I Dont Want to Be That Person..

I used to go out with my infant because I didn't want to be the one to spoil everyone else's fun. Inevitably my kid would wind up and cry about 20 minutes into the meal so I'd pick her up out of her carrier and walk her outside. By the time I got back in after quieting her down everyone else was usually done eating so I'd opt to get my meal to go and finish it at home.

It sucks but this time doesn't last forever. I'd rather be inconvenienced myself than inconvenience others so I just went with the flow.

Bring a book!

For you.

Be ause if she starts crying, you just excuse yourself, head out to the car, and hang out on your own. Hence the book.

Cars are warm, dry, and you can go for a drive around the block to settle her if she needs motion... Stretch out in the back to nurse (and read), change her in a flash. Its all good.

Granted... Most if the time, once they settle, you can go back in. But occasionally its just a repeat. So, what I did was to just bring a book.

And then, backup plan in place, could enjoy going out. Other people could enjoy us. All good.

The thing is, once a person has a baby, there WILL be times when you are out with her and she cries etc.
But you can't just keep a baby at home all the time.
So you learn to be less self conscious about what others think.

AND the thing is, it is not just babies who cry... once your child gets to be 1 year old, then a Toddler and even at 3-4 years old, a child goes through SO many developmental phases and emotions, that you cannot just keep your child home all the time just to avoid being "..that person..." and even 1,2,3,4,5 year olds, get antsy & bored at restaurants or while eating in the company of others.
So then what?
You cannot possibly just stay home and keep your child home.

But the other thing is this: IF you keep turning down invitations from your family.... then one day they will just stop or refuse to even extend invitations to you.
And, I certainly hope, you explain... to them, about WHY you are turning them down??? ie: the baby is young, the baby naps at that time, that is too late at night to have dinner etc.
If you don't explain to them, they will just, after awhile, just think you guys are rude or just don't want to see them.

Restaurant and public space integration should start early. I think you should go.

Also, please let your soon-to-be in-laws know your concerns so that they don't feel slighted every time you hesitate to visit or go out.

In my family, when a little one is around, baby gets passed around from lap to lap, and stays where she/he is happy. Distractions from glasses, hair, necklaces, big grandpa hands, etc. keep baby interested. Then there's a few crackers, etc., a toy or two, and dinner to munch.

My daughter was out and about the day she was released from the hospital. We went to my parents house and there was a party to celebrate her birth.

The day my oldest son was released from the hospital - we went to the Outback. And yes, he was a NICU baby. He was 6 weeks early and had bilirubin problems but was fine...

My youngest son was the only exception as he had pulmonary issues. However when he was 3 weeks old - we went on vacation and took him up to Maine...

Point is - we have NEVER stopped going out or doing things because of our kids. I breast fed so I had a cover should I need to feed or sooth. Diaper bag was always prepared...diapers, wipes, bottles for those who wanted to try and feed them so I could eat my meal...extra clothes, yeah...it was loaded...nothing wrong with being prepared...

GO HAVE FUN!!!

This is the easy age to take them, but I understand your fears. It will be fine, just be prepared to get up and walk with her if needed. It is when they get to the 2-5 year old stage that it gets to be really hard.

Honestly, at this age, people at restaurants don't think "keep that infant under control" unless they are idiots. And unless it's a black tie or adults only kind of restaurant. Infants are much easier to deal with in a restaurant than a toddler. If she likes her baby carrier, keep her in that for as long as she's comfortable. She's young enough to sleep through a lot of things. Just make it clear that you need to eat at a restaurant that's not anti-kid, and have all the supplies you do for outings.

I actually ate at a chipotle style restaurant the day I got out of the hospital. We ate out at least a couple times a month. There was only one time my son had a meltdown around age 3 months, but that's the only one I remember. I took him to the car since it was spring. But you could take yours to the restroom to calm her down (just for noise control), and if you have your own car so you can leave and go back to your fiance's dad's place or wherever you're gathering.

You're worrying too much about what others will think and about what your baby will do. The more you travel and take her out, the more she'll learn about traveling and being out. It'll be fine, even if it isn't perfect :)

We took our kids out to eat practically from day one.
With a young baby you never know how it's going to go, but most of the time it was fine for us.
On the rare occasion of serious crying or fussiness we would take turns taking the baby outside, so we didn't disturb others.
We also NEVER went to fancy, quiet, expensive "adult" restaurants when they were little. We always went to loud, colorful family friendly places like Chevy's and The Olive Garden, places where the regular noise and busyness of little ones would go unnoticed.

