Does anyone else feel like people look at you and assume nothing could ever be wrong? Maybe this sounds crazy, but I'm always treated as if everything is fine, even when I KNOW it's not. I'm asking because after I had my daughter 3.5 years ago I ended up with, what I now realize, was some sort of post partum depression. Unfortunately, no one I knew ever caught on, and my husband had many of his own depression issues, so he did not realize mine. Since then, he has gotten help, and is a new person....with that said, he brought to my attention that he now see's the difference in who I was prior to our dd, and who I am now. Granted, I over came any major issues, it took me well over a year though. However, I realize I am not where I was prior to having my daughter, or where I would like to be. And I would like to ask my doctor for help, but I am always treated as if I'm fine. Not just by one doctor, but all of them, and everyone! It’s so frustrating. Here are some doctor examples: When I went to the hospital to have my son, I was told not to get comfy, there was no way I was staying, I wasn't in enough pain. Upon being checked, I was at 5cm, and my 10lb 3oz son was born less than 5 hours later, with only 1 dose of some iv drug. I never so much as got a Tylenol after his delivery. My daughter was born, again, I was supposed to be super women after she was born and even though I called and told my mid-wife I was in pain, was told an ibuprofen or Tylenol should do. (I did not have the same mid-wife or even same hospital with my kids) I have seen my midwife 4 times since my daughter was born, and she is wonderful, but I guess I inadvertently put up a good front that things are great, when I want to scream. Two weeks ago I came down with a terrible sore throat fever, cough and so on, after the third day I decided to go to the doctor, it is the first time in eleven years I went to the doctor for being sick. My husband had been suffering a similar cold, but not as bad, but I told him since he was taking me, he might as well get checked out. I thought I had strep throat, as my son had it not to long ago. Anyway, the family doctor told me before she looked in my throat that “I wasn’t that sick, I looked to good to have anything to bad” after a culture, I had an infection of some sort, but was not strep. She gave me a bottle of anti-biotics and sent me home. My husband, who saw the same dr. with me got a super anti-biotic (z-pack) cough syrup with codeine, and an inhaler. We had the SAME symptoms, except I also had a terrible sore throat. Point being, I don’t even know how to ask my mid-wife for help, because I’m always told I’m fine. Has anyone else ever had this problem? If so what did you do? If not, what would you do? Sorry this got so long, it’s been bugging me for a long time and I need some outside advice, and I know everyone here is awesome at advice!
Wow...Mandy....No, not at all. Which is why I threw in that part about having as close to medication free deliveries as possible with my babies.
Donna: Good question! I guess I don't know what I need. I just don't think my hormone levels every "re-set" after my second child. Kinda like having pms come and go as it pleases. Perhaps a change in birth control? I don't know if that would make sense or not.
I suspect you are a strong, confident person.
When you approach a doctor, be clear about what is bothering you or hurting you. Don't minimize it. (Not saying you do--but you're obviously not O. to run to an MD at every little speed bump!)
If you feel you are still suffering from PPD, please discuss it with your OB/GYN or midwife asap. You don't need to suffer.
Best of luck!
Because moms can't be sick or hurt. It just does NOT happen. I feel the same way you do i never need anything for being sick because apparently im never sick enough. I guess I need to throw up blood to be taken seriously. I don't have any advice but you are not alone.
You have to appear "vulnerable" like the rest of the world does. It seem when we appear strong and confident, everyone assumes we are fine and can handle it. If you are sick, lay down and let them know you are unable to do whatever it is they want done - but if you're like me, lay down then get back up and feel like they NEED you, then you are going to get back in the same mode of being superwoman.
Take your health and well being into your own hands, because nobody knows how you feel and are inside but you and God. I went to a dr once and I told him my complaint, he said I don't have this or that, and that he is the doctor here. I tell him, yes I understand that, but I know my body and I'm the one living with it every day, not you. No offense to any doctors here, but if the symptoms do not match those in a book or that they are accustomed to seeing, they assume you are fine. Keep pursuing after your health until someone listens that you are hurting. I am in a similar situation trying to convince my dentist of an issue that nobody can seem to figure out.
You have to ASK for the help you need and don't feel guilty about doing it. My husband taught me that not everyone can read minds so how will they know unless you tell them.
I can relate to you. All the best!
It's natural for people to assume you're doing just fine unless you allow the side of you that needs help show. Ask for help!
Often I think the person who doesn't ask for help doesn't need help. And often the person who doesn't ask for help seems to not want to be offered help and will take offense when I ask if I can help.
