How in the World Do You Handle a Newborn and 16-Month Old?! Anyone...?

The advice you have gotten is great so far! The "nursing basket" helped me a lot because I always had everything I needed for the older one (mine are 14.5 months apart). I also always tried to nurse in a place that the older couldn't really get in trouble - even if it meant that I wasn't comfortable. I carried the baby in a moby wrap the marjority of the time until she was about 3 months and I was really working on nap scheduling. This allowed her to have cuddles with me and for me to still take care of the toddler.

I PROMISE it gets better but I won't lie, that first year is really hard. My girls are 2 and 3 now and I LOVE it. They play together and are such sweet friends. Be patient with yourself. Your kids are going to learn to share and compassion for others much earlier than other kids because they don't really have a choice!

BREATHE!!! You will get through this! I promise!

You already got so many responses, I don't have much to add.

One thing that helped me enormously was what the dr told me "Your NB won't remember if you let him cry for a few minutes to tend to your older son...but your older son will remember if you let him cry to tend to the NB". Obviously this is within reason. You can't ALWAYS tend to the older one. But you have to really go out of your way to make sure that she knows you did not forget about her, that she is still really really important!!

My daughter (my 3rd child) was a week shy of 18 months when my son was born. I had the exact same fears but you know, it all just works out. My (now) 2-year-old has always been very rambunctious and full of fire. I'm not saying its easy by any means, but just go with it and try to not get upset over the minor things that really, in the grand scheme of life don't matter all that much. If she needs to climb into your lap while baby is nursing, let her. He won't mind and she'll realize that she really isn't missing anything and eventually get bored and move on. The more you tell her she can not do something, the more enticing it becomes to her. Just go with the flow and don't sweat the small stuff. That is the best lesson I've learned over the last 10 months :)

Wow, you do have a lot of changes happening in a short span of time. I have 2 kids that are 14 months apart. Some of the things we did to help me out when I was alone with the kids were:

- turn the dining room into a playroom; most toys were housed there; gates at doorways: baby proofing measures; pack n play and fold out toddler couch for naps; son could see tv from this room

- kept a cabinet in living room stocked with essentials for both kids (diapers, wipes, a few changes of clothes, blankets, etc) and had a bassinet in the living room for naps

- had swings, play stations, etc to help entertain the kids

- when the baby was sleeping I would lay down in the playroom with my toddler. Even if I wasn't playing much I was still there to cuddle with him and be climbed on (LOL!!).

- when I could I would make meals to freeze (maybe make a double batch of a meal and freeze one batch) then all I had to do was thaw and heat them when needed

Do you belong to a mom's group or having family/friends that can help out a little? Even if they can come over for an hour a day to entertain your older one that might help her to feel attended to.

Is your daughter pulling her hair OUT? My daughter did, though she didn't chew on it. She was also a bit older than your daughter. If you catch your daughter in the act, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just redirect her hand to something else (such as put a toy in it) or do something to soothe her like give her a hug. This is something I would mention to her pediatrician if she continues.

Best wishes to you.

My second and third children are 18 months apart... And what I found that worked for me was to involve my DD2 (second child) when I did things with my DS (third child). I got DD2 her own doll with doll accessories... So when I was BFing, I would talk to her about what I was doing and maybe she could feed her doll some baby food... Don't be surprised if your child starts to BF the doll. When I changed a diaper, I would ask her to bring me a diaper and be a helper. I would also change the doll's diaper too with my daughter.

Yes, it's a challenge...but you are a strong, resourceful woman! You'll pick up a routine that will will work great! (just in time for the kids to change things up! LOL)

mine are the same age difference. we got the 16 month old a doll with stroller and feeding accessories--she got so attached to that baby and mimicked mommy with the real baby--even breastfeeding! She did run over baby sister's head with the stroller once, but I guess baby just learned to be tough! (*smiles*)

We went out of our way to give both kids lots of loves and cuddles... I probably had one kid or the other on my hip 90% of the time. We got a good double stroller and went for walks whenever we could--living in San Diego, fresh air was valued to break up the insanity inside the house.

