Is There "Happily Married Ever After" in Real Life?

I am without a doubt 100% happy with my husband. We are not prefect, disagree some, and have frustrating days. At the end of the day, we both want to be doing this together. We wake up every day with the commitment to fight for each other, love each other, listen, be loyal, and do everything we can to make out lives better for each other. Some days I'm not as good as her is, but he picks up the slack and gives me a break...and I do the same for him.

You aren't happy, because you aren't married to someone who is as devoted to you...perhaps?? I could not be happy with the man you describe. He's happy, because he did what he wanted and he still has you. Why would he be unhappy? A good father would no mistreat, betray, and disrespect his children's mother like that. Sorry.

I am one of those women who can honestly say I am 100% happy with the man I love and married. We have had problems, ups, and downs, but I have never once regretted my decision, and I love him more now after 10 years of marriage than when we first were married. He is an amazing husband, father, and friend. I wouldn't trade him in for anything! So, yes, there is a such thing as happily ever after.

I think all marriages go through bad times, some horrifying, some a little distant and all that comes in between. Im so sorry you are going through it, i recommend a counselor to talk to for ,both of you to see if things can be salvaged. There were times in my marriage i wish i could have afforded one. There were times in my marriage i couldnt even look at my husband without anger and pity, now i cant keep my hands off him.

Life is funny that way.

It depends what you mean by 'happily ever after'.
If you think it means sunshine, roses, rainbows, butterflies and unicorns,
you are due for a rude awakening.
If it means not facing life s challenges alone, having someone to share the joys and the sorrow, having someone to laugh and cry with then you won't be disappointed.
Granted not every marriage is well made. Some struggle against each other in a relationship. When I think of some of the guys I dated early on, I'm glad of the man I picked from the suitors I had. We are very well matched.
I try my best to be a good wife and mother and my husband tries and succeeds in being a good husband and father. We face things together.
For 22 years this Aug, I've got, and continue to have, my 'happily ever after'.
I am content.

Its about expectations vs. bliss. I'm thrilled with my husband because he if faithful, I trust him, he's a good provider, he loves me, and most importantly we share the same values. I'm 100% happy, but that does not mean we don't fight, or feel distant, or go three weeks without making love sometimes. We're solid and we enjoy each other's company. But sometimes we could strangle each other. If you equate happy marriage with the blissful feelings of falling in love and courtship, you will be let down. If you think happiness and fun are the same thing, you will be let down. Happily ever after is really more about contentment. That said, your husband has done things to destroy trust, so I think your complaints are likely valid.

OF COURSE there's no happily ever after! There's only a promise of 'happily sometime's ever after' :) Everyone has ups and downs, but nothing is ever perfect. That's why you choose your man as a companion, friend, and partner in crime... not just a lover, humorous, good looking dude. Those things fade... but companionship is a stable building block for a future. WE EACH CREATE OUR OWN HAPPINESS :)

Being happy exists, but since no one is perfect, no one has a perfect marriage. Marriage is hard work, and takes constant effort and upkeep on both ends. I would say my marriage is a good one, but man it's HARD sometimes. A lot of times actually, lol. I don't really believe people who say they never fight, because everyone gets angry or depressed or hormonal now and then. Two different people living together in the same house are bound to argue now and then.
That being said.... you don't have a happy marriage. Not unless you're happy with your husband being unfaithful :( I would be devastated. Cheating is not a typical spouse problem that occurs in an otherwise healthy relationship. It's wrong, and it's impossible to be happy with someone who is treating you that way.

No marriage is "perfect" 100% of the time.

You have had some large trust breaches in your relationship.

"Apology" should include change of behavior. Not repeat performances. That is quite frustrating. Behaviors of leaving the toothpaste uncapped and contacting women on the internet are worlds apart.

Maybe counseling could help you to leave that in the past and move forward?

You're illustrating the difference between real life and fairy tales - fact and fiction! Real life is hard work - and actually there isn't anything wrong with that; we live on that sort of planet. The endings of fairy tales never mention work. "Blissful happiness" is a transient thing in real life, and you want to savor those moments but not expect a regular diet of them.

Of course, when I think about "happily ever after," I think of the musical "Into the Woods," a story about what happens to all the fairy tale characters AFTER the "happily ever after." And it's not so happy!

