Is ANYONE Still in Love with Their Husband? (Or Wife?)

Updated on September 17, 2010
D.P. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
24 answers

I am. I AM! I don't get the butterflies and tinglies every day but I am DEFINITELY, UNQUESTIONABLY in love with my husband.
Are you?
Why or why not?
What are marriage deal breakers in your opinion?
AND what's the glue for YOU?

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L.L.

answers from Hartford on

I have never doubted the love I have for my husband. I love him very much! However, sometimes I don't like him at all. :)

12 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Davenport on

I am still in love with my husband. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me happy. He loves his daughters and they love him. He pretends to hate my dog but secretly buys him mini dingos. He can fix things and get jars open when I cannot. He changes poopy diapers so I don't have to. Oh, there are so many reasons why I love him. And he loves me. I think deal breakers for marriage are individualistic. I guess what I am trying to say is if you aren't happy, don't stay. I know it sounds all hippy dippy but I think people know if their marriage is worth saving. I think when people are thinking about or going through rough times or a potential break up that they know if it is time to fight or time to let go. The glue is love, mutual respect, humor, support, enjoyment, patience.

6 moms found this helpful

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M.J.

answers from Houston on

Yes! After 17 years he is my still best friend, the only man I will ever want to be with, and the O. person I look forward to hanging out with the most. The key is we are equals in all respects - from household chores to childrearing we try to balance it out equally. And we try to go to lunch with each other during the weekdays (without the kiddos) - those are our "dates." And we argue like anyone else would but we know we are in this forever - that is key - you have to treat your marriage like it is forever. Plus you have to put your spouse first, before your kids, before your parents, before your extended family and before your friends. Hubby is #1 in my book and I am #1 in his, and I cannot imagine it any other way.

8 moms found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I love my husband very much. Some days I love him and some days I am IN love with him. I get butterflies when he does dishes, when he is playing in the backyard with the boys, when he helps around the house and when he gives my butt a pat, lol. I picked a good man to help raise my kids, to be my partner, and to live life with me. This is not to say that we don't have our fair share of ups and downs, but that we are in a marriage that we plan to stay in until we die!
However, there are 3 deal breakers for me. He knew these before he got married! #1. He may not drink. He used to be a raging alcoholic and has not had a drop for 8 years. I don't want him to drink again, once an alcoholic ALWAYS an alcoholic. #2. He may not strike me. I have lived through that enough to know that an abuser will not change his ways. #3. He may not cheat. I also know that if I allow it once it will happen again. I don't think my deal breakers are unreasonable. And they go for me too!
The glue. Well, the children are definitely O.. But I think the fact that he thinks I am an awesome woman, wife, and mother and the fact that I think he is a hardworking man, a loyal husband, and a great father.
Curious about why the question is being asked? Seen too many people complaining about their husbands on here? lol
L.

7 moms found this helpful
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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I've been married to my wife for just over 37 years. We were married on the 28th of July. We wish each other "happy anniversary" every 28th of each month of the year and have for the last 37 years. It has become a game with us. Three of my kids have picked up the habit and 5 of my kids got married on the 28th of the month. My #7 and his wife to be came to my wife and I and asked if we would mind sharing our anniversary with them. We didn't, so they got married on the 28th of July.

Three days ago I cut three roses out of my garden to give to her. When I gave them to her, I told her I didn't know what she did with the beautiful girl I married, but I loved the beautiful girl standing in front of me so much more than I ever did the girl I married. (I only grow fragrant roses. When I gave them to her the fragrance was delightful.)

I love finding ways to surprise my wife with little things that make her happy. I just arranged for our kids and their families, and my MIL to go on a cruise with my wife and I in January of 2012.

My wife is not a romantic like I am. But she finds different ways to surprise me with nice things. She came home from Costco with a small bag of chocolate covered almonds (my favorite) and just handed them to me and asked me if I would try them and see if I liked them. She does things for me that are important to me without me having to ask, just because she knows I like it. I'd say what, but some of them are sensual. I try and do the same for her.

