Video Game Addicted Husband

I'm sorry but I think you all are taking the wrong approach. We women have hobbies and men have theirs. They don't understand scrapbooking or jewelry and some women don't understand video games. My husband plays alo he also works graveyard an stays up half the night playing. BIG DEAL. At least they are not at the bars spending the bill money or out with other women. If video games are the biggest worry then i'd say you are pretty lucky. At least I know where my husband is in the living room. I have also played the games with my husband try it you might have fun. In the same breath there is nothing wrong with a compromise. My husband has finally narrowed it down to Saturday nights for the most part. Of course he works full time and is also a full tie student so he has other thngs to keep him busy. I know this sounds nasty but remember what I said about knowing where your men are!!!

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im gonna go with alicia on this one...we all have our hobbies, men need theirs too. my husband and i both play WoW (as well as other online games). we had canceled our accounts when we had our first daughter but now that shes 9 months old we've started again (even tho im about 31 weeks pregnant again lol). we dont really have set rules about it..but we mostly only play when the other can play too. on his days off we play quite a bit (share turns feeding the baby..let her sit on our laps and watch, etc), and after our daughter goes to bed/before we go to bed we play for a few hours. it really is a super fun game, and i understand how your husband can get so caught up in it for hours...theres times when i say "ok..just one more quest." and as soon as you "finish"..boom theres more parts to it, especially once your character is higher levels.
but it does sound like a compromise is in order for your situation. sit him down and tell him that you need his help more and that its hard to be a "family" when one member does their own thing all the time. tell him you need him to cut the gaming down to 2 hours a night, a few nights a week. if he doesnt agree to that or agrees but doesnt stick to it, put a password on the computer and dont let him get on. the compromise part is: sit and watch him play, or ask him to show you how to play a little bit. tell him you want to understand how its so addicting..but say it like youre really interested...i hope things work out for you

M.

1 mom found this helpful

I too am a "Gamer Widow"! I actually had to put my foot down with my husband since his job keeps him away from home for a few days at a time and then only be home 12-20 hours. He would spen half of his time sleeping and the other half playing, while me and the kids got ignored. I give him 2 hours a day to play and nothing more....sometimes if he has been good I will let him play longer (like if he hasn't gotten to play in over a week or something). The time limit works for the most part, he will sneak in extra hours sometimes, if he lets me sleep in or take a nap or something, but still....it has ended the hours upon hours of playing and somewhat of the going to bed alone. I too wanted to slap my husband to get him to notice me! If that doesn't work maybe try to find a hobbie that you requires you to leave the house, and no kids a few times a week, and give him no choice. Hope I helped a little. Good Luck and hope you get some good feed back... From one Gamer Widow to another ....

My sig. other plays WoW, too . . .all the time. We finally had a conversation about how the game takes away from time with his family, so now he plays two nights a week (for the important guild thingies), and sometimes after our daughter goes to bed on other nights. I asked that we always have at least one night a week where we do something together. Once he realized how we were starting to grow apart, he was pretty open to setting these boundaries for himself. He and his friends make fun of the people who have no life outside of WoW (despite how much they play themselves), so he understood where I was coming from.

Hi C.,
My hubby plays WoW! I play it also. I hated it in the beginning. Then he asked me to help him create a char. I had fun with it. I then became addicted. We play almost every night after our 2 year old goes to bed. We also take time for our selves though. We may watch a favorite tv show or a rented movie. If it's not to late, we play WoW afterwards. I think you need to have a conversation with him about your feelings. Tell him you adn the kids would like some of his time, he can play later. Or limitit to a few nights a week. But be honest and FAIR...I'm sure you like to do certain things also, it just may not be pc games. You should at least give WoW a chance, you can have alot of fun playing together, it may even bring you closer. may sound funny but it's true.

My husband is just like yours!! We have a 5 month old. We had a huge talk about how him playing made me feel. Which was insignificant compared to his faceless but much closer friends online. Slowly but surely with many looks of disgust toward him, he'll get off and we try to do things together. Walking the dog together, getting dinner, etc. I told him I don't need him to be off it completely but he needs to make an effort toward me, his wife, and child, (who he does love more than anything). Some days it's great, and some days its frustrating. I just keep telling him when I'm unhappy. I feel your frustration C....maybe we should start our own online gaming and get them jealous ;o))right who has the time! Take care and Good luck. Keep me posted.

