Not so much monetarily. But, when you first fell in love with your now husband, what did he possess or show, that made you know he was the one to take care of you or give you that sense of security, emotionally, physically, etc. And, in what ways now, currently, does he show you or actively do to take care of you?
I'm in a weird place right now, my youngest is going into 1st grade, all day, and I've been a stay at home mom since my oldest was born, 9 years ago. I find myself, after all this time, of taking care of everyone in my household, thinking more specifically, how my husband has been present in ways of taking care of me. Because when all is said and done, and the kids are grown and gone, will there be anyone to truly take care of me in ways that I need fulfilled. I see myself, 62, with a nasty cold, lying in bed, and my husband having no clue how to show sympathy. Or like now, a week away from kids getting on the bus, and me walking back to a house quiet, and life changing to a new chapter in a blink of an eye. Will he come home that night and put his best effort forward to wonder what that would feel like. Don't worry ladies, I do plan to go back to work, whatever that may be. That isn't my concern. Again, I just want to really hear what others husbands do for them to show them that they care and are always trying to pay attention to them in ways that they really need it to make them feel safe, secure, and well, taken care of. Let's say you were sitting down with your father right before he was about to give your hand away at your wedding and he asked you, can I trust that this man will take care of you. What would your answer be? Just asking, since I never got this chance and curious to see what others find important to the question. Does any of this make sense? I hope so. Thanks for any thoughts.
You know what I love about coming to this site for support and advice, is the fact that most of you are strong, independent, and savy women.
But trust me, I am not looking to my husband to define me, build keep, or be the one to make me feel worthy or good about myself. I have always been a tough cookie to crack. I was so independent and very successful at a career before him and family. I was the youngest and only girl of four. My father made sure that i was self sufficient, etc. So, maybe my question was more about, am I crazy to want that from my husband or expect some more intimate and nurturing aspects to our marriage after so many years together, 12 to be exact. Is it normal? My father, even as an avid fisherman, sportsman, boater, traveling salesman, seemed to me to always be there. I just see the kids getting older and needing less of me and now my eyes are opening a little more to what is really around me.
My husband can be very selfish and narcissistic by nature. I think, now that I'm talking out loud, I'm a little unsure of my future with this man. I just wanted to hear from others real takes on this. I do feel honestly like I have lost that strength or clear vision as to what normalcy "should" be. Example, I was so sick with such a painful sinus infection that went all the way through my upper jaw. I literally "had" to sleep all day and on the next day, he mentioned to me how I had put a wrench in his day for getting things done around the house. We have an 8 and a 6 year old that clearly can take care of themselves or entertain themselves, which they did. Another, he's an avid golfer, and will choose a golf tee time over doing something with his family. Not to boast but our two kids are such a pleasure to be around, they are so funny and entertaining. Me? I'm a follower, I'm easy going, and never really demand anything. I'm probably one of the very few wives that lets her husband golf at the least 3 times a week without texting or calling while he plays. So, when I mention that maybe he needs to look around and make time with us, he will automatically treat me like a nagging wench. I can't win. I feel like I am with a man that fulfills his needs and then considers his family. That's where the fulfillment comment came from. I never needed anyone to make me, me. I'm just concerned that after all this time I have been with someone who finds his interests, his needs, as more important than his family's.
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So, anyway, thank you ladies for sharing. I appreciate all the responses and words of wisdom, as always.
I think it is easy to spot because I don't need to be taken care of, I don't need him to complete who I am. Everything he does makes me feel safe because he does it because he wants to, not because he has to or I need him to.
My dad would never ask such a question, he knows me well enough to know I had to stand on my own two feet before I would ever consider marriage again. My dad only cares that he makes me happy.
Big question!
When we were dating, I noticed that my husband was good to his family, the waitresses, the sales clerks, etc. that speaks volumes about character!
My husband is well liked and respected by his friends, peers, subordinates, etc. he is their counselor, financial advisor and shoulder when they need it.
He's a "do the right thing, even if it's not the easy thing" kind of man.
He's a wonderful provider, hard worker AND family man.
I had a career and owned a home when we got married. I certainly didn't need anyone to take care of me! Theres a HUGE difference between needing and choosing.
That said, he's a rock. Constant & steady through it all. He knows what I do and how hard I work and he acknowledges it!
He lets me be me. And I let him be him.
Although I don't "need" my hand held, he's a great holder!