I try and give her flowers from my garden at least monthly, not counting holidays like Valentines Day and Mother's Day where gifts or flowers are expected. I write love poetry to her at least once per month. Every time I giver her a card (Valentines Day, her birthday, Mother's Day, etc.) I write poetry in it. I take flowers to her at work and sometimes bring along flowers for her coworkers. I try to give her complements in front of others. My wife loves fresh squeezed OJ. There is an orange grove about 5 miles from here. I bought 60 pounds of oranges and squeezed them for her. I filled bottles with the OJ and placed two gallons of them in our freezer, with the rest in our frig. I then make sure she has some OJ to take with her to work.

I don't have a deal breaker. We've been through some very hard times, but nothing that happened would make me give up on her. (I only know of O. perfect person, and I celebrate His birthday around Christmas.)

The glue? I do for her. She does for me. We talk and we compromise. Very few things must be MY way and very few things must be HER way. Since we started dating, I have opened my wife's car door for her and offered my hand to her to assist her in getting in or out. When we go someplace together I open the building doors also and give her the best seat when we eat out. O. time we took our kids to a restaurant and the waiter spent lots of time with my 8 kids. He ignored my wife. After he came to our table for the third time and left without taking care of my wife, I followed him. When I met him, I told him that my wife was the most important person at our table and his tip was directly related on how well he took care of her. There after he asked her first and last if there was anything she needed.

I love her still
I always will.
I love her now and back then
I'd marry her all over again.

Thanks for the question. Good luck to you and yours.

6 moms found this helpful

N.O.

answers from Dallas on

YES I am still madly in love with my husband, after 10 years of being together. It's funny you asked this, a friend of mine (who knows me well) asked me the other day how anyone has managed to keep me happy for so many years (just joking, LOL) and I replied back saying "He makes me laugh every day!" and he has from day O.! He was just "different" from the beginning, and always trust your mothers instincts, she knew from the beginning he was a great man and will always be a hard working provider for his family, which he always has been. Anyhow, I know I still love him because I'm smiling as I brag about this man of mine, LOL so 10 yrs later, I am still madly in love and attracted to my amazing husband! : )

5 moms found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Dothan on

I found that the love gets masked not that it disappears out of the blue. Do you have Date nights? Do you guys spend anytime apart? Do you try to put full effort into your marriage as you did back before children, busy adult life responsibilities?

You still have to work very hard and put in tons of effort to keep a marriage alive. I love my husband unconditionally. We are a great team and work hard to keep O. another. I noticed people get sidetracked too much or think they dont have enough time to invest into the marriage as before. You have to make that room and make sure its at the top of the list. Date nights work as well as trying new things in the bedroom. I get dolled up everyday to keep my hubby feeling like I still care. I push hard to get date nights and always want to try something new in the bedroom.
"The Glue" is communication, teamwork, time together and a pinch of spontanity! Gotta mix things up. List out what makes you swoon, have him do the same. Then work on those ideas to make it sparkle again.

**Happily Married 10 years and still going strong**

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L.G.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I most certainly am!! We are celebrating 4 years on Thursday. :-) I know it isn't very long, but even after 4 years I love him more and more as we go through different trials.

We are just committed... simple as that. To each other, and our relationship with God. There are no deal breakers in my opinion... we are in it for life.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Yes, I'm still in love with my husband. We been married for less than O. year but have known each other for over 20 years (no we were not dating that whole time-for the curious).

The thing with love is that is an action. It grows and should become richer and fuller. When this happens you don't get the butterfiles but there and things you can think about him or things that you do that will give you those very same butterfiles.

There is no deal breaker in our marriage for me but that doesn't mean I wouldn't give him hell if he cheated or did some other crazy thing. I just believe you try to work through the things you need to work through. Working through things requires time. That is why we were so slow in getting married, we both had some major character things to work through before we could get married.