Do you have to be 100% happy to be happy at all? Is 95% enough? 92%? You'd be surprised at the number of people who have great ups and downs in their married lives but still consider themselves happily married. Is it your husband's job to make you happy? Or is it your job to make you happy? These are just ideas to think about some time.

People do change over the years. You probably have changed. Do you really wish you were the same exact person you were twelve years ago?

If you are unhappy about not being sure you can trust your husband - and it sounds as if that's the case - you might want to talk to a good counselor about it. Sometimes an explanation and a little advice from an outsider can be very helpful.

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis."

Someone wrote this on a gift tag at our wedding shower. It sits in our bathroom where I read it countless times a day.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Margaret_Bonnano/

I would say that I have a very happy marriage, not perfect of course, but pretty darn good. I completely trust him, and he's never done anything to betray that trust. That is a big thing with me. Maybe that is why you feel the way you do...he has snuck around behind your back a few times and you've lost that trust and security. My husband can annoy me at times, just little stuff, but I feel like he has always been 100% true to me. If I thought otherwise, I know I would be unhappy and always wondering what he's up to. That is my theory about why you feel the way you do. Trust is so crucial to a marriage and your husband broke it. I would feel exactly the same way you do. I'm really sorry.

Yes, I'm 100% happy with my husband. We've been married for almost 13 years and have 4 children. I love him even more now than when we were married. He was my best friend when we got married, and he continues to be my best friend now. I think that is the most important thing to a happy marriage. Of course we've had our arguments occasionally over the years, but we always work it out.

Maybe some marriage counseling would help to bring you closer. If he doesn't want to go, it's still good to go alone. You shouldn't just continue being unhappy. If you do nothing different, nothing will BE different.
I urge you to take that 1st step. The 1st step is always the hardest, but once you do, you'll find the rest easier.

Very best wishes!! :)

We have been married for 11yrs and I too can say I am more in love with him now then the day we got married. It is hard and something that takes work. We started off with a baby and getting married at 17yrs old, so the odds we against us from the start. It hasnt always been perfect, we have our fights ect. We are very opposite but we have learned to meet each other in the middle. He is my bestfriend. Another really imoprtant part of a happy and long marriage is God, I think it can be harder if God isnt part of you life.

For a long time I thought my husband and I were a "happily ever after." We've been together since we were 17 (I'll be 37 this summer) and I always believed we were soul mates and nothing could break us apart. About a two years ago my husband's Dad passed away. They were close and while my husband is VERY PRIVATE and didn't really discuss his feelings...weird things started to happen. He already had a stressful job and was working like a crazy person - sometimes 70 hours a week. He started to drink a lot after work (with co-workers) and decided to take the "office dingbat" under his wing. I didn't like it - asked him to stop - he said he would. Fast forward - many many many fights later - he was still spending time with this girl, becoming increasingly angry, and pretty much turning into someone I didn't know. We had a HUGE BLOWOUT that had me convinced for quite some time that I would soon be a single parent - he was just totally out of it and not himself at all. After counseling, and a LOT of hard work, we were able to move on, re-new our vows, and work on being happy together again. So...does happily ever after exist? I think so...but with lots of ups,downs and everything else in between. A marriage is not static - it's a living breathing entity that requires CONSTANT efforts from both parties. I hope you can work it out with your spouse but you soon increasingly unhappy...my best to you.

Despite the personal flaws my husband and I have. We love each other very much and I cant picture myself with anyone else.
happily ever after, is childish. Nothing is perfect here on the ball of dirt.

I'm like Melissa. I met my husband 25 years ago on a blind date and we'll be married 23 years this October. If it's possible, I love him MORE now than I did then. And as Amy K. said, no one is perfect. Sure there are things that annoy the snot out of me that my husband does. But I'm sure I have annoying habits as well. But in my opinion, accepting and loving each other, bad habits and all is completely different than cheating.

I'm sorry you're not happy in your marriage. It breaks my heart to hear that. My guess is that (honestly) your husband might not be happy either - considering he's looking outside your marriage for other women. That doesn't mean it's something you're doing or not doing - it just means that he has something going on in his head/personality/past that causes him to act in a way that doesn't exactly go along with "happy marriage". My suggestion, like many others, is to seek counseling. NOW. You need to be able to trust him and he needs to earn that trust from you.

