Is This Too Much??

I do kind of think it is....why the dance 2 nights? But if it works for you guys then who cares. Personally, I am miserable running every night with the kids. It's so much nicer to stay in, have a nice dinner, get their homework done and maybe play a game. When you are running with activities every night of the week life feels so rushed and everything feels like it suffers. Downtime is important for everyone-even children.

Im a signle parent and i would have a hard time doing that myself. Once we were busy 3 nights a week with girl scouts and martial arts. Then we discontinued those. I had her take a month off (i needed a break with the $ too). We did tennis, now that has ended. In January i will let her choose something like gymnastics. I understand she would enjoy all those things and its great she doesnt complain. But she doesnt know what she missing. Those nights where you just sit and watch cartoons together, make brownies, read books, go over homework, the relaxed time is so special for both of you!

Don't compare yourself to anyone else- it'll drive you nuts. I think it's the biggest issues mother's have, comparing themselves with other mothers.

Do what's right for you and your family, if you're happy stick with it, if you find yourself getting burnt out, or if you're going into debt- then cut back.

Every family is so different, so for anyone to tell you there's one right or wrong way to raise yours- they're out of line, even if they are your mother.

YES, it's too much. Your child is not learning how to manage herself, only that adults will manage every single minute for her. She needs the downtime to play and learn how to process through the day using her own tools (play, art, music, reading what have you). A child needs to learn how to control and manage themselves...

Creative, Make-Believe Play and Self-Regulation in Children

Sep 15, 2010 Michelle Carchrae

Free Play Influences Childhood Development - Andreas Bauer
Playing make-believe is not only cheaper than buying lots of fancy electronic toys, it helps children develop self-control and problem solving skills.

Many parents believe that kids need lots of great toys and enriching classes to encourage brain development and success later in life. However, a study of child’s play published by Howard Chudacoff, a cultural historian at Brown University, shows how changes in the ways children play today correlate with lower levels of self-control and self-regulation.

How Play Influences Child Development
Play is the work of childhood. Play is the primary way children learn about, explore, integrate and create in the world. It’s not just a way for kids to fill time while caregivers do other things, but is an important and worthwhile occupation in its own right. Children play in ways that use and develop their emerging skills, with different types of play appearing at different developmental stages.

What Chudacoff found is that play has also changed over time, with children today having much less time and space available for complex imaginative play – play that uses non-representational objects as props and is freely created and driven by children.

Complex Imaginative Play and Self Regulation
What researchers are now finding is that old-fashioned play, in which a group of neighbourhood kids played cowboys and Indians with sticks and bandannas or sailed the high seas in a cardboard box, actually helped develop their brains’ executive functions, especially the ability to self-regulate.

Self-regulation includes the ability to control impulses and behavior, manage emotions and show self-control, and experiments at the Mid-Continent Research for Education and Learning show that today’s kids have less ability to self-regulate than they did 70 years ago.

The Dangers of Over-Scheduling, Complex Toys and Early Academics
The implications of this research are challenging for today’s parents. In order for children to engage in complex imaginative play, they need long periods of free time, maybe a few handy playmates and not much else to do.

Today’s kids often find themselves in exactly the opposite scenario: not much free time, no other kids calling from the street and lots of attractive video games and flashy toys to play with. Taking a step back and engaging in slow parenting or letting your kids be a little more free-range can feel risky, but the benefits of better self-regulation are more likely than the statistically small risk of abduction.

An Ideal Early Childhood Education
In many kindergarten and preschool classrooms, children are being pushed away from free play time and towards academics at earlier ages. However, the benefits of early academic drilling do not weigh up against the risks associated with too little time and space for free, creative, open-ended play. The ideal early childhood education should provide ample playtime for young children, with mostly neutral toys that require imagination in order to come to life, not batteries.

Want to help children develp better self-control, help them manage their emotions and develop their creativity? Look beyond enrichment classes, educational DVDs for babies and toys that blink and sing. Simple toys, lots of time to play indoors and out, and the opportunity to work things out for themselves all help kids develop the ability to self-regulate and make good decisions.

