Husband Doesn't Want to Babysit

The fact that you say you are uncomfortable leaving his own children with him for a length of time...that's really quite scary. You sound like you are waiting for something awful to happen, or afraid it will. I'm sorry I don't have the advice to help...I don't think it's something YOU can chance. I think HE needs help.

If he does not want to do his part in raising children then why did he have them?

I suggest parenting classes.

I agree with Queen of the Castle. Make HIM do all the errands and cart the kids around. If he's going to tell them to sit, having them strapped in the car at least gets that done.

Hopefully he'll be better with his children when they are older. Whatever you do, DO NOT let him abdicate his responsibility for being a father with his kids.

Dawn

J., I think it's time for you to get some help.

Scrolling through your posts, there seems to be a lot of conflict in your family. But what bothers me most is, in this post, your husband seems to have no clue about what you do (even though he helped make five babies with you, so the first child should have given him some kind of hint that it wasn't easy) AND I think he has some anger management issues. I'm not trying to be mean, but his reactions of destroying a toy, screaming at children and sending them to bed...these are *severe overreactions*.

"He was watching any combo of kids from morning until afternoon. That's probably too much, I know. "

No, this is not 'too much'. Maybe for him, but many fathers are capable of dealing with the brood while mom is out, even for overnights and girl's weekends. Is it fun? No, but no more work than what mothers do when their husbands want the same time out of the house on the weekends.

"He would not be stuck babysitting but then all the kids are at home, and they'll get yelled at by him."

The only option in either case does not offer any comfort. I am concerned when I hear about a parent behaving in this way, so angry that he's going to be 'set off' just by their presence, more or less. They are kids, J.. This is not a healthy way to grow up, being screamed at for mistakes. They are kids. Just little kids. This hurts my heart to read this.

It's time to get a sitter once every few weeks and invest in some couples counseling. First, it's not babysitting when it is one's own children one is watching-- it's parenting. It is part of the job. Second, you don't need to be getting a bunch of flak for trying to do what more or less needs to be done.

And he desperately needs anger management classes. Like, yesterday. This is becoming a toxic environment for both you and your children. He can tell them "I love you" all day, but screaming at them negates this-- or they grow up with a very distorted sense of what love and parenting looks like.

I know you don't want this to be the model for your children's future relationships and believe me, they will either grow up wanting to be invisible or in constant conflict with dad. He's not offering enough positives to take the sting out of those volatile moments. Kids can develop deep psychological scars and behavioral issues which they will carry with them into adulthood if this environment is allowed to continue. No, I do not think we should thank them for misbehaving, but how we manage ourselves is what they see 'being a parent' to be. And it can take years of therapy as an adult to undo the damage of growing up with a constantly angry person. The kids won't stop being a problem for him, because there are always new challenges they are dealing with. (i.e.-- they stop throwing balls in the house, but start making weird noises at dinnertime, and then later they are going to challenge him to assert their independence because, developmentally, they are *supposed to*. ) If he cannot deal with relatively easier, more distractable and persuadable little ones, how is he going to deal with a backtalking pre-teen?

I'm not saying this to scare you, but to show you that you need to find help. You are not the wrong party in this situation, J.. Most families with multiples that I know of have good systems in place. Maybe your husband should be the one to do the ferrying to-and-fro of the kids to their lessons for now. (Or maybe not, it really depends on if you are getting information for their at-home lessons). I grew up with lots of half and step siblings and there were times in which we had five kids in the house all summer long, but we didn't see the parents lose it like this regularly. It made a huge impression when they did, but it wasn't a given. I'm sorry. Please, get some help.

J., your husband needs to control himself, Type A personality or not! He should feel VERY bad for blowing up at his son. He popped the ball???? Punishment shouldn't include destroying property.

