How to Handle the "Witching Hours"

Hi K.,

Same here and i to call it the witching hour. LOL. I have a 4 yr and 2 1/2 yr. For some reason 4 hits and boom madness. Both kid's start whining. Luckly my husband get's home at a decent hour. However, he travels alot and it's me and the kid's 24/7. Last week my husband was gone and by thur, i had it! Now i don't need anyone to bash me, but i truly had enough. I said, I QUIT! Find another mommy. As I was in the kitchen crying, i heard the kid's talking about who they wanted for a new mommy, in the end, they still wanted me. Bless their little hearts.

The only thing i can think of is joining a mom's club or doing ECFE classes. I joined international mom's club and that's been a life savor. I've met other SAHM mom's in my area. We meet for playgroup, do a mom's night out. A whole bunch of things. Here is the website. It's $25-$30 for a year, but well worth it. http://www.momsclub.org/links.html#Minnesota

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K.,

I remember those days all too well and it was really hard. I had twins who were not yet 2 when the 3rd baby came. I was exhausted and frustrated. One of the best things someone ever did for me was to offer to watch my kids once a week for a couple of hours so I could go be by myself. If you don't have someone who could do that for you - you might want to pay someone for a 2-3 hours on the day that is the hardest for you. I also stashed chocolate in a room that I could retreat to for a few minutes of Mommy time. I usually spent a lot of time praying/crying as I nibbled on a couple of pieces of chocolate. When I felt REALLY mad - I locked myself in the bathroom for a quite (ha ha - they were always on the other side of the door crying - but at least I won't do anything I might regret) place to do a little bit of "reasonable self-talk".

I did end up seeing a couselor for a year for depression - because I felt so angry. She put me on meds that didn't work but the best thing was realizing that all mom's feel the same way. I gained some tools on how to deal with my emotions. The tools that I gained were so much more helpful than anything else that I did. My children are now 5 and 7 and I just now feel like my hormones are finally getting back in sync.

Most of the reason, I realized, for my struggle had to do with a couple of things - maybe you can relate: my menstral cycle caused me to only have 1 "good" week out of the month so I started doing less and expecting less out of myself during those 2 weeks (thus reducing stress) and I realized that the hardest part of parenting was when all the kids demanded something all at once. Lastly, I was angry with my husband that he got to go to work while I had to listen to crying all day and change diapers. I saw that his schedule didn't change a bit while I had to change everything I was doing from before we had kids. I had to deal with those emotions as well and come to terms with my decision to stay home and take care of the kids.

We have a 1 hour "room time" where the kids play by themselves for 1 hour in their room. We worked up to 1 hour and I started with asking them what they were going do during room time and then helping them get settled. That has been a life saver for me. Sometimes the kids still come out of their rooms but they know that unless they need something they shouldn't bother me. I will help them if they need something but if I am planning on talking a nap I tell them that Mommy is very tired and needs a nap or she will be crabby so they are good about not interrupting my nap when I need it.

I would encourage you to have a couple of friends who you can confide in, who will be encouraging to you and lift you up. I have a friend who helps me refocus my thinking. She is one of my cheerleaders and won't let me talk negatively about myself or my parenting. A couple of friends like that and you will be in good shape.