It was hard, but very do-able, just keep trying different things suggested below and try to keep routines. I had grandparents close, so the 16 month old would go there on a regular schedule. That was HUGE help for me. Talking to my moms for tips and advice and just to vent was important too. I fought depression myself, so the family support was good. Don't be afraid to ask for help or tell people what type of help you can use if they offer.

we are big on sleeping through the night at our house, so we worked hard to encourage that with kids in their own rooms and only night feeding when baby is hungry--and transitioning after a few months to non-boob comforts at night so we could all be more rested and happy during the day.

(this is some time away, but potty training for #1 didn't happen till BFing was minimal b/c I wouldn't be able to help her if I have a baby attached to my chest!)

It'll start to feel like you have twins sometimes. Everything takes longer to do--grocery shopping, getting dressed in the morning...so plan ahead, allow extra time, don't over-schedule, and keep spare diapers in the car at all times (you are so busy now, you might forget to pack them, so this way you will always be ready).

There are lots of challenges at these ages, but benefits too. You can do it!

...
and we read books on the couch with #1 while BFing #2.

As a family daycare provider of 3 children under the age of 3 in addition to my 2 year old daughter I can understand your anxiety! Just remember that if she was in daycare before she has had to wait for things and be in a group setting so it really won't be as hard as your anticipating.
-Definitely have a flexible routine in place--nothing rigid--just set aside certain times for naps, toddler snacks/meals, outdoor play (so necessary!), art activities
-Let her cuddle up while your breastfeeding--my daycare children love pretending to feed dolls or just being close when I bottle feed the infant I have in care. I think they remember that closeness when they see a baby feeding that way:) Sometimes I have to remind them to watch their feet as the drape themselves around me but just go with it.
-Good time to read to her! (Once you establish a pattern of BF time =reading she'll be more likely to sit) Even if she is on the move (my young toddlers like to move around when I read) read as you breastfeed --both children will benefit)
-I love the idea of a special bag of "nursing" toys--or toys set aside only for when you have to BF so they are novel and she'll look forward to that time.
-I try to avoid T.V. since if they get it daily they would expect it daily and not learn to entertain themselves but when things go bonkers (and they will-its OK!) I have a DVD ready (mine love the Hooked on Phonics letter sound DVD -- I find it monotonous but they love to find the letters in the video on the floor puzzle) or try music CD's
-For meals--I do the same thing for dinner the night before and lunch the next day--my daughter and my husband and I have done this for a long time and it cuts down on prep time. For breakfast-easy things like cereal, toast, eggs, english muffins, bagel etc- when cooking pancakes, waffles etc have your toddler help with the recipe!
-Get a sling!--I love ring slings but check around--lifesaver especially is newborn is fussy. Also good for your toddler! She'll love the special closeness it brings.
-Do you have a "playroom" area of sorts--where there is very little for her to ruin/destroy? Having gated off/completely childproofed playroom has been a must for me. You set up toddlers for tantrums when there is too much temptation.

I hope this helps--I understand you feelings --the hardest child for me to care for is my own daughter--they know you are mommy. Jealousy is normal and natural (something I've had to remember myself) but you can turn it into a learning experience for your toddler --Congrats!

I agree that all this advice is fantastic. It will be crazy for awhile, just get organized, hold your breath and jump in. Just a couple things to add -- my kids are 16 months apart. If you have a 2-level house, keep everything you need on the bottom floor so you can stay downstairs the whole day if necessary -- diapers, change of clothes, bassinet, toys, books. Also, in my experience, the first year will fly by, and then things DO get easier -- they will start to play together. BUT in that first blur of a year make sure to take photos of the little one. I feel like I treasured every milestone with the first, but the second came so quickly and there was so much chaos, but every Sat, I took a photo of both, and they sort of jog my memory now. Last bit of advice...Keep a full change of clothes (I used old pajamas because they can be a little small and still be ok), diapers, wipes, and a bottle of water (for when the wipes dry out) in your car. You WILL need it. Good luck and take a deep breath!

My kids are 14 months apart and it was def a challenge when we first came home with baby # 2 but you will find your own routine and find what works best for you and your family. I remember I would put my older child in the high chair and feed him a snack while feeding my daughter or I would get books on tapes and sit together and hear a story while feeding my daughter. Sometimes just letting them sit next to you helps give them comfort while feeding the baby. Even though she is 16 months old see if you can have her become a "little helper" like set the diaper out for her to grab and bring over for you or get the burp rag for you. Sometimes giving these little "chores" makes big sis or big bro feel more useful and keeps them entertained. I never got to use my rocker with my daughter b/c my son wanted to be right there to "help". So, we just would sit on the couch together or go up to my bed and sit together in bed.

