I Started Out on the Right Track. . . Confessions of a Mom Who's BURNED OUT

I can relate 100%. I had all these plans ans things I did in the beginning....then the waking up multiple times a night, the tug of war when it came time to eat and trying to hold on to the last shred of my sanity made me take my cape off and realize it is ok to not be super mom. I often times feel defeated at the end of the day as well. My new compromise is this, I am allowed one night of slacking as I call it where I don't clean up immediately. The next day, I make up for it but I have to have the down time to recharge or I run myself ragged. Hang in there, it will get better.

Lower your expectations. Really, it is as simple as that. Your child is healthy, he's happy, he's thriving. Stop beating yourself up for not being "perfect." Your son does not want a "perfect mom" who cooks quinoa and takes him to Kindermusik. He wants a mom who loves him, who enjoys spending time with him, and doesn't sweat the small stuff. When he is older, that is what he will remember. Soon enough, he will be 5 years old. He will be off to school. Maybe before that, you'll do a couple of days of preschool a week. And you will start to get some bits of your old life back and things will get easier.

Happy moms make happy kids. Remember that. Kids don't need "Supermom"...they just need "Good Enough Mom."

What happened is reality, life and your license to take a pass on being Super Mom. Yay! Revel in it.

It's okay honey, you honestly don't have to do all of those things.
My mom was the best mom in the world. She did not puree my food, nor did she buy organic produce that is great but costs a small fortune.

And I turned out pretty darn great if I say so myself.

What she did do was love me, hugged me, made me laugh, made me feel special, made me feel safe, taught me all kinds of neat things (another language, how to laugh, how to pull safe pranks, make a few certain ethnic dishes, how to run for safety, make holidays special, give good gifts

You don't have to try & be Super mom honey.
Just guide & provide.
Make a safe, loving environment to grow up in.
Give hugs, love, warm embraces, your time.

Teach a few "Life Lessons".
Teach safety, stranger danger etc.

Don't worry so much about making everything yourself.
Give a well balanced diet.

Make bath time short & sweet.
On the occasion you just can't do it....skip it.
Sometimes we do a quick "rinse off" just to get the day's dirt & grime off.

Rest when you can.
Take down time just for yourself even if it's just indulging in an hour show of fluff, reading a magazine article or having a slice of "gasp" fattening pizza.

Hugs to you Mama. If you love your kids, teach, feed them well and provide that safe environment I was talking about.....you are Supermom.

Hugs mama!

You have a 2-year-old. That's what happened. Your phrase"...he turned into a toddler" sums it all up.

Mothering a toddler is exhausting, delightful, maddening, joyful, and hair-pullingly, teeth-gnashingly frustrating — but mostly exhausting. They are so very intense at this age, and sometimes it's all you can do to make it through the day. And that's OK. You're not giving up. You're in survival mode, which is exactly where you need to be.

Don't stress over the workouts, the homemade food and the clean house. This stage with small kids seems like it will never end, but then it does and things will smooth out. Trust me: frozen chicken nuggets, GoGurt and chocolate milk will not stunt your son's growth, a little extra TV time won't rot his brain and he's probably just as thrilled digging for worms with you in the backyard as he is clapping along at Kindermusik.

Even so, you need and deserve a break sometimes. Is there a mother's morning out or playschool program where you live? Could you invite over a friend or two with kids the same age and let them play while you have some adult conversation? Can your spouse/partner take over toddler duty one day on the weekend while you go shopping, go for a walk, sit in Starbucks and read a magazine, get your nails done, etc?

Hang in there, and cut yourself some slack. You are doing a good job, even if it doesn't feel that way. Promise.

We would all like to be the perfect mom. We would all like to be the mom that wakes up, puts on the makeup, does the hair, makes homemade whole grain waffles with a seasonal fruit salad, dresses their kids in matching clothes, takes turn leading mommy and me groups, keeps a spotless house, has time to reapholster the couch during naptime, makes a fabulous dinner with all food groups thats a "clean cooking whole food extravaganza", has a peaceful evening with a quiet bedtime for the kids including kisses and bedtime stories, and still has the energy to provide her partner with mind blowing sex at the end of the day. We all wish....

