I Think My 7 Year Old Is Spoiled Rotten!

My daughter is 7 (almost 8) and we went threw this issue as well. I finally had to sit her down and ask her "why do you think you need to have more and why do you think you don't have enough". She finally told me it was because kids at her school had made comments towards her saying hateful things like "you don't have one of these, what's wrong with you". At that point I realized that it wasn't so much that she wanted the items it was she didn't want people to talk bad about her or treat her differently. I told her that threw life you will always meet people who think they are better than you because they have something you don't. It doesn't change the fact that you are an amazing person. I told her the next time the kids at school asked if she had something they did to tell them "Nope, I don't want/need one because I have tons of other things I would play with more". After that talk things got a little better, she says there are still some kids who are ugly about it but that's a fact of life. I don't blame the kids for being that way, it's all they know (which is unfortunate).

I've read over what everyone has recommended and have to say I agree with some things but not all. For example it would be a great idea to have her get into some sort of charity/volunteer program, however I would be careful where you do this at. Not all places are safe for children her age. I don't agree with pack up everything and give it away, you've spent your hard earned money on those things and unless she doesn't use them it would be a waste of your money. I have in the past taken everything out of my daughter's room, boxed it up and put it in the garage. She then had to earn her toys back (not with chores because that's something she has to do period). The only way she got them back was by doing a RAK (random act of kindness).

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your daughter is not having kids be mean to her like mine did.

C. Cotton
____@____.com
http://www.noahsarkworkshop.com/constancecotton_s9956

2 moms found this helpful

I really like all of the ideas everyone has given you (especially Connie's idea of earning back things by doing random acts of kindness! I love it!).

I don't have too much else to add, but just wanted to offer that I think it is a pretty normal stage. My 8-year-old daughter is also going through a difficult period. Her thing is not so much wanting "things," but complaining, being negative, picking on her siblings, finding fault, arguing, etc., and I do think it is a pretty normal developmental phase at this age. I have talked to many of her friends' moms and it seems that almost all are dealing with something along these lines. Not that that makes it OK, of course, and we still have to deal with it, but it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this and I haven't "ruined" her or spoiled her or negelected her moral education, that it's something she'll grow out of if we work on it. To reinforce that belief -- I also have an 11-year-old daughter, and she used to be nearly impossible and make me want to run away from home daily :), and now she is generally very grateful and generous and sweet.

Hang in there with the consistency and demonstration of your values, and she'll come around. Just the fact that you're putting thought into this shows that it is something you care about, and she'll pick up on it eventually.

Good luck!

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There is a book by about entitled kids that I read after the love and logic series. It was helpful. When my son went through this we took EVERYTHING out of his room, including furniture. We left a mattress. He had to earn his pillow, furniture, toys, books, everything back. We talked about how he doesnt "deserve" anything without participating in the climate of the house. We also didnt let him be with the family if he couldnt be basicly kind...
I know it may be too extreem and it is a lot of work but it was a big learning experiance for him. The things he didnt want bad enough to earn back I had him take to good will. That made him feel good.

If you are going to do this take everything away while he is not there. You need to try and be non emotional and matter of fact.

Hope this helps...M.

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Let her help you deliver meals to shut ins...See if you could visit children that want to be adopted...Take her to visit the elderly in assisted living homes...have her do volunteer work at a church, helping other families clean, paint, fix, etc. their homes...Just some suggestions...I happen to agree with the other mom too...let her keep 1 or 2 things and give the rest away...tough love, better now when it's not too bad.

Good luck - I'll say some prayers for you both!!

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To put it to you the way the older generation would say, "When you spare the rod, you spoil the child". A good old fashioned spanking just might cure your 7 year old. Try it, you might like it!

I agree that working a dinner to serve at a homeless shelter or time at CCA pantry may do something to see that she does have enough--lots of children would love what she gets to throw away.
Had the same issue with my daughter and observing some others less fortunate helped.

A.,

You didn't say if your son does the same thing or not. My guess is that something else is going on to upset her. You may want to try and talk to her when she seems to be in a decent mood. Take her to a park and spend time with her, try to get her to talk about her life at school. Other than that, you may want to take her some place where she can get a reality check about other people's lives.