When I got laid off the other week, my husband stopped at the comic book store and bought the Hawkeye comic I wanted but didn't buy because we're trying to save money. It may have only cost 2.99, but it showed me that he knew me and cared enough to try to make me feel better.
Really interesting question... there's a simple answer for me. He does whatever he needs to do to make our lives better and my day a little easier.
One of my favorite quotes about marriage came from a Real Simple article I read many years ago. It has lived on our fridge ever since and it goes something like...
"A good marriage isn't based in compromise because then neither person gets what they need. In a good marriage, one person recognizes when the other person's want or need is more important than their own and then graciously makes sure that the need is met."
So when my father asked me a very similar question, I said "yes" without hesitation because I trust my husband to do exactly this... know when my need is more important than his own at that moment and then do whatever he needs to do to make sure that it happens.
I recognize that my husband and I have different "love languages" He likes to cuddle and cook dinner, I like to have his undivided attention (hard for him) and spend time together. I've learned to tell him what I want, "tonight I feel sad and need more attention, need to be held etc." If I'm sick I say "I need you to bring me a, b, and c and check back in an hour..." the test of love is not can you guess what your partner wants, the test is if your partner makes his or her needs clear, can you provide what he or she needs, even when you dont understand. Make sure you tell your husband how you are feeling about you youngest going to school, that he doesnt have to totally understand how you are feeling, that he doesnt have to fix it!!! just to recognize that you need some extra caring.
After reading your SWH for 12 yrs you've told him it's OK to golf three days a week. You feel like you have two choices, continue the status quo or be a nag. I think we need to remind our husbands how important family time is, how quickly the kids are growing up, and how important our marriages are, taking the time to strengthen our marriage is more imp than his golf game. Dont talk about when he's on his way our the door. talk during evenings when kids are in bed or out playing. Suggest counseling to strengthen and improve your marriage. some day our kids will be gone and it will be just our husbands!
I've been a (mostly) SAHM for close to twenty years, so the biggest way he takes care of me is financially, which is HUGELY important to me, because I came out of welfare and poverty, with parents who barely took care of me at all. I don't have to worry about shelter, food, health insurance, money for my kids to go to college or even retirement because he provides it ALL. He works hard, takes care of himself and has healthy habits and hobbies. I trust him completely. We get along most of the time, go on regular dates and have a great sex life.
He's not much of a romantic, and he can be blunt, bossy and a know it all at times. But that's okay, I've got more than a few flaws myself :)
Maybe I'm just easy to please but for me that's more than enough. I don't really need him to "pay attention" to me because he makes me feel safe and secure because of WHO HE IS, not what he does, does that make sense?
I think you're reaching a very crucial point in your marriage and it's good that you recognize it. Your kids will continue to grow and need you less and less, and you shouldn't depend on your husband completely to fill that void. Work on yourself, and nurture the other relationships in your life. My friendships with other women (and sisters/SILs) have become really, really important as I've gotten older. A man can't give you everything, you know? You need your girls!!!
My husband has done some pretty remarkable things throughout our marriage and I can say that if I was to the point of not being able to care for myself he would come help or at least he has done that when it was short term. I work from my home, homeschool, pay bills, take care of most of the daily work around the house...... He goes to work, helps with evening dishes, cooks an occasional meal, and does some repair around the house. He has gotten better over the years and at least doesn't get upset when I have to tell him there isn't room in the budget for things he would like. As far as looking after me in a routine type of way.....not so much. I know he is capable of it. While I was going through a tough pregnancy after loosing two children to stillbirth he was all over taking care of me.
My first clue that this man could and would take care of me was when we were dating, I was actually on my way to break up with him, he had told me from the beginning he wasnt looking for another relationship, he had just gotten divorced, I was falling for him hard and was realizing I needed to get out before I really got heart broken, Anyways I was upset, I guess not paying the best attention and I rearended someone, my now hubby came to get me tookme home, went to his home got his clothes, went to the store got food, came to my house made me steak sandwhiches for dinner stayed with me, took care of me, took me to work the next day and then had me pask my bags for a few days to stay with him because he lived closer to my job, told me not to worry about paying for a rental and he got me to and from work for about a week! Guess he was more ready for a relationship than he thought! Also for birthdays and Christmas he would get me books from my favorite authors which told me he really paid attention to the things I like!
