Husband's Lack of Family Activity-Is This Normal?

I would not be so concerned with his disinterest in grocery shopping or hanging out with your friends. The thing that really bothers me is that he doesn't want to do any of the fun stuff with your daughter and would rather deny her the fun activity than man up and deal with it. Shame on him. Being a good provider is more than earning money. It is providing opportunity to grow, develop and have fun. It is also about providing something of yourself to your child, rather than staying attached to the computer or TV at any opportunity.

Hopefully, this is not indicative of larger, underlying problems. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

8 moms found this helpful

I really feel for you in this predicament but moreover, I feel for your daughter. Why do I say this? Because I was THAT child when I was growing up. My mother would take me places and I had a lot of friends but neither one of my parents ever wanted to be around family and I never really grew up knowing my cousins, grandparents, etc. all that well. Everythime other kids talked about their extended families, I was left sitting there speechless....I had nothing to compare it to. As my parents became entwined in their careers and also involved in a more dysfunctional marriage, all they did was work and then come home and repeat the same things over and over. We didn't really go places, take vacations, or spend any time together doing special things. Sure, I had tons of friends that I hung around and played sports, went to the best schools, had nice things....but I did not have "family time". As I grew up, I was always attracted to boys with large, bubbly families that were tight-knit and always seemed to be doing things together. It filled the void of things that I always wished I had. At 23, I married my college sweetheart and I also married into a huge, festive, fun-loving, and tight-knit Irish family. Give these people a reason to have a family gathering and they will be at your house in 10 minutes! I learned how to entertain, throw wonderful parties, cook for large events, and most of all.....I learned the value of family time and love. I am still married today to the same man and have been for 18 years. Although my in-laws have passed and everyone is getting older, we raised our two beautiful daughters with extra doses of family gatherings, trips, vacations, outings, and togetherness. Have kids...will travel. Everything I ever wanted in my life, I have extended to my children and funny as it is, my youngest brother saddled up with me and is now part of our close-knit clan as well. I have another brother who took after the reclusive and anti-social side of my family and we never see the guy hardly ever. Sad, but true and I can't waste time or tears over him if he doesn't want to be a part of something great. All I can say here is that maybe you should really look at what is going on here in your life and decide what YOU want and what you think is best for your daughter as she grows. Having an absentee parent that just marinates on the couch or infront of the computer is just the same as not having a parent around at all. Believe me, I would know. Parenting involves time....quality time.....not just an occasional stroll to the park or showing up at the "once in a blue moon family event." All the parents out there who do this and thinks it's okay are in for a surprise from their kids one day. Just like me, they might walk out the door at 18 and decide that your attention has not been given, your time was never there, and that they are tired of hoping, wishing, and dreaming for it to happen. Hopefully, they will be like me and make their own wishes, hopes, and dreams come true because I can't imagine the people who don't have the where-with-all to make it happen. It's just too sad to think about. Just wanted to give you advice from a different perspective. I am a mom of two but I was your 17 month old daughter at one point too. You are a wonderful mom...follow your instincts here and get what YOU want. YOU ARE 100% RIGHT!!!!!

7 moms found this helpful

I almost left my husband when he spent all of his free time playing video games. I told him it was the games.. or his family, and we were leaving and would be back when he decided to be part of the family again. It was depressing, confusing, I felt like I just saw the back of his head and he was never really 'there'. When he wasn't playing games, he was upset, aggressive, annoyed, a shell of a person... feelings brought on by constant gaming. We got help, he sold all his games expect for a few that are not as addicting and he has set strict hours a few days a week in which he can play. Our lives are amazingly better! He is happier and we have a fun family now.

Gaming addiction is a real thing, and one symptom, is if he is out in the world showing frustration because he is ansty to get back at the computer. Sounds like he needs some help overcoming his addiction... especially if it is World of Warcraft he is playing.

He really needs to remember how much he loves his daughter, and how important it is for him to cultivate those family relationships and make memories.