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I know just how you feel and there are a few things you can do to minimize the stress. First of all, say a prayer of thanksgiving for two beautiful, healthy little ones. Remember that moms all over the world are going through the same thing, but many are w/o benefit of spouse, adequate food or electricity, not to mention the options we have like TV, toys and a yard to play in. Readjusting your perspective will go a long way to surviving those difficult afternoon hours. Then, feel free to readjust eating times to fit the kids. Many just can't make it until 5-6p for dinner. We often do dinner at 3p, especially as the kids give up naps but are still wandering around not knowing what to do with themselves. Once their tummies are full it's easier to divert their attention. Of coure we often have to do a "second dinner" around 7-8p, but it's worth it to have them happy. Readjust your expectations, too - don't try to accomplish anything but to enjoy their company from 4-7p. Peruse a magazine as they run around the yard, sit with your feet up as they play in the living room, just let them climb in your lap (or over your head and down the chair, as my boys like to do!) while you close your eyes for a minute. Even this will help defuse some of your frustration and fatigue. Believe it or not, this stage will pass in a heartbeat and you will be yearning for it! But your kids will be on to the next stage of life...Grab any moment you can to nap/lay down - anytime of the day that they are quiet, no matter when the opportunity presents itself. I made the mistake of not heeding this advice until my sixth child - dumb on my part!!! Children are truly a blessing, even when they cause us to be tired or we can't accomplish the goals we think we should. Our real goal should be to love and enjoy them while we can - they will be gone before you know it!

SAHM of seven

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K.,
My kids get 3 cartoons a day. I try to save at least two of them for that time slot. Add in some outside play either before or after so that all the yelling and crying doesn't reverberate off the walls. Good luck - its universal!

Yeah, that's me too. My witching hour is 5pm, everyday. My husband knows this and knows that he NEEDS to be home by 5pm everyday unless he wants to see my head start spinning around. What helped when he was in a career that didn't allow him that flexibility was getting a babysitter a few days a week at that time. I'm a writer, so it was easy for me to leave and go write at a coffee shop or library. Plus, there's always errands or going to the gym.

My kids are fabulous at quiet time, probably because they don't want to send me over the edge. It did take some training for the oldest, though. I bought her a 60 minute timer that she can have in her room, so she can see how much longer she has left for quiet time before she comes out. And when the timer goes, she opens the door to her sister's room and lets her know quiet time is over. I warned her when we started that I KNEW the time that the timer was going to go off, so if she started messing with the time on it, I would know and she would lose the priveldge of having a timer.

But seriously, babysitters. Do it. A LOT. If your husband has to work that late, you've got to do all you can in these tough years while they're so little to make yourself sane. Otherwise, you'll be no good to ANYBODY.

Those hours are really tough for me too. Lately, we've spent the morning at the gym, coming home for a snack, getting out for something active, and trying to be home around 3 or 4 to pick up the house. Bc my kids are active and we typically get really good one on one time during the day, I have absolutely no problem telling them to play in their room or watch cartoons before dinner.

My kids usually take a bath, put on pj's, eat dinner, . then we tell a story and go to bed.

I put my kids to bed early, around 7 pm. I've had friends compliment me for this, but honestly....its bc I am done being mom by that time. Thankfully I have good sleepers.

A routine is super helpful. Making sure that kids get time with mom and active time during the day helps me let them veg in the later afternoon. It works for us.

It also sounds like afternoon starvation is an issue for you too. If I give my kids a snack around 3:30....even before they ask for it, they don't get as cranky and they have their appetites back for dinner at 6.

good luck, let us know...and remember, some days are just like that.

I would see if there is girl in your neighborhood who is 12-16 yrs in age. See if she can come over and work as a 'mother's helper' a few hours a day. Prepare a snack for the kids and have her play with them, give them their baths, read stories or do any other help you need that day. Prepare dinner while she is there and take some time to relax. Maybe take a walk alone or take the time to read, listen to relaxing music, meditate, or work on your art. You could also take this time to get together with another mom and have coffee and get some adult conversation.
About the nap time, if you can put a TV in your daughter's room and play tapes or DVDs of programs she likes. She will probably nod off and get some sleep at this time. Plan activities in the morning that will tire her out, swimming, playing at a nearby park or a long walk. Set a routine( lunch, story, hugs and kisses, sleep) the same as bedtime for her naps her mind will soon realize that it is sleep time and she will settle in for a nice nap. It sounds like she is tired and maybe bored so she is acting out. Late afternoon is a difficult time for most Mom's the kids are tired and hungry and probably want 'daddy time'. Unfortunately your husband's job keeps him away from home until 7 PM and the kids get little time to play with him. If your daughter settles in a takes a good nap you may be able to keep them up for an extra half hour to hour to get some play time with daddy. And the bedtime routine can become 'daddy time'. ( You get some 'me time') He and the kids will look forward to this and begin to treasure this tme together.
I know this may sound silly, but enjoy your children while they are little. Soon you will be involved with school and before you know it you will be shopping for prom dresses. The pre-school years are difficult but so wonderful at the same time.

