I Feel like I Am Losing My 14 Yr Old Son

*hugs*
First of all you are not losing him at all. Think way back to when you were his age and all the mixed up hormones that made you so insecure, moody. Now I am not saying he should be rude but sometimes at least with teenagers you have to pick your battles, it he is moody maybe he needs to talk to talk to a therapist or ask him if he has ever popped into his counselor at school for a chat. Just keep opening up your lines of communication, get him help with school by either calling teachers or getting outside help. Do not just decide you are losing him. Working full time is not an excuse I am sorry if that sounds harsh but your kids out rank your job and your boss would understand if you needed to take off a little here and there to meet at school with teachers.
My daughter sounds just like your son minus the girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter. We are moving out of state and she really is effected by this.

I wish you lots of luck but really this is normal and they always come around. Just stop and think maybe he needs to be heard a little.

you are not alone in this world sweety, cause i have 15 yr old daughter actully like that, she became gothic and everything, frist thing you can do, never ever shut them out, doctor or any other things will not work ... it is you, you need to start communicate with your son, cause he is messin up his life again, does he go someone else in the family for example a granmother, uncle, or anyone? You gotta put yourself in his shoe, and try to fit in his life, like me, i have been punk all my live, and that how my daughter get into to it. She think i don't care about her, i actully does care about her, cause my mother took those attendtion from me, she have no right to buggin in her life, you can work it out with your son, you suppose to be his role model, and another thing don't let your husband do it unless he his real father, cause step-dad, can't fit into it, just to remind you. Remember, real father can't force you to choose between your child and ur husband, nobody can but you... good luck workin out with your child. Cati

Definitly seek counseling for him, and also a medical check up just to make sure that he is healthy. At this age, school does get alot more difficult. The teachers often times are not able to be as effective teaching because 14 year olds make it impossible to teach.

Hi K.,
Don't feel like the lone ranger, you have a lot of company! Of course you need to keep the communication lines open. I would also make sure you know plenty about the girl friend. My daughter and I seem to get cross every once in a while and age has a lot to do with it. (My lack of hormones due to a hysterectomy and her thriving hormones don't help matters! It's like we both have PMS all the time!) Some might think that we may be out of line, but we have passwords to all her email and my-space accounts and told her the only way she was allowed to have these accounts is if we (my husband and I) had access to them as well. I explained to her that the only way we can protect her is to know where she is, who she's with and what she's doing at all times. She said she never thought of it like that and agrees that we are right. Again this goes back to open communication. If you are comfortable with the girlfriend, make it a point to include her every once in a while in family activities....invite her to dinner, offer to take them to dinner, etc... This will make them more comfortable around you and your husband and she can see how your family acts and interacts and if the disrespect is coming from her, seeing mutual respect for each other may change that for her. My daughter has even brought her boyfriends to church with us. Therapy can always help, we all need someone to talk to. If this is what you decide, you may just need to make arrangements to take off of work early once a week...remember , your children should come first, they're only your children for so long...his acting out may just be a cry for more of your attention/affection. I also keep in constant contact (via email) with teacher! They know me and they know my expectations for my children and they help me keep them on task and we work together when they lose focus. Also, stick to your guns. When you invoke a punishment, always follow through. Don't make empty threats. We told our daughter that if she didn't have her grades up by a certain date she was at risk for losing her privlge of going to prom and we went as far as telling her that she would not be able to go to Europe this Summer...a trip that she paid half for.she and her teachers knew we were serious (we've never bluffed before and we weren't now!)and her grades came up QUICK! Raising kids these days is a team effort. Also, if he has an aunt or uncle or cousin that he is close to, try asking them to call every now and then to check on him if he feels comfortable with them, he'll use them as an outlet.
Hope this helps!
Good Luck

I just want to offer my support and let you know you are not alone. I understand why you are concerned, but keep in mind that the stage he is in is the hardest for kids to go through. The hormones and peer pressures make them totally different people. So far it is good he has only gotten in trouble for the PDA, that is pretty normal I think for a kid w/ a girlfriend and at least it is nothing violent. I know you have to address this and I think at least consulting with a counselor is a good idea. Just know that it will get worse before it gets better, but they seem to get more normal as they mature, maybe about 16, but in my experience the 13-14 years are the worst. I have two little ones and I make them promise to never hate me when they become teenagers, I am going to make a video of them promising it because I know their days are coming too (I have a step-daughter and I married her dad when she was 13 so I've been through it).

Stay structured, and give consequences that mean something to him, and don't feel guilty for doing so. Let him know you love him and that's why you are addressing the issue, and remember he won't appreciate it until he's much older. You aren't losing him, he is just finding himself (his teenage self) right now, so he doesn't have the time for you like he used to.

Take care!

Please step in NOW...I taught ninth grade for three years, they are all 13-14 years old and so many times I wanted to call the parents and beg them to open their eyes.

I had boys who would get so obsessed over a girl that nothing else mattered (especially, if they were sexually active) and would do anything to please her. I watched this happen twice and both times the girls ended up pregnant.

I watched drugs start taking a toll...make sure you watch him pee in the cup because there is a market for clean urine...or take him for a test on his hair...they can tell when he used last because it is stored in the hair.

A lot of counselors don't even start appointment until 3pm in the afternoons...and stay open until 9pm.

I am so thankful you are so involved...step in now...so you won't regret it later. {{{{hugs}}}}

It sounds like he is hanging around a new group of kids and that has alot to do with his attitude change. It could also be that he is going thru puberty and being off his medication isn't a good idea at this stage of his life.

Is it possible to change his school, put him in private school? Anything to get him away from this girl...

Re: counselors, they will work with your schedule and meet you after hours if you need them to. just call and talk about your situation and see if you can find someone.