How Do You Decide?

I just went through this. I took basically everything out of their room. I left a very few select things that I knew were special and then told them if they could name specific items in the garabage bag they could have them back otherwise it was all gone. Amazingly they didn't ask for anything. They didn't even know what they had. It has been wonderful and their room has been clean ever since and that was over a month ago. They haven't missed anything either. I think they enjoy the lack of clutter and how freeing that can feel.
~M.

J.,

As far as what to get rid of, I would get rid of what you consistently see laying out or things that don't get used much or at all anymore.

As far as getting help goes, your kids aren't going to do this unless you require them to. At our house, privileges like playing outside or with friends, screen time, free time, etc. come AFTER responsibilities are taken care of. I don't even let them have breakfast until the rest of their morning routine is done.

This is our system: I made a poster board. It’s a regular 22x28” that has 2 ½ “ poster board strips taped at the bottom and sides to make long pockets. It has a 5x6” pocket taped on the sides and bottom.

Next I made 2 sets of index cards for each child: AM and PM. I made one additional set of index cards that are rotating and split the cards evenly between the children. Making each set a different color keeps them from getting mixed up. Each card has one chore on it. Here is my list that is appropriate for my 4,6, and 8 year olds.

AM – Say prayers, make bed, get dressed, put away pajamas, color sort your dirty clothes into main laundry baskets, make breakfast, put away dishes, wash face, brush hair, brush teeth, pack lunch in backpack, practice violin, tidy room, tidy basement(picking up twice a day keeps it from getting overwhelming to clean.)

PM – Put away dishes, Put away clean clothes mom washed into closet and drawers, tidy up basement, tidy up room, homework, pack lunch and put in fridge, put away dirty clothes, shower, put away towel, put on pajamas, brush hair, brush teeth, family scripture study and family prayer, personal prayers.

Rotating – Set table: (plates, bowls, cups, silverware, napkins) Sweep kitchen and dining room, wipe off dining table, wipe off bathroom sink and countertop, Unload from dishwasher: (plates, bowls, cups, silverware,) Garbage: (take out upstairs, take out downstairs, take to the curb.) *I do need to help my 4 year old roll the big garbage can to the curb, but my 6 and 8 year olds do it fine alone.

Kids’ responsibilities: Do what is on the card and when you’re finished, put it in the “done” pocket. When all of your cards are in the “done” pocket, you are free to do what you want. The faster you move, the more free time you get. If you think your children might put cards away without doing the job, talk to them ahead of time and lay out a clear and unpleasant consequence for that. Ditto if you think they may do a sloppy job. They will as long as you let them. Then monitor it closely at first and follow through on the consequence. Because my kids don’t have to leave for the bus stop until 8:55, they get screen time (Wii, computer, Leapster or TV) after everything is done until the bus comes when it’s too cold to go out and play in the morning. Other options are to have the children earn “points” or “tickets” for each thing they do which can be traded in for whatever the child values. (Ex. each chore done earns one ticket which can be traded in for 2 minutes of screen time.)

Mom’s responsibilities: At night after kids are in bed, I set out the cards of everything they need to do the next day in either the AM or the PM pocket. I also run the dishwasher at night so it’s ready to unload in the morning. I make sure the large “dark” and “light” load laundry baskets are out in the hall before the kids get up in the morning so they can sort their clothes. After the kids leave for school, I do laundry and make sure it’s folded before they get home from school so they can put clothes away.

As my children get more responsibilities (more cards) and the poster isn’t big enough anymore, I plan to keep the cards in a recipe box instead. Because your kids are new to this, I would probably stick with something similar to what I listed. As they get accustomed to it, you can add other age appropriate chores like loading and running the dishwasher, vacuuming, folding clothes, cleaning toilets, showers and tubs, etc. Your 10 year old is old enough to do the laundry independently, but needs to be trained on emptying pockets, using the right amount of soap, handling delicates, etc.

The first key to room cleaning success is to make cleaning the room doable. If kids just see an overwhelming mess, they don't know where to even begin and they won't try. Don't just send them to their room to work alone the first time. Be in there with them and make it a team effort, teaching them how to clean. Make sure there is a place for everything they are keeping. Teach them to pick a starting place and work around in a circle until the room is clean. Don't worry about everything at once, just look directly in front of you and put that away.