Answer these questions....Is my child a relatively happy child? Does my child know he's loved? Is my child safe? Is my child growing? Is my child meeting developmental milestones?

If you can say "yes" to all of these questions then you are doing a bang up job. There will be days when you closely resemble supermom. Then there will days when he has gogurt in his hair and dirt on his knees and you throw up your hands and say, "He was clean when we left the house! My job here is done!"

Cut yourself some slack, sweetie. They won't remember the organic food, or the kinder classes. They will remember YOU. That you were there. That you gave the best hugs. That you told the best stories. That your kisses were magic for boo boos. That you loved them. They will remember that you were a SUPER MOM!

My son is five now and watches tv once in a blue moon, because we're busy and have other stuff to do.

That said, I heavily relied on a dvd from the library: "Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, Live from the Quick". This was Kiddo's favorite thing In the World. It made making dinner possible. I spent about 4 months with constant banjo music.

And the other day, I asked Kiddo about it. "Huh?" No memory... not a clue.

Hang in there. Let your son play in the tub as an activity...he'll get clean enough. Take care of yourself, even if it means putting that dvd on and running into the bathroom for five minutes of peace. Find some childcare if you can, even for a few hours a week.

And remember-- this too shall pass. Much like childbirth, my memories of my son's toddlerhood are slowly fuzzing out into the 'warm, happy' ones, no the "holy sh*t, I want to pull out my hair and run out screaming into the street" moments.

We all go through a stage like that. It will wax and wane. And it will help you be less judgmental of other parents that seem lax sometimes, or do things differently than what you hold out as the "gold standard" or "ideal" way to do something. Part of it, for me, was that every last ounce of me was wrung out trying to do everything "right". And my son couldn't have cared less... in fact, he hated a lot of what I was doing "right". So it wasn't like I was getting any pats on the back or "well done today" or "I love you mommy, especially when you teach me to be patient" or anything. Just a big emotional drain sometimes...
That sounds terrible in writing it, but it is just a phase that creeps in once in a while. Good moms aren't always loved "in the moment" by their kids, ya know? And Dad's come home with their own expectations and needs and have no clue how emotionally drained a mom can be. And really, most men are not wired to LISTEN to how emotionally draining our day has been. They want to FIX it, and tell us how to do this or that differently... yada yada yada. Just how their wired...
You'll make it. You'll get through it. And you'll be giving advice to a new/younger mom one day remembering those bittersweet times.
Don't feel defeated. It usually means that you have done something that is really difficult and done it WELL. :)

I laughed hard about this ever so quietly, my kids are asleep now. Well, I feel your pain 2 times over. The food thing is what really kills me. I beat myself up a lot about it, being a SAHM practically since my oldest was born, I feel like I should have a sparkling house, have plenty of time to make all meals from scratch, and keep everyone very happy and healthy in the process. So this little dream vision didn't work out. I feel guilty when I put mac n cheese and chicken nuggets on their plates because the dinner I cooked for the family is only going to result in a dinner for hubby and I. I am tired of my almost 2 year old screaming at the plate I put in front of him with a nutritious line up on it... which by the way...he used to eat but has decided to be picky now all of the sudden...sigh. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel your pain. Just enjoy your child because that is all that matters! Keep offering the healthy stuff. He will come around. We are doing that here and the 5 year old has come a long way :)

Oh dear.. ya know, I'm "Super Mom" to a lot of my friends, and most days my girls and I don't even make it outside!

Sure I breastfeed. I also cloth diaper. And co-sleep when someone's fussy or awake real early (they both slept right next to me in our bed as infants.) And i puree fresh meals (table food) for the baby.

But they also watch tons of Tv. I just try to keep it educational. Or sometimes we play music. I keep the house clean and that sort of thing. But I also feel like a crappy parent who isn't teaching my children enough. Especially when I hear about other children who are learning so much more.

At the end of the day, though, I know my children are happy. Sure they had a cookie (or three). Maybe dinner ended up on the floor. And of course my oldest is obsessed with Spongebob and Blue's Clues! But they're happy!

