Isn't It Ok for Me to Be Picky About What My Child Eats?

It is okay to be picky, but it is not okay to be bossy with other people. Could you be coming across as judgmental or better because you are making these choices? I have a friend who was equally restrained in feeding her daughter, and then her daughter gorged on M & M's at a party because she never got them at home. At 10 1/2 months, you want every bite to be nutritionally sound. My rule with my kids is "no french fries" with mom, but it is a sometimes treat with dad. So, think about allowing a treat with certain people, but keeping it healthy with you. I know it is hard. We avoid McD's like the plague, but I do let them have ice cream and chocolate (the darker the better). Plus, my daughter is in first grade and wants to eat at school. So, I make things as healthy as possible at home to balance out the garbage I can't control. I don't want her to have food issues. Good luck!!!

My advice may stick out like a sore thumb but here goes. It is your right to be picky about what they eat, but when they are with you and at home. When you send your child to someone else's house, you have given up the right to 'regulate' what they serve. You can, however; suggest or inform them of food allergies, things like that. But telling a non-relative what to or not to feed your child while in their care is a bit obsessive. I believe an introduction to all types of food with an explanation (when old enough) will better prepare them to make informed decisions when it's time for them to decide to get fries or a side salad. Keeping kids away from the 'demon' foods is like trying to keep the preachers daughter a virgin until she's married! It'll work for a while, but one day they are just gonna go buck wild! Maintaining a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you should sacrifice life's guilty pleasures every now and again.

Best of luck!

Of course you get to decide what your child eats. Consider this though:

Your daughter is playing at a friend's house. The friend is having a snack and your daughter wants what her friend is having. Do you really expect the other mom to make them have different snacks?

Your child goes to a birthday party. Do you really expect her not to eat the same cake everyone else is?

Sometimes forbidding a child something just makes them want it more. Especially once she realizes that her stuff is different.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for eating healthy. Just don't go overboard. Good luck.

With all the folks you mentioned until you reached your husband, it is reasonable to say "I am the parent, I say no" but guess what....HE is the parent, too. You two need to reach an agreement on her diet overall, she isn't even a year and you are conflicting over food choices?

Plus, I have to say, if you are truly concerned about her dietary choices, giving pie to a child of less than a year seems a bit ridiculous to me....sugar free or not. They do NOT need any 'filler' foods like. She should have lean meats, vegetables, fruits, dairy products such as cheese and yogurt and pasta. That is pretty much it. I surely hope you haven't allowed her to have candy already, I was not sure from how you phrased your post above.

But you and your husband need to have a meeting of the minds, no good will come from the two of you having conflict so early in the life of your child.

I think you do have a right to choose what your child eats and also have others respect your choices as the parent. My family drives me nuts (my extended family, not my parents) hounding me about my kids not ever drinking soft drinks. I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old -- and they all think it's weird that they only drink milk and very rarely 100% juice. Well, that's because that's what they are given at home -- I've never let them even try a soda! Why would I? They have no nutritional value and are junk! My kids don't know what they are, so they aren't going to want them! I think it's irresponsible for them (my family with small children) to let their one, two and three year olds drink soda! That's crazy! We recently went to a family wedding, and they couldn't get over the fact that my kids were eating cheese, fruit and whole grains for lunch while their kids (same age) were eating chips, drinking soda and gobbling up candy. I'm not saying my kids never ever eat chips or have a "treat," but they really are more drawn to eating fruit and drinking milk than anything else -- and I think it has to do with what I "allowed" them at a young age and what they got used to eating. Good for you!

Dear P.,
My daughter didn't even know what sweets were until she went to preschool. Her first birthday cake was a carrot cake!
Sometimes, she went to her best friend from preschool's house after school. I didn't realize it, but their house always had a stash of candy and miscellaneous other pastries.
The mom eventually begged me to keep these things at my house, too. (I never did.) It turns out that when my daughter went over there, she saw the sweets as new and wonderful. The mom kept catching my daughter raiding their sweets' cupboard:).
By contrast, when we went to another friend's house, my kids would shock everybody with their excitement about broccoli!
Once my kids realized that they were the only ones with homemade brown sandwich bread in their lunches, it was hard to keep up. The brown sandwich bread lasted until my daughter was in 3rd or 4th grade.
You're lucky that the national focus on healthier foods is much stronger than it used to be.

I'm with the previous poster, forget about any "sugar-free" anything. Too much evidence keeps coming out against the substitutes. The possibility exists that the body makes up the lost calories from diet substances by increasing appetites because it's been "tricked" by artificial sweetening. Use honey or sugar.
Balanced diets and moderation are the keys. Fruits, vegetables, and fiber.
Now, my kids are grown and trying to eat organic. They are appalled that I ever allowed them to twist my arms into letting them eat McDonald's or hot dogs!
Regarding the grandparents, try increasing their insight into your philosophies by giving them explanations and articles to read. Maybe they can accompany you to the health food stores or to someplace like Whole Foods to get a feel for the alternative foods.