The glue that brought us back together and keeps us together is our relationship with God. As long as we each honor God, He will continue to keep us together.

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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

Wow!!! Do these wonderful men have single brothers??? ;-)
You lucky gals...it's so comforting to know that there are men out there that are actually good family men! Thanks for sharing your joy with us - less fortunate- at least we can still have hope...

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

After 16 years I still love my husband. I am IN LOVE with him most of the time. What I mean is that I still get the butterflies and tinglies sometimes too! He looks at me a certain way with love and I fall for him all over again. He has a devil grin that melts me and we still have lots of fun. But he is a man who is critical at times , smells at times, grouchy and moody. He's mine and I love him. I remind him to say something nice everyday and think positive. It works for us and I wouldn't change a thing. (Well maybe the smelly part I would!)

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I still love my husband , although he can annoy me sometimes (leaving toilet seat up , putting empty packets back in cupboard/fridge to name a few) , but that is a man thing and I don't think it can be changed (if anyone has managed PLEASE tell me how)!!!!! , we have been together 13 yrs and married for 8 , have 3 kids and life is busy , but would not change a thing , we laugh together and are friends aswell as husband and wife , plus we have our friends and time to ourselves which is a must.

A marriage breaker for me would be cheating , I could not forgive for that , I just would never be able to forget and would always throw it back at him.

Glue is being able to talk about anything , tell them when they have annoyed you , sticking together and supporting each other in decisions , supporting them when/if they choose to do something they have not done before.....and being able to laugh about life that get's thrown your way.

Good question , thanks for asking.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

YES!!! What a great question to have us all contemplating how good we have it or if we don't that we could. :)

Together for almost 13 years and married almost 8 - - - time flies when you are having FUN!!! We have been through a great deal together (difficult, good, AMAZING, heart-wrenching, awesome times) but have weathered it all and made each other stronger along the way!

I don't think about "deal breakers" as I trust that we are equally committed to making it work and making each other happy FOREVER. I truly believe it and I am not naive. I married a man who was head-over-heels in love for a long time before we even started talking about a life together.

GLUE - - - regular reminders of "Y" we love each other - little and big reasons! In our first year of marrige we faced an Army deployment to Iraq (14 months apart with a 2 week visit in the middle) - - - my husband is pretty much an only child and while he was away his mom faced a series of illnesses and his parents split-up, his dad moved into his own apartment, had a stroke and wound up in a nursing home and somehow I managed not to completely loose it!!! Upon return from deployment in March, his dad passed in October and mine the following April. Our moms were on their own (completely) for the first time in their adult lives and we were there to support them and EACH OTHER through it all. We often credit the deployment and the challenges with our folks with solidifying our love for O. another as we wrote every day and sent lots of LOVE via the postal service and we talked when we could. We feared that there would be big challenges when we reunited but found that the changes that occurred in each of us during that time were for the better and that if we survived that we could survive anything!!!

Our life is not story book quality but our life TOGETHER is amazing! We get kind of crazy with work, school, two children, two furry children and an extensive family on my side but we are HAPPY and we have the COMMUNICATION TOOLS needed to stay that way FOREVER!

Thanks again for posting the questions. I'm going to forward my answer to my Cuteness now!

If you are still searching for LOVE - stop! Just let it find you!!!

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Absolutely. Marriage is work but I know without a doubt that my husband is the absolute perfect man for me. He is funny, incredibly smart, sexy and a wonderful father.

My father died when I was very young so having a man in my life as a husband and a father for my children was unknown territory. I thank god everyday for this man, our marriage and our family.

Deal breaker? After 16 years I think we could work through just about anything.

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L.L.

answers from York on

What a privilege to have this discussion. My husband and I have been married nearly 20 years and know that real love is a commitment, not just in a fleeting fickle feeling. Who "feels" like getting up at 4-5 in the morning to get off to work to bring in bread for the table?! Who "feels" like doing many things involved in a marriage? However, when O. is open only to marry--and this is the first step--a spouse who loves the Lord with all his/her heart and where both will always put God first, the marriage WILL work out. When O. senses his responsibility to God first, then he will enjoy far more his relationships with his spouse and his children.