We always took ours everywhere right from the get go!

You can take her for a walk around to look at thing if she gets fussy. If she's really fussy, you take turns doing it.
I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than it will be.
And why, exactly, cant the baby take a O. hour ride in the car to see her grandparents?
Prepare for everything! (You CAN always leave if its a nightmare.)
Prepare for worst case scenarios and hope for the best.

Updated

We always took ours everywhere right from the get go!

You can take her for a walk around to look at thing if she gets fussy. If she's really fussy, you take turns doing it.
I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than it will be.
And why, exactly, cant the baby take a O. hour ride in the car to see her grandparents?
Prepare for everything! (You CAN always leave if its a nightmare.)
Prepare for worst case scenarios and hope for the best.

Please don't focus on what if your baby cries and is unhappy. It happens to all families. And you can just take her out until she calms down. Also, remember that what strangers think is not important. Surely your own family would understand.

I was with my grandchildren, eating in restaurants from the time they were a few weeks old. They were easier to deal with at that age of your little one. By the time they were toddlers, the one was a holy terror but we still ate out. One of us often took him for walks so that he could settle down. My daughter, her husband, and I tag teamed entertaining them. At the age of yours, it often turned out it was bottle time for them and that helped.

Unless she knows these relatives, I suggest that passing her around would not help because doing so is apt to overwhelm her.

If you have a swing, a bouncy chair, or a stroller those often help the baby to feel more comfortable and the restaurant will accommodate them.

Relax, go, and have a good time. Ignore everyone except your family. It does not matter what other people think. You'll be sensitive to take your baby out before she becomes that child who screams and upsets the whole place. Smile!

How do we handle it... LOL we bring our kids to restaurants. No biggie. I really don't care about other peoples reactions. Plus, I am not bothered by kids in restaurants. They have every right to make a little noise like every other human in there. Lots of times there is a group of loud adults that out range any noises my kids make. That big lady with the crazy laugh, the man with the loud jokes :) Why is it ok for them to be loud but any peep out of my child is not acceptable?

Just make sure you are prepared to get up and walk your babe around when bored. Sometimes you have to take turns eating if you child is fussy. DH walks baby around while you eat and vice versa. Plus, you have family there to help. Most of the time a 5 month old will have so much to look at they will be entertained and quiet the whole time. Taking a 2 and 3 year old to a restaurant is much harder.

I guess I don't really see your problem. Take the baby. Now is when you start teaching her how to behave well in public. You ought to know at this point how to soothe her and keep her calm. If she starts to fuss and you can't soothe her, then have a plan to leave early.

Goodness, all my babies were in a restaurant within the first two weeks of life - as a sahm, I needed the outing for my sanity... bring a bottle, some non-noisy toys, you've got several extra adults to help hold her. You're prob more at risk of becoming the hermit relative that does nothing because of "the baby"! Start taking that baby out - its even harder to teach restaurant behavior to an older child that's never been taken out... just curious if you experience this type of anxiety with a lot of normal daily activities?

Go.

It will be easier than you expect. Yes, everyone will take turns holding her and it will be fine!

I understand what you are saying, but I was not that way...I guess I was more relaxed about things. We just took our babies/kids to restaurants from day one. Our first child (who is 8 now) was quite energetic and did not like to sit long. It just took time for him. My husband and I would still go out to eat with friends but it often meant one of us would walk around with him for a bit outside the restaurant. We'd bring a whole bag of things to entertain him. As a baby I don't ever remember him crying though. He just did not want to sit very long. Our daughter was easier and would sit in a high chair for a long time as long as we gave her little snacks or something to entertain her. Even now she loves to color with the crayons they give you (she is 3). I say definitely go to the restaurant! Get your child used to being in restaurants and work on getting them to sit longer and longer and work on good manners. You can never start too young. If she starts acting up have your husband go walk around with her for a while. Then you take the next shift. Most likely she is going to be just fine. If for some reason things go terribly wrong, you all can just leave. No big deal. PS - I have no problem with babies crying or little children in restaurants. Some restaurants that are very fancy are not meant for young kids but most restaurants are places for families.

we always took our kids out from the start. I never even worried about them not being ok while we are eating. I would either feed them at the table before our food got there, or just hold them. They also did pretty good if I set them down in their car seat carrier. A few times we even brought our travel size swing and would set it right next to the table if we were on the end and in a place where they wouldn't be in the way. We never had any problems

I have seen and heard many babies where we go to eat. I have never ever been bothered by a baby. I usually hurt my neck trying to get a glimpse. Bring her it's how a family is, we have elderly, children, adults and babies. Oh and who cars if you are 'that person'. I was her too!

