I Feel like the Worst Mother Ever

Hi C..

I just wanted to join in with the other mom's who say "please dont be hard on yourself". Accidents happen. You wouldnt be hard on your best friend or think she's a bad mom because this happened so why should you beat yourself up? Yes he wont have a tooth (or possibly teeth) for a few years. He'll have to bite differently when biting an apple but he'll be able to chew just fine. He'll also be able to speak just fine. Kids wont taunt him (at this young age, kids accept everything). He'll get few presents from the tooth fairy and his pictures will look cute. Thats it! Kids (especially boys) fall and knock things out and break things. Short of wrapping him up in bubble wrap, its going to be tough to avert every injury.

Be kind to yourself. You sound like a wonderfully engaged and involved mom.

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Call a pediatric dentist. If he says don't worry, then don't. The do have spacers they can put in to save the space for the adult tooth, but he may not need it. AND you are not the worst mother in the world...ask my oldest, I am. LOL No, but seriously, things like this happen. Kids are fast.

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C.,

Don't be so hard on yourself, please. These things happen to even the best mothers (of which I am sure you are one). Sometimes toddlers just get themselves into messes and we can't prevent it. My 14mo son recently took a nose dive off of my couch (while I was running to him to remove him from it for standing up on it). He fell-straight up and down-onto his forehead on our hardwood floor, then flipped onto his back. He knocked the wind out of himself so he didn't cry or anything for a moment and I thought my heart stopped. I thought he'd broken his neck. Fortunately he was just fine and my heart started again when a moment later he began howling with all of his might.

Anyways, my point is that children are going to bang themselves up. Sometimes seriously (my 6yo split his scalp open last year diving into bed, blood everywhere, trip to the ER in the middle of the night etc.). And boys are more likely to do this than girls. That's why Glenn Beck calls the toddler years "suicide watch". Fortunately for them and for their parents, small children are amazingly resilient. They can bounce back from almost anything and they heal at a phenomenal rate. Your child getting injured doesn't make you a bad mother at all, it makes you a NORMAL mother. What defines you as a mother is how you react, and no one could ever say that the way you handled this situation was lacking in any way.

As for your son's condition, I would definitely take him to see a dentist asap and make sure that the foods he's eating are soft (like you said) and that you are very careful while brushing. You are right that the more important thing to deal with now is the two loose teeth, and the dentist may be able to do something to assist with the "setting" process. He will be able to at least give you some solid advice to move forward with. While you're at it, have the dentist give his jaw an exam for any trauma it may have suffered.

The baby teeth are basically a place holder for the permanent teeth to grow in behind. I think the loss of one tooth will be ok since the teeth on the side of the lost one are still holding their places. He will learn to cope, children are so adjustable. Moreso than we, their parents.

I know it will look strange, but as you said, it could have been a lot worse. I'm sure you're thanking God for those three inches. When you look at your child's smile it will be a reminder to cherish him because luck or God saved him for you that day.

Please try not to blame yourself for this. I don't know one single mother that hasn't experienced some form of this incident. Try as we might, children are going to hurt themselves.

Best of wishes and God bless!

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My daughter fell into a coffee table when she was 9 months old and just begining to walk. She lost 1 of her 2 front teeth - because there were no teeth beside the one she lost there was nothing that the pediatric dentist could do to salvage the tooth. She had a gap until the permanent tooth came in and we just accepted it as who she was - she smiled in all her pictures. She is now 14 and has gorgeous teeth and a fabulous smile - does not need braces. You will live through this and you are not a bad mother.

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Hi C..

First of all you are not the worst mother ever! From one mother to another, we have a lot going on and I must admit I am many times blindsided to potential consequesnces of my children's actions...but I'm learning. Thanks for giving me an updated reality check. I do have a 3 year old with a missing front tooth from an accident. Several months ago, my son was at family day care and an older, very rambunctious child knocked his head into my son's mouth. Nothing happened for a couple weeks, other than a slightly loose tooth. Then to our surprise the other non-loose front tooth started turning brown. But it fully recovered and was white and stable after a couple more weeks. Then the loose one started changing color (brown) and it too, after a couple weeks, appeared to be healing itself. Then, much to my dismay, he bit down on a wooden apple and the tooth had no chance...it fell out on its own that night. I remember how devastated I was when each tooth appeared like it was going to fall out, thinking of how many years he would be toothless in his pictures and how his beautiful smile would be ruined. But to be honest, it's really not that bad, in fact it's kinda cute and gives him his own uniqueness. In fact I'm personally amazed now at how many children actually still have all their baby teeth....I mean honestly kids constantly fall, play hard, run into things.... It's a wonder children have any teeth at all by time their permanents come in! Hang in there. And don't beat yourself up...it like you said it could've been far worse, and it'll be less likely to happen again because you're obviously a very caring mom. The tooth fairy brought an extra special gift for my son with a note...and my son now understands why its so important to take care of his teeth.