Hi P., I'm probably the flip side of the coin from most responses here. Firstly, you have every right to be however you want with your child, she's your child and your judgement comes first. I have to say that I have always been picky about what my kids eat, no junk on a regular basis, no sugar cereals, lots of fruit, veggies, etc. And I was much worse when they were babies, like yours. However now, with ages 8/6/3, I am the poster child of moderation (and this is not only with food). I have seen time after time with my three kids that my obsessiveness can and will lead to other problems with them. Not only does it constantly make them feel as if they are different from other kids and resent me (and your daughter isn't old enough for this yet, but it's coming), but the constant nature of trying to control stresses me out, and I know for a fact it makes me less likable to them and everyone that I'm confronting. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have them to be their friend, I'm a parent, but there is no need for them to resent me long-term because I'm a controller (my dad has severe issues with this). Do you not feel as if a healthy moderate diet with occasional deviations can't still be good for her? I do feel as if this could be borderline obsessive and wonder why that desire is there (I am not criticizing, but this is my opinion from my experiences). I see this (and saw this in myself) with first time moms, and it usually levels off with subsequent children. I was watching Desperate Housewives last night, and Bree is an example of control and no moderation (she is extreme but it does drive home the point). Also, should your husband's wishes not be taken into consideration occasionally, if it's special to him for her to have chocolate cake on her birthday, why can't he have his wish? I feel like you're possibly setting yourself up for everyone to be doing things behind your back someday, strict control can do that. Good luck with your decisions...

i think you do have that right. i tried, and still do, to regulate what my daughter eats (now 2 1/2 years old), but i'll admit it's gotten much harder, partly because i have relaxed a bit. my parents keep her and are pretty good about it, but i want her to eat a veggie for lunch and dinner, and more than just one serving (how on earth are we supposed to get such large amounts of veggies in these kids at this age?!), and generally eat healthier-- i want whole grain stuff, fresh fruits as opposed to juice or canned fruits, and if they are canned then no sugar added... etc. about once a week they take her out to lunch which drives me nuts, but i'm getting free child care and i can't control EVERYTHING. i myself have a huge sweet tooth and enjoy some junk food, too, but i feel like because of the time she spends with them, then i have to deny that to us when we're together. i was never as strict as you are, but that's personal choice-- i do agree that you set up good eating habits for the rest of their lives young, and you as her mother (and her father) have the responsibility to provide her with good, wholesome choices. and for the record, i did do a regular cake for my daughter's first birthday-- yellow with vanilla icing, because i didn't want her to have chocolate... she hadn't had any sweet stuff before that, and she didn't even like it! she poked at it and tasted the icing and then asked for a banana :) that was the best "HAH!" to my in-laws and even my parents who were always bugging me to let her have sweets! don't get me wrong-- she learned quickly by the time last fall rolled around how yummy cake and ice cream are, but we try to stick to the idea that there are "all the time" foods and "sometimes" foods and "rarely" foods... it helps keep it in check, at least. i guess i don't have any advice here, i just wanted to rant with you :) stick to your guns, but as she gets older don't make it a "thing" with her, because i think when it becomes "forbidden" it drives them to want it more. good luck!

There's nothing wrong with limiting the amount of sugar or junk food that your child gets especially at a young age. However, you do have to be realistic about it. You will not be able to keep those things away for ever. And even though your child is young now and just "goes with the flow" as far as the food that you give her there will come a time when friends are eating regular cake at birthday parties or parties at pre-school or Kindergarten and you don't want her to feel left out or different from the other kids. There are ways to "steer" them to eating better and there are some things that are non-negotiable. One of those things for me is soda. My son is 6 and I could probably count on one hand the number of times he's had soda. Consequently he does not even like soda and will choose juice or water instead of soda when given a choice. Beleive me there will come a time when every healthy food that your child has happily eaten for years becomes "gross" because there friends at school say they're "gross". We are going through that now in Kindergarten. Ham & cheese wraps and other sandwiches that my son gobbled down all summer now come home untouched. But at least we have enstilled some good eating habits in him and he'll eat the raisens, grapes, applesauce, yogurt or carrots that I put in his lunch instead of chips and cookies. If you have good eating habits and don't keep much sugar and junk food in the house your child will pick up good eating habits and the occasional "treat" when at a friend's house or grandma & grandpa's will not be a big deal.

P. -

It sounds like some people are intimidated by your convictions and beliefs when it comes to healthy choices. The truth is you eat to live, not live to eat. We're sortof in the same boat here, I'm a SAHM who prefers that my kids think that 'candy' is dried fruit or organic sugar free pops.... but I do on occasion let them have a sweet item as a treat, but that's in serious moderation!! I make muffins w/ applesauce, whole wheat pancakes, substitute alot of the standard ingridients for healthier ones so that the outcome is just as yummy but much better for us... we have had a major change in our lives as of 4 years ago when my (then 34 year old)husband had a heart attack and triple bypass - ALL DUE TO GENETICS!! We THOUGHT we ate right then, but we learned more, and now want to pass a healthier life of eating habits on to our kids.