What will matter most to them when they're older?

Take a break, Super Mom. :) Do a 10 minute power work out and then clean up the house.

It's a crazy thing being a mom.
We have great expectations but what we fail to realize is that the person we are dealing with has a will as well.
Trust me, we all go into it with a certain expectation and we all come out with something different.
Welcome to parenthood.
The best thing you can do is know your kid, feed his needs, fuel his talents, and keep him alive the best you can :)

ETA: My DIL is still being a super mom tho... I'm sure she has her struggles, but she isnt giving in. She is Vegan and it taks a lot of work to make that menu and keep a balanced diet. You CAN do it if you truly want to.
I don't want you to give up too soon. You are creating a person that you want to live a long and healthy life. So, if you can fight going to McDonalds and keep feeding your child quinoa... go for it girlfriend! Your kid will be proud of you :)

Thank god. Super mom doesn't exist. Moms are, by default, super. Super AND human, both.

Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself. I love, love, love my kids. Also, I need to maintain ME in that equation. If I'm living for my kids, and my kids alone, I am going to burn out and fast.

When I take care to help my whole self flourish (which isn't exclusively mum), I have more energy and joy to put into the parts of mothering that can otherwise be a drag.

And then, as always, I can't sweat the small stuff or I feel pretty nuts.

Many hot baths and cups of tea your way!

Super Mom is tired. For some reason these days, there is the pressure to be perfect. We put sooo much pressure on ourselves and plus, we are listening to other women around us, and then we think we need to be a similar kind of parent.

You know who got through to me with regard to this? MY HUSBAND. God bless him. He told me to stop trying to be super mom. To give myself a break when I need one. To hire a sitter. To get McDonald's when I feel like it because I don't have to make myself crazy over dinner every night. Sometimes I feel so empowered driving through that gosh darn drive thru. LOL.

My suggestion is, don't look at it as being defeated. Try and change your perspective and recognize that you are tired. It's OK to feel how you do. Many of us are right there with you.

Choose your battles. Pick what's REALLY important to YOU. Not to the neighbor, or the friend at the park, or the chick in the super market who's picking out ALL organic fruits and vegetables. Do what works for YOUR life and for your family's life.

Big hugs. You'll get through this...

Nobody really likes SuperMom anyway. They are no fun to be around and their kids are normally bratty. Your getting through the day, and sometimes with 2 yr olds that's all you can do. I found a glass of wine about 4 pm everyday is helpful ;)

you overreached and now you're burnt out, just like you said. you have to be realistic.

it doesn't have to be processed foods, and it doesn't have to be every single thing organic and home made, either.

a typical day at our house- cereal and milk for breakfast. carrots and peanut butter for a snack. a sandwich, apple slices, and some wheat crackers for lunch. home made popcorn for an afternoon snack. dinner might be something easy like shrimp and grits with green beans, or meatloaf, or homemade hamburgers and sweet potato fries.

it does NOT have to be expensive or complicated to eat better. and you can't shield him from everything. as a child grows up he will become exposed to more and more of the "real" world. it's better to teach him moderation and healthy alternatives, than to try to "protect" him from every little thing. teaching him will serve him better in the long run as he grows to adulthood.

decide where your boundaries are (for food as well as behavior) and STICK TO THEM. pick realistic goals. for example: goal #1 might be "no more chocolate milk at restaurants". we are a water family. occasionally my husband will get sweet tea, but we don't drink sodas and my son will usually order water as well - occasionally will ask for milk. that is a biggie with me. humans don't need milk past the baby stage. water. we don't even do juice - like you said, too much sugar. (drinking anything other than water is the quickest and easiest way to fill your body full of unnecessary calories, fat, sugar, sodium, etc)

go back to the basics on discipline, do your time outs consistently and if you lay down the law at home he will see you mean business. it may not be wrinkle-free in public but you will have to devote your energies to that, rather than home-made organic foods. you can't do it all. i'd rather make a few small compromises and have a beautifully behaved, healthy, stable child. hang in there.