Good luck!
T.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. Personally, I think alot of it is age. She's got the gimmies. Does she have to do chores? and help pay with her own money to get extra things that she might want? I know that I was raised that way and it really helped instill into me the value of a dollar and that in order to get something we want we have to work for it. And then you still might not get it. I saw some of the other posts regarding having her volunteer at the hospital etc.. she's too young. But...there are usually alot of opportunities around the holidays for families to "adopt" another family in need that you could all participate in. Also, check with your church. Often the mission ministries has something going on that she could participate in. I also know that Girl Scouts does alot of volunteer work that is age appropriate and it's with other kids her age. I hope this helps. Hopefully, your daughter is just going through a phase and will outgrow it but at the same time it's wonderful to get the whole family involved with volunteering.

It's a difficult world to raise children in. Just know that you are not alone. Most of us are dealing with this issue. My son's eyes were really opened when he went with me to help make sandwiches at the Ft. Worth Presbyterian night shelter. He went around age 7, which was earlier than I had intended, but he really wanted to go. My daughter is now 9 and I need to start taking her for the same reason you're struggling with. She deals with a lot of friends at school that shop at Limited Too and specialty boutiques. We just don't spend that kind of money on clothes. She gets caught up in wanting all that stuff and feels deprived.
I would suggest finding a group that goes to a shelter to make sandwiches or help in some other way. It's a good way to appreciate what you have. I know I get a reminder every time I go. A church youth group is one of the best ways to keep children on a good track. But remember, not all youth groups are equal. Assuming you're not already involved in one, you need to find a church that has theology that you believe in as well as quality youth leaders. I live in Burleson and highly recomend my church, St. Matthew CP Church. But if you don't live near here, that won't help you.
Good luck, and remember, if you are paying attention to your values and actions, she will get through this period and be fine. Just don't allow yourself to give in to the pressure. Stand your ground.

Also...Love and Logic is a really good method of discipline (and I mean discipline as teaching, not punishment). You can find more info and classes on the web site loveandlogic.com. I recently took a class that was being held at my church and am finding it very useful.

Like others have said, I'd start with taking everything she "doesn't" have out of her room and not giving it back for a while.

I'd also take her to either an orphanage or a homeless kids shelter and show her what "nothing" looks like.

I'd also make sure she earned her belongings back.

remember...you are not her friend. You are her parent. It will only stop when you the parent, say...ENOUGH.

Good luck to you.

Go mommy dearest on her, It worked for a friend of mine. Ask your daughter to pick her absolute favorite, can't live without it, toy. Then tell her to pack up the rest because you're taking them to a shelter where there are little girls who would love to play with the things she has, but they can't afford them. She will be upset but if it's possible find a shelter for women and children and take her to give the toys away herself. It will teach her a valuble lesson if nothing else has worked, besides she will get many more things and she will appreciate them more.

You have gotten good advice about taking the extra toys to a shelter, also take some of her good clothes to the shelter so that the othe girls can have them. In fact take a few favorites of hers in the pack. Tell her that since she feels she doesn't have enough than maybe she should only have a little bit of what she has so she can appreciate that. Get rid of all the extra stuff she doesn't play with or wear or anything else and let her have the bear minimum until she can appreciate what she really does have. She needs an attitude adjustment now or it will get worse as she grows up. Stop buying her stuff SHE thinks she needs or wants. Who is the parent and who is the child? Stop buying her stuff she Good luck.

Perhaps her friends are influencing her. Peer pressure is so tough. My daughter is 12 and is the ONLY one of her friends that doesn't have a cell phone. We'll get her a phone when we feel she truly needs it and not before. It's important that they learn they don't have to have "everything" everyone else has to fit it or have self-confidence. They need to feel good about WHO they ARE because of their heart, not because of what they have. It's a tough lesson, and we get through those times of discontent by praying together. Hang in there!

Dear A. F,

I don't know what your beliefs are, but a good church might help with this--one that has a really good children's program. Also volunteering to do something for those less fortunate--donating clothes and toys to a shelter, serving food at a homeless shelter, raising money to build a home for someone who doesn't have one--might be a good idea. She may not realize there are people who don't have a home to live in or enough food to eat. You might also pay attention to the TV shows, movies, etc. she is watching and the friends she has. Perhaps this is coming from outside sources. OR, maybe what she REALLY wants is more time with you! You might also try doing a few things with her one on one. Some good quality time, just for her, may be what she really needs.