To answer your question. I've been married for 19 years. They haven't all been good years. I was very uptight in my early marriage (having a child helped that) . We've also dealt with illness, surgeries, family sickness, deaths, financial problems, job loss - you name it. Everything except either of us looking outside the marriage for happiness. We've learned that sticking together through it all is what makes a marriage strong. It also helps if both of you put the other person FIRST before yourself. Only works if you both do that of course. Less selfishness also helps - but from both people. I can honestly say that we're 100% happier and more in love now than we were when we were married - and we were pretty in love then too. Good luck & get some help.

I think we can't depend on our spouses or marriage or our job or whatever to make us happy - our happiness is our responsibility. Sometimes that means not putting up with poor treatment. We buy into this whole fairy tale notion but why? This is real life, and marriage is always work, and there will always be disappointments. That's not being h*** o* yourself, that's being human.

If your husband can't seem to get through his head that he took a vow and his behavior is disrespectful and demeaning to you, then it's time to seek marriage counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone for yourself. It seems like you have communication issues if he thinks the marriage is so happy but you obviously are not, and have not effectively communicated that to him. We expect men to read our minds, when in fact they can't.

I like the book "A Grown Up Marriage" by Judith Viorst. I found it to be very helpful and I like to go back and re-read it from time to time. I would recommend checking it out.

I also believe we teach people how to treat us. It is not enough for him to apologize and you try to forgive him - his behavior needs to change too.

100% happy does not exist. There are good things and not-so-good things about any relationship. The foundation needs to be trust and mutual respect.

My husband and I both have friends who are of the opposite sex, and we have both made new friends and reconnected with old friends of the opposite sex since we've been married. Granted, neither of us are incredibly outgoing, and we're both very devoted to each other, our home, our daughter, and our careers, so there's not a lot of time to spend on other relationships. We definitely have struck a balance that works for us, and the bottom line is we have made a commitment to each other, and we both trust and respect that.

I think that if you aren't feeling secure in your relationship (if you're feeling threatened by your husband's interactions with others), there are two possibilities: 1) your partner is not committed to your relationship and your concerns are legitimate or 2) your partner is committed to your relationship but you doubt his intentions because you have feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness that you need to address. Either way, I have to agree with the others who have recommended counseling. I also agree with DVMmom and others who have suggested that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. Good luck!

@Cheryl- OMG... "What's the big deal with hubby connecting with other women?" Are you KIDDING me?!?! Horrible advice...

When would it EVER be OK for hubby to connect with other women?! I can't think of a scenario that would make that OK.

V.- to answer your question, "happily ever after" is a fairy tale. Plain and simple. Everyone has flaws. Love is about picking someone and making it work. It's not perfect, it's even ugly sometimes, but dedication harvests something enriching. It sounds like you have a good foundation in your marriage, but you have certainly put up with an unfaithful husband. Pursuing other women on the internet is cheating. Period.

I hope that he is able to respect your marriage enough to stop! If he can't, I hope that you are able to respect yourself enough to leave.

Best wishes to you.

it sure is for me, but i can only say that after going through several years of rockiness earlier on, at one point getting bad enough that we discussed separating and went to counseling.
we never had trust issues, though. cheating is just not on the table for either one of us. no one can swear 100% that they will never fall for someone else, but you can sure as hell swear you'll never sneak, lie or cheat.
i'm not at all sure i'd be in current state of feeling i'm married to the most amazing man in the entire world if he had ever given me occasion to distrust him as yours has.
that being said, i like the comment by mary L that 100% is probably unrealistic. 95% still makes for an awful lot of happiness. i also agree with DVMMOM that we can't expect our spouses to provide happiness for us. the old man and i are happy with each other in large part because we're happy individually.
khairete
S.

I've been married a little over 10 years, and we've had our struggles, but we love each other and respect each other and keep working hard to have our marriage work--and it does take work. And yes, we are happy. I wouldn't say 100% happy, but 97% about 99% of the time (LOL).

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I think Mel F. is right: Your husband has been unfaithful to you several times, and yet you keep forgiving him, so he gets what he wants; while you feel you have an unhappy marriage because he keeps cheating on you..... Think about that.....