(take lots of notes if that helps. write down where you are at, where you want to go, what you need to work on...it can be overwhelming. take one step at a time.)

i don't understand why, but no one ever seems to tell us that parenting IS HARD WORK. it really is. it's not for sissies. and you can do it just like the rest of us can do it. hang in there!

ETA: the moms have a good point. you really do need time for you at some point - after that first year or two we all start feeling it. it's too much. we can tell you but you really probably already know - a stressed out, defeated, overwhelmed mom is not a good mom. so fix you too! send him to grandmas for a weekend, whatever you need to do. hang in there. you can do it.

Sounds normal to me. ;)

Thanks for the laugh! I needed that.

I look back at home videos of my 1st born son and am baffled by my spotless house... and his lunch I am serving him... and his homemade birthday cakes... and his adorably decorated bedroom....and how all his shoes were in his shoe caddy in his closet...and...and..and...(not to mention how much thinner I was)...

Right about the time my 2nd born son was 4 months old you can see a definite shift in the state of my house and the differences of the food on their plates.

Now that I have 3 when I look around my house? Forget about it!

Thankfully everything will get better. And this too shall pass. Eventually our kids will be older and will be capable of helping out more and more with picking up after themselves and they will become more and more self sufficient and that will be a HUGE help!

~In one home video I was helping my then 1st born son get dressed in his Halloween costume, he had just turned 2 and I was looking for something that would work as a belt, on the video I am talking to him and you see as I go into my bedroom and open up my top drawer and I literally GASPED when I was reminded that I used to fold my panties and how I used to be so anal about organization!!! Ahhhh,....life before kids!?!

Good news is that if you keep offering up fresh fruits & veggies the day will come when you realize that your kids do indeed like them and that in itself is a check mark in the 'win' column!

Love this post. I too have lowered my standards and sometimes struggle with it. Most of the time I am too tired to care though! My 22 month DD used to eat all organic homemade baby food. Every vegetable under the sun. Now she will only eat pasta, cheerios, maybe a piece of broccoli every once in a while, and strawberries. I still give her other things, healthy or not healthy, she just never eats any of it unless it is one of those 4 things. So I quit cooking - except for the pasta of course.

The fits? My precious sweet natured DD has started them. Laying down in the middle of the school parking lot. I do discipline her but she still did it tonight. And I do bribe her to get her to quit the fits when I am on the phone or needing to respond to emails for work. I don't need my employees, investors or clients hearing her fits.

Haven't worked out in 3 years, can't remember S&^* and everything that used to be organized like bills, files, clutter is all over the place!

My answer to your question: enjoy him, video him for posterity, and just get the top 3 things that need to be done every day done. And I am talking about the real important things like: gas in the car, pay the mortgage bill, buy food. Not clean out closets, work out, sparkle that kitchen. In a few years when he is more independent you can work on some of this nice to dos; for now just survive and enjoy.

I said it before, I'll say it again....welcome to the club P.. Don't be discouraged, we were all Wonder Women at one point or another. Is this your only child? If it is, you may want to visit your MD, sounds a bit like anemia. You may need to take some iron. He was breastfed, so he's taking all your nutrients. If he's your 2nd or 3rd, the wind is out of our sails at that point. I did everything for my son, organics, fresh puree, 100% cotton clothing...all that good stuff.....my husbands daughter joined the mix, i did it for her and at some point ran out of steam. Baby 3 came along and I was done! She got the not so Wonder Woman, poor thing. It also sounds like perhaps you need to find something for yourself......quiet time, a yoga class, a kung fu kick boxing class, a mani/pedi...something that leads you out of the mommy box. Something that will stimulate YOU. Relax YOU. Sometimes we get overwhelmed with being baby's mama and we forget who we are and in comes the rut, the boredom. All moms love their children, but we need to step away from them sometimes. Remember, a happy mom makes a better mom. Do check your iron level though. Good luck.

LEt go of this perfectionist ideal that you have. REalize that a few goody goody moms 'might' be like that but most of us are not. And I have to say I really do not enjoy the company of those moms anyhow and my boys sure as heck do not to like to be with their bratty little kids. And yes-they are usually brats. They have had the world revolve around their every move and expect nothing less.

