How Would You Take This?

Rank issues, as much as it rankles.

You are the girlfriend, she is the best friend.
Her wedding. Her brother.

You are definitely low-girl on the totem pole with this event.

To anyone who thinks that her own BROTHER shouldn't attend her wedding, that's insane.

Hi V. S. If I were you I would slowing get ruin of him! Because he has already prove that he isn't honest and to take a video with his ex is a slap in the face. And for in brother girlfriend not to invited you to the wedding is another slap. And I hate to say but chances are he probably still seeing his ex and his brother's fiancee is probably friend with her. Because why was she always bringing her up too you? and then not invite you.

You are already causing a scene. It her wedding, her choice. If it were my wedding, I would probably uninvite you too. I wouldn't have time to cater to your drama. You are the one that is uncomfortable, so you shouldn't go.

He can't owe you anything at someone else's wedding. And he deserves to stand up for his brother. End of story.

what a yucky situation. AND you're not even married to the guy. Awesome. Well, he needs to clean up the mess he's created or risk a permanent rift between you and his family.

Frankly, you're being treated like a second class citizen because you're not married to the guy and the SIL *is* going to be married into the family and she is pulling rank and letting you know your place. You're the girlfriend her best friends ex knocked up. You are not her SIL.

Your boyfriend threw you under the bus. How dare he say anything to anyone about the conflict you had? If he goes without you, I'd take that as a sign that he's not as committed you and your child as he should be and strongly think about cutting my losses.

**Updated: Nobody, in their responses, seems to be taking the fact that you and he have a baby together. If you live together, I think that adds another layer as well. You *should* be respected as the partner of the grooms brother, but you know that means nothing in this situation. She's treating you as illegitimate and your boyfriend should either honor you or or you should move on.**

I couldn't imagine someone not attending thier brother's wedding, because their girlfriend didn't want him to go. He should go to the wedding and you should stay home.

Since BF obviously still wants to be with his ex, tell him goodbye.

This is your boyfriend, not your husband. The bride is choosing to have her new brother in law at her wedding, and avoid conflict. I think she made the right choice. You're not family. He is. There is nothing to "stand up" for. The bride can invite who she wants and you are not his wife, therefore you are not an obligated invite.

He lied to you. He knew he still had the tapes and he lied to you about it so he knew it was wrong to be holding onto them. Some pictures of ex-girlfriends in a box somewhere? No big deal. Keeping sex tapes and lying about it to you? Big deal. This guy is not the kind of guy I'd want to be spending my time with. He's not worth it. The wedding isn't the problem, the bride isn't the problem, HE'S the problem.

He kept sex videos and you're worried about her being at the wedding?

Serious drama, your boyfriend and his family and yourself.
Couples counseling? Counseling for yourself? Growing up a bit? Who knows...

One thing to consider: this is HER wedding. You have let her know that you won't be comfortable, and chances are the best friend is a bridesmaid/maid of honor. You are the prospective groom's brother's girlfriend. Awkward for everyone.

I think you need to decide if you want to stay with someone who lies to you and hides things from you, and if this is a family you want a lifetime of intimate involvement with. Otherwise, time to look for other options.

And one last option: why do you think that someone who lies to you is now going to stand up for you? It's a heartbreaker, but it's just not a realistic expectation.

I think you need to realize that the past is in the past. I think it's immature to give someone an ultimatum like that and then pout about it, don't you think?
It's not like you can "undo" the relationship OR the videos, right.
A good piece of advice: take the high road and maintain YOUR dignity. You don't want to appear childish and/or petty, right?
I'd apologize to the bride.

Coming from someone (me) whose ex husband had sex pictures of him and his ex... that most likely isn't the only thing he has. You know how they say if you see one roach there's probably 12 more behind the wall? Same concept. I found his sex pictures and threw them out. A few months later I found out more stuff. Most of the time these things snow ball. Anyone who lies to your face about sex videos is not trustworthy. I think you have bigger issues than the wedding babe.

You are right that he should take a stand, but they are his blood family (brother). On some level he should say something to them and tell them they were rude. I get if you and him were dating for two weeks or something, but you have a child so obviously it's been a lot longer. I don't care what your title is, girlfriend/fiance/wife, you deserve to be respected. As far as that chick being at the wedding, hell yeah I'd be uncomfortable too... he obviously still has feelings for her or he wouldn't have lied and kept the sex videos. I would tell him bye... everyone deserves someone that is 100% into them, not still pine-ing over some other person.

YES, he should stand up for you but in the end, he has to go to the wedding , it is his brother. He should respect you enough not to have lied about the video, not to want the video, not to allow his brother's fiance' to speak to you about the things she does...but he doesn't. You need to ask him to talk to the future sis in law about this but chances are, she won't budge b/c she sounds immature, and he is going to go anyway. Sooo that leaves you at home wondering if he is talking to the ex, flirting with the ex, etc This is an unhealthy relationship for you. Personally, knowing what I know now....get out of the relationship, move on to someone who respects you.