I remember bringing my babies out to restaurants and nursing them the whole time we were there.

I think PrincessMomma is absolutely right. Your daughter is at the most manageable age now, so you should get use to "being that person" now. Just wait until she is 2 or 3.

Just go to a restaurant you deem "child" friendly. We rarely take the kids to quiet restaurants. It's good for them to have the experience.

I brought both of my kids out immediately, within the first week of their life. Newborns are so easy to take out. When they get to 5 or 6 months, I just put them in a high chair and give them some toys. My son loved to chew on french fries. It kept him happy.

How will you know until you try? Many babies do fine especially that young. Plan an earlier meal, where the restaurant is less likely to be busy and the baby is most likely to be happy. Honestly I have found most kids do well in that type of setting, and the earlier you start the better acclimated she will be to it as she get's older.

I took my daughter to restaurants with me while she was still on the breast. If she got fussy and couldn't be calmed, I took her out so that she wouldn't disturb others.

You are going with grandma and grandpa right? I have never stayed home from ANYTHING because I had an infant. If I did I wouldn't have gone anywhere! Grandma will probably want to hold and play with her, and my guess is that she is going to be the center of attention. I wouldn't worry at all! bring her a bottle, ready to be made, or you if your feeding, bring her a toy or two, a binky, and you should be fine. The hardest part is waiting for food to come, so if you are really worried, then ask people to order ahead of time and call it in so that when you get there it won't be too bad. Also, you can ask to go to a place that is noisy inherently like TGI Fridays, Red Robin, or hey, even McDonalds. I have gone there a lot because kids are expected to be noisy.

At 5 months, she's easier than a 15 month old. What you have to do is deal with her as a baby, and not ignore what she is going through so that you can have a normal adult meal. That doesn't mean that you are the only one getting up with her and walking around. Your husband has to help out too. If he expects you to do all the work, then don't go.

I don't know why you can't wait until the aunt and uncle get there - don't come earlier. Work it out so that dinner is not when she is supposed to be sleeping. Feed her earlier if she will be missing her dinner. Bring food for her so that you aren't at the mercy of the restaurant. Bring a couple of little toys with you for her to play with, but don't allow her to throw them. (Maybe attach them to your wrist?)

If she cries, take her out. No one wants to hear a crying baby while they eat.

You don't have to be "that person" who lets their kids do just anything. But you don't have to always stay at home either.

Dawn

We took my son when he was 2 months old. Just set his car carrier on the table top. LOL He just shut down from over-stimulation and slept for the entire time.
Tried it with our daughter, right after she was born (a month or so old?) and she did not sleep a WINK. She was hyper alert paying attention to everything. Not fussy, just "alert". I cannot tell you the number of times people commented to us about "how alert" our daughter was. It was a running joke with us for awhile. (She is 11 now, and no, she is not ADHD, lol).

I would say to just go. Your in-laws KNOW you have a 5 month old and what that entails---they are parents themselves, right? Just tell them up front, "That's fine with us, as long as you promise to take turns and help out when ____(baby girl) starts getting fussy or crying. We'd LOVE to go!" And then follow through with it. When she starts to fuss, ask grandpa if he'd take her for a short stroll around the restaurant or outside on the sidewalk for a few minutes to give her a change of scenery. Ask his wife if she'd accompany you to the bathroom to help with the diaper change.

Just be prepared that you will not WANT them to help you. You may be too much wanting to do it yourself so you get things done the way YOU want them done. So know thyself.

And choose your dinner location wisely. A family restaurant (like a Cracker Barrel, or a Pizza place, or a Longhorn, or even a Japanese steakhouse where you can be seated at the grill or something) would be perfectly normal to have lots of kiddos with their families. And I think the steakhouses tend to seat "families" on the same side of the restaurant (at least I have noticed that with us---and it annoys me, b/c our kids are older (tween and teen) and they are EXTREMELY well behaved and have been for a number of years now. Yet we STILL seem to get seated with a table of toddlers next door half the time).
I would not go to a "high end" restaurant with the baby. As a newborn, maybe, if you were fairly confident she would sleep. As a 5 month old---you really don't know what mood you will get.

I'd say go if you want, and team up with your husband so the onus of the parenting doesn't fall on you.

One strategy is to ask the waitstaff to bring out one or the other of your dinners later or earlier. That way, no one is sitting there holding baby and watching their food get cold.