Maybe these can help:
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-a-World-of-Warcraft-Addiction

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/11/video-game-addict...

this is a Dr Phil episode on it, it's a real eye opener:
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1149/

6 moms found this helpful

The two of you sound very different. Was he like this before you got married? If he was, and you ignored it or expected him to change, you know that won't work, but if he was the one who changed, maybe he should see a professional. Drastic changes in personality, being "antsy" in public, a preference for the solitary experience of computer games could all be signs of a depressed state of mind.

If you married a loner, you may just have to accept him, but if not, you should try to help him get healthy.

M.

5 moms found this helpful

This isn't normal behavior, although I suspect that many woman can relate to you. I too, am a stay at home mother to a 17 month old, but my husband is incredibly involved with my son and I. He very rarely spends time alone once he gets home from work unless it is after our son is in bed. He has gone to every doctor's appointment (including all the prenatal and pediatrician visits), he attends all extra curricular events with us, and we go shopping together as a family. He feels that any extra time he has should be spent with his son and wife. My husband also likes video games, and he plays them a few hours each night, but it never interferes with our lives. Quite honestly, what you are describing is a gaming addiction, and your husband may need help treating his problem. You may need to be more firm with him and tell him how this is affecting not only your life, but most importantly, your daughters. Everyone certainly needs "free time" as you describe, but it seems as if your husband is neglecting those who care the most about him in favor of gaming. You are not wrong in feeling the way you do. This is a problem that your husband is facing, and it needs to be addressed, before it gets worse. Best of luck to you both!

5 moms found this helpful

I rarely have hubby along on grocery trips, half the time I do it while he is at work the other half I do it in the evening and I leave my daughter home with him and go alone (on rare occasion we all go).

We have nightly family dinner (hubyy, me and daughter), it is daily family time to sit, talk & eat. We go out to eat every other week as a family, not fast food but not fancy, those in between family places. My hubby enjoys that because their is beer and food involved (most guys like those things). We talk as a family and enjoy each others company.

My husband never goes to a kids party or play center, he hates being around a bunch of loud kids and in "crowded" areas. I love it so I do those things, I ask if he wants to come (usually get a no) and say ok cool and go myself with my daughter. Same thing for museums & fairs, mass amount of people is not his idea of fun even if the family is having fun. I say I am going here with daughter (maybe some other family members) do you want to come? He sometimes surprises me and says SURE but usually it is a no thank you... and he gets quiet time at home on the computer, video games, reading, napping or house repairs. But I understand why, not that he is trying to get out of family time just not big on all the crowds. This is a guy who takes a vactaion day to do Christmas shopping because he hates the crowds on the weekends or in the evenings.

When it comes to family events there are a few events/dinners he is given no choice; Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter are the musts for holiday family lunch/dinners (we do alternate between his family and mine so it is pretty fair that it is not always his or mine family that we are visiting). When it comes a Family Birthday celebration he comes, we have to stay an hour or two but if with my brothers they usually go downstairs and play video games anyway and we stay for HOURS. Anything else is ok to say no to, and I NEVER give him a hard time, I respect his choice and then go if I want to. Some people are more socialable then others, you can not force someone to be what you are or what you want them to be.

We do have a family outing at least once a month, we talk on what we are going to do that day and chose from this list; miniature golf, movie, museum, hiking, picnic in park, go to the beach, go to a fun indoor arcade... or whatever you, children, AND hubby might like are on the list. This is always a fun time for us and enjoy eachs others company and my hubby puts up with the crowds once a month is doable for him, more is pushing.

There are times to say we are doing this and times to just let him be himself by himself. In the end I know my hubby does not like crowded places so I do not expect him to come very often to a place that is crowded. We have talked it over and I understand why he does not want to and I he knows that I love those places and does not stop me from going. You get to have the same right, and if you do not get alone time tell him that you would like a day alone or even a few hours for a girls night.

