24 answers

I Had No Idea the “Boyfriend/girlfriend” Thing Started in Kindergarten.

On our drive home from school today my 5 year old announced that he was getting married… at first I indulged him “when, where, who, what do you need to get married…” The conversation took us all the way home and into the house. Eventually it led to him, very bashfully and giggly, telling me in my ear that he and a classmate kissed on the playground and “bootie bumped”. Okay now I felt stuck. I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought I had pleanty of time before dealing with girl w/ boy situations… I found myself just casually repeating everything he said with a relaxed “Oh”. Inside I was think “Oh my. Okay, so should I look up Emily Post or Nanny 911 for this one!?”
I know this is small potatoes but I’ve always thought that whenever a child starts to inquire about a thing (marriage, kissing and bootie bumpin’ on the playground) it’s time to talk about it. But, what to say?
What would you do?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

A boy kissed my 5 year old daughter at school. I told her 5 year olds are too young to have boyfriend/girlfriend and there will be no kissing or daddy and I are having a meeting with the school. I have absolutely no tolerance for it. I dont think its cute at all! I told her kissing, and boyfriends are for grown ups like her dad and I and not for kids. I cannot stand when parents condone it. Yuck!

1 mom found this helpful

A couple of years ago I worked in a K class as an aide for a special needs child. While there, I observed several boy-girl "friendships". It is happening, but not at the level as older kids. They play together, nap by each other and sit together at lunch. The physical stuff is innocent, but the teachers still have to address what is appropriate at school. You may want to do the same. :)

Oh L....I totally get you! I have a five year old and recently (in the last 3 months or so) posted a similar question....My little man kissed his little "girlfriend" on the school bus ride home. First, I was a little heartbroken that he was grown up enough to enter this "phase" (I still would have loved him to be so little and innocent, plus, I always kinda thought I would be the only girl he loved LOL). But after asking this same question here, I did see that it was a totally normal phase of growing up. He and I had the same conversation about PDAs and not kissing girls right now.....boundaries...etc. I kept it pretty age appropriate. Since the mom and I know one another, I also gave her a call as well....I didn't want her to hear it from her little girl and think I was just blowing it off. She was great about it and its no big deal (actually, it really never WAS a big deal).

But I'm right there with you....I still remember "that look" on my son's face.....the love struck teenager look right there on my little boys face. Damn it....why can't they just stay little forever?? ;)

More Answers

<laughing> I had my first "boyfriend" in kindergarten almost 30 years ago (and first kiss). Totally innocent playground kiss. His name was Jamie and we played "thundercats" on the playground. He "broke up" with me when I wouldn't get off the bus at his stop to go play. Didn't stop playing thundercats however.

My grandmother & grandfather & parents all have similar experiences.

My son informed me in K that he was marrying 2 people. The little girl next door (older woman at 6yo, he was starstruck and speechless for over a year in her presence) and a little boy in his K class.

It's all very precious.

In general, they drop it almost immediately, but we remember for the rest of our lives.

2 moms found this helpful

I was engaged at 3 according to my mom. The little boy even went to her and told her that he was going to marry me. We used to hold hands on the playground and stuff. I think at this age range though, it's not so much that they are overly curious about things as it is they are modeling behaviors. He probably sees you and your husband/partner hug and kiss and reflects that behavior in his play. The booty bumpin' is kind of off for me, but I don't know he could've picked that up from anywhere including the girl. I don't know if I would really say anything. I might talk to him as he talks about it. Like if he says he kissed the girl, I might ask if she wanted him to, just to make sure that he knows he shouldn't be kissing people who don't want him to. Moreso trying to teach him appropriate boundaries and stuff in relationships. I don't know if there is a "serious" talk that needs to be had though about anything.

1 mom found this helpful

I had TWO boyfriends in kindergarten. They always asked me which of them I was going to marry.

I had my NEXT boyfriend at age 16.

I don't really LIKE the boyfriend/girlfriend thing in kids this age, but I can tell you 1st hand, there was NO understanding of anything beyond wanting to grow up and be like our parents.

1 mom found this helpful

I had a boyfriend in K, actually every girl in my class had the same boyfriend in K...he would chase you on the playground and if he tagged you, then you were boyfriend/girlfriend....

I say it is so very harmless and so very normal... nothing to stress about, BUT if you are really wondering and uncomfortable about it, explain it to your son's teacher and see what her response is...she will definatly know what is normal and okay and if things seem to cross a line..and all without your son even knowing :)

1 mom found this helpful

A boy kissed my 5 year old daughter at school. I told her 5 year olds are too young to have boyfriend/girlfriend and there will be no kissing or daddy and I are having a meeting with the school. I have absolutely no tolerance for it. I dont think its cute at all! I told her kissing, and boyfriends are for grown ups like her dad and I and not for kids. I cannot stand when parents condone it. Yuck!

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter who is 6 had her 1st "boyfriend" in preschool! She still talks about him today even though she hasn't seen him in 2 years! She also had a pretend marriage this summer to her best friend. It was very cute and quite comical on all ends. I have no clue what I would say though if she really started to take it seriously. Good luck!

Yep time to talk about it!!! My parents talked about all the body is private and sex stuff pretty early on. Of course it was simple and medical, but we didn't have to wonder what was going on or learn from our friends. He should learn about appropriate touch. It sounds like kids are doing this quite a bit, probably learning from older siblings or watching stuff on TV, or else he would not feel the need to do this.

My little brother had a girlfriend at a young age as well, but it was very innocent. Bootie bumping is definitely crossing a sexual line, where a kiss can be sweet and innocent and shared with family/friends. Be sure to make the teacher aware of this. Also you need to find out what kind of kiss it was, hopefully an innocent one, but possibly more. Kids are highly sexualized due to all the junk on TV, they do and know about a lot more then we did as kids!

My friend's 4 year old son considers my 3 year old daughter to be his "girlfriend" - we get together for play dates and they just play nicely together and have a lot of fun. When it is time to say goodbye they hug and sometimes kiss, and we just think it is cute. Judging from other responses it is a pretty normal thing and obviously kids this age have all sorts of ideas about the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage" thing.

I would just tell your son that it's nice he has a special friend, but they don't allow kissing at school and they could get in trouble - so they need to not be kissing and to keep their hands to themselves.

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