Imaginary Friends

Updated on April 22, 2008
L.B. asks from Haleyville, AL
13 answers

I have a year old daughter who has an imaginary "Pink grandma". At first I just left it alone because i know children have imaginary friends. Now there are several. I'm beginning to wonder if she actually thinks they are real, and she uses them as excuses when she gets in trouble, or she tell her father or me that she is going to tell on us to them? Is this normal? She has other friends and seems to make new friends, and she doesn't really have a discipline problem. Her preschool teacher even asked me if my grandmother cut off her leg ( my grandmother has an prosthetic leg) bc "pink grandma cut her leg off. How do I deal with this?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the answers and by the way my daughter, Bryley-Rai, is 4 not 1. Sorry for the type-o. Thanks again. We do incourage her and we think she is very smart.

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L.T.

answers from Mobile on

When my son was about 3, he introduced us to Jim Est (JIM WEST). This was his new best friend. He did everything with Jim, took him everywhere, fed him anything that he was eating, and told on us to him also. Then one day, Jim was gone. We just took it in stride. This is just a stage. She'll be over it before you know it!

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D.A.

answers from Nashville on

Congratulations! You are in possession of a smart creative child with a VERY active imagination. You are going to have a great time rearing this little girl. My daughter was much the same way, she was constantly intergrating reality into her fantasy world. She's thirteen now and is an excellent writer on the plus side and also a convincing liar on the down side. Perhaps she will be an attorney..haha...anyway don't worry it, it's a phase that will pass.

If she is escalating her number of imaginary friends someone in her life is probably reinforcing her fantasy world. Do you laugh when she spins her yarns or bring it up to her as if the person is real? Asking questions about the imaginary friends really feeds the childs desire to expand on the story. My Mom was so bad about that, it drove me crazy!

As for her tattling to her imaginary friends be sure to reinforce to her that you and her father are (to be blunt) the boss of her and her imaginary friends. She is just challenging your authority in a new way (because she's smart). Be sure to hold her accountable for what she does rather than letting her blame her imaginary friends, she is looking for ways to manipulate and get control. All kids do it, some throw tantrums, some whine all the time, and some try to outwit you. Children are just little people who often go underestimated. I'm not trying to insinuate that she is cunning or bad, just a little human trying to get what she wants and/or needs.

By the way, one is very young for an imaginary friend, they usually arrive around three. Your daughter is precocious, you should be very pleased. Keep on your toes and she is going to delight you throughout the years. :)

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K.D.

answers from Huntsville on

I don't want to creep you out, but how old is your house?
Hope it's not related to the house.
First try to see in everyday life where she might have come up w/ these friends. Has she seen any friendly pink grandma's on t.v., etc.
Try to find out more details on her imaginary friends and what they do or say to her. It might be important. It also might help you see where they originated from.

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J.A.

answers from Nashville on

I would not have any problems with your daughter having imaginary friends. Blaming her actions on others is part of the fantasy, but should not be allowed. Explain to her that she is responsible for her imaginary friends and their actions. If they break the vase, she has to clean it up and take the time out for not making sure her friends behaved themselves. Soon, she will realize that her handy dandy friends will no longer be able to take the fall for her. Also, the telling her friends on you and your husband is normal. Simply don't give her the reaction she wants, olr finds exciting. She may enjoy the power to telltale on you and make you feel frustrated, angry, concerned. Simply tell her, "Don't forget to tell her what I did last sunday too." or "Tell pink grandmother that she needs to pick up her toys when you finish telling on me." Then walk away. It will get boring quick. Good luck! Oh, and record some of the wild tales/adventures of her imaginary friends in her first years book. It may not be fun for you now, but later you will treasure the memories of your little one.