You add on to say "to his credit" and that leads me to point out something that you are NOT going to like, but I am going to write it anyway. You have posted before about your husband, upset and concerned about how he acts so then, you get posts saying that your husband is out of line. BUT...... then you work really hard to defend him. What do you want? Do you just want to vent about him, or do you want your family life to improve? I'm glad that you can see the good in him, but you have to face that his behavior is deplorable and get some help for yourself and your family. He needs to learn to deal with life as an adult and you need to learn to hold him to a higher standard.

I wish you, and your family, the best.

No offense, but how do you have five kids with a guy who doesn't like to be around kids?

I can see how sitting around the house with little kids is not fun. Maybe you could suggest he take the kids he is watching out to a playground or somewhere where they can have fun and where it is appropriate to throw a ball around. Or, as the other ladies suggested, he take over the running around to lessons and such.

My husband wasn't great when the kids were little, but he was pretty patient with them, and he never tried to get out of watching them. Of course we only had two and they were three years apart. He did prefer to watch them at home (or close to home) as opposed to taking them out because that was his comfort zone. I always got time to myself on the weekend, whether it be a morning of yard sales, lunch with friends or a girls night out.

J.,

I am very concerned about your family. {lease know I understand. I grew up in a household much like this.

A person that cannot be trusted to be left with children for a length of time because, "I am not comfortable leaving the kids with him if I can help it, for long periods of time. " Is not really a father. He is a man who has some children, but does not want to put the energy into raising them.

" He is a very uptight, type-A person who has little patience and doesn't handle it well when he's around small children " - These are not just "small children", they are HIS children.. Again, my father was just like this.. Lots of excuses from my mom, trying to defend him for a long time.

This is obviously very concerning to all of us out here. If he really is this bad and is not willing to seek professional help, you need to make some honest decisions with yourself.

What is the point of having him around if he is not willing to be a REAL father? A real father is the person that that CAN take care of his children at the drop of a hat. And WANTS to be with his children, yes, even alone, all of them at the same time, or with just one of them..It may not be perfect, but his own children will listen to their father, respect him and not fear him.

And you should be able to not even think about their safety and happiness when not there, because they are with their stable and loving father.

J., this is NOT normal. This has signs of all sorts of dysfunction. You and your children deserve better. Please seek help for you and your husband. If he refuses to go, go by yourself so you can face the truth and make some decisions, based on what is best for your family.

I am sending you strength.

i'm horrified at your husband.
clearly he is unfit to be in the lucky, lucky position he is, father to all those kids.
the fact that you claim to understand that he's not a 'babysitter' but continue to refer to his role in their lives as 'stuck babysitting' speaks volumes.
women, pick your procreation partners very carefully.
khairete
S.

You say toward the end that he will still yell at the kids even if you are there and he's not "stuck babysitting."

You say earlier that he yells at the kids when you're not there and he's "babysitting."

Either way, he yells at the kids. You add that "He is a very uptight, type-A person who has little patience and doesn't handle it well when he's around small children (the whining, destruction of property, fighting, etc)."

Too late. He's a father. He sounds like another child, and one who has to be the top dog or he makes everyone else's life miserable.

It also sounds like he is dismissive of YOU and fails utterly to see the huge workload you have in your full-time-and-then-some job of being parent to five little ones and one big immature child as well.

I would normally talk about sitting down with him, having a list of chores, proviing what you do, showing how he has to MAN UP and be a parent and not a whiny brat, but it would be no use. He does not respect you, his wife, so he's not going to listen.

I would book an appointment with a couples therapist and tell him either he goes or you go alone, during which time he will have ALL of his children to "babysit." I would also schedule him for parenting classes. And if he balks at either therapy or parenting classes, I would say, fine, but you will also be babysitting all five of your children at once while I talk to a lawyer about whether I want to go forward like this.

You are a single parent, in effect. He got you pregnant and seems to have left all other parenting entirely to you. He does not even enjoy his own children. He is missing their LIVES and when they are a bit older they will not even want him in their lives; he will be a stranger to them, someone who just doles out rules and yells a lot, while you will be the one they love and turn to for support.