One last thing at 17 months your husband may have a hard time know how to interact with your daughter. My husband was the same way and we did little as a family together besides eating out or visiting family. Now that my daughter is 4 years old, plays tag, kicks the ball around, and is easier to interact with he has a lot more family time playing in the backyard. So be patient and give it time, keep asking and do not push, he will come around when your child is older.

5 moms found this helpful

Unfortunately, I think alot of men are like this. I am very fortunate that mine's not, but I know alot that are. Do I make him go to the store with me, no...do I make him go to kids b-day parties, no...he does however go to any family gatherings as they should, that's why it's called "family". And no, he shouldn't be that way about taking his child to do things that is enjoyable for him.

Not just your husband, but so many husbands that I read about on here are absolutely frustrating. Men need to realize that having children isn't about them anymore, yes it can be at times and that's fine, but now there are children and your life as you knew it as a bar hopping, video game playing, etc, etc are now over. Not that it needs to be totally over, but there is now a time and place and they need to figure it out.

If this was my husband I wouldn't put up with it. It took two to create this child now it's time for him to step up and be the father this child needs him to be.

4 moms found this helpful

This is not normal, although your definitely not alone.

My sisters husband is very similar to this. In my family, we actually are happy when he doesn't come because he is such a pain to her and everyone around him that its best for everyone when he isn't around except maybe my sister. Because, she is left to deal with her kids on her own, which we try to help with but there is only so much others can do.

Maybe explain that it would be nice for him to go to the park together without the negative attitude every once in awhile or come to your parents. Does he ever see his side of the family, or are you forced to do that alone? Anyway, baby steps, I wouldn't encourage him to do the grocery shopping or an errand as I wouldn't really consider those a good family trip.

4 moms found this helpful

Goodness! Sounds like he is really resentful you got pregnant to begin w , then didn't even have a boy. While he SHOULD love & cherish her the way you do, you can't make him change his heart. Be thankful that at least he is accepting his responsibility and providing for both of you, grudgingly though it may be. I'm not saying he's right or wrong for his attitude, just know trying to change him doesn't do any good, just causes more friction when you try to force him into something he doesn't want to do, or expect him to have feelings he doesn't have. If you love him, let him be, don't push him into what are uncomfortable situations for him.
While my situation is somewhat different, there are similarities. My dh & I have been married 34 yrs now & have 7 kids. We had ONE vacation, 14 yrs ago, and only 2 of our 7 kids were along, even then, dh had to leave & fly home halfway through it, leaving me to do all the driving for the rest of the trip!
While he was not all that involved in my prenatal care, I didn't feel I needed him for that anyway. He did catch most of our kids when they were born, and has been a good father. However, we seldom get to anything together. He never comes to family oriented gathering w me, I rarely show up for the kids soccer games. We love each other & respect each others differences.
He is a self-employed woodworker, and though he is a hard worker, is not good at making enough to fully support the family, so I have always had part &/or full time jobs, to suppliment his income. I never actually took a maternity leave! Once working even after my water was broken, and once returning to work w a 11 hr old baby, once w a 15 hr old & once w a day old, and attended a staff mtg (luckily at my house!) just half an hr after one of my births... the placenta wasn;t even out yet, when everyoe showed up for the meeting! Life is hard, everyone has there own crosses to bear. This was mine, that is yours!

4 moms found this helpful

I don't think you're expecting too much at all! I know some husbands like that (and I have to thank my lucky stars that my husband isn't) but it can be really frustrating. I have a good friend who's husband is just like yours and it really upsets her. I think you have to tell him how you feel and maybe start with giving him a list of things that you and your daughter have on the agenda for the next month and he has to pick at least 2-3 to go to. Start him off slow! He also should be giving you a break too every once in a while to get stuff done without her. Of course you love her, but you need some down time too!

