How to Make My 3 Year Old Sleep on His Own????

Updated on April 03, 2010
J.H. asks from San Jose, CA
10 answers

Hi Mom's, so i have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. baby sleeps great in his crib but my 3 year old always sleeps with me since i separated from his dad a year ago, do you have any ideas as to what i can do to have him sleep on his own again? and in a separate room?

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F.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Let him pick out the bedding for his new bed. Sit on a chair by his bed when he goes to bed. Every couple days scoot the chair abit more away from the bed. Do not talk to him other than a story,kiss and hug good night.
It will take awhile as he is so used to sleeping with you but this does work.
Also if he has a snuggle bear or something he likes to have in bed with him.
F.

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S.R.

answers from McAllen on

Hi,
One thing that really worked for me, is once he fell asleep in my bed I would put him in his bedroom, everyday, until he got used to waking up in his own bedroom, after that I started doing a really relaxing routine, like giving him a bath, and a massage before he went to bed and then I would put him in his bed and stay with him a while, and then at last I just sent him to bed after the bath, and he would just stay in his bed, of course he cried when I left him but he stayed in his bed, or whenever he left his bed I sent him back, and after a while he started doing it on his own.
I hope this works for you too. Good luck and a lot of patience.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Your question was how to "make him,." Well,if you want to make him, then just do it. You are the parent, you are in control and you are allowing him to sleep with you! I have nothing against cosleeping, but if you don't want to do it, then let him know that this will no longer be allowed. Let him know the bedtime routine, the consequences for not following the rule and follow through. Put him in his room and gate him in if you must. He's not going to suddenly say, "Mom I am ready to sleep in my own room now" so if you want this, you'll need to take control of the situation. Good luck

Updated

Your question was how to "make him,." Well,if you want to make him, then just do it. You are the parent, you are in control and you are allowing him to sleep with you! I have nothing against cosleeping, but if you don't want to do it, then let him know that this will no longer be allowed. Let him know the bedtime routine, the consequences for not following the rule and follow through. Put him in his room and gate him in if you must. He's not going to suddenly say, "Mom I am ready to sleep in my own room now" so if you want this, you'll need to take control of the situation. Good luck

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello Jareda, I would have to say as the mother of 5. I think you need to make his room with his sibling a great place to be and insist that is where he is to be. I have grandchildren that are of the thought they need to sleep with mom and dad. Now the parents are having a heck of a time getting them into their room becasue they think they are going to miss something.
Get elmo sheets and set up his bed and tell him he is a big boy now and needs to sleep in his own bed. Fix up your room and tell him you are going to have your own room now. I am sure he is confused that the baby doesn't sleep with you as well. Be firm and remember that youare the parent and in charge and that you need your privacy and a retreat to enjoy which is your bedroom. Good Luck

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K.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My son was four when we gave him his own big boy bed. He continued to sleep with me for a while so I finally told him he was just too big and I was uncomfortable. Then, I said you can't sleep with me anymore, but if you dont want to sleep in your new bed, you can sleep on the floor next to my bed. He actually did it, for about a week, then he went to his bed and I would stay in it with him till he was asleep. All-in-all it took about a month to make the transition. He still sneaks in with me once every month or two. I hope he always will :)

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S.A.

answers from San Francisco on

My thoughts on this subject go back to ancient times. WHen we were cave people we slept together for warmth, comfort, safety, etc. The desire is innate. As the years progressed, things changed. Did you know that the whole movement of children sleeping in their own rooms came about as a status symbol of financial wealth for a family. Only the rich could afford a home with separate rooms form the parents. So, Americans strived for that, because they thought it was good. I have a 10 year old daughter. My daughter has always been welcomed into the family bed. Her father and I divorced about 4 years ago, and she still has access to sleep with me if she wants to. I was always pressured by family members to "get her out of the bed or else she will never leave". I am glad I did not listen, and did listen to my own feelings about the matter. They grow up really fast, and I always felt that when she is ready for her own bed (which was always available to her) then she would try it out on her terms. It's worked out great. She is a very secure child, very confident, very sweet, indepedent, but she occassionally gets scared and wants to sleep with me. No big deal. I know it would be different if I had a boy. I don't think I would be comfortable with my son sleeping with me at the age of 10.....ewww....lol. So there is a difference in your story here....but I just wanted to say that I think it's perfectly ok, and natural for a little 3 year old to want to sleep with mommy, and if you feel that it's a good thing to have him near, then follow your mom instincts. Best wishes....Suzy.

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S.G.

answers from San Francisco on

He is still a baby. He needs you. But you could trying to lay with him in his bed and quietly sneek away. With his dad gone he really needs you and you need your sleep. He will sleep on his own when he is ready

I.M.

answers from New York on

Well, it may be a little hard now so don't give up when he refuses to.
You need to tell him that he is getting bigger and he needs to sleep on his own bed. You might need to lay down with him until he falls asleep, but don't give up. He's been with you for a year now, so this won't happen over night. You need to realize that so when you get tired and want to give up; you can think clearly and visualize this happening in a near future.
To start try an award system, for every night he sleeps in his room you give him a quarter or something like that. Or get him stickers, whatever it is that you know he likes the most, try working with that. After a month then you can get him something special.
Hope this helps

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A.B.

answers from Fresno on

I went through this with my daughter when she was about 2. Her father and I split when she was a year old, and the place where i lived after that was such that I had no other option but for her to sleep with me, and she got used to it. It was very difficult, and I totally understand your frustration, and you probably want your bed back. With my little girl, I started with the toddler bed in my room. The first night, there was alot of tears. hers, and mine. however she didnt see mommy cry... it was just hard for me to let her just lay there crying and so unhappy. And, she didnt understand at 2 that she needed to stay in bed, so i repeatedly just put her back in bed the moment she tried to get up. I laid her down, walked out with the door pulled to. And I waited. As soon as she started to wiggle out of her bed I put her right back in. And we did this probably 20 times (I have seen this method used for time out for a little boy who was much more of a challenge than my daughter, so dont be discouraged if it takes more than that, every kid is different.) before she cried herself to sleep. The second nite, she tried 2-3 times, maybe, and on the third night, she was perfect and from there on after bedtime was a sinch. Then when i moved into a 2 bedroom apartment, she got her own room, which was a big, special deal because having her own bed was second nature by then. Some people may think that is harsh, and it was difficult for me, but ultimately it was the best thing I could have done for her. In fact, it took her til she was almost 3 1/2 years old til she would even get out of bed before we would come get her in the morning. If she happened to wake up before we did, she didnt go trying to make herself breakfast or anything, she would get a toy or book, and crawl back in bed til we came in. I was so thankful that I pushed through 1 hard nite of parenting for the betterment of my child. Its not always easy.

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C.W.

answers from Redding on

My advice is BE STRONG! And do not do not do not start the new routine and then give up. This is far worse and will delay the end result! Wait until you are ABSOLUTLY ready to do this. Its gonna be hard, there will be tears, there will be weak moments when you want to just say F-it and give in...but you can't because when you go to try it again in a month it will take twice as long because your son will have it in his mind that if he just holds out then you will cave : - )

I went through this as well and I can tell you that EVERYONE who finally bites the bullet and does this is very glad they did and wonders why they didn't do it sooner! I loved co-sleeping but there came a point where it was just simply TIME to make the change. Good luck, and stay strong! It will be over before you know it : - )

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