Is My 12 Year Acting Age Appropriate?

Everyting's going to be OK. Truly, it will. There is nothing physically or mentally wrong with your 12 yr old. Not sure if you're a reader, but ther are literally tons of books on this very subject. Try and find one that fits close with your situation. Counciling is always good. For you and/or your boy. It sounds like you both could benefit from talking with someone. It's tough trying to teach coping skills, but I've learned to keep an open line of communication with my oldest boy. Talk to him. Tell him what he's doing wrong and see if he can find his own solution. He'll probably do the usual huff & puff oh that's stupid routine, but stick to your guns. I've found that I needed to celebrate all the little things my guy does do. I have to make sure he knows he's appreciated when he does do something right. Sometimes I forget to do this.

Are there any consequences to his actions? Is he held responsible for them? This can be so hard to do especially when they think they know everything and they tend to have selective hearing, if you know what I mean. 12 yr olds can be mean, but I don't think they know how to express themselves properly.

Have you tried contacting the school guidance councilor? Sometimes they can help too. My oldest son had visits with his twice a week until his grades came up. Sometimes it takes someone else to get them so see their strengths and open them up to becoming an adult.

You're not alone in this, trust me. It's so frustrating, but know that you are a good parent. You and your husband know him best. Find out what he's so angry about and see if you can find a solution together. He needs you both now. Try and see past the fresh mouth and dig deeper. It sounds like you've got a lot going on there with his biological mother, being a step parent, and also having the new bundle of joy. Are you taking time for yourself to recharge? I know, I'm laughing at myself for saying that because I can't seem to find the time myself.

A lot of times it boils down to the kids not knowing how to cope with certain feelings and emotions. Perhaps this is part of his anger. We weren't taught how to deal with our emotions, so we all find our own ways of coping. Have patience, be understanding, but make sure he knows where his boundaries begin and where they end. Make sure he knows what the consequences are when he crosses them, and make sure you follow through with every, single thing you say. If you don't, they'll be empty threats that he'll catch onto and call you on it. I figured that one out the hard way...

Very cunning these young people, yet they're so filled with love. Sometimes you have to dig real deep to find the love, but it's there. Keep in mind that we parents become more and more stupid as they begin to mature. It isn't until they're oh say in their mid to late 20's that they finally realize how much we actually know. It's pretty comical.

This is what I've found with my kids. I hope it helps!

It is time for dad to step in and have a heart to heart...man to man talk with him about how to treat women in general. Let him deal with this and you should do the same with your daughter and talk about what little instigation she may be doing to help provoke your son. Definitely get dad involved.

If you 12 y/o is having bullying issues and trouble with grades I would suggest having him evaluated for ADD/ADHD or other disabilities. Self control can be part of these and it seems this could be an issue. So can Self-esteem, and poor self esteem can lead to bullying (to make him feel more powerful).

Also do not rule out that it is in part to do with how he feels about the divorced parents and NEW family. Youmay want to look into counseling.

12 is a hard age but it is an age where you can still help him. Wait too much longer and he will be more effected by the kids he hangs out with in school. And will be making inappropriate choices about who he wants to hang out with (will seek bullying type friends).

Hi J.,
I'm a mother of 6, soon to be 7, and we've also experienced some of this with our 12 year old son, not to that degree, but enough to concern us. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but my husband and I just attended a Family Vision Weekend, led by a guy named Gregg Gunn (He's based in OK) Anyway, he talked a lot about sibling rivalry, and relationships, and actually gave strategies to avoid it. the main part of it was enlisting your oldest to be a team captain, giving him a role in your family life. His goal would be primarily to build up his younger siblings, to take an interest in their lives, since he can sometimes have more influence on them than you, as parents. We initiated this with our son, and it's really seemed to help a lot so far. But I am not doing it justice, and i don't have the contact info. hand. But I think they probably have a website if you are interested, and want to google Family Vision, or Gregg Gunn. Or if you want to reply back to me, I can send you the info. when my hubby gets home. Parenthood sure is challenging, isn't it?! Good luck.

It sounds like perhaps he's being bullied at school and taking it out on his sister? Have you any reason to believe he might be having a problem. I know at 12, a lot of my friends at school stopped being friendly suddenly and I had no idea why. I became very angry at school, but hid it from my parents. They didn't know about it til about 15 years later! If that is not the case, I do know from working with the youth group at our church for many years, sometimes siblings can be really mean to eachother, but it can't be accepted. There needs to be consequences that really hurt. There also needs to be positive rewards for catching him being good! I'm sorry not to have more, but I hope you find an answer so your family can be at peace!