I think that most marriages have ups and downs. But the repeated cheating would be a deal breaker for me. The saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." In this case, I think you should get counseling now, preferably couples counseling, but even just for yourself so that you can find a safe place to work through your pain/unhappiness to find out what outcome would be best and how to fix what is broken (if he's willing to actually do it). Since he has made a habit of this, if you can do it (I don't mean that in a mean way), you should tell him that if it happens again, you marriage is over unless he goes to couples counseling with you and works to rebuild the trust he's broken by really truly changing; (or, preferably, it's over if he ever cheats again). Then, follow through on it. You deserve a chance at happiness, and you'll probably have a lot better chance at it if you are with someone you can trust, who will respect you and work on the relationship with you.

I think it depends on what your definition of "happily ever after" is. If you are expecting to be blissfully happy all the time, then it doesn't exist. The "honeymoon" does end, and the nature of the relationship always changes. Every marriage, just like life in general, goes through its ups and downs. But if you both make the decision, every day, that you want to be with each other, then this is a happy marriage.

I know I'm repeating what others have said, but I just have to reiterate this: it is NOT okay for him to contact women over the internet. Even if it isn't "technically cheating" it still hurts you, a lot, and even though you keep telling him this, he still does it. You need to try and get some marriage counseling and you have to re-establish trust in this marriage. He isn't truly sorry if he keeps doing it, and you can't keep "forgiving" him if he keeps doing it. He will keep doing it, he won't change, and you will keep having your heart broken by him. You can't stay with him if he refuses to stop hurting you in this way. He doesn't seem to even care that he hurt you if he thinks you have a very happy marriage, when you so obviously still feel hurt by what he has done. :-( I'm sorry you're going through this. Get counseling for yourself, get marriage counseling, and try to get to the point where you have a truly happy marriage based on trust. Good luck, and I really and truly hope that you both can work toward having a happy marriage.

I think some people do have a happiley ever after my parents do. I have friends that are truely happy with their spouses. I on the other hand am not blissfuly happy. My husband is very hard to love and very hard to please. I pick him up a pack of smokes and he wants to know why I didn't buy two! I know that sounds like a stupid reason to say he is hard to please but its always little things like that. He is also an alcoholic and doesn't see it that way and he was not one when we got married. I think happiness exists though and one day I will have a happy marriage. My husband is a lot of things but he is very loyal to me and our children so that is one thing he has going for him. Your husband has cheated on you several times it sounds like. He has betrayed you over and over what reason do you have to be 1000% happy? He has a happy marriage because he has a very forgiving wife.

MY marriage? Pshaw. Don't get me wrong... H has been working on his temper for "real" for the past year, and paid lipservice to it for the past 5 (how embarrassing to write)... and I've become someone I don't recognize except for on alternating tuesdays. I'm OPENMINDED to the POSSIBILITY that he might someday be someone I can trust, respect, etc... and who in turn likes/loves/respects me. But that is simply not the case currently, nor for the past several years. We'll see. I love my husband very much, he CAN be an amazing man, and often is. He can also be an abusive jerk. Hyde is not tolerated, and has kept divorce on the table for the past (mumble) years. The only thing that has "saved" our marriage during it's low points is that I'm not willing to surrender custody, if *I* can't handle the man how can I ask my young child to? Jekyl, though, he's flawed... but wonderful. My patience for Hyde wore through a great deal of time ago.

My GRANDPARENTS had happily ever after AFTER they each divorced their first spouse and remarried each other. They each divorced in the 1930's (in their 20's & 30's, married for nearly 10 and over 10 years to their first spouses) and married each other in the 40's (in their 30's & 40's). They had over 50 wonderful years of marriage to each other, their eyes still lit up when the other walked into the room, and they were *deeply* in love in love with each other until their deaths. That said... the last word my grandmother ever spoke (Alzheimer's) in extreme exasperation and frustration was "Men!"

My PARENTS have been married for nearly 40 years (only ever married to each other). They've fought. They've separated. They have "bizarre" rules (that work *perfectly* for their marriage... just for example: there are a number of things that are "supposed" to be lied about, for example, and my parents both get *furious* with anyone who "thinks they out to know _______", because they knew about the lie, but the lie keeps them both happy). My parents are each other's best friends. They love each other deeply and respect each other deeply. They've separated briefly a few times. At one point my mum gave her 'letter of resignation' from her job as housewife and childcare provider (that cracks me up today, although it freaked me out as a child) and let my dad handle everything until he decided that her 'job' had value... he came around quite quickly, and has NEVER taken her for granted (at least out loud or by action) ever again (both in my own observation and in my mother talking). Wise man, my dad.