4 moms found this helpful

I don't think you are expecting too much at all. My husband likes to skip out on a family bday party from time to time but he is very involved with our family. I do the grocery shopping but I joke that's my "me" time. He stays home with our three kids while I go to the store. I think you need to talk to your husband. Maybe he can make "baby steps" like the three of you do something with him that he likes to do this weekend. Maybe he doesn't realize how much he enjoys family time.
How strange is it that your friends have never met your husband? Time for a change. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

I know exactly how you feel. My son's father, who I was in a relationship for 15 years, was the same way. And I totally resented it. I did everything either by myself, or with my son after he was born. I used to see women in Walmart with their SO's, and I'd be so envious, and often wondered where these men came from and how did 'those' women get lucky enough to find them? Same at amusement parks, the play areas, family get togethers, work functions, and so on, and so on, and so on... I'm sure you can relate.

Well, my son's father and I have been apart for some time now (for many reasons, the above being only one of the smaller ones), and I have met and since become engaged to the Walmart shopping man. lol Seriously though, he is the man that does 'all those things.' They are out there. It still baffles me sometimes when we are out doing things together, that I have 'this' man in my life - and my son's life. To have someone with us who WANTS to be with us, ENJOYS our outings together, even if it's just a trip to Walmart, or the play area to blow off some energy...

And as much as I wanted what I now have, I have to admit, it took some getting used to. I had gotten so accustomed to being alone - or just with my son - that it took some adjusting to accommodate this new person into our routine and activities. But it is SOOO worth it.

So what I am saying to you is you are completely within reason to desire this for you and your daughter. Now, I am not suggesting you leave your husband to find this elusive man who 'does things,' but it doesn't sound like your husband wants to be that guy. You might share your feelings with him, tell him how important it is to both of you that he gets more involved, but I wouldn't be too hopeful about him changing. You may have to accept that this is what your life is going to be with him. Or decide if you feel you need more in your life. Again, I'm not suggesting divorce, but only you can decide how important his investment and participation in your's and your daughter's life is to you. I'd definitely start by trying to discuss this with him - not in the midst of him not wanting to do something with you, but at some neutral time, perhaps when he's in a lighter mood. See how it goes. Maybe you've already done this. If he's just not open to the idea, then I'd be wondering how interested he is in continuing to have the two of you in his daily life...

EDITED TO ADD:
I just wanted to add that he needs to know how much of his daughter's sense of self worth and self esteem will come from the interest he takes in her. The effects of an absent, or worse, UNINTERESTED father can be devastating to the emotional development of a child. Daughters NEED their fathers - not only for the development of a positive self worth and esteem, but also to teach them how they should expect to be treated by men. Would your husband want your daughter to marry a man who takes the same amount of interest in her and their children as he does in the two of you? I doubt it. Perhaps you could find a book on this subject that he could read. Maybe that would turn the light switch on?

Best wishes to you. I know how deflating this can be. I've been there. And I'm happy to be on the other side.

4 moms found this helpful

**I just read your Edit:
Sorry, But I think your Husband is just really really, immature. I do not think he can change or wants to.
Will he go to Counseling?
If not, I don't think, there will be much improvement.
----------------------

A Man... is a PART of the household TOO. He has a family, a Wife and a child. It is plain responsibility.
Whether you are a SAHM or not... the man, STILL is a part of the household and he is a "Dad". Ignoring activities with Wife/child, does not make it go away.
He is not a single guy... he has a Wife and child. That makes him integral to the family.

I don't agree the the rationale that just because a man works outside the home, that that makes him exempt from doing IN home responsibilities and from child rearing and daily chores. No matter what, EVERYONE in the Family and household, IS responsible to be a part of that... and its activities. Each person, is a PART of a family. No one is exempt.

You need to sit him down, and talk to him.... he has to step up.
That is the bottom line.

Or, you and his child, will grow up... without him.
AND.. .. his daughter, will grow up, thinking that ALL men, are not responsible nor a part of them.
HE is a PARENT too... and a child, needs their Dad... too.

