Hubby's Low Sex Drive

My main suggestion is try the date night, more often. Or make plans to have private date night after the kids go to bed. Try exploring new things. (More likely when kids are not home.) Some one suggested physical touch and I also agree with that. If the only time you touch him in a loving way is when you want it and doesn't seem as loving. Touch his head, hair, shoulders, hand, feet, anything skin to skin in loving way.

I would have him actually go to a doctor and have his testosterone checked. Wendy Parks at Dr. Steven Kings office in Edmond can run blood test on your husband and let him know just about everything he has going on. His tiredness too could be from adrenal fatigue. I have been recommending this to several people...especially those that have children and stressful jobs. We tend to think it is just that for all our faults, when really our bodies are off. It has worked for several men and women....Good luck!

I completely agree with having him saliva tested for his hormone levels.
Also, there is a product at most health food stores you can look into called Yohimbe...it's an herb.

Boy, wouldn't it be nice if we could the same sex drives at the same time?

Blessings on your journey.

S.
The best thing that I can tell you is get some one to watch your daughter for the weekend and get out of town, Find a out of the way motel and nice bottle of wine and tub big enough for two and let nature take its course. Or you make the arrangements and tell him where to meet you. My husband does this for me on Valentine's day he pick a motel in town and tub big enough for two and a bottle of wine and candle light and rose petals all over the bed and the weekend is ours. We have daughters in college but we still go out of town. It's like a date but for the whole weekend. Hope this helps.

Hi S.,

My husband and I went through something similiar. We found that we were not "touching" each other enough. I was so busy at work that when I came home I did not want to spend time massaging someone else's neck or feet; I wanted someone to do mine!

After a little counseling we started taking turns massaging each other...we had to agree that there were no expectations for sex, as this was just to "serve" one another.

I have to admit I really was expecting to increase our sexual encounters and got my feelings hurt the first few times because he loved the massages, but didn't initiate anything more than that. I held to the counselor's words of wisdom and tried to focus on the positive feelings of doing something beneficial for my husband, helping him relax after a hard day. I too benefited because I was able to relax more too when I got my massages.

I think there were a couple of things that helped us get back on track; counseling (a third party is much more objective), focusing on the needs of the other spouse instead of focusing on the needs not met by that spouse, and forming a routine of "touching" with no expectations of sex. Sometimes we talked about our day during massages, which increased our communication. Sometimes we would talk about our dating years or times that made us feel close, which reminded us why we chose each other as mates to begin with and there were times that we put on soft music and said nothing at all.

I just hope that my experience can help a little. Here is a link to an article that discusses some other things that might be happening http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pt...

Blessings,
C.

I know how your husband feels. I am always tired and stressed too - mother of 4 boys and a teacher, but have found sex first thing in the morning can be exhilarating for me and my husband. I seemed to feel more alive and my body more sensitive that time of day.

How about waking him up that little bit earlier and have a go.

Hey S. --

(disclaimer: all my thoughts come from my own experience, and your husband may be nothing like mine. also, we're expecting our first child in March, so my thoughts are also from the pre-parenthood side of the fence. so, take what you want, and leave the rest. :o) )

My husband is a lot less interested in sex when he's stressing out about things, too. Is there any way to address or relieve the causes of his current stress? Is it work/money related? Family/extended family issues? Is he having other worrying health issues?

Would it be possible for you to take up more of the slack, if there is any? Possibly taking a second or part-time job to earn some extra money, looking into a financial education class to help with budgeting issues, arranging your schedules so he can go back to school if he's looking for a career change, spending more (or less ...) time with family members, etc. You may already be overextended (who isn't?) but if it's possible, it might be something to try.

Also, my husband tends to get cranky if he doesn't have some time (an hour or so) by himself every day or two. It seems counter-intuitive to me, but he seems a lot more amorous if he has had sufficient alone time. (I, on the other hand, feel more interested in sex when we've had sufficient time *together*, so ... there you go!) Does your guy need more time by himself?

And finally, do you feel comfortable just asking him "Can we have sex this week? How about Friday (or whenever)?" Sometimes my guy's just kind of clueless and needs me to be more, er, explicit about what I'm wanting or needing. Ultimately, of course, you must find a balance between his and your own sexual (and other) needs, but it's hard to do unless you're upfront about what those needs are.

I wish you the best of luck!

I always wanted it and he was always tired. I got tired of not getting it so I just quit wanting it. Now since I don't want it he does...go figure!

You already have the reason in your question .... he's always so tired and stressed. He's much more .....

We always hear about this when it's the woman, forgetting that the father can be exhausted too.

Have you tried "dating" once a week or every two weeks -- away from the house .... movie or a walk or ....

Mannatech has a product called PLUS and another, Sport, that can help with your husband's low sex drive. It supports the hormonal system. You can find out more info about it by going to my Web site, susanjordanbrown.com and clicking on the store. Contact me if you are interested and I will work with you about how he should take it and how much. It's easy, not too expensive, and well worth a try to fix this important part of your marriage. Let me know if I can help you in any way.
S. B.

Can you find out why your husband is so tired and stressed? Also, you might try making dates with him a couple of times a month and find someone to watch your daughter. Good luck!