It's not obsessive unless you let it be... ultimately you're responsible... you go with your gut!

First of all I commend you for trying to start your child out with healthy foods. May I suggest that you live by the 90/10 (or 80/20) rule? For 90% of the time have her eating approved food and only unapproved foods the other 10% of the time. In this way, grandparents and other people who love your child may be more compliant with your wishes. This is of course good for all of us that struggle with tempting foods.
It is very hard to feed a child their own food and not allow her to eat what everyone else in the home is eating. Often, the child feels left out and begins to seriously crave the foods that "mom won't let me have". At 10 1/2 months, I agree that foods should be more healthy, but as she gets older you may find it harder to keep your rules.
If you are determined to "stick to your guns" on this issue, be prepared for the opinions and feelings of the people who disagree with you.

Yes, that is certainly your right. I get flack from some people too; don't worry about what they say; you are trying to make the best choices for your daughter. You might want to say something like, "I hope you can respect my decision to do what I feel like is best for my daughter." FYI - it's better to feed sugar than a sugar substitute (unless it's Stevia - all the other ones are just chemicals and can cause cancer). go to mercola.com to learn about a lot of nutrition issues. Good luck.

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Hi P.,

It is perfectly ok for you to be picky about what your child eat, after all, you are the mom. And that is exactly how you deal with those that question you about what you feed her. Your husband however, you have to have a sit down talk with and come to some middle ground.

I will say that I started off being very picky as well when my son was born. I breast fed of course, organic or natural baby foods, homemade mashed potatoes, sugarfree cookies/cakes, etc. I learned very quickly that it only works so far the older he got. Just like you, my son was around others that wanted to give him things that I may not have liked. Unfortunately, you won't be able to stop that completely. But, the good news is that the things that you are teaching her now at home, and the things she learns to eat, will carry with her. My son is 11 years old now, and he still prefers a home cooked meal, veggies and all, over a pizza. Fresh fruit over potatoe chips. And so on...

Truthfully, exposing her to some other things is ok, in moderation of course. She will keep what you teach her and know what else is out there, and not feel deprived as she gets older. But, your friends and family should still respect your wishes and not try to make you feel bad about that.

I'm with you on this issue. I am not as diligent as you seem to be, but I do want to prolong the introduction of sugary, floury, non-nutritional foods that help us become unhealthy and convenient fatty food lovers that help turn us into couch potatoes. I am not in a position where I have regular care-takers right now so I don't have to deal with feeding issues. But, I am dreading the day that we visit the Grands and have to say...'don't do that!' and get the whole family turning against me. I've been trying to warn them that I was going to be very strict where my child's food, sleep and skin care was concerned and that they should just get on board if they wanted to be alone with my child. My husband also thinks that sometimes I get a little too 'intense' in these areas, but has vowed to stand behind me when these situations arise. I say that you should stand your ground! Plain and simple. It is the best for your child in the long run and you won't be the Mom fighting with her 3 year old when all she wants is chicken nuggets and ranch dressing. I, too, plan on having a non-traditional B-day cake... gluten free choco-cupcakes. They are just as good in taste and will be just as fun to dig into. I hope you get the consideration and respect that you deserve being the Mom. Maybe you can remind other Moms that watch your little girl of that fact and that they have had their turns with there children... you should have the same opportunity. Good luck!

I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with you. Your daughter is not even A YEAR OLD YET!!! Seriously, there isn't a baby on this planet that needs to be eating junk food at that age. She has no idea 'what she is missing' at this age and it your right, as well as your RESPONSIBILITY to foster healthy eating habits at this age. Healthy eating habits stay with you for life. I agree with some of the other postings that say that you don't want to be so restrictive about 'junk' food that you create an obsessive desire on her part when she is older to want that food, but we are talking about a baby here! When she is old enough to be aware of what's out there and she expresses an interest in trying it, then you'll indulge in moderation and you won't make it seem more exciting than any other kind of food. My daughter is 2 3/4 and she did not have cake on her first birthday. She didn't know what it was and she didn't 'miss out'. The cake is for your husband, not your daughter. These junky treats are for the pleasure of your friends and family who insist on giving them to her, not for the pleasure of your 10 1/2 month old daughter! My daughter is a very healthy eater. The first junk food she had was on her 2nd birthday when we got her a cupcake. She ate about a 1/4 of it, REALLY enjoyed what she had and then pushed it away and ate the strawberries that she had. She has since had ice cream occasionally and other 'junk' treats occasionally and, guess what, she enjoys them but she is not obsessed with them because we don't act as if they are too important or too special and it's just not a big deal to her. Why do we feel as though we have to introduce all of this stuff to such young palates? I don't understand it. She has her whole life to indulge, but right now you, rightly, should be concentrating on building the foundations of a healthy eating habit and relationship with food that she will have her whole life. Believe me, she'll want to eat 'junky' food in her life and there is nothing wrong with that, but she does not need it at this age. Sorry about the rant, but I feel strongly on this subject.