Good luck! and Congrats on your new addition.

You've gotten some really sound advice; I don't have much to add. I have three children, all 16 months apart too. I barely remember #2 as a baby because I felt so overwhelmed. Make sure you take time with each child individually. Get help (babysitter, mother's helper, friend, relative) so you are able to do this. You will get through it and before you know it, your children will be best friends, standing up for eachother to strangers, hugging like they've been apart for months when it's been mere hours, giggling at night when they should be sleeping . . . and you will feel blessed knowing you gave the best gift you can ever give to your child - a sibling.

Don't get too worked up about it! Keep telling yourself it will be fine, and it will be easier than you think. My son was 16 months old when my daughter was born, and my husband was in Iraq. I have been there! Try to make extra time for your older child, but fr us my newborn was super mellow and was very content to watch the two of us play. Otherwise, I think the rest of the advice you have been given it great. Try to stay positive!

it won't help you yet, but when the little one gets bigger, go to B'RUS and a a Podee.......it really helps out with feeding....you can put pumped milk into the bottle...and you are good to go.

my kids are 15mo apart. It was hard. I didn't breastfeed very long specificly due to the reasons that you are talking about.

When you are home alone.....have everything prepared for that day the night before.
Try to stay in one general area for most of the day.....

Bottles made (if you use bottles at all)
Lunch for you and your toddler (a sandwich, apple, etc.)
Hot soapy water in the sink ( to put dirty bottles in)
Diapers wipes
Clothes change
Pacifiers
swings
toys
etc.
Something frozen for dinner/quick
A kid's video (for your 16mo old.....use this when you are ready to lose it!!)

And last.....just remember....they both will cry at the same time.....and you won't know what to do!!!!!!! It happens/.....When my baby cried my toddler would get upset.....ARRRRRR it was so hard, but you will get through it......

As far as the hair thing....just tell her yucky and no....every kid does something like this at some time

I had a baby that needed to be held ALL THE TIME and a 22 month old son that did not like that idea. I know there is a difference between 16 months and 22 months, but some of the things that worked for us might work for you.

-Prepare snacks ahead of time that you can pull out for your daughter so she can eat while you BF.
-Learn to read your daughter books while you BF. Make sure you have a stack within arms reach each time you sit down.
-Prepare either crafts or toys for her to play with while you BF. (Crayons were may salvation on several days!) Ask her to make a picture for you, for daddy, for grandma, for little brother, etc.
-Ask her to help with little brother. She can help get diapers, put dirty clothes away, help with the laundry, etc. She will love her newfound abilities!
-Keep an additional sippy cup filled at all times in a place she can reach it. I hated sitting down to have my son drain his cup and need more. Water is a great thing, and it doesn't need refrigeration.
-Videos and TV are not all bad. We found two great DVD series that my son absolutely loved, and I interacted with him while still holding and feeding my youngest son. Praise Baby and Your Baby Can Read really were lifesavers!

As far as the climbing goes, I hear you! My oldest was climbing up the ladders on the playground at 15 months. I found out that my husband caught him doing it one day, so he taught little boy how to climb up safely and how to climb down safely. If she is already doing it (and it sounds like she is!), there are two options. Either make it absolutely impossible for her to climb, or teach her how to do it safely. I am surprised that I haven't yet died of a heart attack, but that has really helped us to know that we can work with the kids to expand their skill set.

I had all of my babies close together
What I did/do with mine is if I needed some time to take care of the baby just fet the older one entertained with something else... put her in a highchair where she cant get out and let her draw or give her a snack or some toys. If the baby is a good nurser and you can still use your hands a little while nursing you can read to your daughter while you nurse. Or even ler her sit right next to you with your arm around her and watch a show together while you nurse. That keeps her from getting into things she shouldn't when you are unable to jump up and get her out of it. (you could also get one of those play yards to put her in while nursing if you need to)
We ended up putting locks on every door that we don't want the kids to have anytime access to. That really helps a lot! Especially with this baby now because my almost 2 year old is insanly ornery! But... I can sit down and nurse her and know that he can't get into anything he's not allowed to play with!
I'm glad the baby is doing well and is happy! I hope everything goes smoothly for ya'll!