I'm guessing they sleep from 7p.m. to 7 a.m. right now. How about switching that from 9p.m. to 9 a.m. And if they can't sleep until 9 a.m. then I guess the younger one will take a longer nap and the older one might acctually take a nap. You're like no, the older one won't nap, right? Well if they keep on not being able to sleep until 9 a.m. day after day. Your older daughter can only take that so many days, believe me she'll zonk out and take a nap eventually. Ok, so if they go to bed at 9 then your husband has time to spend with the kids, which is a great thing. Then at 8:00 just be like I'm going to go somewhere and do something by myself now. Whether it be going to your room to read or to a coffee shop to read, whatever. And let your husband put the kids down for the night. Maybe this won't work everynight of the week, but gosh darn it you deserve to do it this a few nights out of each week!

How about planning on giving the kids a snack right around 3:00. You could prep it earlier so that at 3, you could just sit down with the kids while they eat. Then come up with a quiet activity for your 3 year old that she can do by herself, either watching a video or coloring or get a special toy you keep for only that time of day, like playdough is a good one to keep a preschooler's attention for a long time. While your 3 year old is busy, hopefully you can get the baby down for a nap and get a break in, yourself.

With your children so young, maybe fixing their dinner early would help. Waiting until 7 to eat is really hard on their little systems and if they aren't starving, they are better behaved. At 4 maybe you can put on a special movie for them to watch while you cook their dinner. This gives you a little time in the kitchen alone and the kids are busy watching their movie. If this is the only time they get to sit in front of the TV during the day, it is ok to have that hour to yourself. The one year old might sit better if you give them a little snack bowl of cheerio's while they are watching the movie.

Another thing I did with my kids that when they were too old for naps or fought them, I would put on a soft music tape (CD's now) and give them a few books to read. The rule was they had to stay in their bed and look at books but they didn't have to go to sleep. On days they were really tired, they would fall asleep, other days they wouldn't sleep but still had a good rest. If your daughter gets up, take her back to her bed and tell her it is reading time. It will take a bit getting her in that routine. You could also sit a clock in there with big hands and show her where the little hand will have to be, or the big hand, to show when reading time will be done.

Soon the kids will be in school all day and you will be so lonely for them. Enjoy the times you have together... it will seem so short after they are old enough for school.

Witching Hours - That's a clever way to put it. Even employees need a break, right? But it is hard to get a break from your own kids. Also, I feel that artists need quiet time and freedom in order to keep the creativity flowing through you. I supose that you feel like losing your cool somedays and maybe you have. I can understand how the crankiness peaks between 4-7. I have no advice for you. I don't know how you will do it, but you need your own space during this time, a set time everyday that the kids can learn to obey, "Mommy is in the livingroom for quiet time" Calgon take me away! Good luck.

K.,

I know exactly how you feel. My kids are 3 and 20 months. We were struggling with naps, but this week has been better. I've been lying down with my 3 year old on my bed and he's been falling asleep. I actually think he was over tired, because his naps have been at least 2 hours all week.

My husband rarely gets home before I am putting dinner on the table at 6:00, or often it is 6:30 so I know how that feels to make dinner when the kids are driving you nuts. He also travels a lot for work, so some weeks I'm on my own all the time.

This is how I cope.