After 17 years he still kisses me goodnight, goodbye and goodmorning. He has stuck up for me with his family. He works like a dog so I don't have to. I just lost my bestfriend I have ever had. He has not left my side and is very aware how devastated I am.
I knew I loved my husband when I married him but after close to 17 years of married life I love him even more now. Some times I think he knows me better than I know myself. He is totally and completely supportive of me in all aspects of my life. He is the smartest and most interesting person I know. If it wasn't for my husband I don't know how I could have become the person I am today. He was my rock as we were both dealing with the death of our son. He loves our girls and family as much as I do. He has taken care of me in sickness and in health. I really am blessed.
My husband provides for us financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He is everything I want and need him to be...even tho I can take care of myself in all those areas. =)
He works full time so I don't have to. He does everything around that house that he *sees* need to be done, I NEVER have to ask him to do ANYTHING, he gives all his free time to me and the kids, he NEVER goes to happy hour/hang out with friends, his priority is his family and he makes that clear. He constantly is asking me if I need anything, and if I say, ya, can you get me a soda? He will jump up and do it. And if I asked him for anything bigger, he would move mountains to get it for me. He is always trying to make himself better physically, emotionally and spiritually so he is a better husband and father. He puts me and our kids before himself and only wants us to be happy, and PROVES it by his actions, not just his words, that he will do anything to give us that. I am blessed beyond words and am thankful every day for him. =)
I know exactly what you mean. Nurturing each other is a necessary ingredient of an intimate, loving relationship, so males need to learn how to caretake and nurture. That's one of the reasons I believe that men should learn old-fashioned chivalry towards women, because they are not usually natural nurturers.
Typically no, my husband has not taken care of me (other than being the main breadwinner), but part of the problem is I am too tough and independent, so I don't inspire men to take care of me, and I reap what I sow.
I'm unsure about your question, though -- does your husband not nurture you, and you crave this? If that's the case, you need to tell him. Otherwise, he won't just randomly start doing it.
Ah, an age old question. I saw my mother go through this.
I see myself going through this now.
My husb is a great breadwinner.
He is not the best caretaker.
Meaning if I get sick, he's not a female & isn't as patient or nurturing.
Can I count on him? Yes.
Will he help me if I ask for it? Yes but I HAVE to ask!
I will try to be healthy & take care of myself as best as I can as I age.
I don't think ONE person can be ALL things to another.
For instance, I get to stay home w/my kids while my husb works. I appreciate that more than he an ever imagine.
He takes care of my car (oil changes etc).
I was very independent when I met him: career, money, hobbies & friends.
Now that my priorities have changed (kids), I have changed.
I will get back to my old self slowly but surely as the kids age.
When they are out of the house & no longer need me as much? I will
travel, have more of my old hobbies back, find new ones etc.
I call my friends for support, my dad for unconditional love, my pets for
sweet caring etc.
Hang in there, appreciate what your hubby DOES do for you (even write a list if you need to see it in print to have a reminder) & do things for yourself that make you happy when you can.
Life is short. Let''s make the best of it. I try never to live in the past. I don't "go back". I look forward.
I try to make today better. I vow to work on tomorrow making it better.
i'm not married but I can answer what my boyfriend does and why i want to marry him.
He loves my daughter as if she's his own
my daughter loves him
he makes M. laugh.
My BUTT will never feel lonely and will always have a hand print on it=) --this is a major deciding factor--previously my butt had it too good and took advantage of a pain free life without being slapped...now my butt cherishes the unslapped time=)
In the middle of moving funriture together, both in pain, and hot, this weekend, we were able to crack jokes, laugh and steal a kiss. Also during moving said furniture he made sure that i was safe always and hot hurting my back.
his irritating habits are ones i can live with=)
ohh i forgot he is always willing to do what it takes to make M. feel better if my back is hurt
and he cooks amazingly
My husband is awesome! He makes dinner most nights while I'm doing things with DD (homework, etc.). He frequently makes sandwiches for me to take to work for lunch. If he ever gets up in the evening to get himself a bowl of ice cream or some other snack he asks me if I want some too. He's really great at taking care of me when I'm sick too. I'm getting over pnemonia right now and he met my every need when I was home sick. He even drove me to the doctor and took me to get my medicine because I didn't feel like driving.
DH wasn't always like this. When we first got married, he expected me to do everything for him. We've been married for almost 14 years now and somehow things have changed and really improved over time.