One of my aunts and uncles... they had a fairytale marriage for 30 years. Then my uncle became a bitter, hateful man about 10 years ago (an accident he got injured in) and they've both been miserable ever since. They love each other, but they are Dickens miserable.

My favorite uncle was married 5 or 6 times (I've lost count, and don't want to actually go to the effort of thinking about it).

I have (gosh, I have to count on my fingers, and I run out) a LOT of aunts and uncles. None of them have had fairy tale marriages, most of them have had GOOD marriages, a few had bad ones, a few had good ones that went bad.

My own family are the only ones I can speak to. I know many other married couples... but god only knows with them. Most people think I have an amazing marriage, and it's anything but. Some people think I have a nightmare marriage, and it's anything but. It's not good, but it's also not a nightmare.

The thing is... at least with me... I can't "quantify" another person's "hard time". People say that, you know. Oh, we've had a hard time lately... or We've never really had a hard time. But what does that actually MEAN? 2 of my best friends say they've never had a hard time. I've watched them struggle through harder times than I've ever faced. But they don't see them as hard. Others call a "hard time" something I'd want to slap them for (he was an hour late once last year, you know, it almost broke my heart... it took me months to forgive him"). But in general... someone SAYS ________ about their marriage and it's like Wordsworth. "... emotion reflected upon in tranquility." Or like here. People sometimes complain about how perfect/ easy/ whatever other responders are/act like/sound like. But the fact of the matter is that someone else's "hard time" is something that they're talking about as having happened in the past. On here, we're all snug and comfy and typing. Other people's lives are surreal and imagined things in our own minds. Our own lives, otoh, are something we have to live ourselves, day in and day out.

Hugs. Not sure any of that will help. Just my own muddling through my own life.

Being 100% happily married doesn't mean that you never struggle. I can honestly say that I am in the 100% happily married group, but my husband and I definitely have our issues as every other married couple. Happiness isn't measured by the possitive minus the negative. Its measured by wether you could imagine a life without them.

My husband and I are very good communicators in our marraige. When its the hardest to talk is when its the most important and we live by that theory. We see couples struggle and fail all the time, the commen issue (above all the ones that they see) is their lack of really honest communication. Believe me, we have been through plenty, but only in our darkest struggles is true and honest communication the thing that pulls us through, that and prayer.

Yes, happily ever after does exist. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage and we never fight or bicker at each other. I have to say that my husband is a very unique kind of guy who believes in ALWAYS treating people with respect, especially family and his wife even more so. We have been in I think 3 fights during our 7.5 years of marriage and those 3 were the first couple of years, mainly re: family (my problems w/ his mom). My mom jokingly tells me I have a fairy tale marriage, in that my husband treats me like a princess and is so good to me and our kids. I tell him all of the time how lucky I am.

My husband and I consider ourselves happily married. We have been through hell and high water together - losing our home after Katrina, loss of jobs and the resulting financial hardships, major health issues, even a car wreck that could easily have killed him, me, and my daughter.
Does that mean that we never disagree? No.
Does that mean that we never argue/fight? No. We have had some doozies that ended with one of us sleeping on the couch.
What it does mean is that we do work through whatever disareements/disputes we have, even if it means that we have to go to separate corners for a while to cool down until we can discuss the issue rationally. It means that we consider our lives better WITH each other in them than without.

Honestly, no! Why? One person cannot possible satisfy all of our desires. It's just not possible. I think some people look the other way, tolerate, and be passive. Just like they say on this board, they pick and choose their battles. LOL, if they are happy fooling themselves, then so be-it.

no one can be 100 % happy all the time you need bad time to enjoy the good wedding vow s threw sickness and health ect. other girls is a problem but we all go threw happy time and not so happy time alway talk it over

We have a happy marriage. That doesn't mean that either one of us is happy every moment of every day and it doesn't mean we don't have problems, get angry, become annoyed, etc. But, we are happy more often than we are unhappy. We work through our problems. We care about each other. We enjoy each others company. We accept each other for who we are. So on and so forth.

I think happily ever after does exist but not in the sense that one is blissfully, ignorantly happy constantly. More of a contentment type of happy.