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B.M.

answers from Dothan on

I have four kids, ages 10, 11, 12, and 26. My oldest son was diagnosed with autism at age 6, schizophrenia at age 9, and bipolar at age 12. He is now fine. He never had imaginary friends. My three younger children have all had imaginary friends, and of course, I worried. Although there have been other issues to deal with, they do extremely well in school and have no problems with peer interaction. My daughter, who was the most imaginative, is excelling way beyond her grade level. Just keep things real for her, especially issues of right and wrong, and let her imagination develop. Play imagination word and math games. Make up songs. You may have a writer, artist, etc. one day. Best of luck and know what you want when you start school and stick with it. Best wishes!

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E.A.

answers from Chattanooga on

This sounds completely normal to me. My younger daughter (age 8) has had imaginary friends for years. Even now, as I type this, I can hear her in her room having both sides of a conversation with her friend. I take it as a sign of creativity and of problem-solving (since she will often argue with her "friend" and have to argue both sides of the problem!). Enjoy your daughter. This is a magical time.

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S.O.

answers from Nashville on

L. -
Totally normal. Some research indicates that children w/higher IQ's are more likely to create Imaginary Friends for themselves.
When my daughter was a/b ONE she had her "red angel lady" friend. One day @ a/b age THREE, this "friend" was gone ... our daughter said she "went home." W/in weeks, our daughter had 3 new friends w/names & personalities ... a boy & 2 girls. She played & had fun. She eventually started "fighting" w/the boy, so she "gave" him to her younger brother when she was a/b FOUR. He then "played" w/the boy & she "played" w/the two girls until she was a/b FIVE.
A great book is "Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them" by Marjorie Taylor.
Just enjoy your child's creativity & imagination & be proud! This time will pass far too quickly ... our daughter drew pictures of her friends ... they're some of our treasures today ...
I agree w/the person who suggested you inform your daughter that SHE is responsible for her imaginary friend's actions.
BEST OF LUCK.

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L.G.

answers from Portland on

It is normal to have imaginary friends. Often children say what they want to be the truth- not neccesarily what is the truth. Just let it go.

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B.S.

answers from Huntsville on

did u say your daughter was a year old?

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J.D.

answers from Nashville on

Perfectly normal. She will outgrow it.

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D.P.

answers from Knoxville on

Your daughter is just fine! I agree that this is an indicator that she is smart and creative. My daughter is the same way. One of her imaginary friend "Katie" used to get into all sorts of trouble. My daughter was forever putting "Katie" in time out and sending her to her room. Eventually she outgrew the imaginary friends but definitely not the creativity. She studies drama in high school and has 2 best actress awards under her belt. I like to say that she "always has a story playing in her head", and it's true.

Don't worry about the imaginary people. Encourage your daughter's creativity! You never know - you may see her on Broadway one of these days.

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A.B.

answers from Elkhart on

If all else fails in trying to understand this whole thing you need to find and watch "Drop Dead Fred" again (or for the first time if you haven't ever watched it). Not only do I love that movie (may not be suitable for your daughter to watch), but it is important that with most of the things we stress out about with our children we find a way to laugh. This, no matter how weird it may seem to you, is not something that will impact her life negatively in the long run. Five years from now you will be laughing about it, so why not take a short cut, and laugh now too!

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J.M.

answers from Tuscaloosa on

My son has the same issue. At least your daughter's imaginary friend has a nice name. My son calls his "Mr. Stupidhead".
Recently he's developed another, "Mr. Ghost". Mr. Ghost does alot of bad things at our house and my mother's house. He makes horrible messes then runs away and leaves Devin to take the blame! I just think he has a very active imagination, and I have always encouraged his imagination and was always encouraged myself as a child. Just chalk it up to a strong imagination. Creativity comes from a great imagination. I have never heard of a writer or screen play writer who didn't have one. Maybe she'll be one or the other one day. That's what I tell myself!
If it helps, it's something they grow out of pretty quick (from everyone I know whose ever had an imaginary friend). My brother in law had a horror story about his imaginary friend from when he was a child. They went to a store and the friend got left in the rotating doors at the store. That was his way of letting him go. He cried about him but instead of him reappearing (like Mr Stupid head does when I try to leave him at Walmart) he just stayed at the store and made another little boy happy. It's up to the child as to when he or she will let him go.

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