To maintain cleanliness, there are a few more keys to success. I have my kids clean their rooms twice per day, once before breakfast and again before dinner. The mess stays under control when it's only a matter of hours since the last cleaning. It's when it's let go for days or weeks that it gets overwhelming. Once every few months, we do a "deep clean" where we get rid of stuff and make sure all the little pieces to sets are not mixed up in the wrong bin. This is also the time to go through clothes that are too small, too worn out, need repairs, out of season, etc.

This system is very effective, but only when it's enforced. If children are not given the proper training and tools to succeed, then they fail and everyone gets frustrated. If children are not held accountable to do their share with set rewards and consequences, they usually don’t have the self discipline to do it. If you need any other ideas, feel free to email me. “Sidetracked Home Executives” is also a great book that covers this subject.

Good luck,
S.

Well, anything that they haven't touched for 3 months+ can go. You could have them go through their toys and let them choose which ones they want to give away. The rest I would put away in the basement or a storage closet, and let them pick 5 things. Then each week [or two weeks], put those away and let them pick 5 things again [if they want to chose the same things, fine]. Toys that have a bunch of pieces, like a box of Legos or a train set would obviously just count as one thing. Get a toy box or a Rubbermaid tub or something to keep the 5 things in. They should have no excuse if there are only five toys to keep track of. And without all of the junk in their rooms, it will be easier to make the bed and hang their clothes too!
After a few months of doing that, it will be obvious what they are never going to play with again and which ones you can hang onto.
Also, it's hard to discipline them for not cleaning their rooms when they have so much stuff that it is overwhelming for them. My nieces and nephews all have way too many toys- So many that you can hardly walk into their room. If I get overwhelmed by all of the toys, I can't imagine what the kid thinks when the parents say "clean your room!".
Another approach would be to go through the rooms, clean out anything they don't play with anymore, and then label each shelf or each box with what goes inside. If they have things like hockey sticks in their closets that are taller, put a label "Hockey sticks" on the wall in the closet where they should be stood up. That way, there is clearly a place for everything. If they don't put a specific toy back where it goes, take the toy away for a week. If they leave out their gameboy, their hockey sticks, and their mp3 player, take all of those away. This approach could work with clothes or other things. For instance, if they don't make their bed, take away the pillow [after a week without a pillow I'm sure they will make their beds from then on]. If they leave a shirt on the floor, even if it is one of their favorites, take that away for a week. Or have some other kind of consequence that you stick to...being grounded, losing allowance, no TV, etc.
But like I said, get rid of some toys before you start getting strict with them, otherwise they'll be set up to fail. Another example that you may be able to relate to is laundry. Sometimes I just let the laundry go and finally when I decide to get it done, it is so much more daunting because instead of one load there are 7 loads. It's the same thing with toys...if they have a whole room full, think of how impossible it must seem to keep it all clean and orderly.

WOW! I really like what Shellie had to say! lol I have an 8 year old son, and use parts of most of these ideas for him. We actually just moved- and since everything was in boxes- we just kept it there. Now, he can get stuff out if he wants to, but it has to be back in a tub before he goes to bed-or it is eliminated from the house. SO Far, he hasn't lost anything. I think I have a harder time getting rid of stuff than he does, but- most times he doesn't know something is gone if I remove it. I could actually get rid of nearly all his stuff at this point- Simply because I have 6 tubs of stuff in the garage- that we haven't touched in the month we have been in the house- I have had to do the same with my own stuff- less is more philosophy- AND with a birthday and Christmas coming up- I have asked all family members to not buy toys- OR Clothes for that matter. I have requested gift certs to Bounce U, or Pizza Machine- or the movies- Or baseball equipment for the upcoming ball season. If it isn't purchased-then you don't have to worry about getting rid of it.

My kids have way too much stuff, too.
One thing we did is take all the toys out of their room and sort everything they play with often into clear plastic containers with lids, and put those on shelves in the family room. I put the things that they rarely play with into large Rubbermaid-type bins that are stacked next to the other toys.
I frequently go through their clothes and put things that are too small or out of season into large bins so they don't clutter their drawers or the floor.
Toys that are broken get tossed.
My boys have a lot of books, so we made sure they had plenty of shelf space to store all of them. If they leave books on the floor my 6-month-old eats them, so that is motivation for the older ones to pick them up. =)
We allow them one "junk" drawer in their dresser where they can put their special stuff, or random stuff they don't want to find a place for. When the drawer gets too full, it gets cleaned out.
If we ask them to clean up repeatedly and they refuse, the stuff that is out gets taken away. This includes toys, books, and clothes. We keep the stuff in the basement until they can show they can take care of it.
We also have a yard sale every once in a while and my oldest can choose what stuff of his he want to sell (with our approval).