~K. F.

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My nephew knocked out his top front tooth and loosened three more when he was 18 months. The other 3 set and stayed in place. He's now six and the tooth came in a few months ago. It seemed to make him look older than he really was, but all turned out fine. Don't worry, we all feel like the worst mother ever at some point.

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My best friend had the same experience but with her daughter, Madi she fell off the trampoline and knocked out her front tooth. My friend was mortified and went about trying to have the thing fixed but in the end she gave up on it as it was very expensive to get a fake tooth put in.

She hasn't gotten her big teeth yet, and seriously I just think of it as part of her personality before long her big tooth will come through and it will all be forgotten.

For a boy, it's like a battle wound, and he came out triumphant. That's what he'll be telling his friends.

Good Luck working through this ordeal, it's not easy being a mother and wanting our kids to never get hurt.

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I am so sorry this happened to your little one. Please keep in mind that accidents happen--quickly. All of us have turned our backs or not been fast enough to avoid a problem from time to time. Try not to beat yourself up too much.

The dentist is the place to go. Dentists are schooled in simple first aid so an injury that mostly involves the mouth and teeth with little other problem is best handled by your dentist. ERs are just not equipped to manage teeth.

I would highly recommend looking for a pediatric dentist in your area. Someone who specializes in children's teeth will be better able to answer all of your questions and make the right decisions about what to do to make certain that your son's pearly whites stay healthy. My neighbor's son had to have a baby tooth pulled due to decay, and his dentist replaced it with a place holder.

With my oldest children, I used a general dentist for all tooth needs, but we relocated when my youngest was small. As a result I ended up with a pediatric dentist based on a recommendation. It has been a wonderful experience. And although I don't have any qualms about the care my older children received, I am much happier with our current situation!

Your experience is a lesson to all of us.

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You are NOT the worst mother. Accidents happen within seconds and many, you can't prevent or forsee them happening! What an awful ordeal. There is nothing worse than to see your child in pain and to be helpless at the hospital! I feel for you.
I have not had a similar experience with the teeth with my children (I have girl age 4 and a 7 month), but I do agree with you that to have your child go without a few teeth until his adult ones grow IS a big deal to your child's self esteem (as well as practical one of eating. I would see a pediatric dentist and see if they can't put the real one back on as it may be too late- to do a veneer. If you live near Arnold, the pediatric dentistry there are great! But I broke a tooth one day, and had to leave out of town in 2 days...my dentist Chesapeake Family Dentistry in Annapolis has emergency calls 24-7 and they took me right away the next day. They are wonderful and great with kids!
So sorry this happened! best of luck!
M.

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C.,

BREATHE! Please stop beating yourself up over this! Accidents do happen to all of us. Even the best of moms have things just like this that go wrong sometimes. That doesn't make you bad.

My mouth trauma experience with my 2nd son went something like this...

I think he was 5..almost 6 yrs old when he and his older brother were out back playing. In fact, I think I had had enough out of them both and 'kicked' them out for awhile. I remember them popping in and out several times while I was trying to clean and keep the baby playing in the living room. I yelled a time or two for them to get out and stay out. Like I said they had been wild inside and I had enough.
The next thing I hear is my 2nd son screaming and it's getting closer to the house. As a mom, you know what kind of screams they have and this was a really bad one. My 2nd son has a very high tolerance for pain. What would probably put me on my knees, he may or may not even shed a tear over. So for him to be screaming in pain, something BAD had to have happened. I get to the back door and there is blood everywhere! I mean everywhere! He's holding his mouth and screaming so loud. I didn't have time to think just to act and take care of whatever it was under his hand. (Sounds familiar doesn't it?) His lip was mangled, his front PERM teeth had major bruising and swelling at the gum line and his left front tooth was twisted so that it went front to back instead of side to side and it was push back some toward the roof of his mouth. His bottom lip was busted and the fatty tissue was sticking out. It was a mess and was bleeding like you wouldn't believe. Oh, yeah, You my friend would understand just how much blood a mouth injury can cause. LOL
So, I get all 3 of the kids in the van and off to the hospital we go. It's at least 20 mins away IF there is NO traffic! I think the van grew wings and flew. My husband was over 2hrs away at work and could not make it to help. I also have no neighbors or family that are close enough to me to help or are at home during the day. Okay, so we get to the hospital and they get him back and look at him and say everything is done. There's nothing we can do with that tooth. You just have to wait to see if it dies or not. And that it should move back on its own. While they were out getting the stuff ready to stitch his lip, I noticed just what the 4 of us looked like. I had not showered yet for the day so there's no telling what my head looked like. My sandals were falling apart and the top was flopping every time a walked. Remember the older two boys had been out back playing before this happened? Well, they were filthy! They had mix-matched everything on and their feet looked like they hadn't bathed since the weekend before this! LOL They came in and stitched his lip and all was done. We too had to see a dentist a week later. And he said the same thing, wait to see if the tooth dies and it will move itself.