Sad. Why even think about sacrificing even more of yourself to him and his self-centeredness? Why say you're considering staying home on weekends just to make his life easier when he does nothiing to make yours easier? You are not a team. You are a single parent in every way that counts. Tell him so. Tell him so. Tell him so.

Your husband doesn't like to be around small children? They're HIS small children! He doesn't like to be around small children but had 5 of them? It sounds like he's trying to lay a guilt trip on you. I think the answer to this issue is for your husband to learn some more patience, parenting skills and for him to do activities with the kids instead of getting mad about what the kids are doing. For example, he could have been playing ball with the grade schooler or doing a more appropriate indoor activity with him, and everyone probably would have been a lot happier. Did he think they should just sit quietly and not disturb him at all? Does he think it's appropriate to scream at children or to send kids to bed in the early afternoon? His responses sound pretty heavy handed. Expecting your husband to care for his children four to six hours on a Saturday is not an unrealistic expectation. And, expecting your husband to watch the kids while you go to the grocery is entirely realistic. My own father used to take us with him on his errands every Saturday morning so that my mom could do errands and study for school, and I don't think he ever complained about it. We enjoyed our time with him, and I have a lot of great memories of my dad from my childhood.

At my house now, I just have one child and no husband. On Saturday, she wakes me with the sun and is immediately hungry for breakfast. Since there's no school and no other kids, the dog or I get to be her playmate as long as we're home. Today I played baby, pretended to be a doctor, watched Platypus day on Disney, had an assistant who helped some with laundry, had her help turn the calendar page to March, reviewed the month's special days with her from today through Easter, and then had her watch Hello Kitty while I showered at almost noon. I didn't get much done and didn't get to truly relax, but I did get to spend fun, memorable time with my daughter. If I had tried to spend the morning solely pursuing my agenda, we probably both would have ended up unhappy. Late this afternoon, I took her to playcare to get to play with other kids and so that I could go to the grocery and do errands without her (takes longer and end up spending more when she's with me).

Why can't hubby do the activity drop offs and errands? My husband has time for VERY few things, but at least once a month he does the grocery shopping. He never watches the kids at home, but he takes them out on errands from time to time.

Just curious, not trying to be mean, but you keep asking very similar questions. You get detailed, thoughtful, but like responses about where the problem lies and how to address it. And then you ask another similar question, without taking the advice of the earlier answers, like you're hoping this time the answers will be different.

You asked one question, so I'll answer it. Our weekends are spent as a family, because my husband works long hours and often only gets to see the kids for an hour or two each day. We try to spend one day out (running errands, doing fun activities - it depends on the schedule and the weather) and then one day in; except for church we'll be cleaning house. I don't schedule classes or anything that would divide the family during the weekends, and if errands have to be run without children, I leave the (two) kids home alone with him so that he gets a chance to spend more time with them. And he treasures that, because he deeply regrets how little time he can spend with them during the week. And sometimes he is cranky. And sometimes he yells. And yes, it's exhausting - he knows that because by the time he gets home from work each day, I'm exhausted! Your husband's behavior is not really so far out of the ballpark for a stressed-out man, but he seems to take things to extremes.

Now I have a question for you, and I want you to consider it, even though it's unpleasant. If something tragic happened to you (God forbid), and you were, for whatever reason, unable to care for your children anymore, what would happen to them? Would your husband step up to the plate and provide the love and structure that they need and father those children, or would their five lives (six if you count his, too) just shatter into pieces without you there to hold them together? The answer tells you your next move.

If he would father the children, then he is completely 100% capable of doing so now with you around to help out. If that's the case, you need to have a serious talk with him, because he is not living up to his potential and that is disrespectful to you and to your children. He needs to get a grip on his temper and find a way to co-parent with you, because it doesn't sound like he is.

If he wouldn't be able to do it, try as he might, then you have a very, very big problem on your hands, and you two need to get into family therapy and parenting classes as soon as possible.

Good luck.

You shouldn't be a prisoner on the weekends just because he can't manage his own children. you shouldn't have to take all of them with you to run errands or to tag along to another one's lessons/practices just because your husband won't deal with them. This is ridiculous.