I know you have gotten so many great responses - just wanted to add one thing. I have a neighbor who takes great care in feeding her children all healthy foods. The only challenge I see is that every time they come over they ask for food - sweets, snacks, anything. While I always tell them they need to ask their mother, it seems that they can't wait to have something they aren't allowed at home. Then they eat TONS when she allows it. Maybe it's not so bad as your child gets older to allow some treats while out that are not what you would make, but keep it up at home and set them on a good plan. I also agree with the comment that you and your husband need to find a happy medium.
Good luck - and kudos for feeding right when it is NOT the easy or common thing to do.

Oh my Gosh!, I completly understand!I too am a First time mom of a wonderful little boy! I have been VERY picky about what my son eats and I try to be picky of when, but I get alot of greif about it as well. From family and friends. I was always a big person all through life and before pregnance had gotten to my smallest ever after a 110 lbs weight loss from dieting and excercising like crazy.!! I am packing some extra weight now, I havent found that same determination that I once did YET!! and it is killing me...Anyway, I dont want my son to have the same sweet tooth or problem as I did. I want him to be healthy and make great choices on his own later. So I dont give him candy or alot of sugar of any kind unless natural like through fruit. For his 1st birthday, I baked his cake and made it sugar free. I did allow Chocolate icing but if you look at the grams of sugar in all icing, you will find that chocolate has the least. He didnt eat much of it. Was like he knew!! LOL!! Anyway, the only advice I have for you and myself is - Dont worry about what anyone(even your husband, moms are more tuned in anyway) says or thinks. You and I know we are doing it for the best and will one day pay off!! I just let comments and thier fun comments slide off my back. Like when they say "oh its not going to hurt him to have a sucker" i say..."It won't hurt him to NOT have that sucker either!!!"

you are absolutely fine!! It is YOUR child! I think the people that take care of your daughter should treat your food wishes like they would if a child has an allergy. They should be very careful to only feed her what you have approved. Do not apologize for your choices on how or why you are feeding your own child! My daughter is allergic to baby wipes. So I have been packing washcloths for 19m. for people in the nursery to use when they have to change her. I know they have used baby wipes instead...just for their convenience....and I think that is so rude! They don't believe she is really allergic or they think in won't hurt just that one time. So, on a smaller scale, I know how you feel. Just stick to your guns!!! I wish you were feeding my little girl....

Dear P.,

While you may be good intentioned, it does sound like you're taking things a bit too far. I'm also concerned that this sounds a little bit like a control issue rather than a food issue. If your own husband, the child's father, has made comments, you need to take another look. It is perfectly okay to try and give your child a healthy diet, but to strictly control everything that goes into it is another matter. Once you do this, it will be difficult for her to eat "normal" foods without them upsetting her system. My ex-sister-in-law did this with her kids. The youngest needed a special diet, so she put both of the kids on it. Now the older one (now 13) can't eat school lunch, can't eat at the food court at the mall, can't really go to sleepovers at her friends without being made to feel different because when she eats things not on the special diet they upset her stomach (or worse, give her diahrrea!) You're limiting your daughter's future if you restrict her diet so much that she can't eat everday food. You can control what she eats at home. She will get used to teh taste and prefer it over other foods. When she's old enough you can teach her how to make good choices. If there is nothing physically wrong with her, you should not be restricting her diet. Real sugar is better than "fake", just don't eat as much. If you restrict too much, when she's older she will just binge on it when you are not around. Do you really want to make it a control issues? Relax. You mean well. I wouldn't really care about what other people think, but my husband's opinion would be important to me. Godo luck! L.

short and sweet.... yes you want the best for your child. Are you going to be able to dicatate what she eats all the time... No. Every mom (even the most lienant ones) have rules they want followed and of course some adult will break them.

The best thing to remeber is that YOUR habits will be her guiding light. My son knows that my way is my way and his grandmother's way is her way. You might have to put up with a little arguing from your daughter when she's slightly older but not backing down will show her your rules.

Your daughter is not even one yet she should NOT be having sweets or icecream (dairy at all is not recommended before a year.. that's why the first glass of milk with the cake is a big deal) so I would say you are right in being firm with others and should continue to be. I would recommend laying down the law with anyone (including family ... I have fought my own) about what she eats at this time in her life. There are reasons why there are foods on the no-no list for certain age groups... You have every right to be picky... And that so-called rule about grandparents getting to spoil the grandchildren -you can polietly (or not) tell them to stick-it.... the granparents job is to assist the parents as needed... NOT to undermine your authority!!!