He is now 8yrs old and we have to wait for the two teeth that go beside the front ones to finish coming down so we can schedule his surgery. They will surgically move that tooth that didn't move on its own and will hold it in place with braces. Plus he has to have surgery for a keloid on his lip from the stitch he had. It looks like a big bump on his lip and that twisted tooth touches it when he talks sometimes. It must be frustrating but he never complains.

Oh yeah, his accident was from a 5 iron golf club to the mouth. During one of their pop-ins that day, the boys being sneaky went into the closet and found it and took it outside. I had no idea remember, I was yelling at them to get outside and play. The younger one was picking buttercups and the older one was 'chopping' them down with the club. The younger one ran up behind the older one and caught the back swing in the mouth. Ouch! It makes ME hurt just thinking about it.

Talk about feeling bad, had I been alert to what it was they were doing inside and outside, it wouldn't have happened. But I know it was just an accident and we ALL learned from it. I guess I'll never have a Tiger Woods in my family, huh?

Lighten up lady, it could have been worse. Thank the Lord it was only what it was. Thank Him for his protection over your son. Thank Him for the wisdom of the medical staff that took care of your son. And Thank Him for the fact that you even have your son.

You're a GREAT Mom C.! And don't let anyone tell you different! Merry Christmas!

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 13, 8 & almost 3yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for 15 yrs! I love to help other moms, who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal!

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C., everyone else is giving you great advice and I just want to say the same thing--don't be so hard on yourself! Accidents are going to happen and I KNOW your heart is aching and you feel incredible guilt as if you should have foreseen this. I would, too, just like so many other mothers!!! But you couldn't have foreseen that, C.. Your son will be fine and I agree that you should have a dentist check him out, too. Hang in there!!

D.

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My daughters play very rough and have hit their mouths more times than I would like. I can honestly say the first time it happened, I reacted the same way you are so don't feel like you are alone. It is heart wrenching to see our children looking so pitiful and thinking we could have done something to prevent it. Try to remember, we can't save them from everything or they won't be able to really live. They are going to have falls, some of which will be really big ones. We can only pick them up, dust them off, bandage their wounds and try to prevent them from doing it again. They do learn not to do things when they get hurt but it is hard to watch as a mom. My youngest had a really bad fall and we thought for sure she would loose at least one of her teeth. There was lots of blood and you could see where it was torn out just a bit. She was excited to be loosing a tooth but of course, I was horrified. Within two days, the tooth was completely rooted again and my daughter was mad. My mom told me to have her gargle with warm salt water. I sprinkled just a bit of salt in boiling water and let it dissolve. Then after it cooled down some, I had her gargle a couple times. The salt cleans it out and the warm water helps it to close. Please rest assured that though you feel like the worst mom ever, you most definitely are not. The worst mom ever wouldn't care as much as you do. Good luck and happy holidays.

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When my husband was little, he hit his teeth on the stairs and it cut his lower lip and it pushed his baby teeth up into his adult teeth, which split them, so then he had to have braces for 8 years (which really isn't a big deal). Also, they thought it would have been fine in 1 year, but his orthadontist wanted to make all his teeth perfect. Really, doctors today can fix almost any tooth problem, so even though I know if must have been traumatic for you, it'll be okay. (I even had a friend growing up who lost a tooth for some reason and he had a retainer he could wear that had a replica of the missing tooth so no one knew about it.)

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C.,

I understand what you're going through. My 4 year old had her front tooth knocked out of her mouth when she was 2 years old and has done fine. Yea, I felt like the worst mom ever and felt like she will not talk as well or she'll have a lisp that will not go away until she gets that adult tooth comes in or that other kids will tease her. Would you believe that non of that has happened? Kids are strong and sometimes what is a really big deal to us is not so with them because they have not learned to make it a big deal. If it will make you feel better, by the time my daughter was 18 months old she had rolled down a full flight of stairs (15 steps) 3 times. She only ended up with a black eye, but I felt like it was a big deal the first time. One thing my daughter has taught me is that pain is only a big deal if you make it that way. It's ok to be upset and worry about your little trooper. There is nothing wrong with the way you're feeling, it's natural mommy instincts. Try not to dwell on what could have happened and dwell on what has happened and you'll feel better. Hope this helps, God Bless.