I am a SAHM. My Husband works hard, and he goes to school and goes out. I do mostly everything.. BUT, he does spend time with the kids when he can, and he does participate in any special occasions. He is not exempt from that, just because he works and I don't. That is a cop out... when Men or wives, take on the perspective that a Husband does not have to do those things, just because he works and the wife stays home.
A Man, is ALSO a Parent too and a Husband.. .and a part of the home. THUS... he needs to, be responsible and grow up.
The Wife/Mom... deserves free time too. Even if just playing on the computer. It goes both ways.

You are not wrong.
SAHM's work hard too. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week.

If he is NOT going to be a part of the family... why have a family.
He is an 'invisible' part of the family.
AND ultimately... he is not caring nor taking care of his family.
AND his daughter will grow up NOT knowing him... nor feeling any bond with him... and he will be just a dead-beat Dad. Even if he is home.

all the best,
Susan

4 moms found this helpful

You are not expecting too much from him, that is ridiculous! It sounds like your hubby is seriously dis-engaged!

My hubby also works very hard to provide for our family and he manages to spend most his free time with me and the kids! Neither of us miss-out on family gatherings (believe me, I tried backing out on a few of his, in the beginning) Ha-Ha! He even goes big grocery shopping with me every week, even though, sometimes I would rather he didn't, he always just throws in junk and complains about the prices of EVERYTHING! He doesn't really do anything to help other than pushing the cart! So, be careful what you wish for there! :)

It is not unreasonable to want Dad to be included in family functions...he is totally dropping the ball!

FYI-My hubby also finds time to play on the computer by himself or with the lil' kids and also the XBOX with all the older boys...so there is a balance to be found in your house, I think.

4 moms found this helpful

I can't say if it's normal -- but I was raised to expect at least a little positive interaction with the father. My dad was a stereotypical dad--he'd do sports with the boys, help them build stuff, but hated going to ballet recitals or "girl stuff"... BUT he'd take us to the park or bike riding, swimming, etc. And in today's less stereotyped parents, I'd expect at least token smiles, and the bad attitude to be hidden until a quiet private conversation with you can be had to vent, if he needs to.

I can understand him not wanting to go to shopping or on errands. However, doing the fun stuff with kids (even if it's more fun for the kids than the adults) is part of being a parent. Actually, its usually one of the less aggravating aspects of being a parent.

I think you should confront him (not in a mean or emotional way). And maybe even seek counseling. He is not an active participant in your role as parents..... Maybe try to come up with a solution -- let him know that whether she's reacting to it now or not, your child is absorbing his attitude and he will be remembered forever in her mind as the unhappy father who didn't love his daughter if he doesn't get over himself. Little kids tend to blame themselves for everything, so if he can't get a grip, sooner or later, she'll be asking why daddy doesn't love her enough to want to play or do fun stuff and what is wrong with her that daddy doesn't love her.... It breaks my heart for both of you.

4 moms found this helpful

My husband used to be like this. And still is to a degree. Softball for him comes before all else. But he is slowly coming around (I'm talking we are 8 years in and still really working on it). But he sees how much the kids miss him when he is not around and you only have one shot when they are younger to get that good relationship with them. But I dont sit back and not do things with my kids because he doesn't want to. And I can't make him do things with us...so I figure if he wants to miss out on the fun things with them, it's his loss.

4 moms found this helpful

You are not expecting too much. It sounds to me like he is addicted to the computer games.

3 moms found this helpful

My hubby and I were just talking about this last night!

We aren't addicted to gaming, but we have completely different interests. He HATES crowds and I love them if it means that I get to experience something. He'd rather do things around the house or go ATV riding.

We went to the fair with his family, he didn't go.
I go to my parents' house, he rarely comes unless its family dinner.
I like to take day trips, he likes only the ones to the country.

I don't have any real advice than to say that you are not alone.
M.