Quiet Time: See if lying down with your daughter helps her fall asleep (will she go to bed if she does take a nap?). Other wise, you may need to institute some special quiet time books or games, or something she ONLY gets to do when her sister is sleeping. Enforce it by making a chart and give her a sticker for having a "good" quiet time. This worked for me last spring when we were struggling with nap (we have this problem regularly). When we had a full chart of stickers we took a trip to Choo Choo Bob's (my son's choice for a prize).

Dinner Time: On TPT Channel 17 between 5 and 6 is Curious George and Clifford. This is my savior some days. On a bad day, the kids watch tv for 1/2 hour so I can have some sanity and make dinner. I used to feed my younger child while I was cooking, because he couldn't make it until 6. That way he wasn't watching TV, and he actually ate because he wasn't so hungry that he lost it before dinner. Alternatively, you could have your 3 year old "help" you with dinner. I haven't tried this yet, but have heard it can help. Give her a bowl, some kitchen scraps, have her stir and make "soup" or what ever... put it in the compost when she's done.

Good luck to you, I know it is hard! But, you'll survive, and they do grow up really fast.

J.
SAHM to Charlie (3), Joey (20 months) and #3 due Nov.

Hi K.,

I hate to say it, but I think you desperately need to get both of your girls on a good sleep schedule -- for your sanity and theirs -- or you're going to be in for a long haul. You mentioned the 3 year old is having trouble, and the 13 month old is going to mimic that soon.

Someone else also mentioned bedtime. I think that's where you need to start. Make sure they're in bed early to avoid over-tired days. Maybe it would help to have them all tucked in and settled down when dad gets home, so that he says good night and then it's lights out? Some sort of consistent routine will help a lot.

Then, naptime...My 2 yr old just started repeatedly getting out of bed during nap, too, and I think it's because he's overtired and I'm getting him down too late. Don't miss this window! If kids get up early, it's completely likely that they'd need a nap by noon. Is your 13 mo old still taking two naps? As a daycare worker (experience w/ multiple kids and schedules) here's what I'd suggest:

7/8: wake up?
9-11 - 13 mo old down for morning nap (if she takes one)
11- lunch
11:30- quiet time, books, soft music, etc.
12 - naptime. Be stern about staying IN ROOM and don't resist the temtation to go in and "rescue" a sad child (if 13 mo old is taking 2 naps, she'll still be up and you can use this time to feed/play with her one on one)
2- hopefully, your 3 yr old will nap until this time
Have a nice big snack, to hold everyone over until dinner
5:30 - dinner, followed by bath and books tucked into bed by 7 when dad gets home

I know...it's way easier to plan it out than it is to implement, but I can't emphasize enough the importance of sticking to a schedule. As hard as it is now, you don't want this train to keep going in the direction it is, or you're going to be in for an even longer more difficult time.

Take care, best of luck, and let us know if you have any more thoughts or questions!

PS - if you can schedule any play group time with friends, neighbors, whatever (maybe even use this site to find people in your area) it will give both you AND your kids some new faces to look at and communicate with during the day.

OK I know you laughed about the drinking, but seriously have a glass of wine while your making dinner, or during dinner.

I'm in the same situation and some days it's just enough so I feel less frantic and just really enjoy them...cheers!

Check with Hennepin County to see if they have any free resources for you to use. I live in Washington Co, and was told there are pre-screened and well qualified volounteers out there that will come to your location, and babysit (free) to give parents a break. You can use the service for anything you want to do, shopping, movie, haircut...anything! They are strictly volunteers so they can't accept any money. I have never used the program before, but I am guessing that it's a lot of grandma type people, just cuz they love kids. Something to check out anyway.

2 tricks to try:
1. make dinner first thing in the morning. This is what I do and it makes it so much better when you are not having to think about dinner and prepare food during the witching hours.
2. plan a snack for BEFORE you and kids are hungry/starving. You can plan out and even prepare this snack when you make dinner first thing in the morning. If you can identify the time frame when you are STARTING to feel hungry, or the time just prior to the meltdowns, set a timer or alarm clock for that time and bring the snack out then. I have this same problem too. If I forget to eat an afternoon snack, I get extra cranky and can't deal with my son. Something with protein and carbohydrates would be idea at least for you. I found a serving of trail mix, plus some fresh fruit or orange juice was a good thing for me at that time of day. Your goal is to prevent the blood-sugar crash that is likely causing your afternoon crash.

