How to Introduce New Sibling to His 2 Year Old Brother

Growing a family is the most natural thing we do as humans. The best thing you could do is not stress about it. Just keep showing your son all the love I'm sure you do now, include him when it's appropriate, don't make a big deal out of it, don't talk about his "reaction" in front of him or he's sure to live up to any fears or concerns you might be putting out there. You might be tempted to envision a relationship between your two sons the way you want it, which is fine, but ultimatey it is up to the two of them. Try to let go of your expectations a little and enjoy watching them develop their own relationship. Mine are 5 and 10 now and that has been the best part of being their mother for me. Let him have his emotions and help guide him through them. This will be a great learning opportunity for him. He'll adjust as long as he knows he's still loved. You can try to set aside a scheduled time of day that is for just the two of you (even just 15 minutes) if that's possible. That will really help him if he's feeling left out (that's what I did with my older son in the beginning). But he also needs to learn that he is one (very important) part of a bigger family and with that comes some sacrifice on everyone's part. We focus so much attention on our kids and sometimes I think it's better to let them see that life is full of changes and the world revolves around all of us, not just around one child. There is plenty of room in your heart for both (or all) of your children, and he'll know that when the time comes. Help him understand what an honor it is to be a big brother, too. He has no idea now how much a part of his little brother's life he will be, how important he will be to him. My 10 year old is just now realizing that and it's great to watch him take that on. Have fun!

Hi E....

From everything I've read and seen stories about, the most important thing you can do for yourself and for your kids is to try your best to keep everything on a schedule. The kids enjoy the routine because they know what to expect, and it will help you get through your day because you'll be able to tweak the schedule to make time for you (VERY IMPORTANT)....

I only have one, but I can definitely attest to accepting help from others when it's offered. You don't have to be supermom. It's going to be more to handle than you're used to, but you will get used to it, just take your time. But seriously, don't be afraid to accept other's help when it's offered. It can be a great help and an opportunity for much needed rest for you!

One last thing...when I was pregnant with my daughter, her older brother was 5 (my daughter's father's son) and lived with us. I was nervous about how he would interact with the baby because he was having some behavioral problems at school. I found quite a few books that you can read with your child that help you help them understand what's going to happen, in a way that is on their level. Doing this also includes them in the "process" and gives them a sense of pride in their new role as older sibling. When we told Quincy about the baby in my belly, he didn't get it at first, but we included him on the whole thing. I let him feel my stomach when the baby kicked, and that really seemed to help him understand the whole concept a little bit better. It's not an easy thing to grasp! When his little sister was born, instead of being a tyrant, he turned into a very very protective big brother. They are 6 years apart but have such a great relationship to this day.

Oh I remembered one more thing I got from a book I read! No doubt he's going to see the baby getting all these gifts and he might feel left out. You can start now by buying little trinkets that you can give to him when the baby is born, like maybe those T-shirts you see all over the place that say "I'm the big brother" or a picture frame that says that, or things like that.

Okay, I've done enough rambling....take care!!!

R. :)

hi there,

august of 2006 i had to introduce my son to his new sister. now, he was 2 months away from being 3 so he was older, but here are a few things that helped me with out.

1. start talking about the baby. show him where the baby is, get him to tickle the baby, really have him interact with his new little sibling.
2. i brought jeremiah to a store and had him pick out a new outfit for his little sister to wear.
3. i have csections, so i asked my mom to hold off on coming to the hospital till i was settled into my room and i could sit up and move a little.
4. when he comes to visit you in the hospital, do not be holding the baby. let the baby be in the hospital bassinet/isolate, whatever they call it. then maybe have him sit on the bed with you and have daddy bring the baby over so he can see him. just don't force the baby on him, he may not like that so much.
5. we also had a present for Jeremiah when he first came to see Annabelle.

hope some of this helped!! Happy new Baby!!! my son was born October 11th of 2003 :- ) good month for a new baby!! :- )

E.,
There's a great picture book called "My New Baby" that you could start reading to your #1 now. There are also lots of other great books out there, just be sure to keep them simple and fun to look at. Also, if your hubby isn't against it, a doll could be a great way to show your son how to handle a new baby. It's his baby to take care of while mommy becomes distracted with the "real" one. He's at the perfect age to want to help and do what mom and dad do. Of course, he'll swing it around and throw it to the floor (the doll), but that's normal and no indication that he'll beat up the baby, but you could take the doll into the bate and show him how to wash gently, show him how to hold the baby, feed the baby, etc.
Good luck and congrats!
H.