Thankfully, she is still young. You have the opportunity to teach her to care for others.

Good luck with this,

Deb D

I agree with Mary G. I think her behavior is due to her peers at school. She may be comparing her possessions to her friends' possessions. Does she have rich friends? If so, that could very well be the reason for her behavior. I know many people suggested taking her to a shelter to volunteer and see how the less fortunate live. That may or may not work, due to her tender age, but I guess it's worth a shot. After she volunteers, she might forget all about it on the car ride home and then have a playdate with her rich friend, and nothing could have changed. However, on a positive note, maybe seeing a shelter is exactly what she needs. It's a crapshot if you ask me. Best of luck!

A LONG time ago, when I was in the Navy, I had a roommate. She grew up VERY poor, but was well grounded. One year before Christmas, I guess I was acting a little "spoiled",(I think what she said to me was "someone needs to turn your "want-er" off"!!) and she took me to an orphenage, in Tiajuana Mexico, and it was the most humbling experience to see these children, who thought the new tube of toothpaste was almost as special as the doll, or stuffed animal we brought. Is there anyway you can talk to someone at church and see if they can have her help them when they deliver things to those in need? It is so hard to imagine how good we have it, until we actually "touch" someone who does not. Instead of taking things away, help her pick things to take to someone less fortunate, she will get a warm fuzzy feeling, and she won't be so quick to assume she has it bad anymore. Is there a posability that someone at school is making her feel this way? New best friend who is over-priveledged maybe? Just some thoughts, hope this helps.

Have you ever volunteered at a homeless shelter or anything similar? I took my kids to something called Jesus Filling Station - an event that out church does once per month - we hand out donuts, water, etc. to homeless people in Ft. Worth. They remember! They remember seeing the people with nothing, and if I bring it up, they remember and act more grateful. If there is a shelter, soup kitchen, etc. or someplace that you and her could volunteer at, that might do the trick.

The other thing would be to make her work for her money & pay for her own treats. You can do it as much or little as you want...$1.00 for cleaning her room and she can buy the gum she wants, or $5.00 for cleaning her room and she can pay for her lunch at school or choose to make her lunch and bring it to save that $5.00. Learning the value of money may help put things in perspective for her.

I am assuming you have had talks with her about how priviledged she is and how some people have nothing and we should be thankful for all we have, (and not right when she is whining for something) Also I am assuming you don't give in and get her something after she has threw a fit for something. YOu might find a place where people help out the less fortunate and let her be a part of giving or helping out. See if you can find story books or little movies where it shows less fortunate people, and others helping them and seeing how good they feel to be able to help out. Or I've saw movies where someone feels (privileged and spoiled) and then at the end of the movie saw them selves and didn't like that they saw, so she could watch that, and you could ask her if that seemed like her, and if she wanted to be like that.

I would definitely find somewhere for her to volunteer. My son is 8 yrs old and I have always spoiled him a bit, but I have explained to him since he was very young how lucky we are to be so blessed. I have always made sure that he contributed to people less fortunate than him and it has worked. Every year he has an over the top birthday party and he receives a ridiculous amount of gifts. We take all of those gifts and donate them to the Marines Toys for Tots, and he loves doing this. He is always so proud to deliver the toys. Maybe you should help her go through her closet and pull out all of the clothes/toys that she has outgrown and take her to deliver them to a homeless shelter. It may do her some good to see that there a lot of people less fortunate than her. I'm sure she is a very lovely girl that just needs a little reminder of how lucky she is. Good luck!

I have one child, and she is only 7 months old, so I've not yet experienced these tantrums that you're going through. However, I have done a lot of work with youth, specifically mission and volunteer work through our church.

Every year at Christmastime, we took the kids down to the Austin Street Shelter - the homeless shelter downtown - as part of an organized effort to prepare and distribute meals/sandwiches to them and to give them bags full of soap, shampoo, deoderant, toothpaste, etc. (Members from our church would keep up with all of their "hotel sized" stuff all year, donate them, and we'd prepare bags for the people at the shelter in December.)

I have to say that I really saw an impact on the kids - each year we did this. Our church had many members that were affluent, with kids not wanting for much. It was remarkable to see the impact - once they saw how some people have nothing at all.