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I know that you need all the reassurances you can get when your child has been hurt and you feel at fault. My 11 month old, in two days, fell on top of one of his plastic, (hard plastic), blocks and tore the skin INSIDE his mouth right where the gum meets the upper lip. I was frantic for a few minutes because I couldn't see where he had hurt himself, then all I saw was blood and couldn't ascertain the extent of the damage. As I am calming him and trying not to freak out myself, he starts twisting and trying to get away so he can play with the rest of his toys. He's still crying and whining a little, but wants to walk away! (He is just now able to walk and stand up by himself). I'm still trembling and trying to regain my composure when he turns and smiles at me. That smile helped calm me down significantly.

Then the next day, while at his aunt's house, he hit his chin on the edge of a coffee table and bit his tongue. You can still see the little lesions where it is healing. I wasn't there, and didn't hear about it until the next day, but what could I have done after the fact? My point is, they are very resilient and strong, and don't take the oopsies as hard as we do. I know seeing them in pain is horrible. My mother still gets this helpless expression on her face after I've told her I've fallen or cut or torn something, and I'm 26 years old! With a husband and children! To her, it is unthinkable, but to me, it's just a scratch that will heal. So forgive yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. Boys are supposed to be rough and tumble, something I'm slowly starting to learn, God help me. Feel better!!!

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Dear C.,

Oooooh, I feel your pain. There is a saying, once you have a child, you're heart is outside of you. I can't stand it when my daughter gets hurt, too.

I think I've just figured out why humans have baby teeth. It is so we can eat during the time we really are total klutzes, and if one or two go missing, no big deal. We get out permanent teeth we start getting a little less accident prone.

I know a little girl who knocked out her front tooth when she was two. She doesn't look bad now. The dentist didn't put it back in because it was a baby tooth. When I was 3 1/2 I fell down the stairs and broke to back teeth. The teeth were removed, and I did fine until my teeth started to shift and I needed a space saver. But that was only until the appropriate molars came in. My daughter fell onto her mouth at the playground (we call this the dam(p) paper towel incident because of the language my husband used while trying to clean her up; he couldn't find a paper towel). She cut her lip and one of her teeth turned grey for a bit, then it became white again. When I mentioned this the the dentist, he started suggesting a root canal, then I said "or,we could just let it come out on its own because it's a baby tooth." Heck, she managed to fall onto a baby tooth that was erupting and seems to have pushed it down a bit.

Your baby is all right. Give him lots of love and cuddles.He will get a new tooth when he is six. Just be glad it wasn't a permanent tooth, or that the table didn't whack him on his nose, head or throat.

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I just feel compelled to write you back. First, an accident is an accident. We all make them...kids, parents, all of us! This seems to you to be the worst ever, and I can understand this, however, like you said, it could have been so much worse.

We have dear friends whose daughter experienced something similar. Lost her front tooth when she was 3 running around their new kitchen...she was told the same; nothing to do but wait for the adult tooth to grow in.

I just do not want you to punish yourself. Being a fantastic mom who loves her kids more than anything does not mean that we can protect them from all things...just continue to do your best!

Good Luck, rest easy, this too shall pass!!

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C.,

You can guarantee that you and your kids will have accidents. They are a part of life (unfortunately) especially for boys. I have been in the ER more than once with my boys and will probably be there again. I encourage my kids to be active, imaginative, curious, brave and strong - so things are going to happen..

My advice is to live in the "present". What happened is done - ask yourself if you did what was your best or what was reasonable to keep him safe. If not, make some changes. If so, it was not your fault, forgive yourself. Don't live in the future either. Don't worry about other situations or it will rob your of today. Keep your long term vision for your child in mind and ask what you can do today to make that happen.

Hang in there.

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Don't beat yourself up, Mom. All kids have accidents. My brother fell off the rocking horse when he was a toddler and knocked out his front baby teeth. He did fine tl the next teeth came in. AF

I know you feel bad, but it's okay; really. We do our best to watch after them and on occasion they still do things quicker than we can get to them. It was an accident. And believe me, some boys have them a whole lot!

When my son was 2 he chipped half his tooth off. And the way he did it was crazy, he was jumping up and down in front of the bathroom sink and came down too close to his mouth and hit his teeth. They weren't sure if his tooth would survive and if it did not, there wasn't anything they would do for it. It was ugly, but his tooth did survive and he was fine.