He also frequently tells me he loves me and still likes to hold my hand. I'm so lucky! I couldn't have asked for a better husband! :-)
Ha! No man takes care of me. Why all the reliance on husbands? I'm married, but even before we married it was never a case of wanting someone to take care of me. Mutual love, respect and understanding is great, but it's something different from being 'taken care of'. And none of it's guaranteed for life.
Find comfort in your own strengths. I'm not jaded at all am I?
I bristled when I read this question, but then I stopped and wondered why. There is nothing wrong with a husband taking care of his wife; in fact, that is what society teaches us is the way things should be. I guess I've always been a bit too independent, and that's why this question rubbed me the wrong way at first.
In all honesty, my husband and I take care of each other. Neither of us are needy people. When I'm sick, I want to be left alone, and he's the same way, but we both need someone to laugh with, to lean on from time to time, and to love, and we are there for each other in those ways.
First and foremost on our first date I was NERVOUS...I am not a nervous person. We had talked for over a month on the phone...and I mean talked so we new that this date was more or less a go or a nah we are just going to be friends date.
At one point he looked at me, picked up my hands and said "Hey, what's the wierdness all about?"...I said "I have no idea why I'm so weird acting"....he said "It's just me and there is nothing going to ever happen you can't tell me about!"...
BOOOM, I knew right at that moment this man would never faulter on me. We are coming up on 10 years since that date...and he's still the first person I call when I need to celebrate, vent or any thing. He takes care of me differently than my friends husbands. I don't get many I love yous spoken, I don't get a lot of romance...but what I do get is what I need. And that is that I know he's there for me just as much as I am there for him.
Last night when I came home from a Girl Scout meeting (planning session with the other moms in our area so no kids)...he had them bathed, in bed, fed. We work together to everything. He was sitting our room on the bed...watching one of his shows...he took a few minutes (favorite show I might add) to catch me up on the evening...he spent an entire evening with my family (mom, dad, sister etc) without me...no complaints.
on our wedding day even my dads (bio and step) both said to him "There are no returns after 5pm today"...It was a joke but it also told me they knew he would/could take care of me. Heck I moved two states away from my whole family and they supported me in my decision after meeting him and getting to know him.
I hope this makes sense.
Yes I would love a little more romance and more I love yous...but that is not his "love style"...so I've learned to read his love style. His is that he supports me in my career, in my volunteer work, with our children...he works from so I can have my career. He Smiles when I walk into a room...maybe I don't need much but what I get is great.
That is a loaded question!! I have to actually think of all the wonderful things he does for me. I know monetary is not what you are asking for, but I will say that my husband works his butt off for us, and that gives the whole family a real security. He makes sure I have a car that is in perfect running condition, so he doesn't have to worry about me breaking down some where. He lets me sit on the couch and watch the news, if I am too tired to make dinner at the moment, and he will make dinner, AND clean it up. He make sure our house is nice and tidy on the outside, and that is is presentable. He nags me to take my medicine and to exercise, which I am not good about doing (the exercising part). He takes me out on dates and does whatever I want. He makes sure my car is clean. When I am sick, he will get me whatever I need. I can't say that he would be there holding my hair back when I'm throwing up, but he'd clean out the bucket for me. I love my husband, and my dad loved him too.
my funny answer is that -- you and i might be married to the same guy.
my serious answer is that all marriages do go through valleys and sending the little one to kindergarten is a big life changer for you. That doesn't mean it needs to be a marriage ender. because i doubt he would be a better dad or easier for you to deal with if you split.
My hubby can be selfish too, and the last few years i definately haven't felt cherished and cared for, or even repected, appreciated and enjoyed. But i'm working on me, and i'm being patient with him, and trying to make changes that will bring us into alignment more.
The golf thing is such a fine line, and i answered the football widow question recently too, in much the same way, Nagging him to be with the family more won't help, but not nagging provides no motivation for him to be with the family, ultimately he is the one missing out.
my advice is to hang in there and ride through this season of your life. I know it's not much fun though. Hugs and if you want to talk more pm me, i have a busy week, but will do my bset to get back to you.
If I may - it sounds to me as if you have a father who you look up to for many reasons. In some ways, you may be disappointed that your husband isn't all to you that your father is. I totally get that. When the bar is set so high, it's hard for a husband to fill those shoes.
