Is This Curiosity, or a Problem?

I have 2 friends who's daughters did this and the grandmother decided that they were being molested (they were cousins) and insisted that we take them to the ped office and when we told him what she was doing he handed her a pamplet to give to her m-i-l and told us this was normal for some little girls. For those of us with boys they constantly have their hands in their pants tugging on their privates and in fact the other day when my 5 year old son was getting ready for school I noticed he adjusted himself just like a grown man and I have never seen his father do that in 27 years of marraige.

Out of the two little girls one has stopped humping toys, blankets and the floor but the other one still humps her stuffed animals. We told her that if she was doing to do this that is was something private and that she should do it in her bedroom with the door closed by herself. If you make her think it is dirty and something to be ashamed of she will harm her but it you treat it as something that is not shameful just private she will not think something is wrong with herself.

Sounds like she either saw a movie or movies that were too mature for her, or she saw a neighbor kissing, or she saw you. Either way she feels that that is what you are supposed to do when you are a 'prince and princess' or are married.

I would be concerned about it. I would ask her to not play prince and princess again. I wonder if she is responding to other kids this way or just the one girl. I definetly would not leave them alone.

My guess here is that Amelia walked in on you and your husband during sex and you didn't realize it. She's mimicking. Her cousin, Ava, is a relative and apparently is around she feels safe and comfortable enough with Ava to experiment this curiosity.

I do think it could be a phase she's going through, but typically it would be with her own pillow and not a playmate. It's time to have a talk with her about private behaviors, but don't shame her. You want to keep an open dialogue with her if you really want to find out what provoked her to do this with her cousin.

I find it doubtful that your niece, Ava, is the aggressor since you've caught your daughter kissing things and your daughter's response to what she was doing was that she was playing a specific game. She gave very specific responses that indicated she knew it was between people who are in a relationship: Prince and Princess, playing "married." But now you've also planted the idea in your daughter's head that Ava "made" her do it by leading her... asking her if her cousin encouraged it. If your daughter now "knows it's wrong" then the next time she's caught she'll likely blame the other child even if she's the aggressor.

At this point I believe it's harmless BUT I would talk to a pediatrician AND a pediatric psychiatrist for an opinion. Have them talk to your daughter, and see if they think this needs to be investigated. You're concerned and it can't hurt to follow through on that. I might also talk to your niece's mom and mention the play to her so that she's not blindsided if her daughter brings it up.

This is probably a result of something they have seen on TV. For now I would not let them out of my sight and let them know they must play in your eyesight. I had this happen to my daughter (with her friend) when I talked the mother about it because her child was the one to initiate "Lets play married" she flipped out on me and said I was accusing her husband (little girls step father of molesting her!!) WHICH I WAS NOT!!!! I simply suggested we need to keep a close eye on the girls because my daughter came to me and said her daughter wanted to play married!!! SOOOO be cautious and do not let them play where you can not watch them. Could be normal exploration or something more, in my opinion why take a chance??? Both girls were 3 at the time as well.

don't make her feel guilty (or try to blame the other girl.) clearly she got a whiff of something adult and is innocently curious. by far the best response is to remain calm and not blow this out of proportion. just tell her that playing prince and princess is something she's too young for, and redirect her.
calmly.
it's interesting to me that you say she knew it was 'bad.'
the idea isn't to make her think it's bad. it's not bad to be curious about something you don't understand. but it's okay to be expected and directed not to play certain things, just as one is told when little not to play pull the dog's ears or turn on the stove.
khairete
S.

Well...it's probably not a problem. It's a little weird for sure, but is it possible that she walked in on her parents? It sounds like maybe she saw something racy and possibly her parents tried to explain to her it's what you do when you're married or if you're a princess or something?? I don't know. It might be awkward, but I'd probably mention it to her parents since it has happened twice. It might be easily explained but it's so embarrassing that they haven't said anything before.

This is the age when she is probably more curious about babies, sex, etc. and it's not that odd for her to be acting things out or exploring, so I think you handled it well, but I would check in with her parents. And you might have to supervise them more closely for a while.

She has seen sex either on TV or walked in on her parents, most likely. Given your reaction, she knows she isn't supposed to, but she doesn't understand why.