I can tell you this for sure. Some day you are really going to regret how you are feeling now. You are going to look back and be so sad about the fact that you let your guilt get in the way of enjoying your child. When you look at your ten year old who really isn't interested in playing with you anymore you will give anything to get back those days you felt "burnt out" because you weren't perfect . Change this attitude now while you still can.

Welcome to the club! You can't be perfect and you don't have to be. I say just pick some things that are nonnegotiable and only do the others when you can. Better to enjoy things than be a burned out, unhappy mom. Even "slacking off" is exhausting when it comes to kids!

I have an almost 3 yr old and a 6 1/2 month old. My oldest is regressing in pretty much everything (potty training being the worst yet) and the 6 1/2 month old is crawling EVERYWHERE so I feel your pain. Over the last few days I have cried to my husband numerous times saying that I feel like Im gonna crack under the pressure and that I cant keep up with the 'super MOM' that I feel I should be and need to be. I also breastfed/breastfeed and I MADE all my oldests food for the first 18 months or so and hardly ever gave treats or sweets and now, like you I feel like I am in survival mode each day and I am just happy to be able to get everyone to bed at night with clean pjs and food in their bellies. Just know that you are not alone and that there really isnt such a thing as super mom and you are doing a great job regardless what anyone else thinks
Love your baby with all your heart - try your best and enjoy it now cause they really do grow up so darn fast
Good Luck

Mine are 1, 3, 4 and 6, and I'm pregnant. This sounds normal. You won't believe how we cut corners, too. Bath night? I'd rather get surgery. I feel so guilty sometimes!

I was the mom who wanted no TV, and my first never saw it until 2...and now it's whatever the max the AAP says is OK, so 2 hours, but I don't know how to have the baby not see it when it's on! I signed us up for a bunch of stuff so we won't be near the TV too much, and it keeps us busy.

I realized when I needed some help, so I put the 3-year-old in nearly full-day preschool. Maybe your little guy can do a mom's day out or preschool? We also go to the gym 3 times a week and use the childcare there. This really helps. We drag ourselves to Kindermusik each week, so I was laughing at the post, because then you mentioned Target. I'd rather go hungry than take all 4 to the store.

I think you CAN workout. Sign up for a gym with childcare. You can probably find a 2-year-old preschool or M.'s day out, perhaps, too. Use all the help you can get!

Do you have a partner? It sounds like you are doing all this - not sharing the responsibilities. If you have a partner - divide the work up. All your goals are admirable and important. If feeding him real food was important before - then it still is. And if you feed yourself real food, your son can eat the same. So really it should be less work, not more. If you are eating quinoa w/ kale, so can he. All kids have preferences, just like all adults. My son it turns out loves kale, but just dislikes quinoa. And that's ok. But it is still way better than chicken nuggets. The willingness to try new things you encourage now will have lifelong benefits.

The 'mommy' and corporate cultures make it way easier to parent the 'easy' way. And chicken nuggets are actually engineered (nope, not cooked, engineered) to have the ideal combination of salty and fatty to appeal to us. So, no you can't compete against addictive fast food. You just have to avoid it entirely at this stage. But that doesn't mean you should give up unless you really believe what you are doing now is as good as what you were doing before.

And no - all parents do not love bath time. I realized right away that it is not a peaceful enjoyable way to spend time with my son. It is a mind numbing experience involving some g*d awful number of bath toys which all need voices (parent provided). But it will only be for a while and DH does 1/2 of them and kids do not need to be bathed every day (unless they are actually dirty).

Best of luck.

I read most of the responses and agree with everything I read. Go easy on yourself. Being a mom is hard.
My answer would stop there except for one thing that caught my attention when I read your post: "He gets chocolate milk at restaurants (because it keeps him quiet)" and "...pulling on my leg and screaming...I've given him a cookie." I'm trying not to assume the worst, but it sounds to me like he's running the show a bit. He's a toddler. If you deem that he should have water at a restaurant he needs to be okay with that. Now, I do realize "quiet" can have many meanings. My kids talk non-stop; it could be that I want a moment of peace. Or, it could be that he throws a screaming fit if he doesn't get his way, or a cookie when he wants it. If that is the battle that has subdued the 'Supermom' in you, then I think it's time you take a good look at how much energy you're expending dealing with that. Kids that have clear boundaries and don't get rewarded for bad behavior don't wear their parents out quite so much.