I, on the other hand have a father who set the bar VERY low. Yes, he provided for us by working hard his whole life. That's where the support ended. He has made a career of being negative and killing the self-esteem of everyone around him. Why my mother has stayed with him for 50+ years is beyond my understanding. He doesn't drink, smoke, run around with other women or do anything else one might find unsettling. He simply negates everyone's feelings about everything. He sucks the life out of the room before you can blink.
My husband takes care of me simply because he ISN'T my father. He works, he helps around the house, he is attentive to our daughter, he is a stand up guy who always does the right thing. He is the kind of man God calls him to be - provider, protector, spiritual head of our household. He puts himself last very often. He's not perfect, but he comes pretty close a lot of the time. He will make sure I have whatever I need when I'm sick. He listens to me and lets me cry about my disappointment in my parents (ongoing). He has helped me carry and unpack my emotional baggage. He jokes that I have more issues than People magazine, and he's right. He doesn't judge me. I've put on a ton of weight in our 25 years together and he still makes me feel sexy. I CHOSE him on purpose because I saw that he would be the kind of man my father will never be.
He works long, crazy hours for his family.
He comes home to us every day/night.
He is an amazing Father and adores his children.
He brings me my favorite candy from the grocery store when he occasionally stops and picks up a few things.
He cooks and cleans w/o being asked.
He does yard work and is very handy and can fix just about anything.
He got up for middle of the night feedings even when I was nursing so he could burp the baby and lay them back down while I went back to sleep.
He texts me every day on his way home from work (unless it's super late) to see if I need anything.
If I have had a particularly rough day at work I can walk into a clean house, dinner on the table and a glass of wine waiting.
He seems to always know what I need. Be it quiet time for myself, a night out friends, date night with just us, a fun day with the kids. It's amazing how he just knows :)
He doesn't say I Love You a lot nor is he overly affectionate. When I am sick he doesn't really dote on me but does take care of the house and kids ~ but he doesn't really need to b/c it's the every day stuff he does for me that makes me feel so well taken care of and loved beyond what I could have ever hoped for.
He protects me from his parents and that makes him my hero a thousand times over.
I guess my question is whether you enjoy time with him. Does it feel comforting to have dinner out, just the two of you? Hubby and I get bogged down by daily life, but we try to get out once a month. I can't honestly say that every time is a rip-roaring success (sometimes all that's on my mind is the kids, despite my attempts to leave them out of our conversations), but most times we really enjoy each other. He treats me with respect, tries to remember special days, and is teaching the children to do the same. Despite how thoughtful he is, he is still a guy... so often the things I get are the things that he likes, but he's making the effort.
Of course, there's also the "crazy girl" side of me... That side gets hurt feelings when he doesn't open my car door for me anymore (yep, like every other American, our cars all have remote openers). I also get my panties in a wad that all the purchases are made the day of, but I usually talk myself down from that ledge ;) I guess, my opinion is that life is what we make of it. I will take the known flaws over the unknown any day of the week...
He knows how to calm me. I come from a long line of chronic worriers and I have taken on that trait...especially now that we have our 2 girls. I worry about everything! I will voice my worries to him and he has a way of calming me down and making me realize I don't need to worry about. I really need that!
He's a lot like my dad...he also knows how to calm me. My dad is amazing and I'm glad I found a guy that is just like him.
He can also sense when I'm stressed and need a break. With a 7 year old and 11 month old, some days are just bad! He can come home, see my stress, take the kids and kick me out of the house...he will do dinner for them and whatever they need. I usually just take the do for a walk which is my favorite thing, but I love that he's the kind of hubby who can sense that and take over for me!
I feel its not about work. My husband and I have very little but does he take care of me some days I say yes and some days I would say know.. .I am a needy person and a hopeless romantic my husband puts up with that .cause he loves me . some days more than others but with all that yes he takes care of me...
I don't really know how to answer this question, because my husband does so much to care for me that I can't list it all. He is just a really wonderful man who tries so hard to make life easy and good for me. I know my husband will take care of me when I have a cold because he does so now. He doesn't know how to do it particularly, but he tries, and that is enough. If he comes home from work and I have had a crazy day and haven't even started on dinner, as often as not he'll cook or order something and take care of that for me. He's not a great cook, but once again, it is all about the effort he puts in to please me. When I am trying to clean the house, I can depend on him to do whatever I ask of him, when the kids need him, he is there for them, and when I am depressed, he always tries to find something to cheer me up. He's no mind-reader, which was something I had to adjust to. I have to tell him when I'm lonely or I need his help, but I know if I say it, he will be there for me.