If you figure that one out, let me in on the secret! LOL my hubbie plays Dark Age of Camelot! There are some things that I have done to slow it down a bit, but he still plays nightly!
The first time he grabbed his dinner and went back to the computer, I was like "oh, hell no! dinner time is family time." he only tried that once! Other than that, I will literally tell him I'm taking a bath, in other words, the kids
are yours until I am done! :) He takes the hints well, and it is very rare anymore if I go to bed alone... I told him I won't play second to a meaningless video game. If I wanted to
be a single mother, I would be and if you don't shape up, I will be! But, anyway, let me know what works for you... but you have to be strong and stand up for yourself!

The only thing I can think of for you to do is to stick your two kids in the same room as your husband when he's playing video games that way he has no chioce but to pay attention to them. Now if you just want some couple time with him just watch him play his video games.

I asked my husband what his advice would be...and he mentioned that what we've worked out seems to have worked...but it looks like you've found a good compromise; and your solution is what we did...he plays after the kids and I have gone to bed three nights a week...but he can't complain about being tired or grumpy the next day if he stays up all night! :) And Sundays are MINE! :) Glad to hear that he finally heard you!

ha ha my husband plays the same game all the time too

Get dressed in a skin tight nighty stockings and the whole shibang. Look at him and say "if you want this, thathas to go" If it does not work, seek help. My OH was on his XBOX 24/7. I took away rights he wanted other then the damn tv and game system, he listened...LOL Men need an out just the same as we do, but not to excess.

My husband loves his video games also. I'm glad someone else is going through a similar situation. My husband would stay up until 4am playing video games online with his brother if I didn't complain about it. I tell him it's ridiculous to sit and play for hours on end. We had to move our computer up to our bedroom because my son always wanted to mess with it. So now that it's in the bedroom he knows he can't keep me up all night playing his games. He finally understands that there is life besides video games now that I've been complaining about it to him for years.

You really need to sit him down and talk. I would ask him how he would feel if he had to take care of the kids fussing while you sat for 6 hours straight and played video games ignoring everything. It finally clicked in my husbands brain when I said to him "Here you watch our son, I'm leaving for a little bit." I handed my son to him and he had no choice, but to stop and pay attention to him. I wish you luck. I know it's a silly, but frustrating battle.

ohhhhhhhhh C.... you are telling the story of my life! My DH comes home from work, gets on the computer, and plays until 11 or 12. We go days with out seeing him, and for my 2 kids, its sad, because they REALLY miss him. when my 4 year old askes me where his daddy is, and I tell him to go upstairs and see him, he tells me " no mommy, daddy is on the 'puter. He doesnt listen" its really sad. He has completely cut out any type of social life, because it cuts into his gaming time, and even refuses to spend time with his parents.
I know this isnt much help, but know there are others that feel for you! all I can reccommend is put your foot down. give him ultimatums, compromise, SOMETHING.... we did, and he has gone from 7 days a week to 1 night during the week, and some weekend time. (however the 1 night durning the week, means while the kids are awake, he still plays nightly after the kids are in bed). Good luck hun, Its hard... they just dont realize how hard it is!

First of all I understand alittle bit. My husband is a computer junkie. He will do anything on the dam thing or he will read books about them. So when I am home he will do nothing but play with his stuff. I did the same thing you did. I talked I tried to reson and I even threw a huge fit. Finally I slowwed doen doing the work and went out with friends or just told him I was going out for a few hours for MOM TIME. He finnally had to get off the computer and help our 2 boys. It works sometimes but not always. Also you might want to point out that he is setting a bad example with so much time infront of the screen.

I was like you and felt very sad and lonely. All my husband used to do was sit infront of the darn computer. Fromt he time he got off work tillt he time he passed out he was playing Everquest 1. I felt left out and like he didnt wanna spend anytime with me. I wanted to find away to get him to spend some kind of time with me. So I started my own EQ character. It first it was hard for me to get into. I was not good at it like he was. Soon I found we had a lot of fun together playing online games. Now we both play WoW. He doesnt play like he did. Because after spending sometime talking face to face he understood he was neglecting his family by spending so many hours online. Really it was away to drown out all the stress of the day. I hope that the two of you got this thing all worked out. Many times when they are really addicted to online gaming they can cut back for a short time but end up going right back to playing way to much when they think they are out of the woods so to speak. These games can be like a drug and just as addicting. Best wishes.
~L.

