Hubby Lost Job, I'm Going Nuts!

There are many things and options the two of you can take action on to change your situation. As far as your peace of mind is concerned, well, maybe it's time to stop thinking of him as in the way. If that is how you are thinking and feeling, I'm sure that's not helping his state of mind because even if you don't say that straight out, he knows and he can feel it. With that in mind, that won't help him. If you would like him to feel helpful and not feel like he is in the way, ask him for help. Haven't you ever had those times that you wished this or wished that when it comes to your day with your children? I used to think the house would just fall apart if I left. I found out that this hurt my husband...he felt as though I saw him a incapable and the truth was, I did. It was really a problem with my ego. So I started leaving him with the children more and more. Yes, the house would and still gets terribly messy, for example...but he keeps them alive and breathing and fills in the things that the kids miss with me. The house is messier because he plays with them more than I do...that's actually a good thing. So instead of freaking out over things I think should be done, I focus on the good things that have gotten done (time with the children, a great dad who loves them, playing softball in the backyard with them was just more important than the dirty dishes, etc.) At first, I started to feel guilty that I didn't play with them as much as he did due to keeping the house together, but then I saw the balance the children get from the combination of the two of us and it's a really great thing. Involve him in your daily lives...change is hard...I don't like it, but the more I fight it, the harder life is. The more I try to go with the flow of life, the better I feel. The better he feels, the more energy he will have to look for work and the more confident he will feel which will show at interviews. This isn't for you to fix and it isn't for you to fight. I know it's hard because I sort of get in robot mode. My husband travels a lot and when he gets home we have to go through the change every single time...where it was all me with all the household control, and now it's the two of us. I always go through an initial feeling that he is in the way, but then I get back in the flow of things with him around because I want to...because life is better and more enjoyable when I do that. Good luck to you and your family.

Well S.,
I dont have any suggestions on how to help him find a job, but my bet is... If you make him get more involved in the housework/childcare, like giving him daily chores and errands to run, and take a little more time to yourself, it will make him more motivated than ever to get out there and get back to work. He darn sure doesn't want to take on your job. ;~)
I know how you feel though. My husband starts to drive me NUTZ after about a week of leave.
Good luck!
~H.~

Send him on free day trips with the kids. Get him involved in the summer routine so he is involved in the family and has less time to think of himself.

Have you thought about giving voice lessons in the mean time? Finances are also weighting on him. Are there some odd jobs that he might do until he finds something permament. Or has he thought of temp work. Some of those pay really well and can turn unto fulltime work.

Think of it as practice for retirement and he will be home everyday without kids to distract you.

Good Luck,
C. B

Hey Sarah -

What does he do? Might have some ideas for you to help him find a position that is if he is in the aviation industry like working on planes.

C.
www.AHomeCareer.com

Hi S., it has been a while since I checked this website and I hope that my advice can still help you. I do not know if your hubby has found work yet, but I am always looking for sharp motivated people to join my business. We have a seminar every Tues nights from 7:30 to 8:30 Pm at 1773 Millennium Way in Meridian and this is a great way to come and see what it is that we do and see if it is the right match for him. We also hire on the spot. Let me know if he is still looking and if he decides to come let him know to ask for Y.. I hope everything is going well with all of you. God Bless.

Not knowing what his line of work is, I am not sure if this is possible, but could he try to start his own business from home, and could he set up an office in a spare room? If that isn't a possibility, maybe he can take a part time job in another field until he finds employment in his own field...it sounds like he wants to get out of the house as much as you want him to! If those things aren't options, have him take the kids for day trips to the park, or the pool, or something to get them out and about and let you have some "home" time. Good luck!

I am chiming in a little late on this one, but I wanted to echo Susan W. The one thing I noticed in your request, that quite frankly shocked me, was the use of the words (my home). I wonder if your husband feels like your home is his home too. You somewhat come across as if your husband is just a paycheck. Yes, his job is to provide for his family, but he also needs to feel important as a husband/lover, Dad, role model, someone you have confidence in to do anything that needs to be done. He needs to feel like a hero even if he isn't bringing in money right now. If he gets the same vibe I got (and I am not there in person with you from day to day) he probably is feeling self doubt and gearing up for depression. So, try thinking differently about your man, and act differently toward him, instead of speaking of him as a burden to have around the house. It is amazing what a man will do for his wife when he is treated like a hero for doing the smallest thing.

That sounds stressfull for everyone! Just remember for every 10k he makes in salary equals a month for a job hunt! So say he made 60k, it will take 6 months to find a job! Could your husband do some kind of work while he is searching for a new job? I guess you can't get unemplyment if you are working, but this might make him feel better until a "real" job comes up!Men definately need to feel like they are providing for their families! And are you sure you don't want to do something? Even just to get out of the house for a few hours? How about private voice lessons?Just until he is back to his normal work schedule. Hang in there! Good luck to you and your family!