I have been married for 9 years. Yes, we are VERY happy!! I love him to death and we miss eachother even just being apart for a couple hours. Right now he is away at police academy and we skype every day and talk on the phone as much as possible. He is an amazing husband who works very hard and takes very good care of us. We have had our problems. We do fight once in a while, but for the most part, we don't fight that much. Maybe we will have a disagreement once every few months, but nothing major. I am very happy and so is he.

I feel like I am living "happily ever after" with my husband, but trust me -we fight! Some weeks are really bad :)

I don't believe you can live with someone without getting irritated, frustrated or mad every so often. I believe that is just a part of life.

I love my husband and if anyone asked me, I would definitly say that I was very, very happily ever after ever happy with my marriage. However, dig deep down below the surface, and of course there are things in the marriage I am unahppy about. I wish he was home more often. I wish he didnt crave to spend so much time with his friends. There are other things, small things, but the postives always outweigh the negatives.

It does exist but it has to happen when both parties aren't caught up in the princess-prince fantasy that Disney tries to sell us.

I am not married yet, but will be come July 4, 2011 at 6:30 pm at Villa Rica Church of Christ. But I do believe that if you work hard for that kind of love, you can reach it and get it and keep if you keep striving for it.

Fairy tales skip the big part of it...what happens between "I do" and "Happy Ever After". That is the REAL stuff. You still may find your "Happy Ever After", but first...there are the years of marriage that may precede it. Don't get discouraged! It can still happen. (at least I'm hoping for it! Not there yet! =0)

L. M. from NJ,
Wow this posting hit home my husband and I are currently going thru your same scenario. We have know each other for 25 years were highschool sweet hearts for 5 years. We went our separate ways for 8 years each had our seperate relationships that failed and reunited back together for 12 years married for 10 on May 19. I thought our happily ever after fairy tale wedding my prince charming ups and downs in our marriage but I thought every one has problems in their marriage you just have to talk and communicate. I was very blind I had a feeling my husband was being unfaithfull but didn't want to except it 4 weeks ago he came clean and told me because the other women was threating him that she would tell me. Of course I threw him out of the house and its been emotionally hard for me because I have an 18 year old daughter it is her senior year and even though she has a relationship with her father she looked yp to my husband as her father. She is so hurt and doesn't want to be in his prescense we have a son who is 9 that just want's to know when mommy cam forgive daddy. He has been going to counseling I've been reading alot and went to counseling today next week we go together, but at the end of the day I ask myself is it worth it. I do love him but at what expense do I try to forgive. So I guess that is what you need to ask yourself I've always said there is 3 sides to a story his, yours, and the truth. Think what you really want be self-fish for a change and think about yourself if you love your husband and want to work it out go for it but make sure he respects don't loose your dignity always put yourself first. Good luck I will think of you V. you are not alone.

I don't think there is such thing as a fairy tale marriage, but I do think you can be happily married. In any relationship you are going to have your ups and downs, peaks and valleys. If you don't, then I would say you are not communicating effectively. As time goes on, your relationship changes. I love my husband more today than when I married him (which I didn't think was possible)...and I suspect that in 25 years I will love him more then than I do now. Because as we go through different stages of our lives, we experience different things and pull through difficult times...those things help strengthen your marriage and love for one another.

Being 100% happy is unrealistic IMO. Is there anything in life where you are 100% on? Not for me. I mean, sure I love being a wife and a mom. But there are days where I wish my kids would go to bed at 4pm...so I'm not 100% loving motherhood at that point. You know what I mean??

I think perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself and your relationship.

There is an "ever after" but it may not always be happily :) hehe

So well said, B! Love it!

I read that the phrase "Happily ever after" is one of the most tragic ever perpetuated because of the expectations it instills in us from such a young age. So funny that it comes straight out of fantasy and fairy tales in which we don't expect anything else to be true or real...except that.

No one is perfect. If you leave and upend your life thinking you'll find better, it's - most of the time - a grand deception. No one can complete us. There does not exist the perfect person who will never disappoint or hurt you.

I think that our culture prizes happiness above most other things and neglects the notion that TRUE happiness, self -esteem and self worth comes from working hard and achieving your goals -whether they be for marriage, family, or career - and not having it handed to you. There is a certain satisfaction that comes from the hard work of carving out a life, a place in this imperfect, challenging world, with someone else.