Ok I would love to respond to this problem because in my house we have the exact PROBLEM. I hate that game, it has totally invaded in my space! You are not alone my friend, it's like a disease has spread through the world disrupting all of our lives! My girl friend actually threatened to leave her husband because he was always playing this game "WOW"(that's what my husband told me they call the game for short!). I'm on your side, I really don't know what to say either.:(
Yesterday, I left our kids with him because I wanted him to take a turn with them. He's been playing the whole two weeks he's been off (he works with the school district). Ok, ok back to the story, I guess he was a little upset with me, because all he wanted to do was play! I said "what if I was on the computer all day?" and he replied "oh, like the other night when you were on it for hours!" I was not on it for hours, maybe one or one and a half but come on, not for eight hours and when I'm with our children I clean too. Sorry for complaining to you.
E-mail me again if you need me!
Steph

wow he mailed them gifts and you got nothing! i dont think you are being selfish at all. i had a boyfrien who was addicted to his cellphone. always talking on it or playing games or using the internet. it got so bad i felt like he didnt even know i was there. now this may seem wierd cuz it felt wierd for me to do but it worked. i actually got a tee-shirt with the picture of a key pad on a cellphone. i cut out a piece of cardboard to look like the top of a flip phone. i walked up to him and said look im a cellphone please pay attention to me! he was so taken back at the extremes i had taken to get his attention,. he didnt even realize what he had been doing. now he didnt stop using his phone but when i walked into a room he sure made a point to acknowledge me and put the phone away while i was there. thing got alot better betwen us. try dressing up as one of his characters or maybe a keyboard and a mouse. ask him to play with you. let him know how invisible he makes you feel. dont hold back on the importance of this matter... i hope this helps.. good luck to you.

C.,

I've battled with my husband about this too. He is addicted to "America's Army" and plays online war games. He spends way more time with his on line friends than he does with his family and I've nicknamed our computer his "girlfriend" because he spends way more time with that computer than he does with me. I've found with my husband that it has helped to be more specific than to just ask him to be on the computer less. We recently had our second child (we both work full time too) and our older child (3) is mildly autistic. I basically told him that he's got to help more because I can't do it all by myself - and if I wanted to, I could do it by myself and be single. Being alone is not the point of being married. So we've pretty much negotiated that for the most part, he needs to help me with the kids in the evening and then he can play after they are in bed. So I go to bed by myself many evenings too but I'm okay with that. I feel it is a good trade off for having "family time" with him and the kids. He likes to stay up much later than I do anyway so some nights he'll come to bed and hang out with me for a while and then get back up to play while I go to sleep. So I would say, figure out what your priority is and start asking for one thing at a time. For me, I started out with "give one kid a bath while I give the other a bath, every night." And then we went from there. He's found that the kids like him more, are more willing to interact with him, and I'm a happier, nicer person when he's around more. So as time has gone on, he's getting more and more into playing daddy in the evenings and then heading off to computer war land.

Of course at some points, I've been less than charming about the whole thing. When I had finally had enough and I'd been dealing with both kids and they've both been crying and my 3 y.o. had been running around like a psycho and I'd just reached the end of my rope, I went and poured a glass of ice water down the back of his pants one night. Man, that felt good. LOL

Another video game widow,
T.

CALL DR PHIL!! heheehMy sister has the same problem with her husband. Still does. I lived with them for almost two years and saw this happen all the time. They had three kids then and 4 now. He would stay up all night sometimes as he has sleep aphnea and would use that as an excsuse and during the day he could just tune everything out. It is a huge issue that needs outside help if you ask me. SHe has tried everything and it doesn't phase him. (He plays America's Army) Anyway I'd call a proffesional or even try a talk show for help. Good luck!

I don't know how this would sound but, have you tried trading a little "mommy and daddy" time for video game time? That might get him re-focused on you and into the real world. My husband enjoys video games sometimes I think it's a bit about men escaping the real world for awhile. Kind of like my idea of getting a pedicure. Let him know he needs that time to himself but you and the kids need more time with him also.

C.,

We are called WoW widows, welcome to the club. You both need to sit down and come to some sort of compromise. Otherwise this will get out of hand farther than it already has.