You said it yourself - he is their father, not a babysitter. Tell him to suck it up, step up, be a man - whatever phrase you choose - and to start doing his job.

He was equally involved in producing five children. He needs to be equally involved in caring for them, especially on the weekends when he isn't working.

Try therapy. It doesn't sound like you'll be able to resolve this on your own.

I don't know.
All I know is that my husband & I are a team and we do what we need to do to get from point A to point B.
I think it's sad you feel you need and pressure to minimize his time with his own kids. :(
Good luck.

J.,

Please please get help.

I'm sorry.... there is so much wrong with this picture I don't even know where to start. What pops out at me this time is the fact that it seems like you're scheduling activities to get the kids out of the house so he has less of them to yell at...?

I think you need help in lots of ways... you two need counseling, he needs parenting classes and anger management classes, and you need a helper in the meantime of sorting out how you all can be a family.

It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to babysit. It sounds like he doesn't want to be a father.... or he doesn't know how. But these are little kids who didn't ask to be born into a negative, abusive, hostile environment. It really and truly breaks my heart that this is normal when dad is home and honestly, I don't know how you tolerate it. There are few things that I will lose my patience with... someone yelling at my kids for being kids would be one of them. He's supposed to be the role model for them and he's blowing it big time. And you should think about what will happen when the kids get old enough to start yelling back. Kids do what they see and I doubt that defiance will go over very well if your husband doesn't get a handle on this now.

This is worrisome to me in lots of ways, partly because I am a mom and partly because taking care of kids is what I do. It's not easy taking care of kids, and not everyone is cut out for it... however when you are part of creating those kids you've got to suck it up and find a way to raise them the best way that you can. If that's too much for him to do, he needs to be coming up with some different solutions for help rather than taking it out on his kids.

I hope you get help of some kind... today.

ETA: As long as you keep making excuses for your husband's behavior nothing will get better. There may be valid reasons that he can not cope with the kids, however, as you said, he is an adult and it's high time that he started to deal with some of his issues that make him an incapable father... like his blood sugar levels and the high strung family issues that he has adopted/learned. I grew up in a home with 4 boys and 2 girls... I totally hear you on the chaos. But I NEVER remember my father or my mother being "livid" at us or screaming at us.

You keep asking this same question, and we keep giving the same advice!!

Fathers are not baby sitters...they are parents. Yours needs to figure out how to parent better...

My husband and I took an eighteen week parenting class... it met every Wednesday night and offered childcare. It was awesome because my husband and I got to talk about making our marriage stronger to be good parents and then how to play with our kids and how to discipline our kids...we got to talk and work a lot on us as a couple and as parents.

Sounds like you guys need to work on your marriage and both of your parenting...we ALL need to work on these things so don't think I am picking on just you!!

Seems like he was fine with three kids it was children four and five that threw him for a loop. First make sure there will be no child number six, then work together on fixing this issue. Does he see there is an issue??

You both have to parent OR hire him a real baby sitter (a mother's/father's helper) to be there if he is staying home alone with the kids OR you stay home and he takes them to activities.

I was thinking the same thing as Sherri...why have so many kids if you can't manage to take them anywhere and can't manage "any combination of them" when they're home?

I was a lot more sympathetic in my response to your last post, and I don't mean to be harsh now, but I don't understand that.

I think you both need to seek some parenting help and work on your marriage so you can communicate and get on the same page with your childrearing. In the meantime, I would definitely avoid getting pregnant again. There is so much strain here already.

Good luck.

Speaking of "soft balls".....I am not going to state the obvious. However, if you can afford dance, music and other activities for your children, and your husband is an "absent father", even when he's at home, I suggest you hire a reliable child care giver and take it from there. You didn't create all these children alone, so what happens when YOU need a little "ME" time.

Hire a sitter. Your children's father should be ashamed.

Blessings.....

First, it's not called babysitting, it's called being a father.