Don't forget though.... as girls get older even from preschool they tend to notice their weight... girls as young as 5 can become anorexic refusing to eat things b/c they THINK it will make them fat. if you are going to be vigilant for a healthy life-style (which we all should be) then just remember to be careful how you are doing it... always use healthy and unhealthy... unhealthy food can make the body sick, NOT fat... and remember to lighten up occasionally when she is older... every now and again she should be able to eat some sweets...

And honestly if you are working two jobs, making home cooked meals, and finding time to be "Suzie homemaker" you might find yourself becoming a little obsesive about things. If your also having trouble with your husband (in the meal department) you might consider calming a few things down. Someone who likes to have control over a lot of things can get burnt out easily and can become subject to other mental illnesses. If you find trouble letting some control go... talk to someone. And this is not to say you are like the uber-crazy mom... it just seems like you have a little much on your plate that you could let go... give up some of that control and enjoy the free time.... We all need free time. I still am working on dedicating time just to myself.

My husband and I are passionate about our son eating healthy too, and we don't offer sugary snacks at home. My big focus is on keeping sugar out and eating nearly all organic food. That said, I agree with the folks who have said "keep it balanced." My son's 22 months and we recently put him in 3xweekly school. One of my primary questions I asked when we interviewed childcare providers was "what do you feed the kids?" We were lucky to find a place that feeds organic, whole foods and no sugar. We also found another place where you send lunch with your kids.

But, I've recognized that at some point my son is going to have to make those food choices on his own. He doesn't have much of a sweet tooth now when he's been offered sweet things by other people, but I don't want to restrict him so much that he binges on it when he's older. (I was diagnosed with a chocolate allergy at a very young age and when I got older and had an allowance or was with friends, I over-ate chocolate because it wasn't allowed at home.)

My son is old enough now to be involved in those choices. Since your daughter's 10 months, I'd say stick to your guns for now but be aware of when you'll start loosening the food expectations in certain situations. When she turns a year, do a healthy cake for her and invite family and friends over so they see what "sweets" are to your family. (We layered home-whipped cream and raspberries for our son...it was messy and he loved it.) And then know that grandma or a friend may offer her a cookie at their house. I think providing some snacks for your daughter to share with her friends at their house is a great idea and it's totally fine to be clear about what you'd like. Just understand that she'll eventually get sweets with or without your consent and don't let yourself get too upset about it. You can make a choice in the future to not spend time with those friends who ignore your wishes.

And just ignore people who disagree with how you're raising your child. YOU are your daughter's mom...not them. You are making the best choices you can for her so that she knows good decisions when she gets older. Good for you!

A.

We try to do sugar free with all our kids when they are small, and eat healthier and limit junk for everyone else as well.

It may be culturally weird to keep your child away from sugar, candy and the like, but it certainly is within your rights as a parent. It's especially hard if your spouse isn't on board. My dh is a sugar junkie and while we keep candy out of the house, I have had to learn to accept some cookies and cakes and pies. I just keep them limited to after meals and since he is the one baking them, they don't get made too often... The spouse and coparent issue is the most important to deal with positively. Remember sugar is addictive, some think moreso than nicotine, so be patient and understanding of your spouse even as you are trying to keep some boundaries in place for your child's health.

Hopefully you will be able to find the right balance with your family and caregivers. Explaining what exactly you're avoiding and why- for example,

many children have hyperactivity and learning deficit problems that have been linked to artificial colorings and flavorings, so we don't want baby to have anything with artificial colors and flavors- or,

we want her to develop a healthy appetite for veggies, so we're starting now by offering them as snacks, or,

hydrogenated fats are harmful to our health, but even tiny amounts of transfats that don't show up on the label (under a gram per serving will be listed as zero) can be harmful, so we read the ingredients and make sure that there are no hydrogenated oils in what we give our baby-

giving information can be helpful. Sometimes with a little info relatives are willing to take time to read the labels and see what is the food they are wanting to feed. Sharing your sources with those who are willing to learn is helpful.

If you know you are leaving her with someone who would like to feed junk, leave her with your healthiest option that is the most like the junk they would feed- crackers or uunsweetened applesauce or dry cereal- that's not the person to give a 1/4 of a steamed sweet potato or some steamed broccoli to, KWIM?

Ultimately as a SAHM you have the most control because baby is with you most of the time. I predict that if you persist you will develop a thick skin!

