripping and skinning up my legs... while wearing tennis shoes.

I'd like it better if they came out with a strong recommendation and reasoning behind it vs. "this is the requirement" and then let the parents decide. I know the kind of Maryjanes you are talking about, and I agree with you, they would be perfectly fine for any kind of preschool or playground play. I would keep sending her with them. The preschool teachers may be just fine with her in those. I would bet there is a good chance no one will bother you about it. If they did get very serious and insist, just use it as an opportunity to buy some fun new shoes for DD. I have to say my own DD HATES tennis shoes. If she couldn't wear her Keens, or similar comfortable shoe, it wouldn't be the right preschool for us. I think they have to write these policies for the lowest common denominator that would be sending 3 year olds in high plastic dress up wedges.

I fully agree with a shoe policy.

Parents send their kids in shoes that are appropriate for play and activities.

I don't understand the who flip flop on toddlers. Toddlers are running and still learning balance. I see them all the time on kids playing at the playground. So many think these are safe for play.

Tennis shoes are pretty basic and the director probably felt it was easier to say tennis shoe.

Sandals or other shoes could be thought of a variety of types, which would lead to confusion of what is would be appropriate shoes

The class my daughter attends has the same rule. Not a big deal.