Issues with Potty Training: Will She "Do It When She's Ready"?

Hi K.,
Personally, I agree with the "she'll do it when she's ready" philosophy. I just potty trained my 2 1/2 year old last week and it took her one day to get the hang of it. I believe it is her personality, she has always been early doing everything and very independent. However, my son, who is now 4 1/2 was a whole different story. He took much longer to be fully potty trained, and so I let him go at his own pace. He started out great with the peeing but did not want to go poop. He would get very adamant about not wanting to go on the potty so I would ask him when I knew he was going to go, but did not force the issue. My doctor said forcing the issue will only backfire and I agree. I eventually just kept him in underwear and when he had to poop he would ask for a pull up. I went along with this because otherwise he would hold it in! This went on for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden one day he just said "Mommy, I want to poop on the potty" and from that day on he was potty trained.
I think you are doing everything right, give it some time. Every child is different, some are earlier some are later. "She will do it when she's ready". Good luck.

We put them in pants at an early age and take them to the bathroom on a schedule. It's best to show them through practice and that's why it's called 'Training'. Have her sit there with something of interest at a time when she is most likely to go such as before and after a meal and before a bath. We reason a lot and read books. Some kids like you to sit awhile and visit while others don't mind privacy (depending how far along they are attitude-wise). It's ok to insist that they stay put. This can also be a lesson in emotional self-control and obedience to a parent's authority. Praise her but don't go overboard b/c the bodily relief she gets will be reward enough. Keep consistent and you'll see results. Hope this helps.

We're in that boat with you, my almost 3 year old was very interested but I wasn't ready (huge, pregnant, not able to get on the floor to clean it all day)--that was months ago, and now she's totally lost interest. Anyway, my plan is to get a potty watch from One Step Ahead, you can set it to remind her however often you want and give your kid control, and I will just get rid of all diapers one day--the pull ups are a joke since she thinks she's keeping them dry! I'm going to wait until she's at least 3 to start trying again with the watch, new underwear, treats, (maybe even a big-girl bed as a reward) all that stuff, since it's been nothing but frustration for the past few months. Ugh! If you come up with the perfect plan please share it with the rest of us, hahaha--I have heard from lots of people that the bigger deal you make of it, the harder it will be to potty train =-)

For the first couple weeks we took her to the bathroom every 45 minutes! Just voluntarily, took her to pee. Then stretched it out to an hour. Hour & a half. Two hours... That's about where we are right now. She will sometimes tell us if she has to pee but not always. Sometimes we just have to be ready to take her on our own. I think kids area ready at their own age but if you think she's ready and just being lazy, a little pushing from the parents is OK. Obviously you can't have the babysitter clean messes all day... However, the sitter taking her to the potty when it's time to potty train is kinda their job. If you feel bad about it, maybe pay a little extra but I babysit. I have my daughter plus another little girl. When it's time for her to potty train, I'll make a billion runs to the potty with her too. Good luck! :)

Oh yea... also, my daughter is super smart also & thinks she's all grown up. I had a hard time using a training potty but as soon as she started using an adult potty, it got a lot easier. Hope that helps too!

I'm in the exact same boat ~ my daughter will be 3 on Valentine's Day & REFUSES to go potty! She's VERY smart & VERY stubborn. Our oldest was trained lickity split. Our sitter watches 2 other kids her age & got 3 potty chairs, so they could go together. The other 2 are pretty much done. Mine flat out told the sitter, "I don't want candy" (even though she'd devour it if she could). We've put big girl pants on her & put her on the potty every 15-20 min. & she won't go, not even in her big girl pants. When we put a diaper on for naps she goes. We've tried calling Dora & Boots (our helpful neighbors who played along), bribing w/ candy/treats, stickers, telling her she can have a Big Girl bed, letting her in the bathroom when myself, her older sister, my mom (any 'big' girl that she's close to & allows her in) to maybe encourage her to be a big girl too. Bottom line, I think she's not going b/c we want her to go. If you figure it out let me know!! Good luck!

K.