Yes, let them pass the baby around and if it *does* get bad, just take baby out for a little walk or over to a window near the lobby, so that she can be distracted. This often stops them from crying for a bit. If you are nursing, this might be the time to pump ahead and offer a bottle. (I found that my son, from about 5 months or so, was super-distractable when we were in public, and would 'pop off' the boob a lot. So it was either bring a bottle or go to the car-- I didn't want to nurse in the bathroom and there's no assurance that there's multiple stalls, anyway.)

My son usually did fine because we were quick to meet his needs and heck, if it gets dicey, I could take him out to the car and my husband could get the rest in to-go boxes and settle up the bill. Just be sure to get your husband on the same page as you, so he'll know how he can best help.:) Have a good time!

We are very sensitive about our kids' behavior in public. But I'm with them 24/7 (stay at home) while my husband is not, being at work during the week. So I started to notice how nervous he was about their behavior in public and it ended up compromising his public parenting -- instead of being patient and reasonable in his approach, he'd get frustrated and ramp them up even more. I've come to learn that the volume of a child's voice is far greater and irritating to the caring parent than it is to others who just hear it as part of the ambient noise. We definitely remove the children when they misbehave and we don't tolerate misbehavior, but you still have to be reasonable and relax and expect that there will be times when you ARE that parent. As long as you're not sitting back and enjoying your latte while your child runs rampant through the restaurant, I think you're good.

And by the way, we took kids to restaurants from a very early age -- they've always known the best way to behave as a result.

You will never know how she will behave until you try. Have a variety of toys that she hasn't seen in a while. We had a bag for quiet toys that were only played with at church. They weren't the ones our kids saw during the week so they looked forward to them. You could do the same thing.

Our kids were fine as long as we had toys and food for them. We started them early. Sure, there were times when we had to excuse ourselves and take a crying baby outside, but then we would return when we could. Usually our kids just needed a little walk or change of scenery. I can't ever remember not being able to return to the table.

We never would go eat out if it was during their fussy time of the day. It seemed like there were stretches when they had a fussy time. Other than that, we took them out all the time starting when they were just a few months old. Don't wait too much longer to expose her to different places and situations.

I agree with everyone else who is saying that a 5 month old infant is way easier to deal with in a restaurant than a toddler or 2 to 3 year old. We went out all the time with our daughter as a baby and just made sure she had been fed, we had an extra bottle just in case, she had been changed, etc. and she was generally just fine hanging out in her little bucket car seat. It's when they get mobile and don't want to just sit still and want to mess around with everything that it gets way harder. Also, a baby that starts to fuss is a lot easier to manage than a toddler that decides to throw a fit. If DD started to cry about something, she either needed to be fed again, changed, or just needed to be held and walked around - outside the restaurant if possible. People (including myself) tend to be much more forgiving and tolerant of a fussy baby than an out-of-control 2 year old.

I would just stop worrying about what other people think and stop being afraid of what could happen, because really, what is the worst that could happen? Baby starts to scream and cry, can't get soothed, and you end up having to leave early. It's not the end of the world. The people in the restaurant are total strangers - they are not judging your parenting skills and you will never see them again. Stick with family-friendly places and you should be fine. The other thing to think about is that sometimes, the sooner children get used to be taken out in public places like restaurants, the better behaved they are for them later. I've seen too many instances of kids whose parents don't take them out to eat in restaurants until they are like 5 or 6, and the kids still don't know how to behave, because they've never been taught and haven't had any practice.

I'm sure you'll be fine, and as mentioned, you're not the first to go through this. Most people will be more interested in trying to help you calm her if she gets upset.

When my oldest was a few months, my mother wanted us to take a trip to CA w/her for a family wedding but I wouldn't go b/c I was nervous about the 6 hr flight w/a baby and my mom simply told me that there would be plenty of parachutes for anyone who had a problem!

I get it, becasue we have all "been that person". But you may be surprised. Your daughter may be totally fine. Sometimes its better to get them exposed to those situations so they get "used" to it.

My youngest from the age of 1 to 2 was a nightmare in resturaunts. But we kept trying. When he got out of hand, we would leave or one of us would take him to the car. Not fun, but we didnt want to never enjoy an evening out!
He's gotten a lot better, and now we can usually take him w/ no problem. Again, give it a shot. Worse case scenario you get your food to go. At least you tried!