Those are the things that have worked for me. The only other thing I have done, which I don't really recommend but use it if you have to: a favorite video can be watched during "quiet time" if you are having difficulties making "quiet time" work otherwise.

(Be sure when you have quiet time, YOU are taking a rest break too! even if that means, sitting there with your eyes closed next to your kid while the video plays. You need the time to regroup mentally and emotionally too- don't do chores during quiet time!)

Best of luck to you!
Jen

I hear ya. I feel the same way. I don't have any advice (sorry!), I'm just glad you posted the question so I can get some ideas. Hang in there!

Hi, I too stayed home with my two girls when they were young. My three year old gave up her nap right before I had our second baby. She did not "rest" nice either. It is not the best solution but I would put in a movie during nap time or let her watch her favorite PBS shows so I could get some down time sitting with her or getting a couple of chores done or supper started. This can also be a nice time to be with her while the other one naps doing a quiet activity together. It is not easy and I felt crazy and alone at times too. Are you all getting a healthy late afternoon snack? I remember I/we had to eat or would get really irritable. Can you feed the girls between 5-6 while you have a snack and then you can eat with your husband later after the girls are in bed? I don't like eating in shifts so we always ate as a family. My kids went to bed later at night than your two so we had more Dad time so he could take them on a walk,play outside etc. before bathtime. Can you consider a later bedtime and maybe they will sleep later in the morning so the day isn't as long? Perhaps this is wishful thinking as kids are pretty schedule oriented. Do you have neighbor families that you can play and socialize with in the late afternoon? This was a life saver for me as the kids played and the moms and older "grammas" of the nighborhood would chat. Good luck to you, hang in there.
K.

I know exactly how you feel. I have those few ours a day when my kids drive me nuts and I am ready to ship them off to the zoo. I have found a few things that help sometimes. I have freinds with kids and we occationally take each others kids for a little while for a break. I also have found that if i feed them and then strap them in a stroller for a walk I can blow off steam and if i bring my ipod i can somewhat ignore them as i am walking. If all else fails, I just suck it up and hold out until my boyfriend gets off work and then, if they are still awake, he gets to put them to bed.

I think almost every mom has trouble this time of the day. One thing that I do for myself to help me get through it is to make sure that I am well hydrated and fed (usually a protein and a fruit). This is the time of day when we are starting to wear down, and low blood sugars can exacerbate these issues. I think that to some extent this can be the same issue with the children; a good snack around 4 pm (again, I usually try give them a protein and a fruit) really helps them as well. I think that the more tired and hungry I am the more difficult of a time I have dealing with their behaviors.

Another thing that I try to do, I don't always get this accomplished: I try to have all chore type stuff done before this time of the day, like most of dinner prep done, and I don't try to start new projects. Instead just spend some time snuggling with the kids or playing with them on the floor. This seems to alleviate some of the craziness here.

Well you have gotten a LOT of good advice. I will dito A lot!! My husband doesn't have any normal hours as he's on call 24/7---usually gone during the day hours very seldom at night. But when he actually gets home is the unknown. Anyway....What I'm getting at is I truely believe that the girls need his attention too and he needs them too! I would change their sleep time so they have at least an hour with him and he should be helping you put the kids to bed--if he's not. I totally understand the end of the day I'm sick of them feeling...but for me there are entire days I can't stand being around them---esp those cranky days and when they purposely defy me. I had to laugh at the one response of she told them to find a new mommy---I've said that myself!! Hang in there. I don't have much else to add. I have found for myself that I need outs. Even if I have something planned for the end of the week where I'm away from the girls--I have a better week. My husband thinks that meeting for things I volunteer count but they don't help as much as my scrapbooking saturdays.