The Glue?--Being first a true Christian, then we will have power to become the spouse that was intended according to the Good Book. When we ARE a spouse who lifts up our spouse and strive to back him/her in the role originally intended, we will have a happy home.

Deal breakers--many times we see people looking for a back door of escape for their marriage. However, according to the true Rules of marriage, there is only 1 real reason--adultery. If we truly went by these rules, there would be far more children with a happy 2 parent family and many more couple who would strive to work things out when the going gets tough.

Prayer does a lot for a marriage--especially when we ask God what WE can do to restore/maintain the relationship.

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Great question Denise,

My husband and I have been together 24 years, married almost 22. And if it is possible, I love him more now than before!

I don't understand the term 'soul mate' but he is my best friend! I also understand Tom Cruise's statement in Jerry Maguire that my husband "completes me". Our personalities, backgrounds, political views even parenting styles compliment each other.

The glue would be mutual respect. We are very different in many ways, but we love the differences. None of us are perfect and we love each other unconditionally. He makes me laugh every day and I could not have asked for a better dad for the kids! I can talk to him about anything and everything. We will just run errands together and can make a trip to Home Depot an adventure!

LoveMommyhood was right when she said that you have to put each other first. It is hard, I know, as a parent and mommy to say that, but it is true. It was my dear husband who made me realize that once the kids are grown and gone, we will have each other. And we had to nurture that relationship early. That doesn't mean we neglected the kids, heck NO! My husband is super dad, even with the teenagers! Even our kid's friends LOVE my husband! And it's not that he's their 'friend' but because he tells it like it is, good or bad. He calls it the 'shock and awe' method of parenting. But the kids knew that he and I are a team.

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E.P.

answers from New York on

After 18 years of marriage, the answer is YES. We've had our ups/downs, good/bad years, our share of health problems - but he is the only person I'd want to grow old with. I love him more today than when I married him and I think he'd say the same thing about me. We aren't perfect, but we WORK TOGETHER to make a life for us and our daughter.

Glue - our deep faith in God and our willingness to put others before our own needs. When you put God first and live to serve Him, everything else follows.

It's not flowers and butterflies everyday, but there's something to being happy to be around your spouse at the end of the day. We have dinner together as a family almost every night. We make each other laugh a LOT and that keeps everyone happy. We enjoy our physical relationship often - something I think people forget to do when they've been married a long time. He's a fantastic father to our daughter (something I have been lacking my whole life even though my father is alive).

He is devoted to us. Although we each spend time alone with friends once in a while, we'd much rather be together. He doesn't drink, smoke or do anything that would ever embarass us and I try to do the same. We're raising our daughter to live a life that's pleasing to God. We're also teaching her to have the right mindset about dating/courting (she's a long way away from that) and a future husband.

Great question - glad that so many others are happy too.

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R.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I love my husband to death. Recently I have questoned if I have been falling out of love with him, but the stresses in our life have just made everything VERY difficult for us lately. I do love him to death though, and I know he loves me to death back. And honestly, when you make it through the times like we are, I tihnk the love is stronger and deeper than ever before. So when this difficult ride is over for us, my prayers will turn to those of Thanks for God letting us make it through this.

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E.G.

answers from Atlanta on

What a great question.

With two little girls, living in GA, about 2300 miles away from the nearest relative, we have ONLY ourselves to count on. Sometimes it's a bear. Mainly because of the distance or just plain couple spats. But do I love him? Absolutely! I absolutely want the best for him, his health, his peace of mind, his spirit.

I brag on him all the time, even when he gets pissy when I do it.

I met my husband in 1990 and didn't become "involved with him" until nine years after that. Our first-dance song for our wedding day was "Bob Seger/Martina McBride's "Chances Are".