I feel for you and understand. My DH has bad heart health and the "getting worked up" can be uncomfortable. I have a friend who sells adult items for a company called Slumber Parties. It is very discreet and they come to your home like a Mary Kay, or Tupperware, Party. You can invite friends or just be private. They have many products that stimulate the male genitalia like flavored lotions and just tons of stuff. If you want to be more invisible try an adult store in your area. The facts are men age, health changes, sex drive increases and decreases. There are things to do but it depends on your beliefs, your motivation, your standards, your openness. You can take the initiative and try it just for yourself or talk to your DH and see if he is open to play time with assistance.

http://www.slumberparties.com/index.cfm

can you get a babysitter or family member once every week or two to watch your daughter. maybe if you had a nice relaxing dinner and time alone, it might make things a little better. my husband and I had to institute date nights just so we can have some time just for us. children have such an impact on the marriage, it is hard to find mommy and daddy time, so you just have to make time.

I don't think that's normal. How old is your husband? My husband and I have sex a minumum of 3 times a week... sometimes 5-6 times a week. I definatly couldn't do the once a month thing!! I have no advise... but I sure wouldn't quit asking questions. Good Luck!!!

Stress may just be bogging him down. Get someone to watch your daughter one Friday and Saturday night. Don't tell husband. When he comes home from work on Friday, have his dinner ready, house cleaned and smelling good. Fix him a bath, give him a beer, get his slippers. Wait on him hand and foot so he doesn't have anything to stress about. When his mind relaxes, he'll be appreciative... and hopefully turned on. Get into something sexy, turn on some music in your bedroom, light some candles, walk back into the livingroom, don't say a word, grab his hand and lead him back into the bedroom, take off his clothes for him, and well... you get the picture.

Summary, take care of everything, let him relax. You taking charge (especially if you normally don't!!) will be a huge turn-on!!

Good luck!!

If that doesn't work... he definatly has something going on!! Get to the doctor quick!

Hey S., i'm right there with you....this does happen as men get older. my husband is on blood pressure medication and it has definately changed his sex drive. since the trigger for your guys seems to be being away, then have a date night once a week...you don't have to spend a lot of money, but just get out, together...somewhere that you both enjoy....you will both enjoy it and be more relaxed...surprise him, plan an evening maybe once a month and get a hotel room overnight, go out of town, you don't have to go far, just away. if you will make going out once a month a habit then you will both look forward to that evening all week long....also, i don't know how old your daughter is but you and your husband need to be sure to be connected as a couple because eventually she's going to go to college or get married and then it's just the two of you and you won't know what you like or what you want to do with the rest of your "together" life. get the ball rolling now and the "empty nest" years will be amaing....hope you guys figure it out....R.

I'd say, do what you can to not bring complaints to the bedroom. He may be quite aware that he's not fulfilling your needs, and that could just make it harder for him to perform. My husband got depressed at a time when he was very busy with school and work and I was pregnant with our first child, and he couldn't perform for a long time, which was very frustrating for both of us, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it. Because there are times I've not been able to perform as I've wanted to.

I read Dr. Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" during my engagement, and have tried to diligently follow the advice she gives. It's golden. I try to give and not worry about getting anything in return, and he - not being an abusive man - responds after some consistency and persistence on my part. I feel happier with my husband, and he in turn gives me the world. You may find it worth the read. :)

Hello! try soft music, burning candles. of course dress in a lil sexy gown, that may turn him on. Maybe somes......s....x toys, some male enhance creams. you need a night or so alone,, have a talk with him, ask him if u are still attracted to him. Have u gained weight in the last past and that may have something to do with it. Plan a u and hubby night, over a candle light dinner,, of course i know this can't happen always,, but try something diff. and see how this turn out. Good luck...

S., I suggest our Prolief it is a natural balancing cream. Because of all of the foods loaded with hormones we all get out of balance. The company that I am affiliated with has a cream that has enhanced libido for men and women. It is also great for women dealing with PMS issues, etc. You can give me a call if you are interested at ###-###-#### or ck out my web: www.successfromtheheart.myarbonne.com. It retails for $34 and you have a 30 day money back guarantee. Thanks, K.

the number one thing men need amazingly enough is not sex...it is respect. go out of your way to compliment him - especially in public. don't flatter, but genuinely admire him and i think his blood will start going again. i know for me and my husband, we are younger so the opposite is true - his sex drive far exceeds mine, but if he helps me around the house and with the kids, or we actually get to talk before bed, i know i start thinking about it more than barely talking to each other and then go to bed and expecting to perform. look up the word honor and really honor your husband - i think that would help.

have you tried bringing the vacation to your bedroom? Setting it up with candles, music, rose petals, the pair of underwear you'd like to see him in, etc.? I understand it's easier to let go when the children aren't around, but how often does that happen so we have to make after the children go to bed. Does he respond to spontenatous stuff -- like a quickie. Just change it up a bit and see what gets him aroused. I wish you well!

No-- it is not normal. It's just the average thing that happens because of our poor American diet and way of life.
Your hubby needs testosterone, I would bet good money.
He may even need some other hormones.
I just told someone else this--I sound like I am selling natural hormone treatment! LOL...
BUT...you can order a fuull hormone panel (saliva test--VERY accurate--much more than blood) online.
You can go to www.drjohnleemd, I believe. If not, just google that. There are symptom lists so you can have an idea what you need to test for. The you find a doctor who deals in NATURAL. PLANT hormone replacement. Artificial hormones cause cancer, blood clots, heart attacks, etc., etc.

Blessings on your endeavor, and I will congratulate you ahead of time on the new honeymoon! lol!!

--H.