I know the shelter needs volunteers ALL the time. Even if you and your kids simply gather up all the travel-sized toiletries that you have, throw them in a bag, and head down there to donate them. They might get a glimpse of "the other side" that way. Or just give them a call to see how you might be able to help, with your kids.

The shelter isn't in the safest part of town - might take a man with you! OR find a similar place where help is needed like your local food bank or women's shelter. I'd definitely call first, though.

Just an idea!

I would suggest finding the nearest homeless shelter and you and your family volunteer to come and help serve dinner once a week or every other week, take your children with you. This will give your daughter a new perspective on having "things" and that is not important. That she should be thankful for what she does have.

If that doesn't work, then be consistent- take away her things, begin with decorations, then things she plays with, tv, computer, take these completely out of her room, do not give her a time frame of when she will get them back (except when she can learn to appreciate what she does have). I would continue taking things out of her room, until she only has her mattress on the floor if need be. Eventually she will learn to appreciate what she does have.

And when she is disrespectful to anyone, decide on a punishment that will be swift and immediate and stick to it. Consistency is the key- because children will push the boundaries- but really they want to know the boundaries are firm.

My youngest one was somewhat like this, but after we went on a mission trip to Mexico he is not like that now. If anything he is more compassionate and understanding and greatful for what he has.
Good luck.

A.,

I would suggest you two going and doing some volunteer work together. Maybe you can do it as a whole family so everyone gets something out of it. You could take her to Children's Medical Center in Dallas or Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas so she can see what some other children her age are going through. You could do Habitat for Humanity so she can see that to some families having a roof over there head is enough for them. This is what I plan to do on a regular basis with my son once he gets old enough. Good luck!

While my daughter is only 4 I have been thinking about how I too can raise her to think of others. I volunteer for a women's shelter. When she asks where I go on Wed. nights in kid terms I let her know I am helping kiddos who don't have homes of their own, etc. Now when we clean out her room every so often she loves to make a small bag of things to send to the kids. I am hoping to find someplace that when she is a little older we can help out as a family, ie. food pantry, habitat for humanity. I think this will help her to appreciate what she has and that everyone lives differently. I haven't checked in to age requirements yet, but yours might be old enough to do something with you. I hope this helps.

I agree with seeking some volunteering maybe at a childrens hospital for cancer patients. I know it is pretty heavy but seeing a kid her age with no hair and just grateful to be alive will most certanily put things into perspective. My second piece of advice is to sit and talk to her about her friends and how things are going at school she may be really struggling with something and it is manifesting itself into her being ungrateful. I would think there is more going on inside than just a case of the "I" wants. Most 7 year olds intentions are still pretty pure. She maybe feeling like she isnt good enough and sometime stuff validates us.(or so we think) check into it, good luck!

Very spoiled rotten. I know the feeling, I have some grandkids the same way. I sat around telling stories about families who wee poor and their kids had nothing and about how sometimes they cry themselves to sleep at night and how they had to work for what they got and how they felt about getting it. My Grandkids finally opened their eyes as I took them passed some homes with seeing what little they have. They wanted to give their toys to them. I also, did a test on some of them. I would have them do something and then either I gave them a dollar or took them and bought them a Small toy. Not a big one. I told them that when they did BIG kids chores they would earn a big Kid toy. That worked as well. They would run and tell the other, I made a dollar working for Nana. Made them feel important and that they earned it. They have become less spoiled. It took me a month to get their Mom to stop giving in to them. She almost pulled her hair out from it. Next time she won't be as easy as they think. Hope it trained her as well.

Well.... here's my suggestion. I would take EVERYTHING out of her room (except books, since those are beneficial) that she can "play" with. She'll have her furniture but no toys. Then... she can "earn" something by doing a chore or doing something to help someone else. Since you had to work very hard to give her the things she has, maybe if she has to work to get them back, she'll appreciate her "material" things more.

You could also look into homeless shelters and maybe see if you and her could volunteer for a while and she'll see that what she has is quite a bit compared to soooo many other people. Or.... go with her to buy some inexpensive games and go to the children's hospital and give them to sick children who would give anything to just have their health!!!!

Just some ideas.
Good luck!

Try taking her to the Arlington Life Shelter or Mission Arlington. Volunteer at a local food bank to. Show her that she has more than most people.

Praying for you!
P.

