Jealous 1 Year Old

I have two girls who are 20 months apart. While I was pregnant, my husband stepped in and did more with my daughter. Up until that point, she was a Mama's Girl, but after a while (it wasn't smooth at first), she would go more places and do more things with Dad. So, when the baby arrived, she actually preferred my husband (he wasn't stuck on the sofa with a nursing baby). However, make sure you take time to spend with your 12 month old while the baby is sleeping or swinging, etc...
One bit of advice a friend gave me was to say out loud "OK, _______, time to swing. Now it's ______'s turn." Obviously it doesn't matter to the baby what you say when you put her down, but it makes the sibling feel like you're asking the baby to wait, just like you ask her to wait.

My doctor told me that every child wants to be an only child. This is a no brainer......who wants to share their mommy and daddy. He said it is very important to have time alone with each of your kids to develope a bond with them seperate from their siblings. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that has been our princess since she was born. She has gotten more attention and special time with us than any other kid I know. She really has been number one to us. I also held her for the first 7 months of her life because I was so in love. (everyone gave me a hard time about it but I didn't care) Everyone said she would grow up and not want to be let down but that didn't happen.As soon as she started to crawl, she was on her own little way, but always being attentive to me .....staying close and not wandering away. So I think we produced a very secure , independent 2 year old When we were about to give birth to our second daughter 2 months ago i was very nervous of the jealousy Chloe would feel when i had to nurse, or the newborn sleeping in our room, or time I had to spend with the new baby. Well I am happy to say that there is no jealousy yet. She goes to bed fine, enjoys holding babuies feet while I nurse, gets me diapers, sits in my lap while I hold baby. I think all that we did initially created this security and we are having an easy time with the new baby. My husband and I each do something with her alone every week, whether it is just taking her to the store or going to the park.....without baby.So my suggestions would be to spend as much time indivbidually with each child to create that one on one bond and not so much the 3 or 4 on one bond. I know it is important to create family bonds as well but keeping them as indiviuals rather than a group is even more important. good luck

Hi Jennifer, I have three kids myself and the middle child now 2 1/2 (boy) is quite the jealous one. I was able to steer away the jealousy my new baby (3 mo. girl) caused. I simply gave my son a lot of alone time and when the baby cried I carried him along with me to see the baby. I would smile, kiss & squeeze him while putting him down and tell him, "ok, it's time to hold the baby." He gladly got down and started to accept mommy/baby time. I made sure to give him special attention while the baby was sleeping and reminded him that I love him very much. I tried to stay away from holding both at the same time as it only encourages him to feel needy during my baby time. I did the same thing with my oldest son when my little bundle of jealousy was born. I saw great results with that so I continued to do the same with my second.

Good luck, hope this helps.

OK, I'm an "old" mom (47), but this is what my mother did with me when my sibling was born. She made sure I was prepared that there was a new baby coming, as I'm sure you have done with your children.

What my mother did different though, was to "give" the new baby to me to care for! It (my brother) was mine!(Like a shiny new doll! woohoo!) I was responsible for feeding and caring for him (not really but that's how it was put to me). In other words, the baby was mine to care for, meaning, I had to tell mom when he was hungry, when he needed changing,went and got the bottles, diapers, etc. Helped my mother out, and created a bond between my brother and I that cannot be broken. (Except once when he was hungry in the playpen and I poured a box of cereal in there and he managed to stick an "O" up his nose! Ssshhh, I don't think he remembers!)

Let your children help in the care of the baby(babies). I know it seems tiresome and more hardwork, but it really does make them feel that much more a part of the family at a time when Baby is getting most of the attention and let's them know that they are an integral part of the family and are still and always loved.

Jennifer-
I had the same problem with my first one. I was taught that if you make them a part of the whole pregnacy, like take them to hear the baby's heart beat and let them be there to see the baby in the ultrasound. Also let them know that the baby is everyone's not just yours and your husband. Have them help out with the baby. I had my daughter get the stuff to change the diaper or she would help bath her brother. Little things make the difference. If they know that they are not being replaced and that this is for everyone then it is not so bad. It worked for us. I hope that this helps.
S. C

I have three as well and my 20mo old does the same thing to her big brothers. I am trying to tell her to take turns and I deliberalty make her wait to sit on my lap for a few minutes and use her brothers to teach her to wait (she so little she might not get it), but the excercise is working and we make it a game. When she waits we clap for her and tell her she's so helpful.. Also, with the other baby you might be able to tell your third that this is his/her baby and you need their help to take care of it and try to instill that nurture attitude. It's hard to have babies close, but I think you might experience worse jealousy's if they were older. At least now, they will grow up always having each other and knowing they have to share mom.

you can have a special treat(toy or book) that the one of the lap doesn't get to have. it could be a rule that when on mommy's lap, no toys or food allowed (except a bottle perhaps). that way they'll fight to get off your lap after the intial warming hug.

After the new baby comes, will you be able to quit working? A 12-month-old doesn't want mommy to leave very often. What worked for me when I had my second, was to ask my firstborn advice all the time. Should we change him? Do you think he is hungry? Do you want to hold the wipes for me? He sure likes it when you help, etc. I didn't make one move without involving the other child.