3 moms found this helpful

I haven't read all the other responses so I might be repeating....
My husband NEVER goes to the grocery store with me. He HATES it!
My family also lives an hour away and generally if there is a party down that way, I go with the kids.
My husband works crazy hard hours so that I can be a SAHM, and when he isn't working he wants to take a break. I give him his space...but he also gives me mine. We do go out together as a family to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, and also go out to eat at least once a week. During the summer we did a few day trips together and went on a vacation...other than that, we don't do much else together. To be honest, it's never bothered me, and I've never even thought twice about it.
I can say that it is not normal for a husband to go run errands with you or go grocery shopping with you. A lot of times I will leave the kids home with him when I need to go do those things. He doesn't want to stand around while I pick out school clothes for the kids or take them to have portraits taken...thats really boring to him. So, I either take them or leave them but we almost never all go together to do those things.
My husband is not at all disconnected from my childrens needs either. He comes home from work, kisses me and then goes and plays with the kids. He takes them out for walks, bike rides and lets them have free reign of the house while he does what he needs to do. But he will always stop what he is doing to take care of their needs.
I think that expecting him to come to all your family parties might be a little much. If your family is anything like mine, it can be an all day event. Maybe just expect him to come to half of those I think is reasonable.
When I have time with my girlfriends they don't ever see my husband either...because I'm with the GIRLS! If they didn't see him at church they wouldn't know what he looks like either.
All this to say that maybe your expectations are a little too high. But, maybe he can conform to your needs a little as well. Talk to him gently about how you're feeling and ask him to join you just once in a while.

3 moms found this helpful

There is a great degree of variation with what is 'normal', but because you are asking, I can only assume you are not happy with your husband's relationship and involvement. I suggest you seek counseling. If he refuses, I think you need to evaluate if you will 'put up' with a relationship between him and you (and him and your daughter) that is not meeting your or her needs.

But, just in case you're curious -this would not be normal in my family. My husband and I both work FT so we share in responsibilities and we do things together. we sometimes even do things by ourselves, but it is much less one-sided than what you described. Your relationship with your husband would not meet my or my children's needs.

I really wish you the best.

3 moms found this helpful

I haven't read the other answers yet.
Whether or not it's "normal" is not the issue.
The issue is that there is something wrong with your relationship.
If the two of you can't communicate clearly with one another
about whatever is bothering you, then, in my opinion,
it would be helpful to get some competent marriage counseling.
Good luck.
S.

Hmmm.
What about his family?
Are they kind of stay-at-home never-go-anywhere-people?
Are they cold and not demonstrative?
Was your husband's childhood perhaps tragic or deprived?
When you were courting, before you were married,
was he affectionate? Was he enthused about your pregnancy?
Did he hold the baby when she was new?
etc.
He might be over-tired and/or depressed.
He may have come from a background
in which there was little or no interaction
between parents and children.

AND . . . .

Get a recording of CATS IN THE CRADLE
by Tom Chapin and play it for him.
Over and over and over and over.
Just kidding.
Just play it once, around the time you have your serious conversation.

3 moms found this helpful

MM, you are allowing him to be an absent parent by putting up with this. You say you can't go do anything because he won't watch her. What would happen if you looked him in the eye and say "No computer tonight. I'm going to the store while you watch the fruit of your loins"? Would the world end? No. He would get upset, but you have to stop enabling his anti-social, anti-family behavior. He is her father, and needs to act like it.

You really could benefit from some counseling before your daughter gets much older. She is going to see how little her father cares for her, and it's going to cause real repercussions. I don't actually know if I could live with a man who felt that way about his own flesh and blood. I'D need a counselor to actually stay with him.

Good luck - you're going to need it.
D.

2 moms found this helpful

My husband used to be the same way. Everything you mentioned. Not going to family gatherings, doing anything with our children, went to only the ultrasound of our first child, son (not any other prenatal visits) and did not want to go to that. When he did go somewhere with us, he was pissed off the whole time with a bad attitude and wanted to leave as soon as possible. So, I figured that I would just be a single but married mom and I got very used to it. That was the way it was going to be. Then one day he came around. Now we do family stuff about once or twice a week. He acts like (most of the time) he is enjoying himself. He went to the ultrasound visits of our 2nd and 3rd children. I really cant explain what happened but I think it was our son getting older and realizing that daddy did not do anything with us. He was all about himself. And also prayers helped! Good luck. Do the best you can! Your child will appreciate you and realize what is going on some day.