My family experienced similar issues- my daughter's clothing was made fun of while she was in elementary
school. Keep in mind we shopped at regular outlets. What can I say- it was the late 80'- we parents decided to allow $70.00 jeans and created this culture.With no way to upgrade our income short of taking on another job I had my children go to work. Sounds tough, I know. However, when my daughter decided she wanted a horse we supported her babysitting in our home. Of course, this meant I did most of the work as she was very young, but she got paid and she either spent or saved the money. You might give your 7 year old chores, pay her, and let her save or spend the money. This makes her responsible for purchasing the "extras", making her appreciate the hard work that is
required to earn money. I learned this from my own parents
who let me go to work early so I could purchase clothes I wanted to wear in the 60's & 70's. It was a valuable lesson. Good luck.

WWW.cnvc.org has the best parenting program i have ever known about and they have a support group on line. Teaching values is difficult in our society and with all children are told obut more more more form their peers, t.v. etc it can be challenging to create a family that respects all the members of the family. Speaking peace in on DVD and I still listen to it monthly.

A., Get a handle on your daughter now. If YOU think she's spoiled, others will really believe her to be a brat. Most kids do go through phases of rebellion, my son (9 now) included.

Find out what she values most and physically take it away for infractions. Be stern, enforce after first warning. If the offenses continue, warn her she'll be donating it to someone else who can aprpeciate it. Then make her go with you to donate to a charity or someone else who can appreciate it, and if she has a few items of a kind, make her pick her favorite and donate it. While it may seem harsh, it'll reinforce your discipline and that you won't put up with bad behavior, it can also give her a glimpse of how fortuante she is and others aren't. She'll figure out real quick while she doesn't "have to have" those things, it sure is nice to afford them. And should help her better appreciate them.

Take her to the grocery store or other place when you shop and have her help, shop for less expensive items in some things and get her invovled in checking. make her do chores and award a certain dollar amount for it weekly or monthly, for items she wants. Make her know dollar amount of toy or clothing, movie, etc... so she'll know what she's working for, then help her figure how long she's going to have to work for it. Not only is it good discipline it teaches work ethic and mathematics.

Or for bad behavior, especially over things or toward others, make her do "community service" if there's an organization around that helps moms and children, the elderly, or something she will understand. Take her to a soup kitchen and make her help. She can stock napkins, utensils, carry small stuff, be a door greeter, help pick up trays or trash, etc.... if you go to church and they do charitable acts, get her involved. Talk to her teacher and find out other opportunities. There' always something she can do. Take her to other sections of town and let her see differences in living conditions. etc....

Make her write 10-25 sentences that she won't repeat the bad behavior, or a paragraph as to the problem and how she's going to fix it. Seems basic from way back, but if they have to write a page full of sentences, esp. if they don't like to write, it'll pay off in spades very quickly. If she balks at this, add 10-25 lines per repeat offense, or even 50 for really bad behaving.

As far as entitled, what kind of friends is she traveling with? Are they too possession obssessed? If so, this could become a problem. Talk to her about it. Others may have things, but are they happy? Instill that those who have do for others, not themselves. When she feels "entitled" call her on it, explain that you aren't legally obllgated to do more for her than clothe and feed her and put a roof over her head. DO NOT give in. Also, if she likes going or participating in activities outside the home, take 'em away too. When finances are tight, explain you'd like to do for her but as a family, you just can't afford it. Would she rather have food to eat and shoes on her feet, a place to live, or does she want that thing. Let her know priorities come first or you end up on the street.

Is she acting this way just at home or in public too? Sometimes they're just tired and cranky from being shut up inside all day in a structured environment like school.

Hang in there. Eventually she'll get the message. Just be firm and don't give in (I know, not always easy, but in the long run, well worth it).

Hi! I also have 7 year old little girl. I would take her to a shelter and show her that we all can't have everything in life. These people bearly have what they need and can't afford anything.
I'm a single mom and I know that it is hard for me to give my little girl what she wants. She does have to go w/ out alot of the time. I tell her that Christmas and Birthdays are the time to get what she wants and are a little more special to her. Sometimes that seems to work.
Good luck! A. B

Sounds pretty normal to me! We have daily tantrums and lots of being sent to her room. I also have a 7 year old and am a Brownie Scout leader. Just imagine 6 of them acting out at the same time! I also have a two year old as well. I think that if you have time set for just you and the 7 year old, nothing that cost money...have her make dinner,go for a walk alone with just the two of you...etc. She will not act out as much. The best memories for my daughter are the ones where we do something special just for her.
L.