Hi, My older daughter just turned one when I found out I was 4 mo. I included her in everything..Everytime her sister would kick my belly, I would let her feel it. When her sister was born, when it was time to change the baby's diaper, my older daughter would get the daiper and hand it to me. When it came time for feedings I would let her help me with that. She never felt jealous of her sister. They are now 9 1/2 and 8 and if you ask who their best friend is, they name each other. I think it's very important to include the older child in the care of the younger one. For my family it formed a bond between the two girls.

Hi E.,

I have two sons who are about the same age apart as your two sons will be (19 months). They are now 4 and 2 1/2. Your request really stood out to me because I had the same exact worries! I did a lot of reading and have a few things that I really felt made a difference for my eldest son. 1 and most important is that I had a lot of help when I got home. As tired as I was - I did not do the laundry or cook the first week - I spent equal time with the baby and time with my son! I had family help out and I even hired a post-partum doula to be here when my husband had to work. 2 I bought gifts for my eldest to have as back up in case anyone came bearing gifts for the baby and forget my eldest! 3 I made arrangements to take a music class (great ones in hopedale) that all 3 of us could go together too! I think it helped with the bonding.
It will all work out great. Having two sons is awesome!
Best, L.

I had my daughter when my son was 25 months old. It was hard to explain to him that I was having a baby due to his age, so we kept mentioning that we were going to have a new baby. Then when I had my daughter he stayed at a hotel with my parents while I was in the hospital. He came to see us the first day, but didn't stay long since it was a little boring. The real introductions started when I came home. We did everything with him. He sat next to my while I fed the baby, watched us change diapers, and the one thing I swear by is that we let him hold her by himself. We propped up pillows on the couch and showed him how to sit. Obviously we were like 2 inches away :) But I think that helped a ton. 3 years later, they are extremely close and my son is very protective over his little sister.

I'm also pregnant with #2 and my daughter will be 2 1/2 when the baby comes in a month. She's been envolved ever since I found out I was pregnant. She goes to all my appointments and loves to measure my belly like the midwife. She got to see the ultrasounds, and we talk about the baby all the time. I tell her that there is a baby in my belly. She really likes the idea of being a big sister! And since I'm going to be doing another homebirth, she has been praticing breathing and pushing with me. Sometimes we watch a baby story and she gets to see the mom with the big belly have a baby. We have life size pictures of a baby at different weeks so I put that up to my belly, hoping she can get the idea. We've also been telling her all the thigs that we'll do with the baby-where the baby will sleep, eat, and all that. Well, I hope there is something here that helps you. ~Becca

Hello,
our son (now 9) did not like me holding any babys or other small children.. I was his and his alone.. When our daughter (now 8) was born our son was in the room.. When we brought her home he didnt mind me holding her. When i fed her bottle i made a big deal out of holding him too for the first couple weeks. I would tell him mommy needs to feed sissy and i would get him a bottle too. He would snuggle up with me while i fed her. Soon he wanted to get down. But felt included. Also had him throw her diapers away and give her lots of kisses and hugs. Also would make a bg deal about how much i loved him and how much he was such a big helper and i loved the way he loved his sister.
They have had their moments..still do.. But they are and have always been really close.. We have never seen jelousy issues.. Good luck and best wishes.. Hope all goes well with both your new arrival and your little boy..

Hey E.:

I am in the same boat as you my son just turned 2 in April and my next child is due anyday now. I let my son lay on my stomach and talk to the baby he gives my belly kisses and hugs and knows that there is a baby in there I will keep you posted on what happens when I have to baby and my sons reaction. I hope everything is going well for you.
~S.~