How Much Do I Pay My Mother in Law for Daycare

If you try to pay her, you might actually end up with a ridiculous family fight. Maybe there is another way to re-pay her? Maybe hire a cleaning service to come in once a month for her (if she wouldn't be offended) or some sort of snow-removal company to make sure her driveway and sidewalk are always safe and accessible, or make her a really awesome photo book from shutterfly.com (or wherever)or, not to be morbid, but maybe fund a long-term care policy for her, so that waaaaay down the road, whe won't be stuck in a sub-par nursing home if she requires full-time care. I know that seems really gruesome, but each family has its own idea of what's okay and what's not, and mine's just weird enough that this would be a good gift. Yeah, reading that back to myself I'm realizing just how strange my family is... Another idea is to put a small amount aside each week, say $50-150 that you would be paying her in either a money market account, or something else easily liquid, and every quarter or 6 months or whatever, ask her if she would like to take that money that you've 'paid' into her account, or donate it (don't worry, she'd rather you have the money than a charity). If she's an animal lover and has pets, maybe purchase a pet health insurance policy for her. Or a membership to massage envy so that she can get monthly massages. Maybe something on here will spark your interest - you know her better than I could ever pretend to. I would skip the paying her cash idea though and come up with something else that she would appreciate. Magazine subscription? Wine of the month? Bowling passes? The possibilities are endless. Good luck!

Hi C.. I think it's important to discuss the guidelines upfront, to avoid any issues. The more simple you can keep things, the easier it will be for everyone to comply. So you may want to go over the issues that are most important to you and leave the minor things up to her discretion.

For me (and my kids), schedule and routines are very important. Plus, I give strict guidelines on food so that one of the Grandparents doesn't end up feeding my kids a gallon of ice cream! So I created a chart that shows both kid's exact schedule and routines, by hour. Not only the "when," but exact details on the routine. Hence, the routine never changes, no matter who is watching them. I also put together a page on what foods are acceptable for each meal and snack time. Again, this has taken any question or ambiguity out of what the Grandparents are able to give.

I find that, once these things are typed/written on paper, there tend to be less disagreements and non-compliance with our wishes. My husband and I sit down with the Grandparent and go through the paper on the first visit. Then we post the paper on the cabinet for future reference.

Maybe this sounds a little overkill, but one set of Grandparents would feed my kids chocolate and sweets all day if we didn't have our guidelines!

hi C.,

You are soooo lucky to have a family member you trust and who genuinely cares for your son willing to care for him while you work.

It sounds kind of like you have not actually spoken much with your MIL about this yourself - maybe just your husband has? Having no idea how your MIL is, it's hard to say, but I would definitely advise against using phrases with her like "I want to set guidelines", as his Grandma she will expect some level of authority - but that is a good thing usually - and the last thing you want is hurt feelings.

I would start the conversation with her (and you must have one right away) by praising her for being a hands-on grandma and by sincerely expressing your appreciation for her, then go on to discuss details. For example, most pre-schools have just as many days off as public schools - is she willing to care for him full time on school holidays (Christmas break etc) or will you need to arrange a backup? And if he gets a cold or flu bug, is she willing to care for him full time while he gets better?, then there is the whole food thing...

If she tends to indulge him with sweets or junky t.v. or other things you don't want, you'll have to find a way to gently let your preferences be known, but I would just wait and see on that rather than confronting her with that right away. She can't do too much damage in the time from after pre-school until you get home :-)

Unless she is in need of the extra cash, I wouldn't make a big deal of paying her if she has already said no - but I would offer cash to her twice (calculate what you would pay a sitter and offer it at weeks' end), if she refuses twice than I would just let that be. If you are strapped because your husband is just starting a new job, write her an I.O.U. at the end of the week for the first two weeks, when your hubby gets his first paycheck - offer her the real cash.

Meantime, breathe a sigh of relief that your little guy will be with his grandma so you & hubby can focus on your career (with grandma is a great place to be when you're four!)
:-)

W

I would not pay her with money. Instead, do GCs to a nice dinner out, or have your son make her something special.

Interesting...I actually am appalled by the fact that my MIL WANTS to be paid to watch her grandchild. I agree with the previous poster who said to not force the issue of pay and instead to do other nice things such as dinners.