For healthy baking for birthdays, I recommend sucanat as a sugar substitute when baking cakes like apple, carrot or chocolate. If you are avoiding chocolate, honey complements carob. We have also made "ice cream" with our Champion juicer and frozen fruit- bananas give the best texture. Our first cake is usually a carrot cake or apple or banana cake. We use a regular cake recipe but substitute whole wheat flour and a natural sweetener for white flour and sugar. If you are using a liquid sweetener like honey, maple syrup or agave, oil cakes usually convert better than butter cakes. Fortunately you have the advantage of today's low-carb fans and the internet- there are all kinds of recipes for low-sugar and no sugar desserts available for free! Google is a marvelous invention.

HTH!

Dear P. T.

I feel you are doing a good job with your daughter.
Others should not degrade you.
Being a parent you are responcible for the life you have brought forth.
I feel the foods today are not as good as they used to be. Too much chenycles in them. They are not natural.
Continue with what you feed your child.
Maybe someday the others will see you were right in your thinking.

Have a good day Today
Vicki W.

it's great you are concerned about what's good for her, but sometimes a kid needs to be a kid.....healthy is wonderful, and you may find she doersn't have much of a taste for junk food because of your good choices, but honestly i would say let some things slide a sugary snack isn't going to set her up for a lifetime of unhealthy choices.

I think it is wonderful that you are being careful about what your child eats. Childhood obesity is a major problem in the US today and type 2 diabetes is affecting more and more children as a result.
I would caution you tho, not to use chemical sugar replacement as it is toxic and will do more harm than sugar. There is stevia and also organic sugar that can be used. Homemade IS better especially if you are using organic ingredients. Avoid soy also as it is harmful to children's development both physically and mentally.
When you are the only one that practices healthy lifestyle and cooking, you have to be thicked skinned as the skeptics will give you a rough time. When children get a taste for sugar too young, they can crave it and then refuse to eat the healthy things.
Just hang in there and know you are making the best decisions for your child and yes, she is your child and it is your decision to decide how and what she is to be fed.

We feed our kids healthy food. My mom was a dietician and I grew up thinking that fruit was a dessert. I never had a coke until I was in high school because my mom didn't buy them. It is good that you are doing that at home. As for sending food for your child to eat. I think that is OK to do while your child is a baby because babies eat different food than adults. But as your child gets older you will need to relax a little about all of this. If you get too obsessive compulsive about her food you will end up with a child who has eating an eating disorder. As for the chocolate cake I would suggest that you go for it. Every kid needs a chocolate cake for their birthday.

Of course it is ok to be picky and to care so much about what your child eats. You need to watch what you do feed her though b/c real, pure sugar, is the only natural sugar and sweetener that is ok for your body. I noticed that someone mentioned stevia, it can be bought at a health food store, and is a natural sweetener. I do think you are over-doing it but that is your choice. I want my children to eat healthy as well but I also think that part of being a child is getting to eat fun things.......birthday cake, halloween candy, litte debbies in your lunch, etc. You are doing a good job but I would consider allowing treats. You are not going to be able to monitor what she eats all of her life and once she gets a taste of something as she gets older, she may eat it more and more b/c she has been deprived of it. In our house my children are allowed sweets and treats as long as it is balanced by a healthy food. Example: if they have fruit snacks (the candy snacks in individual packets) they know that their next snack will be apples, grapes, pretzels, banana, etc If they have sprite at a restaurant, their next drink at home will be water or milk. If they have pb&j for a sandwhich at school, it will be accompanied by a fruit or yogurt. If they do not eat the good stuff, they do not get anything else until the "good food" has been eaten.

My mother gave my son ice cream when he was 10 mos old. It was not something I would have given him but it was not that big of a deal. I just knew I would make up for it with his next meal and it was not like he saw his grandma often enough to make him unhealthy. Grandma's are known for treating and spoiling, that is what they do. :o)

You will stress yourself out going through life worrying about what others are feeding your children. Relax, you are doing a good job but can let off a bit and she will still have healthy eating habits.

W.

I'm not quite the "health nut" you seem to be, but I do care very much about what my daughter (12-months-old) eats. We don't want her to have weight issues, and while we know this won't always be in our control, we want to give her the best start for healthy eating habits that we can. We avoid salt & sugar, and try to stick with fruits, veggies, & whole grains. We've explained how we feel to our families, and for the most part they oblidge, but we have had some issues with my mother-in-law. No matter how many times we tell her, she takes it upon herself to feed my daughter whatever she wants. Last week I caught her feeding her SKITTLES!!! Can you imagine?! Anyway, I just wanted you to know you're not alone, and I agree with your dedication to feeding your daughter well. It is our right as parents to make the decisions that we feel are in the best interest of our child, and everyone should respect that, including grandparents! That said, aside from explaining your feelings and giving reminders to your family & friends, I'm not sure there's much else you can do. You can control what you feed her, but you won't always be able to control what others do, especially when you're not present. So, try to find solace in the fact that you feed her healthily the vast majority of the time, and try not to let the rest get to you. By the way, and this is just my opinion, I'd cave on the birthday cake. It's a one-time special occasion, and it won't undo all that you've done to feed her well. I let my baby girl have her cake (chocolate with lots of icing), and she loved it! She also went right back to eating steamed broccoli the next day, so no harm done. Good luck!