I sincerely hope you and your man haven't made any SEX tapes as you have learned the hard way, they can come back to hurt you.

The family seems to be disfunctional. Would your man attend the wedding without you? I hope not. From what you describe, it doesn't sound like the social event of the year to me. In fact is sounds like a pretty low life affair and you would probably be better off going bowling, dirnking beer and eating pizza; and YES having fun with people you want to be around.

What ever you do, DON'T stoop to THEIR level! THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.

Just incase they are holding their reception at the bowling alley, you could always go on a picnic!

Yikes...some people!

Saved the "sex" video's? Are you freaking (<edited) kidding me! First off, I hope you did'nt and never will do such a thing as "taping" yourself having sex! What a damn sicko, BOTH of them! And as for him taking a stand, I AGREE! I had the samething happen to me, my brother in law got married, and since my in laws can't stand me, they ONLY invited my husband and NOT me. My husband refused to go and yes, I felt bad but he and I are considered a package. Obviously they are non-sympathetic people and you really should'nt want to go if thats the way they are going to handle things. Also, maybe he still has something or feeling for his ex still? I mean why would he keep the tape's? I think he's a COWARD for not standing up for you, after all you have every right to be annoyed with this whole situation!
Sorry to say but he has YET to grow some real ball's! It look's like you got the bigger one's! lol.(sorry to put it in that sense).
Hope I was some help to your question! Good Luck!
P.S...this just reminded me of the whole "John Edwards" sex scandle...What a sick thing to do! She's an idiot because if you were REALLY nasty you could of done some damage with that sex tape....Shamless people are the oh soo scandalous one's!

I'm not seeing how fighting with your guy about his videos and being uncomfortable at the wedding around the ex etc got you officially "uninvited??!" Did he tell the future sister in law about your fight? Why? And that's a bit brash on her part to "uninvite you". It's almost like she was helping out your bf by taking the burden off of him and just not LETTING you go to the wedding. It's also a major sign your future sister in law does not want to be your friend. Not sure how THAT's OK with you bf.

If you want to stay with this guy, you should be his date at the wedding. He should make it clear he wants you there. It's his brothers wedding, and you are his significant other and mother of his child. Duh. You should behave and keep the video issue to yourself. I've had to deal with similar things in the past, but you do NOT ever crack your sweet veneer in front of the ex you have now REPLACED. You just smile and impress everyone with how nice you are. Once I was at a major event backstage of my husband's and the nightmare ex was there. The next day I got all kinds of Kudos from people for my great behavior even though she was leering and stalking and giving me dirty looks etc. The truth was, I didn't see her and didn't know she was there! Phew! But it worked in my favor and she quit coming around.

If he wont' stand up for you, and if you are going to be at feud with these tacky people who still go on and on about the ex and invite her everywhere, it IS worth considering moving on. Otherwise, just skip the wedding and try not to dwell on it. But these are all bad signs that will fester.

he should respect you and your wishes and your feelings. Maybe he should attend as your husband?

I think you need to realize that men hold on to things for NO REASON AT ALL! Men do not respond well to being told to get rid of things that they may never look at again. Plus, a sex tape is something that if made I would want to have in my posession END OF STORY! Does not mean I would watch it, or enjoy it, I just want to know where it is and who has access to it. In my opinion you overreacted. I trust you meant well to share your fears of the night but you should have kept those to yourself and told your mother if you needed to talk to it about someone because people's weddings are a BIG deal and no one wants drama. I hope you are good at apologies because I think it is time for one to ALL parties involved.

I think you need to upfront and clear with your SIL and tell you that you do not plan on making a scene although for obvious reasons you feel uncomfortable. It's hard, but you need to try your hardest to forget it for the day and attend the wedding if they'll have you back. As for your BF, I would make sure that he knows he needs to be honest becuase he is only creating a worse situation for everyone involved. I am a jealous person, so I can totally relate, I would hate the situation you are in.

is he in the wedding party and will he have to escort her down the isle....you know like the bridesmaid and best man, the way they pair off.

If you both are in the audience, not so sure what the problem would be. You could be holding his hand all night.

The tapes well that is personal and should not have gotten around to other family members. That should of been kept between you and him. (I do think you did the right thing throwing them out and letting him know --enough was enough) He could of really forgotten about them and though maybe she took them. After a while who knows what is really in the storage box.

I would certainly get more family members on your side. NO WAY will he go to the wedding unless you are there. But... depending on the venue what is to stop you from being "nearby"?