Yes, she will do it when she is ready. My kids are late potty trainers... 2 have been 4 before they chooses to try hard and really work at it. Some kids can be trained by 2 1/2 others can't... it has nothing to do with how smart they are or aren't, just how ready their bodies are. I have a 2 1/2 yr old that chooses to go now and then, but doesn't seem ready to do it all the time. I encurage his trying and try to stay calm when he isn't ready.

If you are really concerned bring it up in Feb when your daughter goes to the doctors for her yearly exam.

Take care, good luck & enjoy the holidays!

J.

First, I feel your pain. I tried desperately to get my first to potty train before my third was born. I did not want three in diapers or try to potty train with a newborn. I tried everything I could think of. I'd let him run around naked, put on special "big boy" undies, bribes, treats, setting the timer and taking him every 20 min., etc. I had given up 3 months before his third birthday. I still encouraged him, asked him if he needed to go and the deal to go to Chuck E Ceese's was still on if he got into underwear. However, I quit stressing. He did it on his own! One week before Christmas, he started going in the potty chair. The same thing happened with my second. I didn't even really start with him, he was all about the M&M's as potty treats! LOL! My daughter was almost 3 1/2, but eventually she did it on her own, too. Now, all kids are different and what works for one, may not for the other. I'd say go ahead and try new tactics when you hear about them. But, in my experience, they do it when they are ready mentally as well as physically. I also read somewhere that until your child can pedal a trike or 3 wheeler, they are not physically ready to potty train. The same muscles used to pedal are also used to "hold" urine until they are able to get to a bathroom. I can't remember where I read it or if it is credible, but it kinda made sense.
Good luck!

Yes she will do it when she's ready, but if she has shown no real aversion to it then there is no reason you can't help her along. I used shameless bribery with my daughter. I cut out all treats for anything except for potty performance, and gave smarties and gummy treats for peeing and chocolate for poop. My daughter's daycare provider at the time had several girls around my daughter's age and started doing the same reward system with all the kids, including the ones that we're well past potty training age just to keep the competition going. She (and I when we were at home) made all the kids sit on the potty every 2 hours, and any kid who could prove that they had earned a reward could come and claim it at any time. The other mom's and i took turns buying bags of candy for a few months until all of them were trained and going every time. There were still the nap time accidents and a few "I was too busy playing" accidents until my daughter was about 5 and a half, but as far as really being trained that did it for us.

Don't know if this will help--I heard of a boy who really liked ninja turtles so his parents bought him big-boy ninja turtle underwear. Then they told him, "Ninja turtles don't like to get wet, so make sure you pee in the toilet, not your underwear". Could you do something similar with her underwear, if it has pictures on it?

How about underwear plus rubber pants (to protect your furniture, etc)? then she would feel wet or messy, and if she doesn't like that, maybe she'd be more prone to go in the potty. But if that doesn't bother her, then.....I don't know....

I think they have certain pull-ups where the child feels wet if they go in the pull-up, maybe that would help?

My sons took forever it seemed (oldest was just shy of 3.5, younger still had accidents at 5).

Hang in there. HTH

K. Z.

I know this can be a very challenging time, but best advice I can give is: "Get rid of the pull ups!" They are just more expensive diapers anyways. Reinforce what a big girl she is, but tell her you are going to have to put her back in diapers if she does not try. Then just on the weekends, tell her you are going to focus on the potty training more (since she's at the sitters during the week) Both my girls were trained in a weekend, and we didn't look back. I put on their underwear, took them to their favorite place(s) (the mall!) and did not pack extra clothes or undies. They knew if they had an accident we would have to head home. I also did a sticker chart; every time they went to the potty, they picked out a sticker to fill up the calendar. I feel for you, as this is a big milestone time. Sometimes we as parents aren't ready for it! I know I wasn't, but once they show their independence and have an interest in it, they are so proud of themselves when they do the right thing. The pull ups are a hype though - I know they are a convenience, but in a kid's mind, they are diapers, and don't help the issue.

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to shear my experience. My daughter will be 4 in March and she just started potty training in November. I had tried everything to help her get started and she wasn't hearing it. So I just left her alone and the week before Halloween she started peeing on the potty sporadically. On November 1, I put her in panties and she had some accidents which is to be expected, but after a week or so she was accident free. I guess my advice would be to wait and let her go when she's ready. I think if you force her, it will only backfire on you. Good Luck! M. S.