While I certainly don't condone your husband's choices, it bears considering that he is aware of faults and imperfections of yours (which we all have!) and loves you in spite of them. It would be tremendously difficult to start from scratch with someone else.

It's worth the effort it may take to root your happiness in your will, not your feelings. Feelings are SO unstable - they are subject to change by hormone fluctuation, situation/circumstance, lack of rest, poor nutrition, and lack of investment in yourself (alone time, gratifying hobby, girlfriends, etc). I think happiness can be a choice, but if these things are lacking in your life, it can be much harder to claim.

You situation is a tough one. To answer your question about fairytales- no- that is why they are fairytales. In real life- marriage is work but if you both work equally hard because the love is stong then the work is all worth it. The really good things in life don't come without hard work. That being said- if you husband has reached out to other women several times- he is not holding his end and putting in the work. You need to tell him you want counseling and so that you can learn to trust that he is going to work toward a happy marriage with you. But if you want it to work you have to put in equal work too.

Yes, there are couples who are married for a long time and happy. However, your husband is cheating on you, whether physicallly or emotionally, repeatedly - and you keep going back for more. The source of your unhappiness is not your husband, it is you. If he's willing to make you upset over something that means NOTHING to him, imagine what he'd do if he meets someone who actually means SOMETHING to him. He has a happy marriage because he has you and other women on the side. You two could try marriage counseling but if he finds his behavior acceptable (which clearly he does) and isn't willing to change (it seems like he's not), and this makes you unhappy, then you need to get out of the marriage. He is NOT a good husband. Good husbands don't flirt with other women online or date other women. If you think this is normal and going on in most marriages, you are trying to justify your situation. This is NOT what most marriages are like. I'm married 20 years, and while I dont' look at my husband and feel those fluttery, weak kneed, blissfully happy every moment hormonal feelings that I did when I met him at 22 years old, he is not having internet affairs or meeting other women. If you are married to a cheater, you will never have a happy marriage

Yes, it does exist. I am so happy with my husband, I couldnt see myself being or wanting to be with anyone else. He is my everything. We have been together for 5 years. We have been through struggles through the years but we stook by each other and worked them out. We argue sometimes, but not a lot, because we have both learned to go with the flow as much as possible. We respect each other and love each other unconditionally. We have gone through so much together and its only made us stronger. I stuck by him as he was sent away for a year in the Army in Afghanistan, and I was pregnant too. It was the hardest thing weve had to do but we did it. We have both been faithful and loyal to each other. He is my best friend, I can tell him anything, we have no secrets and we have found out that we are both bad liars and cant keep anything from each other haha. He is my rock, and the father of my son. I couldnt want anything more. True happiness does exist you just have to be with the right person and be open to having it. And sometimes if you want to make what you have work you have to make changes, comprises and work things out together.
If you arent happy then maybe you need to tell him that you dont feel like you have a happy marrige. See what he says about it. Maybe some counseling will help you get your feelings out on the table, instead of keeping them inside and it turning into resentment.

Happiness is a state of mind, not circumstances. So, yes, I guess there is happiness ever after for those with supreme mind discipline.

You can't be happy if you don't trust your partner. Until you resolve those issues you will continue to cry more often than not. To answer your question, absolutely YES there are 'happily ever after' marriages. However, they are NOt picture perfect, they have problems and work through them and they are not happy ALL of the time. That is part of the secret to happy marriages - knowing and accepting it will not be wonderful all of the time. I wish you all of the luck in the world to get to a point where you are happy in life.....

Most any unhappiness we've had has come from outside (family stress, financial/unemployment stress, etc.). I adore my husband and have never had a moment of distrust toward him. He sometimes has said he'd never find anyone else who could put up with him and his quirks and interests, and I feel the same way about him. In terms of marriage, I don't think I could ask for more than what I have, even though he is often frustrated with living circumstances which causes more individual stress (trying to save up for a home, not enough space, fighting and noisy neighbors, miserable job). Neither of us ever dated before each other, so we do not have any issues with "exes." I don't think our life is one that would fit most people's ideas of "happily ever after" but I am very very happy with my marriage.