A.,
I reared 3 daughters, and a granddaughter & grandson. The "entitlement mentality" is brought on by seeing only the haves and not the have-nots. Most families live in subdivisions of like-minded, like-income families, so are isolated from the real world. And even the American Real World isn't as bad as other places in the world. Expose your daughter to the plights of the truly hungry and truly poor by reaching out to the needy YOURSELF as a family. If she complains about not having something, take something she HAS away! I was fortunate to have a friend living in a low-rent shack behind my father's property. I was shocked to see her empty fridge, not even catsup!!!! She was always, and still is to this day, my face of reality. I was 6 when we met, 12 when we moved away, and though we went our separate ways for 20 years, God graciously brought us back together 10 years ago. We now live in the same town and are the best of friends. She still struggles to get by, but in that, she teaches me everyday to appreciate what God has given me. Pray for God to send your daughter a friend like that.

I would also highly recommend volunteer work- taking boxed lunches to a homeless shelter, serving at a soup kitchen, volunteering at children's home etc. She is definitely old enough to recognize how different her life is from theirs. I would not even tell her that this has anything to do with her "rotten" (as you call it) behavior, because you don't want her to think volunteering is a punishment. I would just tell her you have an outing planned special just for the two of you and then go do whatever you have planned. Then, you could talk afterwards about how she felt and see if the conversation turns naturally into how blessed she really is. Then, in the future, when she starts to whine or complain, you can gently remind her of the conversation you have previously had after your volunteer work. Even if this does not change her behavior, it's still a good and valuable life lesson for her to learn. Good luck!

I think that she might be old enough to volunteer for the homeless shelter, with you of course. I would call the local shelter and see if they need any help, explain your situation and they might be able to assist you in this lesson. Try to find one that has less fortunate kids, to help her understand. Or you might take her to the childrens hospital, so she can see that there are children worse off than she is. It might also be a totally different situation, she might be bored, I know that when children are not challenged (i.e. smarter than their class), they tend to act out. You might try having her tested for the GT (gifted and talented) program.

Ever considered volunteering at a Children's Home or homeless shelter? That may give her a good reality check. There is a children's home in Keller (Christ Children's Haven off Keller-Haslet Rd.) and I'm sure Dallas and Fort Worth have plenty of shelters.

A.-Boy, this sounds so familar! It actually helps to volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank w/ your child. Or, thru your church. Kids don't want to listen to us, they seem to learn by doing. It's that way w/ mine. 5 and 10 yr. olds. also- how about the book _ " the Five
Love Languages for children". This is something I find gets worse w/ my ten yr old daughter, if I don't spend enough one on one time w/ h er. May God Bless you and your children! -DM

I also highly recommend Love and Logic. My son also had this entitled attitude and was a terror despite our best efforts to keep him under control. We played hardball and packed every last thing in his room, books and all (he loves to read), and put them in the garage. He had to use his good behavoir to earn back everything he wanted. We went so far as to make a list of things, in order, he wanted to earn and found out that some things weren't important enough to him and were able to donate them. It's really easy for them to be indifferent about one toy or privilege when they have so many others, but once they have nothing the pattern changes. They have to behave better or be left with nothing and every action counts. I seems mean, but it didn't take long to start earning things back. It won't hurt them to have to use their imagination for a couple of days. We told our son he could make up plays or stories in his head and then if he wanted to later, he could write the best of them down. We were in the same boat and at our wits' end. This really worked for us amazingly well. It only takes a mention of losing his stuff now to make him step back in line. Good luck!! I hope it helps!

You might check out the website www.dawnbillings.com. She is the author of several books including the "entitled" child, which addresses this problem in the current generation of children.