Then when he was 7 he broke his two front adult teeth off on a skateboard! It was ugly too! He had a temporary fix and then later a more permanent fix.

I had a friend who's son inherited a terrible tooth problem from his dad and had to have his baby teeth pulled due to cavities and went several years without front teeth. His adult teeth came in and he is fine.

Right now I know it looks terrible, he's swollen and you feel horrible, but it will get better.

Best wishes.

YES, I had to deal with the same issue. My son (now 10) fell on some concrete steps when he was 2 years old and broke one of his front teeth in half - split long ways, from gum down. I was working when it happen and I just so happen to work in an emergency room and it just so happened that a dentist happened to be in the lobby as a patient!! I had my husband bring my son up here so the dentist could see him (the doctor said there was nothing he could do except take x-rays to see if he cracked his jaw or something). The dentist said the same thing you are hearing...there was nothing he could do since it was a baby tooth. My son actually had to get it pulled being that he only cracked out half his tooth and the root was exposed!! I had to deal with my son not having a front tooth for approx 4 years...and yes it was devistating!! I know that's not what you wanted to hear...but like you said, just be thankful it wasn't his throat!!

Stop beating yourself up. It was an accident and those happen. My girlfriends daughter had a similar thing happen and she was the COOLEST kid in preschool because she had already lost a tooth! Now that she is older, the adult tooth has come in with no issues what-so-ever. You can spend lots of money on a false tooth but no good dentist will recommend it. When they are little, they can't wait to lose teeth so this will not be a big deal. Like you, she felt guilty everytime she looked at her daughter's gap in her smile but it mattered not at all to her little girl.

You cannot blame yourself. Kids that age are fast and have no concept of the consequences of their actions.

One of my grandsons lost one of his front teeth when he was 3 from falling against the coffee table. There was nothing they could do for the tooth that he lost, but the dentist kept a follow up because of a concern that the adult tooth might not be able to push its way out because the gum had healed over. He is now 8 and all teeth are in just fine.

My sister in law has seven kids. She is a fantastic mom, and two of her kids didn't make it through the toddler years with all of their teeth. They are just fine now, speak well and have nice normal adult teeth. It sounds like this was an ordeal, but give yourself permission to forgive yourself! You sound like a great mom!

he will be ok. at least he gets ice cream for awhile.

Please do not blame your self children are going to get hurt it is a guarantee. As far as the one tooth being missing well my daughter is two and she had to get her tooth pulled just a couple of months ago. It was a painful event for both of us but we got through it. The dentist advised that it will take longer than normal to come back in but it will eventually come back. I would definitely see a dentist about the other two to make sure they are also ok. My daughter barely tapped her tooth when she fell and a week later it had turned black because the nerves had died. That is the reason we decided to pull her tooth. She is still beautiful with one less tooth! Good luck:-)

C. - DOn't feel bad - accidents happen. When my oldest was 18 months she was in a home childcare setting. I worked in DC at the time. It was a Friday evening and when I went to pick her up from daycare her mouth was all bloody. Her provider changed her clothes that day and put her in a dress. They were outside playing and it was time to go in. She started up the wooden steps and tripped over the bottom of the dress and fell right on her face. Shoved 2 teeth back up. My Provider called her dentist to find out what to do for her. Seeing as how it was a Friday evening and I was on my way home she never called me to tell me what happened. Surprise - when I showed up. I luckly found a Pediatric Dentist that was open on Saturday morning for an emergency appointment. They did a full mouth X-ray and basically the Dentist told me the same thing. Whereever the teeth dropped is where they would stay until they fell out. He said don't worry unless the teeth turned black. If they turned black they would have to be pulled. Thankfully she eneded up being fine. Hopefully your little one will too!

No comments on the tooth situation.... I hope that you find a good dentist that will work with you to find a resolution that you are happy with.

But... you are NOT a bad mother! Accidents happen, especially with 2 yr olds!

Hi there. Sorry that happened -- you must've felt pretty awful, and incredibly scared at the "what if" scenario of how it could have been so much worse. My daughter was 4 when she fell face-first and her front tooth was knocked up and backward into her gum. We went to the dentist that afternoon and had an emergency extraction. They said as long as an infection didn't arise (told by little white bumps around the gum area), she would be fine and it would be about 1 1/2 years before the adult tooth grew in. She's now 6 and still toothless but cute. ; - }

She has her first "official" lose tooth and we're making a very big deal of it (because it would have been if she didn't have the other tooth missing already!).