How Do I Get Rid of the Binky?

T.,

No matter how much he whines stick with your decision about bedtime only. He is learning to manipulate and already knows he can break you down. Try to engage him in another activity to take his mind off his binky. Play a game, draw or go outside. It is hard to do because they are so sweet.
D. O

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First of all, you are the mom. I would ask my FIL to stop making negative comments about my parenting. (This is a sensitive subject for me because I hear from my in-laws about the binky too.) Second of all, explain to all of the people that give you a hard time about giving your childn a pacifire that is is now recomended by doctors to give your child a pacifire at birth. I was against it at first, but many doctors told me that it help prevent SIDS.
Now, on to the problem... My son is two and loves his "duppie". I have tried to have him give it up, but it is comforting to him. Currently, I only allow him to have it in his crib. He can have it when he sleeps. If he asks for it during the day, I say to him, "You have a choice. You may go to your crib and have your duppie, or you can stay here and play with me and leave your duppie in your crib until you go to bed." At first, he would choose the duppie. After a few days of finding out that it is boring to be alone in your crib he began choosing to be with me. I like giving him a choice because I think it makes him feel he is in control of the situation.
My final thought. I have spoken to my dentist as well as my son's doctor about this issue. BOTH have told me that children use the pacifire for comfort. They need that oral stimulation. Both have instructed my to allow him to have it if he needs it as long as there are limits (only in the crib). They told me that doctors years ago would tell you to do anything to get your child to stop taking the pacifire and it caused children unneeded stress and anxiety. Your son asks you for the binky because you are also related to comfort. There are so many pressures put on children. Don't make his binky be another one. It doesn't hurt anyone for him to have it--not your FIL, family members, and especially not your child. Hope this helps. Sorry about my long rambeling.

1 mom found this helpful

My sons are all in thier late 20's. All of them had their "pipes" later than most. None of them took them to school in thier lunch pails :) I always think that it interesting that it is hard for adults to give up stuff, but they expect their 2 yr. old to give it up without much fuss. There will be much bigger battles, don't stress too much about it. He will eventually get rid of it on his own. It is security for now. My son used to hide his so no one would see him with it & then run into his bedroom & take a "swig" & then run back out to play :)
My Grandmother used to tell me that they won't take thier bottle, pacifier, blankie or diaper to school.
You are his Mom he knows that he can count on you to comfort him that is why he asks you for it. ( and a 2 yr. old does know how to manipulate:) and so what if he does. It is not huge to have a pacifier. Enjoy him at this age, he will be grown before you know it.
And the rude comments....It is hard, but ignore them, you are his primary caregiver & know what he needs when he needs it. + You are "being told that he doesn't ask for it" someone is tryimg to make you feel guilty, trust me there is enough guilt when you are a Mom. Don't feel guilty over a pacifier.

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You are going to change your lifestyle or your son's comfort because your father-in-law is a jerk?

Here's a piece of advice you didn't ask for: how to deal with critical boors who have never learned any manners at all:

1. ignore them -- they're talking about themselves 95% of the time, and can safely be ignored. Arguing with them is a waste of energy and they're looking for the emotional intensity of conflict the rest of the time.

2. agree with them -- in part (yes, I can see that a binky is a sign of immaturity), in principle (yes, binkies are problematic in children today) or in fantasy land (yes, it would be nice if all children became adults in the time-frame other people would find convenient). Nothing puts a critic off his stride more than being agreed with when he's bustin' for a fight.

3. train him to stop talking about the subject to you (who cares what he does anywhere else?!?): reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour, make a list of 'acceptable' (to you) topics you will discuss and whenever he steps over the line, look away, pause for a little while, turn your body slightly away, and then turn back, make eye contact and ask a question from the 'list of okay topics' to distract him (most people learn in less than 10 training sessions, but may need occasional refreshers)

I recommend the 3rd choice for people you have to rub up against in life but don't actually respect. Like obnoxious fathers-in-law

Why would you follow parenting advice from someone so clearly out of touch with civil behaviour?

1 mom found this helpful

First of all-- you and your husband, not your father in law decide when and for how long your son gets the pacifer. My son had his until about 2 1/2, although only at bed/nap (and when traveling on long trips). We eventually threw them away together with a I'm a big boy now ceremony. He asked for them about 2 days and then it was over. It is harder on us than them I think.