Greetings A.:

I know it may seem like the last thing you can do in your spare time, but you should take her with you to do some volunteer work at a childrens'shelter. She will then get to see first hand what it's like not to have. I really works and it gives you time with her one-on-one. Afterwards, you can go get ice cream or something and reflect on the experience. Even if you can't do it often, try to volunteer twice a month for a few months. Then after doing so, if she is still disrespectful and ungrateful, begin to GIVE HER THINGS AWAY to those less fortunate kids. That sends two messages: 1) she will be less likely to want loose her things or she will be glad to give them away which is a change in attitude & 2) you will be mindful about what "THINGS" you buy her and limit your expendable cash on frivilous items that you may one day have to give away because of her disrespect. It's a win-win situation. Kids typically develop a mentality based on how we engender their psyche. If we "give" them every advantage, then they are less apt to earn the advantge. If we allow them to earn privileges, the appreciate it much more than us just giving them everyhing on a platter. I would love to hear if this works for, it did for me.

get her involved in volunteering-any form! Soup kitchens-missions at church-benefits-etc! She will learn on her own and quickly!

A. - I've taken my older daughter with me to feed the underprivileged during Thanksgiving and volunteered with Toys for Tots at Christmas. You might want to check into some volunteer opportunities at the women's shelter. Sounds like your daughter needs a LIVE reality check. Or even a drive down to a disadvantaged neighborhood.

Children love stories, and they can learn through them. Please tell her other people's stories. Tell her my story how I grew up having to make my own toys. My boys love it, and every now and then will come up with a toy they made. I tell them how I ate rice and beans everyday.
Please do intervene right now so that she won't become a runaway teenager who feels she can find bigger and better things elsewhere because she is not happy at home.

First, modeling is the best thing you can do. Do you model extreme gratitude for everything? Show her the movie, The Secret. In it, they show how you can get everything you've ever wanted in life, but you must be extremely grateful all the time, living in the attitude of gratitude and love.

Second, a child cannot be spoiled in a vacuum. My parents would get angry with me and tell me I was spoiled. Well, I certainly didn't spoil myself, if I was spoiled.

Third, punishing for wanting things ... I just don't get that, but maybe you didn't feel like explaining in detail.

Fourth, volunteer with her at homeless shelters or soup kitchens. She will quickly understand how fortunate she is and how much her family loves her.

N.
Little Elm

You need to take your daughter for a day and volunteer at a local womens shelter and let her see how lucky she is. I put my children in these situations sometime so that they realize that they live a better life than they think. They have to be reminded every once in a while, but it keeps them in check and thankful for what they do have and not what they don't have. My daughter has even gotten to the point where she goes thru her closet every month to donate clothes to needy families. (she's 7 also) if you don't feel comfortable with a shelter ask at church to see if there is a needy family that she could try and help with. Charity makes the heart soft. Good luck!

take her with you to the food pantry or shelter to volunteer or let her watch some of those comercials for feed the children and explain to her that she is really lucky and some families dont have anything at all. Volunteer as much as you can with ahbitat for humanity and other local causes... this may help expand her perception of what she needs and what she wants...

Also, she may be learning this from the other girls at school and modeling it at home. Girls can be really mean and clicky and with TV as it is now girls and many moms think hollywood is real life and how we are supposed to be living. You can't take stuff with you and it is the relationships we have in life that matter at the end of the road.

I try to instill the thoughts of "do I want my friends to remember what kind of car I drove or Purse I carried or how big my house was" or do I want people to know me and remember me as a person who cared for others and was genuine and kind. I think volunteering and making her earn her luxeries is the way to go.

GL-
A.

I've found a lot of help in the books, Parenting with love and logic. The other thing I've done is when my children were younger like yours I banned regular television which is crammed with millions of ads that just beg your children to make you shop. Instead i let them watch VHS tapes, now of course a lot of people have tivo and dvd's. Also remember that if your child is in school, she is getting a lot of outside values and teaching. So I wouldn't say that you have necessarily gone wrong. Kids test you periodically also. If you see this behavior heading for the classroom and being shown to others besides you then I'd be more concerned.

My kids are now 17, 16, and 11.

I suggest some volunteer work. My 6 year old just finished a four hour stretch of community service after she was caught stealing a $20 necklace from the local gym. The gym owner said thanks for bringing it back and making her apologize. I said she will work off her debt, and they agreed to let her work.

She spent 8 30 minute sessions cleaning their building, toliets, windows, doors, handles, chairs. It has changed her idea of how much things cost. We choose 4 hours because if she was working for money at minimum wage, it would cost her about four hours of work to pay for it.

The animal shelter, CCA, food pantry, church clothes closet and even the library are always looking for volunteers. Do some work together to show that things cost money and when she earns them, she will appreciate them more.