References:

King's Psychology Network. "The Importance of Childhood Play" (accessed September 15, 2010).

Spiegel, Alex. "Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills" Npr.org (accessed September 15, 2010).

Read more at Suite101: Creative, Make-Believe Play and Self-Regulation in Children http://www.suite101.com/content/the-importance-of-creativ...

It sounds like too much to me. When does she get to play with friends and be a kid?

yes , that's way too much.
Have your daughter gather all the stuff she uses for all those things and you can see how much it really is.
I have two kids , one is in two activities , dance and girl scouts, the other is in one - dance.
At most two activities at a time. More than that and kids don't get a chance to be kids. and depending on her age she will be getting more homework later and she will need extra time to do homework
Over scheduling kids is a problem in this country, they aren't given any time to just be kids. Down time and play time are VERY important.
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Weekend/todays-kids-activities-...

http://www.theparentreport.com/resources/ages/early_schoo...

http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2010/01/stop-overscheduling-...

You don't mention her age, but regardless, it does sound like an overload. Why do you feel like its necessary to do all of that at once? Why not when dancing ends, you start swimming, and it when ends, you start gymnastics. And No, most families are not that busy. If you feel like you have to compare yourself to other moms, then you must be thinking you're doing too much,. If you're trying to stay busy because you are single, then sure, but she needs some home time with movies and books.

It would be too much for most. I would think your child needs more "just be home and relax time". With my kids they got a choice "do you want to do boy scouts this year or play baseball?" That way it wasnt so crazy. I think in the long term you are creating a child that will feel like she contantly has to be doing something and will not think that kicking back on the couch with a good book is an ok thing to do. Always having to perform can be very tiring and stressful. It's nice to be "driven" but it's not good to have too many irons in the fire. When you are down with the flu for 10 days look at what a mess it becomes when you have so many things going on.... and getting the flu every now and then is bound to happen.
Children learn to be creative when they are at home and have to "find" something to do.... being too involved with many different things will definitely mold her future behavior. She may be so "done" with all the frenzy that she will turn out to be a major couch potato when she grows up. My mother was always hyper, always cleaning. I'm the total opposite, love to chill on the PC or watch TV or lay on the couch and read. My mother considers that "laziness"...... So, I was a "lazy" child when I was a teen and she was always on my back to "do something!". Good grief... WHY?
Anyway... unless you are both totally loving that crazy schedule, I would say you could drop a couple of things and relax some. We all deserve to relax.

Yes it sounds like a lot for you daughter but it also depends on how old your daughter is and how well she is doing in school. My oldest is 8 and he as cubscouts 1 day a week, basketball practice another day, and one game on the weekend and homework mon-thursday. I could not imagine him doing some activity every day but Sunday.

The only reason people would be telling you that it's too much is because you must talk about it quite often. If we all told everyone what we did "all" day we would all think each other has more than a handful to deal with. When someone says "How do you do that?" They are usually thinking about what they ALREADY do and then to try to fit what you do on top of that and that is why is sounds so bad.
Personally I would not want outside activities EVERYday, but thats just me. You and your daughter seem to love it... and that's all it really boils down to.
If you arent whining, bitching or complaining then no one should be judging you that you have too much to handle ;)

It sounds like an awful lot to me. I suppose it would depend on how old she is. If she's at the age where she has homework, then when does she have time to finish it? Does she have enough time to adequately socialize with friends? How long is each activity? Does she really need to go to dance every night of the week? For some reason we, as a society, tend to push our kids REALLY hard. This places extremely high expectations on them and as they get older, they can't deal with the pressure. It's just too much for them.
It's not a matter of if you can afford it. Just because you CAN afford it, doesn't mean that you HAVE to do it all. I would say the exact same thing if you were married, it's not about being a single Mom. This is about your child. I would back off on at least two of the activities. I'd do dance a couple times a week and Girl Scouts.