Also- my son was always verbally ahead. My pediatrician told me there was no harm in the pacifer as long as it was not impeeding his verbal skills.

We snipped the very end off of all of them. As soon as my DD put them in her mouth (and of course she tried all of them - LOL), She said - It's boke (broke)! So after getting frustrated with them because they didn't feel right she forgot about them. Good luck, I know it's hard.
K.

T.-

I got rid of my sons binky by cutting off the top of the bulb part. When he went to suck on it there was no suction. I told him that all of his binky were broken and they needed to be thrown away. This worked fantastic!!

There are a few things you can do. It is horrible for his teeth and speech so you should get rid of it.

- cut it
- hide them and say you sent them to another baby that needed them.
- put them on a balloon and let him send them up in the air to someone else to use
- pacie fairy put them in a bag hang them on the tree and the next day have something in the bag that he will enjoy
- put them in a box and send them to someone who needs them

good luck

Wean him him down to night time only, then take out after he is asleep.. then within a week or 2 just take it cold turkey.. Thats what I did a couple months before my daughter turned 2.. TEll him that you have to give it to babies that really need it.. Maybe let him put in an envelope and act like you're mailing it.. I did that with my daughter too. She whined a few days, but she got over it (:

Hi T.,

I am in the same boat with the binky. My son is 2 1/2 and he ONLY gets his binky at bedtime or naptime now. I tell him that if he is going to use it when he is not supposed to then the binky will go away completely. When he lost his binky a few weeks ago and I honestly couldn't find it, we decided to see if we could just be done with it. After about a week of no sleep...literally...crying until 1 am and up at 7 am with no naps...I let him find it again (I had found it throughout the week). I know everyone says not to give in once you give it up but life was miserable with a 2 yr old living on 6 hours of sleep a day. He was just beyond tired and completely out of control without sleep so I couldn't take him anywhere. I figured letting him find it himself was better because he knew that he lost it and he wouldn't look at that as me just giving in to him.

I also took him to the dentist for a cleaning and checkup last week and our dentist said that there is no problem with him still using the binky. Everyone has different opinions on the subject so go with your heart....you are his parent. I used to be the binky nazi commenting on people letting their kids have them after age 1 and now I have a completely different outlook on the subject. You learn what you live...lol.

T.

You can try two different things:

1. Gradually cut some it off so there's nothing left for him to suck on.

2. Have the "Binky Fairy"--cousin to the Tooth Fairy take it away and replace it with a small toy or special treat.

When I was little and was addicted to my bottle my parents convinced me that the little monkeys at the zoo needed it more than I did and somehow that worked. You might try something like that. I don't know if it would work or not but maybe.

Ditto on the cutting. We rounded them all up one day, cut off the tips and told my son they were broke. He tried to suck on them a couple times and that was it. The funny thing is I kept one whole just in case it was too much for me to handle and I forgot about it. I had placed it on top of the refrigerator and one day while my dh had my son on his shoulders he discovered it. His reaction was priceless. It's my binky and it's not broke. He grabbed the dusty old thing up and put it into his mouth and he said yuck. He couldn't even imagine why he like to suck on that thing. So stay strong..The first night might be challenging but it's smooth sailing after that...

People give me a hard time all the time about my daughter sucking her thumb. I am completely fine with her doing it though and until the ped. or dentist have a problem with it I am not going to pressure her to give up that source of comfort.
That said when YOU make the decision to get rid of it, one thing that I have heard that sounds cool to me is going to Build a Bear and having him sew his binks into the bear and now he has a Binky Bear. Unfortunately I won't be able to do that with the thumb... Good luck

Well don't know if ya watch The Supernany but she just helped a 3 yr old with this. It was even bedtime when she did it. She had a special decorated envelope for a binky fairy. (Just make up a name) I think the story was that she would come and give him mail if he mails them to her for the baby boys who needed them. It was full of feathers, toy animals and thjere was glitter and feathers under the mailbox.

C.