Second, you both need to get counseling or at the least, parenting classes. He needs to step up to the plate and do his job of fathering his children. If he didn't want the responsibility of multiple children and the chaos kids can cause, he should've thought about that before conception...

He should feel bad about losing his temper. He should feel guilty as hell.

Good luck!

If he doesn't like to spend a lot of time with his own kids, then one of the errands he can run is to get a vasectomy so he doesn't have to worry about creating more that will need some fatherly supervision from time to time.
He needs to figure this out and maybe an anger management or a parenting class might help keep him from yelling at the kids all the time.
I don't care if he is a type-A person.
What did he think having 5 kids was going to BE like?
He needs to man up and be a father.
And Daddy time with the kids is NOT baby sitting.

Your husband doesn't want to take care of his own kids? You're the same person who posted that other question about your husband "babysitting", right? Your husband doesn't want to be a parent. He doesn't want to be bothered with his kids. You had these children with a man who doesn't think his kids are his responsbility. Why doesn't he take them to their activities? Why did you set up your family so that you're the only parent who actually parents the kids?
Our weekends? Well, I have teens now, not tots. When they were little, we both spent the weekend catching up on stuff that we didn't have time for during the work week. We'd split up our errands and each take a kid. I would usually do the library story time and Gymboree, he'd do the swim lessons and take them to the park. Now that they are teens, my husband does all the Boy Scout stuff - he's an assistant scout master, so he's at all the meetings, on all the campouts (sometimes twice a month). He's at as many of the 4H events as I am (he chaperones the teen leaders during the 4H fair, camps out with them for three nights). He took vacation days to chaperone a couple of field trips per kid when they were in elementary school. He chaperoned the post-prom party at my daughter's high school last year. He is extremely involved with his kids. He isnt' an assistant parent. When they were babies and young, he took them to some of their doctor appointments himself, without me. He's been to a couple of parent teacher conference nights, without me. When our daughter was a toddler/preschooler, I travelled on business. He'd spend five days getting her ready for daycare and meeting all of her needs in the morning while getting ready for work, then picking her up after her workday and doing all of the care - dinner, bath, playtime, tuck in, on his own. I know that's not about the weekends, which was what you asked about, but it's about involved parenting. Your husband simply doesn't want the kids. Nothing that you do, other than moving away and raising them yourself, is going to solve your problem. Your children will realize that their father does not want them and isn't interested in them. It does not matter how much YOU love them and how many fun activities you plan, they will suffer emotional damage because your husband is a lousy father. Please seek out some help because your children will suffer from the way that they are being raised. Normal fathers actually want to spend time with their children and are partners in the childrearing process. Forget about "babysitting," you have not said anything in your posts that's made it sound like your husband loves these children or is happy to have them.

He doesn't sound uncaring or inherently incapable, but he does have personality flaws that need to be addressed. Keeping the kids away and busy is not the solution to this problem. Your husband needs to want to be a better father. Does he? If so, he should see a therapist to learn ways to let go of some of that Type-A you talk about, and manage his anger.

My first thought is: why did he want so many kids?
Seriously, just going from your few questions here on the site he really doesn't seem to enjoy them, so it's confusing.
Sure, my husband didn't exactly LOVE being in charge during the diaper years, but he did it without yelling and whining. He understood that I needed a break.
And once the kids were old enough to walk and talk and take places he really liked spending time with them without me.
I don't know what to say. I guess your husband didn't know what he was getting into. Hire a sitter when you need to, and hopefully he will start to enjoy his children at some point.

it sounds like he has zero tools to work with. no experience, no good role models of good parenting figures growing up - and certainly lacks the maturity and selflessness that is required to be a father.

so what to do...well there's the submersion method - just keep throwing them at him, until he connects and learns to chill out. offer to help him while you're there, so that he can learn (as opposed to automatically taking over, so that as soon as you walk in, he's "off the hook")

would he read any parenting books? that would help a LOT i think - but it sounds like with his personality it's unlikely he'd admit to needing that kind of help.

along those lines, my husband actually improved a lot when we got some marriage counseling. he realized that the short tempers, outbursts, and nastiness, was just hurting everyone. it helped him immensely. but then, that would require another sitter.

i think sometime when things are chill and he is relaxed and you two are connecting in a positive way, maybe just mention it casually. if it was my husband, i would tell him that as smart as he is, he should have no problem figuring this fathering thing out. ask him if there are any tips he would like, or any suggestions. help him. good luck!