K.,
When my son was 2 1/2, I tried potty training. It didn't go well. After one day, he said to me, "I don't really want to do this, Mama. I'll do it when I'm three." I figured if he could articulate it that well, I'd let it go. So I said, "Okay. When you're three, then, you have to use the potty. No more diapers."

And for the two months leading up to his third birthday, I regularly reminded him of it. On his third birthday, I said, "You're three now. You have to use the potty." And he said, "Okay, Mama." And from that day on, he used the potty. All I ever had to do was teach him how to wipe.

So, yes, she will when she's ready. Perhaps you can set a "potty date" with her, also, and build up to it like we did. But between the two, (your husband and your SIL) my advice is to listen to your husband.

Good luck!
J.

hi K...they all learn at different ages and some are so simple its not funny and some can be very trying. you know your daughter best, but remember, what works for one child might not work for the next. i have 3 boys ages 18-15 and 5. my first son, potty trained at 3 almost 3 1/2, he just had more important things to do then pee on a potty. it helped to let him run around in just his unders most the time, and just try to get her to go periodically, but don't punish or push to hard, she will get tired of wet and dirty bottoms. My 2nd boy potty trained himself litterally at 2 yrs old, but he had 3 boys his age(1-3 yrs older) around all the time and he wanted to be like them. my latest lil man is the first child we used pull ups on, he didn't train til 3 yrs old either, we had alot of wet unders with him, but again, i just didn't push it too hard. And let her use the potty how she is most comfortable. My littlest one had to remove ALL his clothes to go poop on the toilet. if thats what he needed, i said go for it. i hope this helps alil. Good Luck :)

In the beginning my daughter wouldn't tell me either, I would just have to take her to the potty every 15 mins, but I noticed that she just treated the pull-ups like diapers, she just didn't see the need to actually stop what she was doing and go potty. Little ones will be lazy if you let them, but there really isn't any need to be "stronger" with her. When I decided to take the chance and just put her in cotton panties and dealt with the first few accidents she got the idea pretty quick that she couldn't just ignore the "need" like she had been doing with the pull-ups.

The accidents weren't really that bad for me, if your sitter is used to potty training toddlers then they shouldn't be bothered by the accident clean-ups. If your sitter is "new" to a potty training routine, then you might have to lay it out for them. Let them know how you want the routine to go, that way your little one isn't being confused by two different methods. Buying a special carpet cleaner spray may be a good idea too, something that they make especially for cat messes. It will be in the pet section of your local Wal-mart.

My routine: I took my daughter to the potty every 15 mins (little girl=little bladder). I gently reminded her what she needed to do for me while she sat. I made a HUGE deal when she actually went in the potty, I danced, sang, gave a Hershy's Kiss for pee and 2 for poop. If nothing happened, I gave her a hug and told her that she could try again later. If she had an accident I didn't punish or scold, I just took her to the bathroom and gently reminded her of what I want her to do on the potty, that she needs to tell me if she felt the need, that her cotton panties are special and she need be a big girl now.

My daughter started to show real interest in July of this year, turned 3 in August. We took two very long trips in August and September, we started serious "training" the beginning of October and she's fully trained now. Telling me when she has to go and everything.

Good luck

Please relax and do not do as your sister in law says or it will become a power struggle. She will do it when she is ready. Some kids do not have the ability to "feel the urge" (sensory) when they have to go so never punish. She is still young and I think 2 is young for all children. I think a lot of kids who are pushed too young have issues down the road.

I feel your pain! DS wasn't pee trained till after 3, and wasn't poop trained till he turned 4 (about 1 week before his 4 year checkup, when the pediatrician recommended consulting a child psychologist if he hadn't started pooping in the potty by then!

But honestly, at 2-1/2, I really wouldn't force it yet. At least with the poop, the pediatrician said it's not considered abnormal until they're four. Even with my son, when it happened it was an accident and then we couldn't back down and were painted into a corner, or he might STILL not be pooping in the potty.