You need to stop allowing them to play together in the bedroom away from you. No more allowing them to their own devises. I'm sorry to say this, that you have to have playdates away from your house, like at the playground or pool or somewhere that prevents her experimentation. If she does this with another child, the parents will hit the roof and may call social services on you. Most likely your family member will be more understanding, but someone else won't be.

I'd go talk to your ped about this and ask how you are supposed to handle your daughter's new obsession. She has found her clitoris and it feels good enough to her that she wants to use another child to stimulate it. It will be hard to stop this kind of action, to be honest, so hopefully the ped can give you some advice.

Good luck,
Dawn

I have read both of your posts...I am the oldest of 5 (6yrs till the next & then 4 in 4 yrs for mom) & have had 4 of my own, now raising 3 grans, I only say this so that you can see I know @ least a LITTLE about this...TV shows things to kidz now that really should NOT be shown, they don't ACTUALLY complete the act of intercourse but it is SO implied, even on Daytime TV, ESPECIALLY the soaps. Touching, kissing, etc. ARE normal for kidz to, 'try out' when they are small up to preteen sometimes. You have to talk to your child about sex from the time they have the ability to comprehend good/bad/friends/relations, etc.. I DO believe they ARE going to 'act' out no matter how much you talk but @ least they will know right from wrong when it REALLY matters.

'Confronting' A.'s parents isn't the right thing to do, there should not be any confrontations at all, we are sexual beings. This is family, if A. has normal, loving parents you simply let them know what has happened so that they can talk with their child about it. If you think A.'s parents are going to punish her or misunderstand your intentions then speak with BOTH girls separately & together, calmly & with love.

We can NEVER assume that our children have never seen us in the act of making love, kidz are kidz are kidz & at some point in her life Amelia will suprise you with the things she will tell you about what she has seen & heard @ home, on the TV & with her friends.

PLEASE don't stress over this & make your child & your neice feel like they have done something to be ashamed of.

Best to you, your Amelia & A.

WIth that big of an age difference, I would have them play near you or outside with supervision. It is a normal, but not fun to see or deal with :) My daughter is 4, and her and her cousin strip her dolls down and play with them naked OFTEN. Sometimes my daughter plays with the dolls under the covers and makes the prince and princess kiss. It's crazy, if we didn't tell them about the birds and the bees...they would definitely figure it our themselves :) curious little buggers!

I was totally ok with the kissing and laying on top of each other being "normal" curiosity and playing prince and princess and kids being curious, and you could have explained it all easily or told them it wasn't the way we played, etc............................ UNTIL the "humping" came into the conversation. I have never seen "humping" in any Disney movie or cartoon or kids show, SO that tells me that somewhere, or someplace this child has seen something inappropriate. I am not saying that someone has done something to her , (I mean maybe, but doubtful so far), but probably she has seen it on tv or her parents when she wasn't supposed to. She knew it was wrong, or she shouldn't have been doing it by the way she jumped right up when you came in the room. That is the only part that gave me a little bit of pause. Kids DO get curious, and will even "experiment", which is totally normal, but they will never do things thatthey don't know about or understand such as the "humping" motion, or other things that they would consider yucky like things in their mouth (which thank GOD you didn't mention but I am bringing up just as an example) so if your child or any child you know ever talks about that type of thing or God forbid DOES that, you KNOW there is a problem. Kids are curious, but only as far as their brain and imagination can take them. Talk to the parents, supervise playdates for a while, but don't punish. They are very young, and really innocent. She is only doing what she saw and thinks is a LOVING thing. To them at this age it is in NO way sexual.

I would absolutely bring this up with AMelia's parents. She has obviously seen something that she shouldn't have-either in person or on TV. Kids that age do not know about sex yet so it could not be organic play. Her parents need to know about ths.

Sorry, I didn't read the responses, but here's my two cents. Talk to her. I remember my friends and I talking about "soap opera kisses". It may have been something she saw on TV.

When my kids were 4 and 6 (so were my girlfriends), they played "spin the bottle". She was shocked, as was I. They told her they say it on "Leave it to Beaver"...