I Need Advice on Something

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Hi B.,

Just wanted you to know I'm pulling for you. Dawn B had great suggestions - sounds like you could sure use some outside help right away. Reaching out for help for ourselves and our children is the "strongest" thing we can do sometimes, even though we might feel we must do things on our own. It seems you are at an overwhelmed point - one in which you might need to find that help so that you can get to feeling better not only for yourself, but for your children as well.

One of the most difficult things we have to do as single moms is to deal with our children's hurt and anger about our separation from their fathers. It may sound strange, but in a way, it's probably good that your son is taking out his anger on you (and your daughter, her sadness).....that means they're giving you a clear signal that they're hurting, and that they trust you enough to let you know. It's not fun for you given the exhaustion of raising children with special needs, but you are a "safe" outlet for your children and it's great they have that.

Has your local women's center helped you with needs for safety and basic necessities? If you have that covered, then it very well may be time for you to contact the resources that Dawn suggested. I read in one of your posts about your past with your ex. It's sometimes difficult to remember that you have worth and you do deserve help to get you and your children to a place in which you are enjoying life. Please don't let your ex and your past influence you to believe otherwise. Hard to do that when you're exhausted and overwhelmed and your children are screaming, but you're not alone, and it's imo the most important job we have: to by example teach our children that we have self-worth.

I do hope their school if they attend one is helping you. Do your children have IEP's? Is their ADHD being addressed, and have you had help in learning ways in which to deal with it?

B., you've done great to get yourself and your children out of a bad situation. Congrats on taking that first scary step. Now, give yourself the help you need to carry on, whether it be from Social Services, counseling, your family, your church, your school, etc. Maybe it would help you to know that whenever I thought I just didn't have it in me to deal with one more blow-out, to make one more phone call, to get through one more day, I cuddled with my children, assured them that we were safe and would be okay, and then I took another step on the road of healing. You and I are not alone in that.

On this Mother's Day weekend, please give yourself a big pat on the back for not only surviving, but also for continuing to create a better life for yourself and those beautiful young children. You can do it!

Blessings to you all.

B.,
I have been there. I too was a single mother with three boys, after 12 years of marriage and 16 years together I finally made a jump to get out of a bad situation. Anyway you and your chldren need outside help right away. I cann't tell you how much it helped me and my boys. There was alot of anger nd saddness that had to be delt with. Then I had to get time for myself, that was really hard but you really do need to make time for your own healing. There were days when I put my self into mommy time out. I would sit in my room, cry, yell in my pillow journal, pray, read. What ever it took so that I could be there 100 % for my boys. It may seem like it is hopeless but you are a strong, loving, wonderful Mother and you are not alone
B.

I agree with the other ladies! I myself have just gone through this exact same situation. I have two sons and they were having the same reactions regarding their father. I have them in counseling/therapy from Catawba Family Center and my oldest also has group therapy in his school with other children going through the same problems. My oldest has ADHD and has recently been diagnosed with depression. Just hang in there, it will get better! DO NOT be afraid to ask for help!!!! You need it and there are people out there willing to give it to you! God Bless!

it si never eazy but maybe you need to get some cancleing for them but dont let the guilt let you let them get a way with things they should because it will come back to bit you . hang in there ask them if they wnt to talk they are old enough . to tell you what they are feeling and when they do dont say any thing justr listens. listen alwys helps .and find a good friend . and talk it out it gets better it just take alot of timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.