Hi T.,
I also started weaning my youngest off his "binkie", he was nearly three! I remember taking the last few binkies when it got to the point he hardly used them, and threw them out. He was horrified.
Funny part- after a few restless nights he got use to no binkie. About 2-3 months later he dumped out his toy chest, well it was like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. He cupped that binkie in his hand and walked out of his room oblivious I was right there. He whispered "B-i-n-k-i-e" and popped it in his mouth, when I said Devon Thomas! He spat that binkie as far as he could.
I talked to him after that (big boy talk) and he even picked it up and threw it out. For some reason your son knows that you'll give in, as soon as you don't he may stop.
Good Luck
God Bless
W.

if you watch the t.v. show supernanny, she helped some parents this week with the very same thing and it seemed to work wonderfully. of course this child was 4 and not 2, but kids are smart and pick up things quickly. she decorated an evenlope and addressed it to penelope the paci-fairy. she told the little boy a story about how penelope the fairy comes when 'big kids' are done with their paci's so she can bring them to new little babies to use. then they ventured out to the mailbox and mailed it to the fairy. the next morning the fairy had mailed something to the little boy. there were feathers and confetti sprinkled around the mailbox as to look like a 'fairy' had been there. inside his envelope was little toys. i'm sure a note saying thank you and being a big boy might work, too. my cousin used this same idea on her daughter to get rid of diapers to complete her potty training and it worked like a charm.
Good Luck!!

My boys were both very attached too. With my oldest, my mom came over, and she was always telling him he had to throw it away, well one day she saw him have it, and she pretended to EAT it, well he screamed for maybe 30 mins, and after that, it was all over, he never asked for it again, and he had to tell everyone that his grammy ate his paci! hahaha

With the youngest, he was over by my parents gas log, and he happend to drop his paci, and my mom told him it went in the fire and burned up, he would ask for it a few times, and I said, Oh! Sorry you threw it in the fire! and he would say, Oh ya! and that would be it.

I would say, whatever works best for you, if your not ready for him to give it up yet, then don't, you'll know when the time is right, I have yet to see a 20 year old walking around with a pacifier! hahaha

As my mom says when I complain about habbits my 'babies' haven't broken yet.... she says "rest assured 'Johnny' won't march down the wedding aisle sucking on a pacifier. Let kids be kids". This comes from a woman who has raised 2 bioligical children and 11 adopted/foster children. While I agree some habits need to stop, if he's not doing it ALL the time. I see no reason for concern as long as he stops by school age.

Personally, I never would have started my child on a pacifier. To me (being raised by my mom) they are nothing more than a device to keep them occupied by many parents (no, not all) who don't want to be bothered.

As for getting rid of it now, if he is only asking for it with you, then just throw them all away. He knows you will give it to him and no one else does. Stop doing it and he will learn. (Sorry, not trying to be harsh :))

As for your FIL being rude, not sure how to deal with that one. It's not right for him to be doing so. It is your child and while you can always be open to advice, there is nothing that says you have to follow it. Maybe try explaining your feelings to him about the situation and see if he has any good ideas?

Hope this is of some help.

Oh, and after reading a few of the other posts, I would not recommend the balloons. This is bad for the environment when they come down, as animals can get hold of the balloons and choke on them.

N.

T.,

The super nanny last week just did this: She had the child mail it to the binky fairy and the the binky fairy left the child an enevolpe with animals in it. It seem to go smoothly. Maybe you can check out the episode on line. It was the one with The wilson sisters. Also I did something like that with my son for his bottles. I told him the bottle fairy must have thought he was to big for a bottle and that was the end of it.
I know it sounds simple but hope it works for you.

Good Luck, C.

Our kids kept them til almost 4. We got rid of them by making a ceremony of putting the last one (make sure they know this is their last binky) in the wastebasket at a location that we couldn't retrieve it. We were at a hotel on vacation when our second one gave up hers. It's kind of like potty training, they do it in their own time so why battle. As far as you father-in-law, your husband should tell him in a nice way it is none of his business.

I took my children's paci away at 2--but they were ready. We first took it away for the day (@ 9 months)--they could only have it in bed. Then, later (@2)We had the paci fairy come and get all the pacis we left under the pillow and the fairy left a toy of their choice. This worked great!

But, with this said, it is your child you do what your heart tells you to do--this is not your in-laws child! I know how hard it is when others pressure you to raise your kid differently, but really tell your self this is NOT a life altering decision and he will be fine if he has the paci for another 6 months to a year. This has to be your choice!

GL:)

I did this with both of my sons and it worked.