(if this doesn't improve in a few months, after really working on it, i know what i'd do - i'd get MAD. i would put my foot down and he WOULD improve his behavior, or there would be hell to pay. you don't seem that type...but it's worth thinking about. don't your children deserve better? or is it okay with you, that they just perpetuate this cycle, since they will grow up seeing that it's ok to treat people like this??)

I'm sorry, but your husband needs to get over himself. So what if he got hit in the face with the ball??? He should laugh it off and play catch with the kids. My son likes to wrestle with my husband. My son is pretty good at 5 years old and sometimes with throw in a surprise punch at my husbands face. My husband will just say "hey, that one hurt. Lets be a little more gentle" and keep on playing. Your husband needs to relax and just have fun with them. Have him take them to a park. If it's too cold, have him find an indoor park to go to.
I have left my husband with the kids for 4 days before when I went to go and visit my friend who lives in another state. I came home and the house was spotless, kids were fed, and everyone was happy.

I've got 4 fairly young children (ages 2-7). My husband is also a very rigid, type A personality with a shorter temper (not as short as your husband's but shorter than a typical mother) and not overly doting. On the weekends, he does abotu 80% of the parenting. He may take them all out to breakfast so I can sleep in. If he goes to play golf, he usually takes 1-2 kids with him. I have gone on girls trips over the weekend and he takes care of all 4 for 3 days straight. If I need to go shopping for me, I go by myself.

His key to being able to handle it with everyone happy is getting them out of the house. Whether that's to somewhere special (breakfast, treats, etc), to the playground, for a walk, golfing, or just playing outside in the yard it doesn't matter. They just need to get out of the house. If he attempts to just sit in the hosue with them all day he gets frustrated and angers easily because the kids get really wound up.

Would he rather sleep in, do nothing, spend kid free time with me? Of course. But he willingly spends time with his children. If not because he loves them, at the very least becasue it's his duty and responsibility.

I would have a problem with all the things he had a problem with. I would be livid if my kids were throwing balls in the house and the vent thing would have gotten someone some serious punishment as well. I think kids should be respectful of property. When my kids get going and need to burn off energy I send them outside. I have a wonderful back yard and they can play all they want. I don't allow toys in the upstairs living room but there are bedrooms and a family room that they are more than welcome to play in. My husband isn't always the best at taking care of the kids but they are always safe and fed. I used to get upset if they didn't carry on when I was gone as if I were here but I don't any longer. He disciplines a lot different than I do and it works for him. He is their Dad and to tie his hands and make him do as I do would be ridiculous because he isn't me. I have learned over the years that there are things he is good at with the kids and there are things I am good at. We work as a team to complement each other. It didn't start out that way though. It takes some work.

I would talk to him about his day. "Crazy day, huh? Thank you for keeping an eye on part of the team while I got other things done. You made it easier for me to get the shopping done." And then ask him how things went and listen to him and give him some of your tips and tricks. If he talks about the vent, or the ball, acknowledge that it was not a great thing, but say something like, "Glad nobody was seriously hurt and it's all fixable." Tell him we all have those days. Tell him that sometimes we all mess up, go to our kid, say so and say we're sorry and try to do better.

While I would not expect children to be perfect, what did he try to do with them? Just keep them from killing each other or did he take them outside, play tag, do a puzzle, go for a walk? If he feels stuck inside to minimize the damage, he may be making it worse with active kids. My DD did not want to share with her friend in the middle of a playdate and I threw them outside (okay, not literally) but going outside was a change of pace, they got to fill the birdfeeder (and made a huge mess, but it was outside and the birds are happy), etc. If he doesn't know what to do, offer him suggestions. Maybe make it Dad's List of Distraction Activities or something. Maybe a box with some bubbles, chalk, directions for a silly game....