C.,

Boy does what you say sound familiar! My Fiance is absorbed in Tiberian Sun (a war type game) and to make it worse - he gets on yahoo and chats with his nephew and best bud (they are all mid 30's mind you). They get so heated sometimes yelling out "F bombs" and such. I have tried everything... but what I found works best was to get an activity of my own. My daughter is a BIG reader - so we go to the library weekly. Then I started to go karaoke EVERY Friday. I stopped "nagging" as he put it and just did my own thing. It was a win-win. I have nice girl time with my daughter and he started to notice I wasn't always around. When he brought it up I said, well, you get so consumed in your game... He still games but he is trying to be aware that I am around too. I also found saying... honey did you know you have been on here for 5 hours... works better than when are you getting off this thing. I don't know if this will help your situation, but just know you aren't alone. I am finding there are more and more like us - competing with of all things - a game. :)

Girl, I am in the same boat. My hubby plays the same game and it is soooo annoying. See my post! I am at wits end too! Where do you live? We should ditch our husbands and hang out together!! LOL

K. :)

Been there, done that too! My husband is a previous Video Game Addict.
The way that I dealt with that was to tell him (when I had his full attention) that I understood that he works very hard for our family & I appreciate that and that he needed to have some time to retreat into the fantasy world of video games, but that I was worried that his life was becoming unbalanced & that it was an unhealthy amount of time to spend on anything.
It seems that men need to hear things like this and then process the information for awhile, and then decide in their own minds that this makes sense.
I understand that men are more visual than women are, so the game really appealed to him. I also explained that it was cutting into our special time as a couple.
Eventually he stopped and he hasn't played him game in about 1 - 2 months and is even talking about cancelling his subscription.
If the soft touch doesn't work, you may have to give some ultimatums and stick to your guns. Remember . . . keep good boundaries!

in my opinion... sounds as tho hubby is 'drowning' it all out...
i dont think the gaming is the real issue...
in my observations ive found that, men that are unhappy, (for whatever reason) that dont, up and leave, find other 'relms' to soak into...
gaming is a popular one...
look into some therapy, and get down to whats 'really' going on....

My suggestion, is to start ignoring him the same! Make meals for you and your kids, eat, do your dishes... when he asks where dinner is (if he's that involved in his games, he probly won't even notice that you're eating), tell him you don't know, you already ate and leave it at that. Act as if you and your kids are the only ones that live there... do what you want, when you want.. as he does.
My husband has been off work for 4 months now because of medical reasons... in that time, he has gotten to like a few games on the computer a little too much also! He's not so bad that I'm totally ignored... he even shares a few things with me about the games now and then. But when he is starting to get to "into" the games and starts ignoring me (or the 7 kids I have here on a daily basis, 4 of our own, 3 daycare), I start ignoring him... not calling him for dinner, going to the store without saying anything to him, etc. He gets the hint pretty quick... especially with the dinner thing! Might take your husband a little longer to catch on, but it's worth a try.

OMG!!! OHHHH I read your thing and I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM....I have a boyfriend who is TOTALLY ADDICTED TO THAT GAME!!! I hate that game soooo much! We fight constantly and have a beautiful 4 mo old daughter. He is on that game day and night and doesnt do anything with me or her. He did not get either one of us anything for Xmas, and only got me like 1 thing a week later...He constantly ignores me and her and I cant get him off the computer except when he goes to work, so I know how you feel. He is basically wasting his life and time with me and his daughter to be on that stupid GAME....GRRR anywway I dont know how to keep him off it :(
J.

Hi C.:
If you don't hit him upside the head then I will. It sounds like you really need to put your foot down and lay down the law. Ask him to please limit his play time with the video games so he can enjoy some play time with you.
By the way, it is not selfish for a wife to want a christmas present for her own husband. I would not let him live that one down for a very long time!!!!
I wish you the best of luck & hope this frog turns into a prince really soon.
Regards.

I can certainly relate to this. My husband is also addicted to World of Warcraft and has spent many hours on the computer that I feel should spend with his family.

We have always gotten along well and we don't really fight, but I finally just blew up at him about this game and quit telling him dinner was ready, quit doing his laundry, things like that. I told him I figured if he had all this free time to play the game he had time to take care of himself since I am taking care of our son. So it worked for a short time and he started helping around the house again and played the game a little less. He is back to playing again, but I keep reminding him he needs to lessen the time and he gets better.

Also, friends of ours have the same problem. She just threatens to leave him and he logs off for awhile. Not that I recommend that because every relationship is different.

Good luck!!!

C.