Be proactive for yourself. Ask for help when you're feeling like you might need it. You don't actually have to have a great need for the help. What you're doing is getting people used to the idea that you're willing to accept help.
I am sure this would happen to me if I let it....Guess what I had post partum and all that jazz and periodically I get sick...so that being said I am human and we all need help..While I am a sensitive person..I am very outspoken and speak up...if you need help say it loud and clear and don't minimize your pain, sickness, needs, wants etc.....Say it loud...The saying goes..."The Squeeky Wheel get the grease"
If you were referring to your kids not taking you seriously I would tell you what a friend of mine told me that is dying of cervical cancer and is already in the care of hospic (that's misspelled). She told me a few months ago that if your kids find you standing in the kitchen, they think you are well and start asking you to do this and that for them. She has kids ranging from 3 - 25 but most under the age of 12. I know how she feels (sort of) as my kids do me the same way when I have a blinding headache and just want to go to bed or sit and cry.
Here is a web page on postpartum depression symptoms:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/pos...
Here is a web page with a questionnaire link for depression:
http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/a/wakefield.htm
Answer the questionnaire honestly and then take it to your doctor.
Oh Girlfriend do I feel your pain. My firstborn was a 56 hour drug free labor and delivery. I have a condition that requires blood thinning shot that take 48 hours to get out of your system therefore eqi was not an option. She came early totally blowing our dr's plan for switching me to heprin blood thinning shots which only takes a few hours to leave your system. When our 2nd child was due they switched my meds earlier and planned to induce on a friday. My daughter thought wednesday would be a better day to arrive. I went in for my normal checkup and informed the dr I was in labor, she sent me to hospital for my weekly nst and said she'd be over an an hour or so to check on me. I was only at 3 in her office which is literally 4 minutes from the hospital. By this point the contractions were coming so hard and fast I had to be wheeled up to maternity floor. Most of the nurses on staff knew me from my 1st delivery and had monitored me weekly with this pregnancy as well. I literally BEGGED for epi I was in so much pain but they were waiting for dr to arrive and check me. They kept saying "honey you did this for 56 hours last time, it's only been 1 hour or 2 hours..."
By the time the dr arrived I was at 7 and she ordered epi but just as he started to put it in my back my water broke and my daughter crowned. I kept yelling at them that something was wrong but they didn't listen. I told my sister I could feel the cord wrapped around the baby's neck and I was attempting to literally squeeze her to hold her inside. She screamed at the nurses to look between my legs and there was my childs blue head. The nurses ran screaming for the dr who immediately ran in and delivered my child. Thank the good Lord my daughter was ok. Why people don't actually listen to the patient is beyond me. Everyone just assumed since I toughed it out the first time for so long that the second would take about as long and be a "breeze" for me. And yes it does feel like people take for granted you are just FINE and nothing could possible go wrong in your life. Gosh I hate the word fine :(
Wow that many was sure far off with her answer..sure bizarre. Anyways ask For help. I went through a similar thing and my husband was Like I'm here for you completely, I just need to to be honest in what you need. I can't read minds!! Poor guys its just as frustrating for them as it is for us!!
Hi, Lucky:
So what do you need?
Just want to know.
D.
I understand what you mean to an extent, but I don;t think the birth stories were very good examples. Lots of women give birth with no drugs before, during or after (with one I did, one I didn't), and it hurts, a lot. Again, let your needs be known, loudly if you must. It's hard to ask for help, but if you put on a good front, how are others supposed to know what you want? If you plan to have another child, create a detailed plan for the birth ahead of time knowing that you also need to be flexible.Before doctor appointments, write things down such as symptoms, intensity, frequency so you don't forget to mention how much it bothers you. It sounds like you want a little support, acknowledgement, and/or sympathy. Can you talk to your husband about that?
Hun your depression will last 18+ years! Kids change our lives and it gives us new things to worry about. You are not going to be the same as your pre-kid era. Our bodies change, our responsibilities change, etc.
And I am not sure but it seems like you are seeking drugs and maybe that is why no one gives you "good medications" when you really need them. You mention your husband "got help" for depression which probably means pills. You mention that your husband "got the good strong meds" and you did not. Why are you wanting meds so bad? I could be wrong but sounds a little fishy, you aren't complaining of a current pain problem. But I hear the standard they give a mother after birth is tylenol. I had c-sections and I got "the good stuff" are you jealous you didn't have a more traumatic birth or something?