Good luck,

Without reading the other replies, I'd say make her watch a documentary on African children that barely survive on a daily basis and/or take her one day to the local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Then ask her how she can help out those that have none. And/or have her ask the principal of her school which family is the most needy. Maybe stop by and visit their home so that she can see how little they have and ask them what they need. Basically, it sounds like she needs a reality check. And I think hands on learning is in order. Then in the end, who knows, she might want to create her own charity organization.

My daughter is 10 and for the past 5 or 6 years we have gone through her toys and clothes right before Christmas and given the toys she does not play with or clothes that are to small for her to Mission Arlington. The first couple of years she would ask me why we did it but she has come to realize that there are lots of children out there that don't have what she has. This has become a tradition of ours and I think that doing it has helped her to see that she is blessed. I know also, that you can volunteer at Mission Arlington helping with different things. Maybe taking her to a place like that will help your daughter to see that she is blessed when she sees that there are other children right here in Arlington that dont have much at all.

I would take her to a shelter where she would be able to see how the children are so grateful for all that they are given...First prior to viait i would have her box up clothes and toys she has no interest in(gently used) and take with her....You and all family members need to be on same page as far as responding to her behavior...

I had the same problem with my daughter. Truthfully, she HAD gotten spoiled because no one ever said no to what she wanted.
She was older, however. 4th grade.
So I drove her to a very poor area of town not far from our school. I wanted her to see how some of her friends and classmates lived. We really talked about their homes, yards, etc. I explained how you could have very little and still be loved and happy.
I keep her away from girls who have attitudes that I don't like. When we see other kids acting badly when we're out in public, I quietly take her aside and explain what the child was doing wrong and what should have been done to correct it. Now she recognizes the behavior and hers has improved also.
Hope that helps you.
LeAnn

You need to try Love and Logic. I got the CD's and listened to them when I needed to change the behavior of my 17 year old. It is wonderful and easy to do. It puts the responsibility back onto the child, and makes them take ownership of the bad behavior rather than you feeling responsible.

When my daughter was 6 years old. We worked on Saturdays with an inner city children's ministry. My daughter saw how some children lived that were alot less fortunate than she was. She also saw children that didn't have families that loved them. I feel it helped her realize and hopefully count her blessings. Maybe let your daughter see for herself how blessed she is. I don't think you have done anything wrong. The "More" generation is growing stronger. Only prayer and patience can maybe open their eyes. Keep your eyes upward.

you know the saying "if you lost everything you have today and got it back later, you would be very grateful" - taking away material things maybe even everything if she is not deserving of them - i think what may make a bigger impression on her though is to show her some children who really do have nothing - my daughter is 11 and we go through all of her stuff every 6 months and donate 1/2 of it - she picks out what she wants to donate - example if she has 6 stuffed animals then she picks out 3 of them to donate to children that don't have much - maybe you should take her to a women's shelter or a homeless shelter to donate items and let her see all the people and children that have nothing - maybe then she would be more appreciative of all that she has - we also have a 3 year old son and he is used to getting "something" EVERYTIME we go somewhere - it does't matter where either - even at home depot, he wants candy - anyway we are really working on not getting him something everytime and making it more special when he does get something - and let me say, it has not been easy but i know it is worth the drama now to teach him for the future (and i do mean drama :-) major fits right there in the store with everyone staring at us :-) - and last but definitely not least - PRAY HARD, it always brings about change :-)

Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer. I can't tell you how much seeing how bad others have it will help put her on the right track. I mean really doing it, not being a socialite as you do it. Really let her see how much worse she could have it. It's a good thing to start now, because my son is 14 and he is barely getting it. On the bright side my other son is 7 and he is benefiting from seeing the homeless and what they don't have.

Wow! You've gotten some great advice here! Let me just add one thing and it could be a real toughy...How about cutting out TV? I know much pressure comes from others at school but I truly believe that watching TV only serves to show kids all the things they DON'T have and MUST have as it is completely based on selling us stuff. Kids TV shows seem to be the worst with all of the commercials and product placement. Funny, no one on TV is poor and "doing without." Everyone (Hannah Montana etc) are living "cool" lives in their $100 jeans. Plus your child is literally being sold and marketed to every 8-10 minutes. My husband and I really try not to turn the tv on at all until the kiddo is in bed which has been very hard as we are total TV addicts! Good luck.