Am I a nag? Oh, hell yes! Especially with health-related things. I'm a worrier for my family, no doubt about it.

I still will sometimes look over at him sleeping (on the foot of the bed mostly, because, whether we like it or not, right now ours is a "family bed", and I feel very protected and safe.

E.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

YES! Butterflies and tinglies are not love - they're side effects (sometimes nice ones). Real love is caring about the other person and wanting the best for him. That's a love that keeps going even when other things may go bad.

I'd say at least part of the glue that holds a marriage together is commitment. If you think keeping your promises is important, you'll be more likely to want to keep your marriage promises. If you don't think promises are worth much, you're more likely to exit when an unhappy time comes.

Other things help, too - including communication, humor, shared values.

I'll quit here (I could do a soapbox thing!) because I bet you'll have a gazillion responses.

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M.!.

answers from Columbus on

Oh gosh ya! Totally still in love with my hubby after 10 years!! We are high school sweet hearts and I feel like we have been through it all. He does still give me the butterfly feeling b/c he is the most patient loving and caring man out there. I swear he is willing to give up anything for the happiness of me and our children and I think that is what gives me the butterflies still.

Our glue - We don't expect anything from eachother - we do things for eachother b/c we want to do things for eachother.

Deal Breaker - ? IDK... haven't been put in a situation yet that hasn't broken us up yet, so IDK? As I said, I feel like we have been trhough it all (we did the dumb teenage stuff... turning 21 and lots of partying... and so forth). Before we got married we agreed that what was in the past is in the past and agreed not to bring the past into our marriage.

It is easier to work with eachother than against eachother.

Good luck!

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Yes. We've known each other 30 yrs and been married 21 yrs. I joke with him if I ever get Alzheimer's, I may not remember he's my husband, but he'll always be my boyfriend! We can finish each others sentences, and I often surprise him by knowing exactly what he's thinking (I CAN read his mind - and it scares him a little sometimes).
He brings me flowers for no particular reason, and I'll bake him his favorite cookies - for no particular reason. He's great with our son, and we miss him so much when he has to travel for work.
We both think tobacco use (smoking/chewing) is grounds for divorce. We've both buried too many friends, co-workers, and relatives who were just so addicted they could not quit.
He's my sweetheart and I'd be lost without him.

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K.L.

answers from Des Moines on

After 7 years together, I am still crazy about my husband too! My best friend and her husband set us up to meet at their wedding. The day after the wedding and meeting him, I thanked them for introducing me to my husband. I knew right away he was the O.! The reason it works so well...he's exactly like my dad. My dad is an amazing man who does everything he can for his family...extended as well...he's the funniest, most sarcastic person I know...and my husband is just like him. He makes me laugh everyday...even in the middle of a fight. We've been thru hell together...our daughter was a surprise(an amazing surprise) while he was still in college, we had no money and still we were very happy and our relationship only got stronger thru that!

And what makes our relationship fun is we are both huge sports fans, but love rival teams! The best O....college football. I'm a huge Iowa Hawkeye fan and he loves his Iowa State Cyclones(he's also an ISU grad). And living just 15 minutes from ISU, it makes for a pretty fun college football season! We love it and my hubby and his family/friends are trying to convert me to be an ISU fan...it's slowly working! :)

Awesome question!!

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Portland on

Wow, thank you all for posting your answers! You really give me hope =)

I am 19 and have been with my fiance for three years. It feels like we're already married, haha. I love him with all my heart and I KNOW that he feels the same way with me. I feel like I found my soulmate. I know that times will be good and will be bad throughout the years, but I also know that we will stay together.
My parents divorced after 17 years, and so did most of my family in their relationships. I have always promised myself that I would never do that to my family. I don't think I'm going to have that problem with my soon to be husband =)

I just wanted to say thank you all for posting your positive responses! It makes me happy to know that not all marriages end in divorce :)

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