If I were you I would stop seeking approval/input from my mom.

You are the mom now. Whatever works for your daughter and you (so long as you are being honest with yourself and working within reasonable parameters) is fine.

Let your mom know you will take her concerns into consideration and then move on - end of conversation. I would not entertain her anxiety, kvetching, etc.

Good luck, and good for you guys that you are making a good life!

F.:

WOW!! I'm a SAHM and my boys aren't this busy!!! We limit activities to two - Tae Kwon Do and Baseball or some other combination.

I don't know how old your daughter is - GS means she's GOT to be in the 6th grade, if I remember correctly - but really - my boys have Boy Scouts and home work right now and THAT ties us up in the evenings!!

Like you - it's not about cost - it's about what SHE likes. IF you can afford it - GREAT! if her grades are staying up then by all means have a nut!!! If her grades are slacking - something has to go. Even if it is your mom telling you - this is YOUR life - if YOU and YOUR daughter are happy with this and it WORKS FOR YOU (you aren't borrowing money to do it, you aren't asking people to drop her off or pick her up, etc.) then I wouldn't complain. If however, you have people dropping her off and picking her up - then yeah - something's got to give.

I have to agree with Kory. You have to do what is right for you and your daughter.

As long as you are not going into debt, you and your daughter enjoy this and neither of you are overwhelmed, then go for it.

We have an only child, daughter, almost 16. We have something daily. On a day when nothing is on the schodule, we are all thinking we've forgotten something, LOL.

Our daughter is a cheerleader captain and is extremely busy with that, training with the team for competition, training one on one for tumbling, basketball season just started so more games to cheer per week, private violin lessons, orchestra, all honors classes, drivers ed requirements, and her babysitting job that is pretty much 1-2 nights a week for families right around us.

When she says to me....I need a day to chill....we switch things so we are just home chilling on Sat or Sun for most of the day. I watch for burn out and if I see signs that it is getting stressful, we cut something back. Make sure you do have your time with your child and communicate.

It is similar to a single parent schedule because hubby is on the road 1-3 nights a week.

As far as your concerned I think you can do whatever you set out to do, so if you don't feel overwhelmed than I wouldn't worry about others.

However, it does seem like a lot of activities for your daughter. My rule with my children is going to be 1 - 2 activities at a time. But that's because just reading all that you listed makes me tired. ;) My daughter is 5 and goes to school full time and has dance 1 day a week. That one day of school and dance...makes for a very tired 5 year old. Not sure how old your daughter is, but it would seem that would take a lot out of her? But maybe it doesn't?

That sounds like a lot to me but then again that isn't MY schedule. As long as it works for your child who care's what anyone else thinks. If she isn't burnt out, is happy, enjoys going to the activities and gets homework done then I think it's fine.

It seems your daughter is 7? (From previous posts...) I have a 7 yo and that would be WAY too much for us.
But if it's not too much for you, then who cares what anyone else says?
I would be concerned about (if it was MY son) what & when he's eating--I would think I would find it hard to make & serve healthy foods with such a packed schedule, whether he was getting enough sleep and whether he just had time to sit and play with his own toys & stuff for free time.
So I don't really understand your question about why it matters what other people say or do or if they think you can afford it or not. After all, it's your life!

Kory B is right - don't compare - every is different - that's what makes the world go 'round.

Everyone judges by thier own standards, so really when a person tells you they think it is too much - they are really saying it is too much for them.

Seriously though - if you and your daughter are fine with it then no problem. If you think you need a little more time for you and $$ are not an issue get a cleaning service to come in.

Good luck and have fun!

I am in the same boat, except for I have a husband, but he does not contribute to any of our daughters activities. He is up at 4am every day to go to work, and we never know what time he will be getting home, so we can't depend on him.