Yes, you have a right to control your child's food, but I have to tell you, you may be causing yourself more stress than you need. Homemade definitely IS better, but man, give yourself a break. I've got 4 kids and a full-time job, so I have like 20 minutes to make any given meal. I don't think a chocolate cake needs to have tons of frosting- a little bit is just as messy. It's amazing how far a little can go. And I have to say- sugar-free apple pie? Ick. A good apple pie needs to have a little sugar and cinnamon mixed in to coat the apples. Otherwise you don't get the syrup in the filling. But, I guess that's just me. :) I love apple pie. With ice cream or whipped cream or without. Warm or cold. Doesn't matter.

P.,
Of course you have the right to regulate what your child eats. Unfortunately, you can only truly do this when YOU are the sole person in charge of her meals. So the best you can do is feed her as healthy as you see fit while she is under your care.

When you leave her in the care of her dad, grandparents, friends, etc., she will NOT be eating what you would like for her to eat. That is the sad reality. Because no two people are exactly alike regarding what a child can or should be eating. Even health nuts will disagree about what constitutes healthy.

Trying to explain to others about why you want her to only eat healthy foods will often alienate you from them. You see, they believe they are giving them what is best, be it candy, vegetables or whatever.

It does seem a bit ridiculous that anyone would give a child under one years old candy. But people do it, because they think that's part of being a child. They believe that it brings a bit of extra sunshine into their lives and a smile and enjoy watching that. Try not to be too opinionated with people like this, because trust me, it will not help, only make things worse. Grin and bear it if you will. She will be back in your care and you can get her back on track.

I do empathize with you. I have had struggles of my own regarding this. I had a babysitter when my girls were very small who came to our house to babysit. I kept healthy foods, with absolutely no junk at our house when she came over. When I went to college for a semester to finally get my degree I used this babysitter as a full-time nanny during that time. Because I received a scholarship, I figured that the money I would have spent on tuition would pay for her services. I started to notice my older daughter getting pudgier. It made no sense, because I went out of my way to prepare healthy meals ahead of time for when I was gone. That food would always be gone when I came back. But the cat got out of the bag when I found a stash of junk in a pillowcase/pillow that the babysitter accidentally left one day. I asked my daughter, who was about 5 at the time about it and she told me the babysitter gave her treats every day. I was not happy and confronted her. She felt very guilty, I could tell. But the damage had already been done.

I agree with the posters who said that being too opinionated about your food choices can come across as judgmental and arrogant. Be careful with the in-laws. I, too, learned the hard way with this.

I thought I was being respectful with my MIL and told her that our pediatrician recommended the food we were giving our daughters. She ignored anything regarding our preferences and gave them (and still does) popsicles and ice-cream right before bedtime, and bombarded them with cookies and cakes all day long. Then she would be the first one to comment on my older daughter's weight. I tried an approach of "What do you think would be healthy food for the girls?" in a very nice way. She told me that she never let her kids eat junk ever, but that she was their grandmother and it was her right to let them eat whatever she wanted them to while they are at her house. She set me straight, huh!

Another thing (I know I'm going on and on about this!): no matter how healthy of food you give your daughter at home, when she gets to school one day and sees the cool food that some of the other kids get to eat, she will protest and rebel. Like me, you will stick to your guns. But know that when she is having a playdate, or even from the teachers, she is going to get the junk sometimes.

Like others have said, you just have to relax and let it go. My older daughter struggles with her weight - she has always looked pudgy from the time she was born, in spite of being active and trying to keep her diet junk-free. She is finally beginning to slim out, because of all the activities she is involved in (gymnastics, tennis, cycling, taking walks, etc.). She still gets junk from well-meaning friends and relatives and often resists my healthy menu, but it has gotten better.

P.S. You are on the right track with your home-cookes meals. Kudos to you! Some of the Gerber food in the jars try to imitate apple pie and such, but they just can't compare to the home-made mashed-up version :)

Many blessings to you

Yes, it's not fair that people do this but they do. I have heard this from vegetarians, raw foodists, vegans, etc. that friends and even family will try to sneak their children stuff. Unless you are going to homeschool, you will run into this at school too. I find it very frustrating. I mean there are so many obese and diabetic children, and still many teachers hand out candy as an incentive. Arggghhh!

The only thing I can suggest is that you can't leave her alone with family members or friends. Model good eating. And hire a babysitter when you want to go someplace and then, hopefully, they are limited to the food you have in the house.