We are teaching our sons that they are very blessed and have WAY more than most kids around the world do, so my 7-year-old gets very excited about donating stuff. (I don't donate used clothes or toys, though, since I have all boys- hand-me-downs!-and am not done adding to the brood.) It's very helpful around birthdays and Christmas because he donates his birthday party presents to the Ronald MCDonald House and we give him $20 to buy what he wants (it teaches the value of money and he appreciates the one or two things he buys with his own money more than stuff other people pick out), and at Christmas he helps us pick out gifts for "kids that don't have much". He gets more excited about that than getting his own presents, which helps us cut down on what we buy for him. Our kids get one big/special present, books (you can never have too many as long as you can store them properly), and stocking stuffers. That's it. We have told family that presents are not necessary, but if they insist on buying something it should be educational or practical, be something the whole family can enjoy.

They are learning to appreciate and take care of what they have. They're young, so we still have a long way to go, but it's a start.
Good luck!

I suggest taking some of the stuff you know they do not play with and put it into a plastic storage container in the basement for a month or two. If during that time they do not know it is missing, then it is safe to get rid of.

Or... teach your kids to be generous. Explain to them that there are kids whose families cannot afford to buy them toys. Ask your child to chose some toys they no longer play with to give to a child that does not have any toys. Let your child pick out the ones they are willing to part with and donate them.

J., I just went through this with my 4 and 2 year old, and it's not easy. They have certain baskets, toy box, and bins that we can fit toys into their rooms with. It was getting out of hand. I soon will be opening my daycare as well but we went through everything this past summer. First I went through and took out things that were 'baby' toys. Doesn't matter if they played with them or not, if they were for babies, I put them in big plastic totes, whatever didn't fit, we sold on a garage sale and gave away to good will. Then I made my kids sit down with me and gave them 3 baskets. 1 of keep, 1 to get rid of and another for me to keep (I would like more kids in the future). It was hard at first but I explained that other kids don't have toys and they need to decide which ones go. There was not much choice that some needed to go. If they had 2 of something, 1 needed to go, or I'd give them a choice between 2 toys, which 1 would stay, which would go. I also made it a point to say 'let's give this one to another child, because we really don't play with it that much anymore, maybe another kid would really like it'. It actually went really well, but in the end we got alot gone through and they still have their most favorite toys, and I tell you what they play with those ones more often as well, knowing how lucky they were that they got to keep them. Hope it goes well!

I have my kids take everything out of their rooms except for clothes & furniture and put it all in the living room. Then I have them pick a certain amount that can go back in their rooms. They find things that they forgot they had and they trade things with each other. The rest we give to charity or to their cousins or put away for their children. We do this before birthdays and Christmas to get ready for new stuff.
For school work, we save it all year in a bag in the closet. Then at the end of the year, we pick 10 papers/art to save.
For clothes, I have each child try on everything a couple times a year. Then the hand me downs go to the next smallest child, damaged goes in the trash and the rest goes to charity.

I only allow my kids to have as much stuff as what will fit in their closet storage spaces. That way everything has a place, can be put away from time to time and we can get the closet door shut.

About every six months, preferably before Christmas and Birthdays, I say, "I'm geting ready for your birthday, or Christmas, and I want to surprise you with some new things. I noticed you don't have much room in your closet for those new things. I'm going to put a box outside your door and every day this week I'd like you to find 10 things you'd like to donate that you don't play with much anymore."

Works like a charm:)

i went thru the same with my kids-so one day they were at school-i got busy in their rooms..i sorted thru everything-3 piles
1)garbage
2)storage
3)keep
sometimes they accumilate so much stuff they get overwhelmed-9 times out of 10 they will not miss whats gone.worked great.did it every 6 months or so..good luck

I'm in the EXACT same boat with a 8yr.old

The first thing we toss or if she is being stubborn I will do while she's at school is useless stuffed animals.

Then I throw away anything that she doesn't touch. I threw away and gave away an entire bin/tote of my little pony's it took my dd about 6months to realize it and to bad so sad we didn't have the room and she never touched them.

That's how I do it but we still have to much so I'm going to have get back in there myself.

Let them help. Pick a place to donate it to and have your children help pick the place. Let them givet to children who don't have anything. It helps them in so many ways to have them be a part of it.