Hope all the advice helps in someway.
L.
SAHM of 2 girls ages 3 1/2 and 2 years.

Do you have any friends or family that could come in and give you a break a few days a week during this time? If it's another mom maybe the 2 of you could trade off watching kids during each other's stressful hours of the day, this way you both benefit and get some stress relief!

Hi K.,

I often feel the same by the end of the day and start to loose all patience with even the littlest whine from my daughter. My daughter, 2 1/2, rarely naps and I also watch 2 other children 4 days a week and my husband too often works late and when home brings more work with him. I insist on a "quiet/nap" time for all the kids. My daughter won't nap, so I let her watch a cartoon or movie or play with a special toy during this time in her room and I put a baby gate up so she stays in. During quiet time, I don't do any house hold chores, I do something for me, crafts, read a book, blog or call a friend or my mom for a chat, exercise, I've even hoped in the shower just to get away. I am considering having a middle school or high school girl come over after school for an hour or so too to play with the kids, which they think is special fun not mommy ignoring them.

Good Luck!
M.

get a babysitter at least one night a week, and get out.
it may seem rude to miss their bedtime, but its only one day a week right? that may be all you need to just relax and have time to yourself. i got that way so bad i was craving to get out! i was just a wreck! and now i know if i dont get that time, i will feel aweful until i do!

if you dont want to miss bedtime, then come home and do it when you get there. something like that.
maybe when dad gets home, i know guys dont like having their kids "thrown on them" when they walk through the door, but if he could take the reigns and do bedtime routines for you while you cook a supper or whatever your routine is, that would be a great way for him to spend time with the kids, and for you to have a break from working all day with them. hes their father, they need him to be with them, and if bedtime is the best and only opportunity, then he should take advantage of that time. then once they are in bed, you two will finally be alone.

one thing about the nap issue... be consistent. dont let your daughter get up from her quiet time no matter what. if you need to, leave a small bowl of crackers or something in her room and a small cup of water so she doesnt have those excuses to come out. make sure she goes potty right before going to quiet time. and never respond to her if she comes out. lead her back to her room, and shut the door (if you are comfortable with that). the more attention you give her when she doesnt follow the rules, no matter what kind of attention it is, she will keep doing what she has to to get the attention. right?

is she interested in books on tape? those are always fun. im sure your local library has things like that. a friend of mine has a daughter who loves books on tape. and they can be short, or long, depending. or they can sometimes be repeated over and over LOL. depending on attention span, it could give her something to do for a while. you could also try quiet music or classical music too (which i still say is good for your brain anyway... so its good no matter what)

good luck

My 3 year old stopped napping, too. Her doctor told me that she AT LEAST needs to do a 30 minute quiet time at that age. Here's how I got it to work.

I stashed away a whole bunch of story books in a closet. After the younger sibling goes down for a nap, I make sure and have at least 30 minutes of one-on-one play time with the older child. I set a timer for how much time we have and let her decide what to play. I tell her as soon as our "mommy" time is up, it will be "quiet time". And I let her know when time is winding down so she can transition well. Then when time is up, we tidy up whatever toys we were using and I get her some books out of the closet (which she hasn't seen for a while so they're extra interesting - library books work great for this, too!) Then I set her up in our guest bedroom (not much in there, so she has no choice but to relax and/or read) or in her own bed. I stack the books on the bed next to her and tell her I'll come get her in 30 minutes. (The length of a Mr. Rogers episode, I tell her.) I also tell her that if she comes out of the room I have to start the timer all over again. In the beginning I also sometimes gave her a special non-messy snack to enjoy while she was relaxing with her books. My daughter began to not mind, and sometimes even enjoy, her quiet time. Now we've gotten to the point where she tells me when she's ready for quiet time, she doesn't usually even ask for "new" books and she often falls asleep and takes a nice nap!