And, seriously, we can all learn more so consider sitting down as a couple and doing a book together like Love and Logic or 123 Magic or How to Listen and see if any of those tips can benefit both of you AND your kids.

I would also suggest to him that HE run the individual errand with one kid for some one on one time and you stay home with the rest sometimes, so that you both get the experiences of the other. Maybe he would do better wrangling one child to the lessons instead of taking care of three at home.

And the thing is, at this point he has 5 kids and, yes, that's a lot, but that's not impossible. My DH was on his own with 2 children for 5 years. He potty trained SD, taught them both to swim and ride a bike, braided her hair, etc. So don't think this is something he just "can't" do. He CAN, if he TRIES.

ETA: the blood sugar is an excuse. He's a grown man and can eat food. If you must, text him or call him and say, "Eat something". My DH also suffers from dips in blood sugar and when he realizes he's hungry, he'll say "Hold on a minute" and get some peanut butter or cheese. And, maybe the kids need a snack, too.

So many of us have asked - please answer if possible. What made you and your husband decide to have 5 kids? Was it all you?

you know, alot men can't deal with watching kids by themselves. my hubby is like that too. i don't like it because for one, i don't want to enable him. i am a stay at home mom and i need a breather sometimes, plus he needs a chance to bond with his kids. he is great with our newborn, but our toddler, it just seems like he never liked to deal with her. sometimes when i come home, she is stuck in her room in the bed (never really asleep though) because he just couldn't deal and that makes me feel so bad for her. plus, if something ever happens to me, i need to know that my kids will be taken care of. also, if this continues, i don't want her to grow up thinking dad didn't like her or couldn't put up with her and she begins to have issues from her dad not being there for her.....

your husband needs to get a grip. those are his kids too. not babysitting, but parenting. he is a parent. you can't do it all. he shouldn't had them if he couldn't be alone with them...but if he needs help, you can also try and put things into perspective for him. if something horrible happend to you, what would he do? he has to think of it that way because he will continue to put them off on you. he needs to put his foot down and start disciplining them in order for him to have some control too. he seems to just not care (from what i am getting out of this post) and he should. he can't deal because he doesn't have any control and the kids run over him. he has to stop whining and enjoy his blessings because this time can shape the rest of their lives and i know he wouldn't want to responsible for them having "daddy issues".

Get a nanny-or leave the children home alone and take him-oy

i only have 2 kids.. I take them with me where ever I go. Hubby might watch 1 of them once a month .. and both of them once a month if I have a meeting.

I think you need to arrange your errands during the week when some or most of them are in school day care preschool..

I also think you need to find a babysitter that you can call for childcare during the week. I always had a sitter so I could leave the kids once a week and get all of my errands done in 4 or 5 hours.

then your weekends will be different.. you stay home and watch thekids or take all kids someplace and leave mr grumpy pants at home.

If I remember correctly, you are the same person who posted on here that your husband comes home exhausted and falls into bed. And you are able to get 9-11 hours of sleep every night! It sounds like the only time your husband has off, you make him watch the kids. Of course, he doesnt want to! He loves his kids, but he needs some alone time. Since you are able to get 9-11 hours of sleep a night, maybe you can let him have 1-2 hours of alone time on the weekends. Why dont you take all of the kids with you when running errands? You never really have all the kids at the same time on the weekends since they are all so busy, it seems feasible. It really sounds like the dad needs some personal space. He works all day every day, no peace and quiet, ever. Then on his days off, he has to watch the kids. Why does he have to babysit? Why does he never get time to himself? Anyone would be upset (and rightly so) if they had to be on the go 24/7 and had absolutely no time to themselves. Thats what put me into depression, so I know all too well. If you dont make time for yourself to take care of yourself, you cant take care of your kids. Maybe that's what your husband is feeling