2 moms found this helpful

He sounds like a jerk, I would be furious! You are not going to like what i am going to say but if it were me, I would sit him down and tell him how disrespectful and unappreciative he was of me and I would tell him that if he did not want a family, why did he marry me AND have a child! I would tell him that things are going to change or I am going to reconsider my future with him. I would tell him that as much as I do for him, the LEAST he can do is give me some 'me time' alone, take me out with some friends so that they can meet him, spend quality family time with our daughter, etc There is NO WAY I would allow him to treat me that way. It seems that he resents you and your daughter for some reason, especially since you say hew as not happy about the 'unplanned' pregnancy. He is selfish and rude to tell you that your belly WITH HIS CHILD feels weird! Men have no right to treat women this way and I would let him know!
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I dated a verbal abuser once and I would never put up with it again! Good luck to you, I hope you get some good advice. Stay strong.
ps/ I agree with Dawn, you really need to decide if you can deal with this forever and what it is going to do to your daughter. She will grow up thinking this treatment is normal and get treated the same or worse.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, it sounds like he's anti-social. He may not like crowds but you must tell him how it makes you feel without putting blame on anyone. Ask him what his idea of a family is. You may be surprised to find out his answer!

I also noticed that you always referred to your daughter as "my" daughter, never "our." It doesn't seem like you're purposely leaving him out of anything, but the simple use of that word "my" can drive a wedge between a couple. I've seen it with friends of ours.

I hope you two seek out counseling. I know how it is with a toddler, but if you can find time to read, pick up The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It will open your eyes with insight as to how to show, or speak, your partner's love language. God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

I've only read a few of the responses. I just wanted to say, you can't change anyone but yourself. My husband is very similar with insecurity on top of it, horrible combination. Your children will see this is how their father is, fortunately my parents go with me to everything for them. I do feel like a single parent most of the time with 4 kids. My dad and grandpa went to all my ball games when I was in elementary school through high school. No matter where we were at, I could look out in the crowd and see them, it meant a lot to me and I do it for my children. I feel it's important and I want my children to know how important they are too me. I gave up on my husband, he has to be accountable for his own actions and what he sows he will reap. Same goes for me, my babies are growing up before my eyes and I don't want to have regrets (I do have some) but for the most part, I don't want too look back and know I could have done a whole lot more but allowed his behavior steal my joy.
I don't think it's normal or healthy to stay at home all the time. He's the one missing out not you. Enjoy your time with your child, they will remember it too.

1 mom found this helpful

I would say something deeper is going on with him. Was he not ready to become a daddy? Is he resentful of how the baby has taken you away from his entire attention? Do you nag him, in other words, not treat him respectfully, even though he doesn't want to be involved? Does he only receive praise at work? I tell ya, men are so different...they just don't know how to work through their emotions. If he is resentful, then he probably feels guilty, but doesn't know how to process things. I would try to make his at-home time as nice as possible and pray for insight how to make it more desirable to spend time with your daughter. Maybe he has no idea how to play with a baby girl. He made need some counseling to teach him how to work through things in a healthy way. I think for now, you are sort of a married single mom, and since he is going through some things, how you handle your end of it will be important for the future of your marriage. Hang in there and get some friends who understand, will support you and not joke about the situation.

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds to me like you married a spoiled immature brat! You have two kids and the two cannot be combined into a family. I feel for you but my advice is to start planning now on this not changing or lasting.

1 mom found this helpful

Yeah, not normal. Sorry. You should be with someone who appreciates you and your child. Since you said the pregnancy was unplanned, maybe it's just too much for him? Maybe he wasn't ready or didn't want to be a father and now doesn't know what to do about it. I think you should evaluate if there is anything good about your relationship and if it outweighs the bad.