We took our kids every where including the movies as infants. My kids typically behaved but if they started to fuss we would just step out until they calmed down but I don't remember ever having to do that. My girls were BF though so that always worked to settle them down:)

My daughters are 12 months apart in age. Inevitably, I must be "that person" from time to time. Embrace it!! You will feel much calmer if you do. Someday, not far away, you'll be dealing with temper tantrums. Might as well get over your fear of taking her out in public now while she is manageable. Children are allowed to be there too! If anyone gives you stink about it, it's their issue, not yours. Anyone out in public is choosing to be there. Don't let this fear prevent you from living your life. My SIL just had a baby a couple of months ago, and she refuses to leave the house with her! And yet, she also complains non-stop about being bored at home. So definitely learn how to manage these things now. It's easy when they're babies. I once took my girls to Denny's to see their grandparents. We were out later than usual, so they were fussy. We were sitting in the back room, and my girls were making so much noise! When we left everyone was staring at us! lol Yep, I was "that mom", and I didn't give a hoot! :)

you're definitely not the only one who dreads being "that person"!!! i have a fear of being embarrassed by my child in public, too.

but what you have to remember, first, is that she's only 5 months old. 5 month olds don't throw temper tantrums, scream at the top of their lungs for the fun of watching mom squirm. they stay where you put them and (mostly) just sit there looking adorable. it will be MUCH easier now, than if she is 18 months or 2 years, and has never been to a restaurant. in fact, the more you take her out, and accustom her to the situation, the easier it will be.

and of course, as she gets older (closer to 2), she will have to learn what "no" is, and get used to hearing that.

BUT all of this is so far down the line, don't stress about it! there will be new sights, new people to interact with - it will only be an hour or so - i bet you anything she will be FINE! she's too little to offend people too badly - and the little bit of noise she makes, most people will be enchanted by, at her age, rather than irritated.

i would say, just for the record, that i would suggest to them that you all go to a family style restaurant, either like Applebees or maybe even a buffet like Ryans or Golden Corral (if you have those). i would avoid a stuffy "quiet" kind of place - but other than that, go for it! she will get lots of attention and she will be fine.

(oh also, you should make sure she is well fed, and has had a nap, if at all possible, so maybe you could suggest a time, based on her schedule, but i bet you already knew that.)

be brave, mama! :)

Ok, first things first. GO PACK GO!

Now that that's out of the way, I think you should go. I don't think it will be as bad as you think. I started taking my kids out to restaurants as soon as I recovered from my C-sections. When they were fussy, we fed them, played with them, walked them around, passed them between us, whatever. It really is pretty easy usually. Bring toys, snacks, an extra bottle, whatever you think you might need, and know that you can leave early if things truly fall apart, but go.

Also, most people understand that babies sometimes cry. It is fine. Really. Don't let other people's perceptions, real or imagined, stop you from going out with your baby.

We took DS to restaurants from probably 6 weeks of age on. As an infant, he was really easy and slept through most meals in his car seat.. We have always gone to 'real' restaurants, not 'child friendly' ones and I guess since our expectations every night at home (sitting at the table, conversing, eating with age appropriate manners, quiet voices) are the same as at a restaurant, it has not been an issue. In fact DS does not like loud restaurants with children running around anymore than I do. Plus the food at 'adult' restaurants is vastly better.

I would bring some rice crackers to nibble on if it was a place with a long wait until the food came. One of us would have taken DS outside if he had been disruptive in any way.

My kids, who were not the quiet type, were great in restaurants until they were about a year old and then it was a situation best avoided for a year or so. Just be prepared to take her out to the lobby to walk around or to the car if necessary. Because this is your in-laws it would make the most sense if the plan was for you to exit so that you SO can spend some time with his family. If it were your family, then it would make sense for him to be the one to be prepared to have his dinner to go.

For the most part, my kids enjoyed the hustle and bustle of a restaurant. They were usually in a high chair at the end of the table so they could see everyone walking by, would smile at the other tables, people would play peek-a-boo with them, etc. She might be fine, but be prepared to get her out of there and wait for everyone else to finish is she does get fussy.

We have been taking my granddaughter out to various places since she was a month old. She is very easy going and flexible. I babysit her so where I go she goes. Meet my friends for lunch on Mondays. She goes and loves it. Laughs, giggles and screeches in delight. I am lucky that she is delightful. You have to get her out and used to being different places. If
She cries and you cannot console then you leave. Sounds like there are enough people that she will be entertained. You need to get out for your own sanity.

I'd ask them to recommend a babysitter from their neighborhood. That way you can come visit and then a babysitter could come and stay with the baby while you guys go to the restaurant. It won't hurt the baby to be with someone for a little while and it would be good for you and hubby to have some grown up time.