My MIL says the same thing, that she has too much going on and that we run around like nuts. But it is all pretty neccesary. She is a figure skater, so she has practice 3-4 afternoons a week, and then has dance 2 nights a week, but that is really to support her skating. Then she has school activities, and homework, and she babysits at least one night a week, sometimes when we get home we are exhausted, but it keeps her out of trouble.

Alot of her friends are really into boys and "hanging out" at the park, etc. And most of them smoke, and god knows what else...they are peircing their own belly buttons, and a few of them have already started having sex, one of the girls has had multiple partners by the age of 15... there is some scary stuff out there, and I would rather keep my kid busy and exhausted then worry about the stuff the other parents seem to not care about at all!

Kudos to you for supported your daughter and your father so well... sounds like your dash is being filled wonderfully...

(here is a link for my favorite poem... helps keep me zeroed in on my goals and my family)
http://jesusnjim.com/poetry/dash.html

My 7 year old dances 2.5 hours every Tuesday and has two other nights of Tae Kwon Do. My 5 year old HAD two nights of football and two nights of Tae Kwon Do, but football is over now. My 3 year old goes to Tae Kwon Do twice a week, but he has to go in the morning because of his age. Sometimes this is WAY too much for me since my husband works two hours away and it's on me to get the kids to and from most things. But my kids LOVE it. We also try to keep our weekends as family time...so if you guys are good with it, then nope! it's not too much :o).

I think if she is your only child and is young--like 5-8, this is fine. My son is almost 10 and the amount of homework he has would make this difficult.

You did not mention how old your daughter is, for me it seems a bit much with no down time but on Sunday, and kids do need down time. If she is getting enough rest and has time for her school work without stress then it works for you. But you are the only one who knows so if you are questioning it because others are telling you its too much then ignore them.

I have six kids and I am not as busy as you are. Well, I dont' think anyways. We have tuesday afterschool activity and thursday as well. Wednesday is church but we all go. I guess if it works for you and you feel fullfilled and she is getting what she needs, then don't worry about it. But it will only get worse as she gets older and if you do ever plan on having more kids (?) this schedule may not be feasible and she may not understand why she can't do it all. PLus if you are involved, such as being a girl scout leader...then it's even better. Or instead of swim class, you just swim together at the Y, if you ever felt you needed more time with her. And since you work I would like to think that she has some structure after school instead of a daycare atmosphere. I guess if you don't have those "frazzled" moments or aren't high strung about getting places and can go with the flow than planned activities are great. I'm like that as well, however as the family got bigger I could no longer do all those things as I have no time and too many kids. So hopefully you find the answers you need. My mom would say the same thing! It wasn't like that when we were kids! We played outside with our bikes :)

Is she at an age and competition level where she really needs to be dancing 4 days a week? That sounds like a recipe for burn out to me. But, if she loves it and would rather do that than anything you two might do at home - so be it.

I say ask her! Have a talk about what she really loves and see if she needs a break one day a week to just play. My son is 5 and has no problem telling me that he'd like to skip karate for today and play at home. We have the option of making it up later in the week and he knows that's the case.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Just examine your schedule with your daughter and make it work for the two of you.

You don't say how old your daughter is but since you do not mention any days dedicated just to school work/reading/library I would guess she is <6 yrs old?

If this is the case and you and she can handle the schedule, then who cares? I cannot do that kind of schedule because I have two children and I have a marriage to also take care of. But as it is just you and your daughter, your schedule might feel more flexible than it would to a busy, bigger family - Which I assume is where your mom is coming from.

Eventually your daughter will give you hints when she has had enough. Be careful to listen and respect these symptoms before they become a problem. Also, do try to embed free and solo play into her "schedule". Kids need downtime to recharge and just listen to their own imaginations as much as any busy adult does. Plus, kids that cannot create their own fun (vs relying on structured activities) are just sorta missing out.

If it's not impacting her school work, health, development or your pocketbook then it's fine!

If at some point she is finding it hard to get her homework finished and to bed a decent hour, then I would suggest having her pick 1 or 2 things to "specialize" in, but this is really an individual decision.