Anyway, there's a lot of control issues going on at that age. The Dr. kept reminding us (gently but firmly) to back off and try again in a few weeks. Things were pretty tense around here for a while. :)

Now he's almost 4-1/2 and we're trying to get him to poop on the toilet instead of the potty chair. Babysteps. Babysteps. :)

My son didn't potty train until 3 and half, the doctor said they don't worry about it until after 3 and half. Relaxe! If you push it, it will be more of a struggle....believe me I did that for months. The week I stopped caring and just changed pull ups without saying anything was the week he did it by himself. He just wants to know hes in control. He too is very smart and to hiim it was a game, not something to be learned but a game to be played with me.
The doctor told me he might physically be ready and showing all the signs but when they are so smart they have to be mentally ready to do it also. There's a whole dependence thing/independence thing with the "mess" in going potty. Hang in there. You'll find something that works or she'll just start doing it. Each kid is different! She doesn't have to be potty trained by 3! And she won't go to college not potty trained, so relaxe!! :)

Yes I believe she will do it when she's ready. I started working on potty-training my daughter before she was 2, and she seemed very receptive at first. Loved the potty, peed a few times without problem. As she got older and we got more serious about potty-training her, her behavior sounds similar to your daughter's. I tried to bribe her, showed her potty-training videos, read potty-training books, brought the potty into the living room....no luck. It just didn't seem to "click" with her when she really had to go to sit on the potty. It wasn't until after she was 3, but soon after 3, that it did suddenly "click" and since then we've had very few accidents. I do believe they do it when they are ready, regardless of how much you want them potty-trained sooner! Good luck to you!

What we did worked for us 100% within two weeks (no accidents after and during the two weeks hardly any accidents). I'm not sure how well it would work for your daughter or for other children. Our girls were 2.5.

We bought a kitchen timer one day and started on a Sat morning by letting the timer ring. It surprised them becuase they didn't know anything about it. We cheered "its potty time" and went into the bathroom and sat for a few. If they went, they went and if not they didn't and we didn't push it. Once finished in the bathroom, we started the clock for 30 minutes. They'd go on about themselves and then the clock would ring 30 minutes later...and we'd go to the bathroom and sit on the potty. Repeat every 30 minutes. By the end of the first day they were telling us to restart the "potty clock" when we came out of the bathroom. We didn't use the "potty clock" after two weeks.

We also bought this huggies clean team soap that the hippos head lit up for as long as they were supposed to wash - they werent' allowed to use the fun soeap unless they went potty. For going #2 - we bought those flushable kiddie wipes in the neat attractive container. The girls were not allowed to use unless they went #2 on the potty. This still sticks (although the plumber that was out last week said never ever again flush those down the toilet becuase they aren't as flushable as it states :-)).

Anyways, we didn't have to use rewards. It took two weeks and I was so proud of using this method (and we didn't have to miss work). No one had to remember to go potty, the clock dictated it every half hour. Good luck.

First, don't wait for her to tell you she needs to go. Take her to the bathroom on a schedule. As she stays dry longer, you can lengthen the amount of time in between visits until she's regularly telling you she needs to go.

Second, you're kind of in the middle of training age where they are old enough to get it but young enough to not care. The manifests itself differently in different kids. If you start early enough, you can basically teach them to go without them knowing it, if you wait long enough, they will learn on their own, but you're at the age where she's willful enough to decide if she wants to or not. It can take longer at this stage.

So, the one thing I've read no matter where I look or what training method is being applied is that you can't go back and forth between diapers and underwear because it confuses them. I'd advise putting her in training pants (they are thicker for dribbles) and send extra clothes with her to the sitter. It doesn't take that much to clean up a pee accident, so as long as she isn't pooping in her pants, all the sitter has to do it change her pants and trainers and move on. No matter what pull-up you use, it's going to feel more like a diaper than underpants and they use them like a diaper. If you can't get her to stop wetting trainers or she is pooing in them, I suggest getting cloth pull-ups. They will feel wetter sooner and she may learn more quickly that it's no fun to sit in her own excrement.

Don't know what training methods you tried, I liked the 1-day training method and the library had the DVD and book to use. Good Luck! :)