You are super mom! So am I :). Just like my repsonse to the question yesterday on the perfect child question - our kids are perfect.

I am the best mom there is for my kids, so for them, I am super mom. We travel (a lot more than most people I know), my kids do the activities they want (even if that means I have to rely on family and friends to help sometimes), I feed them the foods they like (which luckily for me is a lot of fruits and veggies).

Now for the bad side? They all have TV's and satellites in their room, which I said I would never do until my hubby put a TV in my daughter's room when she was 2. They eat fast food about once a week. They listen to music other than the Wiggles and Imagination Movers, I let them watch PG-13 movies sometimes, etc.

We can't be everyone's version of perfect, but if what we do for our kids is what they need, what makes them happy, and what works for our families, then we are by all means super mom!

So pat yourself on the back, laugh at that pile of laundry, and go do something for you :).

...Parenting IS HARD......and when we,moms, want to do a good job...is HARDER...Hang in there and keep trying discipline and consistency...Keep trying what you think is the best for your kid, even if he doesn't like it......he will learn and get used to it because he is little yet; you don't want to see him winning his battles at the age of 15.

Good! None of us can be super mom. We do the best we can with what we have. You no longer have a baby you have a toddler. With growing independence and their own sense of self. Getting dinner on the table (whatever form it's in) and making through a day at Target is your best...now. You are a super mom :)

Oh, honey, we've been there!
First thing, cut yourself a break! Supermom doesn't last forever, she rarely makes it past the first year. ;)
Are you a single mom? It sounds like your plate is really full - find some help. Maybe join a local moms group (it can take a few tries to find a good fit so don't give up) that does outings together. Visiting with other moms while the children play can help a bunch. Ask if your parents/siblings/friends/hubby will take your boy for an hour or two and go work out. Set little goals to revive yourself - a long bath, a workout, coffee with a friend. Something that makes you feel better. It's a process, so don't expect that you'll immediately be ready to jump back in to supermom mode.
Prioritize your tasks. Make it a priority for you to have downtime at least a couple of times a week. Obviously your son is a priority, but after that you can take a look around and decide what bugs you the most. Dirty kitchen? Laundry? That is where your energy should go. Other things can be put off for a bit.
Oh, and if you're feeling guilty about TV time, do what I did. Turn it off and turn on music instead. Turn on Pandora, bring up a new station (doesn't have to be a kid one) and DANCE! Dance around with your boy - get funky! Especially if he's unhappy (I called them dance breaks - they were especially effective when he was frustrated with toys "not working") or in wild monkey mode.
Good luck! :D

Some support for you would be really helpful. Read some books on child discipline like 123 Magic or Parent Effectiveness Training. Also a book like The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richarson could really support you in releasing the very destructive belief pattern of perfection.

Get involved with other moms so you can get some of the reality checks that some of these lovely moms have given you.

It sounds like the vicious voice in your head is really doing a number on you. Get some support to help you question those thoughts like Byron Katie's process for questioning.

You need to show up for you first or you will never be able to show up for those around you. Find groups or a counselor or a coach or even just start reading some supportive books. And continue talking to other moms.

Thanks so much for your honesty. I can totally relate. The best advice someone gave me was such a simple statement, but so very true: "This too shall pass". There are stages when all you can do is be in survival mode. If you are surviving, and your kid is still alive at the end of the day, and you haven't had a total nervous breakdown, you are doing great! There will be other stages and times and even specific days when you can be supermom and you will feel totally "on". Just don't worry about it now, and just get through toddlerhood the best you can.And don't beat yourself up. You are a wonderful mother. (Think of the alternatives.. and the shitty abusive people out there raising children.) I say kudos, and good job mom!!!