For what it's worth, I had some kind of dance class at least three nights a week and on Saturdays starting in elementary school. By middle school it was cheerleading for an hour after school and then ballet daily in the early evenings and Saturdays... straight through college! My sisters also had their own activities. It depends on you and your daughter. If she loves it and it gives her a chance to interact with kids outside of school, go for it!

Sounds perfect
bset, k

Your schedule is your schedule--if it works for you and your daughter and you both enjoy it, then it is fine! Just don't feel like you have to keep at that pace all the time. Depending on her age and her school grade, there may be other demands on her time, like homework and school events. Hopefully you are still being able to sit down and enjoy a meal at home with your daughter instead of hitting the drive thru every night. One other point-with a scheduled activity every night, is you daughter still able to entertain herself at home? We always had our kids involved in multiple activities and eventually they decided what they liked to do best and we pared the other activities to give them a chance to try something new.

I think you are doing great! Do not know what your Mom worries about. I have a very busy schedule for my kids, not a moment to be idle, lazy or have an opportunity to get into trouble.
Keep up the good work!

Busy kids are less likely to get into trouble later. Keep doing what you are doing. If it gets to be too much, your child will let you know. As long as your child is happy, what difference does it make?
My kids were always very busy. They still are - we went from Marching Band every night until 5:30 or later to Swim Team and we'll drop in Percussion Ensemble, Brass Ensemble for one and Sax Ensemble for the other, and Jazz Band... Then in the spring we'll add the Pit Orchestra for the musical. They do what they like and as long as their grades stay up - it's all good!
YMMV
LBC

I agree with the others as long as shes not suffering then I say have fun with it. My daughter rode horses for 5 yrs until she got her own but that was just once a week.Her brother on the other hand was always in either basketball or baseball & she was always drug to the practices as I wouldnt just drop my son & go so she was busy alot by proxy. Dont worry about what others say if shes happy & your happy then its a good thing.

My mother was a single parent that worked full time. I got to pick two activities- for me it was baton and piano. Any more than that and she was afraid it would get in the way of homework and chores around the house. However, you know you and your daughter's limits. As long as everyone is happy and well adjusted, who cares what other people think!

Yikes! It would be way too much for me and my son. It's not the cost. It's time management. In our house, school work has to come first, and that takes up time (especially as they get older). He has been in taekwondo since 2nd grade (he's a black belt now), and this year in 6th grade (middle school here), he has begun clarinet/band. Eventually band/concerts/parades are going to take up a lot of time. We don't watch much TV or spend much time on the computer, and he reads for fun every chance he gets.
My sister runs my niece ragged with lots of activities. It's been this way since she was 3 yrs old. Gymnastics, dancing, girl scouts, cheer leading, skaking (roller and ice) - you name it. I think it's more for my sister than it is for her girl. Now my niece is 10 and she's starting to rebel and just refusing to do anything.
If you and your daughter like it, enjoy it,and it's not cutting into her grades, then it's fine for you. Not everyone can keep up that pace, but some people can.

It is great that you are keeping your daughter active, in several different areas in order to develop different areas of interest and friendships, as well as maintaining herself physically active, something more kids could use now with the obesity epidemic. If you're able to drive her to these activities without feeling overwhelmed, then go for it. Of course, you need to take her opinion into account and ask her if she is feeling burned out or overworked, if she says no, and she is able to do her homework and perform at a high level in school, then why keep her from what she enjoys.

Everyone's load and tolerance is different. It might be a lot but if you can handle it all, by all means enjoy it. Make sure you have plenty of time to rest and time to yourself from time to time in order to stay sane, healthy and strong. Being a good mom, being there for her is worth more than all the activities in the world. That being said, enjoy the time you have together and all her activities. Some people are busy, some people are REALLY busy, some people are not. It all depends on your lifestyle and what can be handled. We had activities everyday too until my job took over and my health became shaky, we paused a couple for a while and plan to get back into it next year. My son is only 3, though.