I'm sorry if you're having issues with him meeting people online--that is not a sign of a healthy marriage and is an issue that should be worked out. It sounds like you love him but he has broken your trust. :(

Every marriage has its own quirks and issues just like every relationship be it with a husband and a wife a mother and her daughter 2 best friends and even coworkers. The trick is to be able to work with these little issues and not let them defeat you. I am truly happy and content with my marriage. We have been together for 11 years and married for almost 7 now and I would say that I am definitely married 'happily ever after'

Here's what I've learned from being a therapist. A successful marriage is defined by each person and is truly different for every individual. What I loved about working at Hospice is that you get to see the whole story of a person's life. (Hope that doesn't sound as awful as it did to be when I wrote it.) What I mean by that, it that I feel like I've received the gift of someone's intimate reflection about their marriage.

* Bliss in a relationship usually lasts anywhere from 6 months to 18 months. Its a chemical high, the butterflies, "falling in love" That feeling can be created again and again, but most important is the deepening and maturing, and mutual respect *I question this one for you*
* No problems? Wha? No such thing.
* Defining a problem in your marriage as he "broke (your) heart" implies broken. Bruising will happen in a marriage. It is up to each person to forgive or consider if the situation is a deal breaker
* One person being very happy in the marriage is different than a happy marriage. Some can be perfectly content while the other deeply wants more.

Want to suggest John Gottman's "Getting the Love you Want" or is it Harville Hendrix? Forgive me, I'm writing this late at night. Both authors may give you some insight into marriage, love and evolving relationships.

With every marriage there are two people in colusion with one another and you become an operational system. Change something in that system, the only thing you can change, (your actions, your thoughts) then functioning in that system changes.

DH and I've been married 12 years. We are extremely happy. He is my dream. Oh, don't get me wrong, we fight sometimes, but we also get over it. Sometimes he irritates me, and I know that I irritate him sometimes. We both were married previously, and learned hard lessons. We've gone through some really tough things in 12 years. 2 Very serious illnesses of one daughter, job losses, health issues and surgeries, bankruptcy, the deaths of all four of our parents, and many many days of wondering how bills would get paid. We've been so "together" during those times.

After many years of daily "I love you's" and never feeling like "I love you" described it correctly - a few weeks ago I came up with "Honey, I feel like you put me and my happiness ahead of yourself and your happiness". And that is the best way to describe what our relationship is like. We joke that we are "trying to catch up" with the other one in showing or saying our love for the other. It's like we've never come out of the honeymoon period. We touch, smile and express our love hundreds of times a day.

My 13th wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we have a very happy marriage. We have three beautiful daughters that make us happy too. We have a good life and a good family.

That's not to say that we don't have our difficult times. No one is ever 100% completely all the time happy. If you didn't have down times and tough times, then how would you know when to appreciate the good times? Anyone who tells you that they're 100% happy all the time and never fight or have rough spots is lying or trying to sell you something. That level of happy isn't realistic... it's high level and stressful to try to be perfect and it's all about show.

We're happy because we know that we're not perfect and we don't have to be. We also know we don't have to impress anyone except ourselves. But we don't spend any time thinking about how our marriage looks to outsiders nor do we spend time thinking about other people's marriages unless there's a problem that it seems we're obligated to offer help with (a friend being abused, for instance).

OOOOH MY!!! I'm sorry you've spent more time crying than laughing!! that's sooo not good!!!

Your marriage is what you make of it!! It is like a garden that needs to be tended to daily - lest weeds grow.

Happily Ever after is a fairy tale. But I can tell you that you CAN be happily married - does it mean it's always peaches and cream?! HECK NO!! YOU HAVE TO HAVE BAD DAYS SO YOU KNOW and can compare the good days to!!!

What's the big deal with hubby connecting with other women? Is he contacting them for sex or what?! Ask him when he feels the need to do this - to contact YOU like a boyfriend or sneaking around - it adds spice to the marriage.

TO NIKKI G: MY HUSBAND HAS FEMALE FRIENDS!! I don't mind him "connecting" with them as I TRUST MY HUSBAND!!!

You need to love you. If you don't love you - no one else will either. Stop riding yourself for some fairy tale and make it what you want it to be.

Sometimes, you can be 100% happy and life gets in your way. (Children have made our lives harder, my husband losing his job made our lives harder, my husband being diagnosed with cancer made our lives harder). Sometimes life can be going great and your partner gets in the way. Then it's time for a serious heart to heart and some marriage counseling. But no one stays 100% happy, at least not that I've seen.