If you are using sugar free substitutes, check out Dr. Mercola's website about those. Good luck!

yes it is ok for you to be picky. They will eat later in life by what they are taught now. I don't eat well and don't feed my 26 month old well, however, I wish I did, I wish I had the time and the money and I envy those that are that organized and conscious of what they put into their families tummy.
Rest assure that some of us envy that and would love to do it so you go for it. I am a big believer in vitamins, being a pharmacy tech, so don't leave them out.
Go for it.!

i think this all depends on what you are regulating... i mean is it meats fruits and veggies or junk??? theres a big diff i understand some people who are vegetarians and carry this on for the children... i personally dont agree i think meat had alot of nutritional value and heck its just good! lol. but if its junk stick to your guns or go to the health food store and get some sweet treats...(they are actually pretty good) i get some things for my daughter who reacts to the dyes.... children shouldnt have certain foods before certian ages ask your doc for a list.... i know they shouldnt have chocolate before age 3. i give it to mine anyway b/c i know what to look for with allergies... but that may help you win your case as to no junk!

Yes absolutely your right. ALthough you have to know that there will always be people who don't listen to you. Did you know that most doctors recommend not having cake and ice cream at a 1st birthday. Some babies are not ready for the milk and milk product. A 1 yr old should not be eating candy of any sort in my opinion. Fruit is nature's candy. I eat normally myself and am not a "health nut" but I still wanted what was best for my child. My sister called me the sugar nazi when my oldest was little because I did similar things. Until he was 2 I was pretty strict amount what he ate, at least when I was around. He did get to have sugar as he got older, a small cookie, etc. But not is copious amounts. As he got older the rules slackened. babies and young toddlers don't have the digestive systems to handle a lot of refined sugars and other processed foods. We did do cake and minimal icing at the 1st birthday. The baby got no ice cream although it was there for the rest of us. I know of people who have done angel food cake with whipped cream as a birthday cake. Its your job as a parent to set rules for your child. But you do need to accept that when your not there, the rules will be broken. And don't be totally anti-sweets as she gets older, it will only encourage her to sneak sweets and eat more than she otherwise would.

Hi P.,
It is ok, within reason. She is your child and your smart for not giving her the junk that alot of kids eat everyday. I am the same way with my son. We had carrot-cake and banana muffins, w/o refined sugar, for his first birthday party. I try to give him only natural foods. But when your out or someone else is watching him, it is really hard. Your girl, if she's like my boy, will want whatever everyone else is eating, so if want her to only eat what you bring, then bring enough for whoever is watching her. I do think it is ok to say no to say snickers, krispy creme, cheetos, and that, state your reasons to the caretaker and be very clear about what she can and cannot have. It you want to include a treat, like some muffins or cookies you made or that you approve, that might help ease the caretaker on you, but don't forget a treat for her too!
Good Luck!-H.
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First time moms are much more paranoid about their first babies than subsequent ones, generally speaking. Yes, you are fine to want to only give her good foods. But working two jobs doesn't leave much quantity time, and it sounds like you're not going to get what you want from the people you are dropping her off with. So if you really want to control what she eats, you'll have to change your life so you can be there to feed her. If the hired help (or free help) isn't working out, then it's time for plan B.

Also, life is easier and more enjoyable (at least for the people around you, like your husband) when we practice moderation in all things and learn to enjoy life instead of being too uptight. He's her dad just as much as you are her mom, and he doesn't have any ill intentions for her in expecting that her first birthday should be a wonderful time for all, and make some memories (for the family - and for her with pictures). A small piece of chocolate cake with a speck of icing or a sprinkling of powdered sugar would be a reasonable compromise for her. Life is meant to be enjoyed (not indulged OR so controlled).

You have every right to be picky about what your child eats, especially nowadays with how much fillers, preservatives, and steriods are added to food.

I have a 6 and 4 yo. When my youngest was about 2, I had my MIL and SIL watch her for a few hours. I packed a lunch for her. When I picked her up, not one item from her lunch had been eaten. I asked what they fed her and their response, "cookies and cake". I was livid and my husband told me and them that I had every right to be. This was not the first instance either, just the one that finally put it all into perspective. They also didn't like how I tried to keep my daughter on a sleeping/eat schedule away from home. My MIL always tried to feed junk to my daughter and I do believe that this is a big reason for her being such a "bad" eater right now. Now that my in-law side of the family has their own grandson, who by the way is a vegetarian, they are respectful of the parents wishes. Which makes it hard for me to watch because they didn't respect my wishes. My MIL passed away a couple years ago and we stopped getting together every Sunday for lunch/dinner. My 4yo didn't have that constant interference with her eating and sleeping schedule and she loves her fruits and veggies and is a great sleeper. My 6yo is a horrible eater and sleeper.

You are the parent and it is your right to do what you feel is best. You want to start good habits now. We did have regular cup cakes for each girl for their first birthdays. I think they wore more of it, rather than eating it! Some sweets in moderation is good. My girls love ice cream, but they know they can only have it once they eat their dinner and then it is only a small scoop of ice cream and usually low in sugar.

Good luck with the situation.