Husband Says I Am Being Selfish but I Know He Cant Be Right

you are not being selfish....if anything he is the one being selfish by not allowing you to take time for you. I am sure that if he asked for it, you would let him.
unfortunatley I don't know how to fix or I would be doing a little more for myself...my husband is similar...I work 2 days a week, and the other days I spends with my 3 yr old and 1 yr old...but he thinks that because he works 5 days a week he shouldnt have to do anything(like watch the boys) on his 2 days off...cause I have 5 days off...

but dear you arent being selfish and try not to let him make you feel bad

T., T., T.,
He's the one that is being selfish!!!! I am a 30 year old mother of two daughters pregnant with my third. I have been married and divorced because I will not let any man control me. I can assure you that you are not the one being selfish. Men are such self centered babies, most of them can't function without a women around to lead them, but they want all of the control. STOP thinking about what he says and start thinking about #1....YOU. If you're not happy, then you cannot be a good mother to your son and a wife to your husband. No one can be around their children 24/7 and have any sanity, it's not healthy for either one of you. If I were you, I would be out an hour riding 3 times a week AT LEAST!!!!!! And I would turn off my cell phone and teach your husband to fend for himself, he's never going to learn how to be an ACTIVE participant as a parent and father, unless he can do it for himself. So what if he gets a little vomit or pee on him, it won't hurt either one of them, and trust me after he is thrown into like that without your help, he will learn to appreciate what you do all day. The only reason that he is putting you on a guilt trip is because he doesn't want to take on the responsibility himself and chip in. If he loved you than he would be encouraging you to get away and have some time to yourself. My boyfriend watches my girls for me so I can go and shop or get a pedicure because he realizes how hard I work and never have any alone time. Throw it right back in his face and tell him that he is the one that is selfish, it's 2007 girl, things are not like they were 50 years ago!!! Tell him to suck it up, be a man, and take some responsibility for the kid that he helped create. There are not many mothers today that had a child by themselves and signed up to take full responsibility for them. If you don't take control of this now it will only get worse, I PROMISE, your son is only a year old now, just wait until he's two and 5 and 10 then you will really pulling your hair out. Trust me, when you show a little authority with a man, they get intimidated, back down, and change their tune. YOUR DOING NOTHING WRONG!!!!

Hey T.,
You are not selfish in the least bit. Fresh air is so good for you and your soul. I am sorry that your husband thinks you are selfish. He is wrong, at least you are not asking for nights out with the girls. Because of your situation oxygen is so good for you!! Doesn't he know this! Do you have a Pastor who can help him to understand that you need this time! It's only an hour! I think you have a very big heart and you don't sound bitter with your situation. You seem like a loving caring mom and wife. If I could be of any help I would love to help you. I live in Valrico and am a stay at home wife for now. I have two lovely grandchildren who live in Colorado. I ride a bike and love it. I am a Big Brother, Big Sister Volunteer and love it. I do most of my riding with my husband because of just feeling more safe. Honestly, if there is anything I could do for you please let me know. I continue to pray for all of the ladies on mamasource.com
Very sincerely,
God bless you,
L. Jacobs

I do not think you are selfish at all but I know many husbands like this. Can you start off with a compromise? Like you will be gone for 30 minutes 3 days a week until he starts to feel more comfortable with the baby? Can you go when the baby is sleeping? You need this time to yourself in order to be a good mommy - everyone needs a break or they will snap. I would talk to your husband and ask what you could do to make him more comfortable with the idea of you having some time to yourself. Would he feel better if you hired someone to come in for a couple of hours a couple of times a week so you could go get your exercise?

Good luck - you need to do this for you!

T.,

You are SO not selfish - he is the selfish one here. It makes me upset to hear that you're in that situation with him because you, especially, need some exercise/fresh air/me time!!! I can relate because I'm taking care of my baby most of the time too with my husband working a lot and even when he's here, I still have my daughter most of the time and I get very burnt out and have only been away one day (my birthday) for a morning to the spa and then at 9:30-12:00 to have some drinks/dance. My husband was inconsiderate the next day when I needed more help than usual too and it can really hurt when we need them to pitch in more, I know. You need to talk to him like I did with mine and explain how you feel and what you need/deserve. Tell him his son needs daddy time too and also really good for you to get that break so you can be a better wife, mommy & feel better overall. He especially should help you out with your health and I would tell him you at least need 3-4 days a week, if not every day. Please do not let him make you feel like you're selfish. You sound like a great mom and I'm sure you're a great wife. Tell him he needs to be a great hubby!! :) Best wishes!

T.,

You are not being a bit selfish as other posters has stated. Your husband needs to stand up and help raise this child whom he help create. I know you love your child but he needs to take responsibility and be the father to this child. I don't know if he just wasn't ready to be a father or if he is young but he needs to take time with the baby also. Your son needs to see his father as a father figure and now that he is 13months old he should be able to handle alone time with him for a period of time.

Hello T.,
No, you are not being selfish at all. Good for you only wanting an hour, I keep trying to get away for a weekend! Your husband really needs to learn to be a daddy now. I am not trying to sound harsh, and I understand that he works a lot, but he needs to relaize you do too. Unles some magic fairy cleans the house, does the laundry and cooks the meals, and plays and takes care of baby! Just be strong, and tell him you are leaving and you'll be back. Your little guy will love the alone time he gets to spend w/ daddy, and your husband will too! Good luck! M.