I hope that helps!
It sounds like you may benefit from some marriage counseling and perhaps some personal counseling to figure out how you want to journey into your new phase in life. I do think we sometimes expect a little too much out of men- who are simple creatures. (I don't mean expect too much as in 'taking care of you,' but in having psychic abilities to know what we are thinking, feeling, or want).
I think you need to figure out what are your non-negotiables that will make you feel taken care of. You may want to jot down what you need from your husband...
Phrase EVERYTHING in 'I statements." (When you __________, I feel ________), etc...
It sounds like you need to negotiate what you both need in the marriage... For instance, perhaps golfing ONE time per week is more fair then three... And- in exchange, you get your one night out of free time, etc..
I think gender (and spousal) roles are so blurred in the 21st century... Men are no longer expected to be the sole bread-winners... And, as women, we can't have our cake and eat it too! (We can't expect to be treated as independent saavy women, and also have our men act as our father's and Grandfather's did....) For instance, did you hear about that guy in that movie theater shooting who RAN away leaving his girlfriend and children to fend for themselves?????? Chivalry may truly be dead... [He later proposed to that woman!]
On the other hand- I only have to watch one episode of "Man Men" or hear a snide comment from an older gentlemen to appreciate that my husband doesn't treat me like a subservient wife. Sometimes I feel as if I have to do EVERYTHING (make almost or equally as much money, do the bulk of household work, carry in all the groceries or heavy objects, be Mr. Fix-it when something breaks, etc....), but I don't think I'd have it the other way...
I do think the small things are more important than the big things. (And this is why men don't have psychic abilities to understand that). For instance, your husband should NOT have said that to you about 'putting a wrench' in his day, etc... Instead, he could have done so many little things to make you feel loved, etc.
I think most men are 'big picture' or 'big action' types... (flowers or gifts when they mess up), while women are into the small things... (a hug, holding hands, kind words when needed, etc.)
Some examples of the 'big' things that husbands think gets them all the credit-
1. bringing home the bacon (allowing you the 'honor' of staying home... when really it can seem like the most thankless 24/7 job)
2. putting a roof over your head and providing for the children (same as above)
etc... (usually along the same lines)
Some examples of the 'small' things that we may need as women to feel loved-
1. Listen to us........ when we're venting, sad, worried, scared, etc... Sometimes listening and acknowledging that we're heard (without wanting to put on the 'Mr. Fix-it Hat').
2. Hold our hand (in public or otherwise)
3. Show affection (hugs, gropes, etc.)
4. When we're sick, step in to be our hero......... etc. and acknowledge how hard our jobs as mothers really is
5. Take our side (similar to #1) when we have a conflict (instead of playing 'devil's advocate')
6. Prioritize us (instead of golfing 3 times per week... it's ONE)
7. Call when they're going to be late, etc.
Good luck!
My ex was not great at this - never was. However, I had a hysterectomy right after we signed the divorce papers and he stepped up. He would come to the house before work and get me juice, pills or whatever I needed and make sure the kids were up and getting ready for school. Then he came over in the evening and made dinner and did dishes. I'm not sure where that guy was when we were married, but I did appreciate it.
As to now, I KNOW my fiance will always take care of me. He asked my son (16) and my father permission to ask me to marry him. I know I'm his first priority. He is always checking in to make sure I'm ok.
My kids went to spend two months with their dad this summer. He was very prepared for how hard that would be for me not seeing them. He took care of EVERYTHING in the beginning. He made dinner, did laundry, cleaned the house, fed the animals and rented movies he thought I'd like. He just let me deal with it and took care of everything while I adjusted.
He let's me cry when I need to and he makes me laugh and smile. If I'm not feeling well, he asks what he can do.
My husband takes care of me in so very many ways, little and big. He calls me (or skypes me) during the day just to see how I'm doing, or to say he loves me. He encourages me to splurge on myself occasionally, and go out and do something just for me. He gives me back rubs and foot massages. He took over doing the family's laundry when I was pregnant with my second child 8 years ago, and has been doing it ever since. He holds me and sings a schmoopy love song every night just before we drift off to sleep. And somehow, he often seems to know just what I need, and does it without being asked. And he makes me feel safe, secure, and treasured. He's been like this since the beginning of our relationship.