On particularly bad days, I tell her mommy needs a quiet time of my own and she and I just lie on my bed and I fall asleep while she "reads" books to me. She almost always falls asleep when we do this, too.

When everyone wakes up, we have a snack together - sometimes we throw a big blanket on the floor and have an indoor picnic. (I put together snacks and water sippies the night before.) After that we usually like to play outside in the yard to wait for Daddy to get home or we sit at the table and color together. Put on music - that can be a good mood-changer. Lots of times we try to do things to "surprise Daddy". It gives us all motivation and something to look forward to that night. We make a dessert or get things ready for dinner, we build a huge building block creation or make special drawings for him, we tidy up one room so well that it looks like it should be in a magazine, etc.

You will get through this!! Like they say, "The days are long but the years are short".

I'm not sure where you live, but in South Minneapolis we have a babysitting co-op. We just take turns watching each other's kids with coupons to keep everything even. I frequently take a morning off to do something on my own. To earn the tickets I watch other kids and thereby have my kids distracted.

I also have a YWCA membership and will occasionally drop the kids off and read for a break.

When we are home we have quiet time in rooms so mom can have a time out. I still spend most of each day with the kids, but it doesn't wear me out when I mix it up. I also have friends with kids that come for playdates. Almost everyday one of the above happens so that I get some time without them.

good luck,

I think we have all been in this same situation. Have you thought about joining a gym? This way you can work out while the kids are at the daycare there. Or, if you're too tired to work out then you can sit in the hot tub or even just walk on one of the treadmills. When I was pregnant with my 3rd I would put the kids in the daycare and go watch Oprah for an hour in the womens' locker room. It felt a little weird doing that, but I was a much happier person to be around after that little break.
You can also join a MOMS Club. This way you are not just with kids all day long, but you get that adult contact and friendship which makes the days go by a lot easier.
I also used to swap kids one day with a friend in the afternoon. Every other Thursday she watched the kids for 2 hours while I got a break and then I watched her kids on the other Thursdays so she got a break. Even when I was watching her kids the afternoon went by faster since all the kids would play together and I just mostly watched. I also used to get together with a friend once a week for dinner. We would switch homes each week. One week her and her kids would come to my house for dinner and the next week the kids and I would go to hers.
For quiet time, my kids don't have to be in their rooms. They just have to leave me alone for one hour. They can play outside or in the basement, play on the computer, do some art. Almost anything they want. They just have to be able to do it independently. If they come to me I just simply ask them if they want a nice mommy or a mean mommy. Of course, they want the nice mommy. That's when I tell them that they need to leave me alone for that one hour or I else I turn mean. They usually stay away.
Hope some of this helps and good luck.
M.

Been there, done that and I feel your pain. It's a tough job being a mommy 24/7. Since all three of mine are teenagers now, I still go through this sort of thing even to this day. But when they were younger, I had a neighbor girl come over a couple three times a week just to sit with the boys while I went to the store or just to go for a short drive or walk. I called this my mental health break, because if I didn't get this break, I would go mental and break.
It's also hard to teach a small child that quiet time means quiet and no more playing. I did kind of accomplished this one when I had the boys come into the living room with their favorite blanket, placed it on the floor or couch and just lay there or sit there for 15 minutes and just be quiet, to listen to some quiet type of music or a story that's on cd. I would tell them that they don't have to go to sleep (and that was the key) but they did have to be quiet. Pretty soon they'd be asleep and I could then get up and do some of the things that I wanted to do or need to do in the house. I would then, after a few times move this into their rooms (just turn the sterio up a little louder but not by much but they could still hear it). It's amazing how fast they will fall asleep because they're so tired that their little minds don't realize it and listening to something while they are being quiet even for a short period of time helps. When you get them up after the set period of time, give them a snack. I know that 15 minutes of quiet doesn't seem like a very long time, but in a small childs mind it will seem like forever. Like adults, they do need time to destress and what a better time to introduce good music or a good book.
Just a couple ideas that you might want to try out.