I first had them keep their binkies in their bed under the pillow. They were only allowed to have it when they were IN BED and going to sleep. They would try and trick me and sneak it, but I would take it away. You can't cave or it is never going to work. they only whine b/c they no it works. After a while i poked a hole in the binky so that it deflates and doesn't work properly. In the mean time throw out all of you back-up binkies, that way you aren't tempted to give him a new one. if the "broken" binky doesn't work, cut the tip off. It will bother him and you'll just say "sorry, it's broken." Both my boys got so irritated that they decided to throw them out. After a couple of days it was all over and they never spoke of binkies again.

Good luck! It's really not as bad as you think it will be. My boys were both 2 1/2 and i was convinced it would be a nightmare, and it only took a weekend.

Hi T., I know how hard it can be to make a child give up his favorite "thing". My son, 2 1/2, just gave up his bottle at night. It was a LONG time coming. I just felt bad making him give up something he looked forward to. After watching Super Nanny, she gave me the idea of the Binkie Fairy. We packed up all the bottles, binkies in your case, put them in a gift bag and tied it up with a ribbon. We made a BIG deal about this. He put the bottles in the bag and hung the bag on the front porch for the Binkie Fairy to pick them up and deliver them to the little babies in heaven. We looked out the door several times that night and she finally came. He was THRILLED!! We had spent the day picking out a very special sippy cup. I loaded on the praise and told him what a big boy he was and how proud I was of him. He was so proud of himself. He asked for it once tonight, as it is only his second night. I tell him we don't have baba's anymore, and how took them? He smiles and tells me the BaBa Fairy!! I cannot get him to drink milk out of a sippy cup, and hopefully that will change. I know you have a binkie situation, but think you can apply this the same way. By the way, the Super Nanny is a saint in our house!! She has helped me more than any book I have read! Good luck. Remember, they will get over it. You need to stick to it and not cave in.

Hi T.,
When my son was that age I was told the same thing. And that I was being cruel for letting him have one.(That was a Dr's. opinion!) It wasn't until he was 3 did we finally throw it away for good. We were at Meijer one evening after a Dr's. appt. waiting for a prescription, he dropped it on the floor and of course I put it in my pocket because it needed to be washed. That night he never asked for it. The next morning when he asked for it, my husband and I told him we lost it. And, he was a big boy now and big boy's don't have bubbies. (That's what we called it)LOL. He had a fit for a day or two and got over it. I think it was harder on me because I knew that this was only temporary and that he wouldn't be walking down the isle on his wedding day with one so, what was the big deal? Why does everyone have to tell us how we should parent? I feel you should do what YOU think is right. There is no handbook when it comes to parenting. That's for sure! My son is 18 now and he's far out grown a lot of things. Your son will too. I wish you the best. It will be okay!

K. W.
Coldwell Banker T&C RE
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"Exceeding Your Real Estate Needs"

Your son has learned which button to push in getting you to do what he wants. If he really does not need it you need to stay strong and not give in when he whines. It only makes the behavior worse not better. Maybe you could distract him with something else such as a book or toy. Try singing songs in the car or pointing out different things as they go by. Kids are fast learners and he should catch on that you are serious about him not having the binky.

Our dentist advised us of the same thing, but that's because it was starting to affect our daughter's teeth shape (they not longer touched at the front). Her advice, which my husband implemented, was to snip little bits off of the tip so it slowly disappeared. Eventually she gave it up.
I'm sorry your father in law is not understanding and rude. Try to ignore the man.

My son is almost 3 years old now. Since before the age 2 years he only had it in his bed. I am strict on that. He does not bring it in public at all. On his 3rd birthday he will get rid of it. We just had a little one and he needed some type of comfort for the change, but come June it will be gone. My sister boxed up all the pipes and brought them to me in the hospital (I am a nurse) with her little girl and gave them to all the new babies (so she thought) when she was 3 years old. At that age they are able to understand much better than yanking away a comfort. Another thing you can do is poke a hole in them or cut them. That way when they suck them they do not get the same feeling. Preping them for the event is much better to. Telling him/ her that it is coming so tha they are prepared. As for your father in law respect him, but let some of his comments roll off, you are not going to please everyone, and remember this is your child. Hope this helps. T.:)

We had a similar problem. We got lucky as our neighbor had just gotten braces and our son was appalled by them (looked yucky). Then we also informed him that she could not eat popcorn, apples, chewy candy etc. So when he went to the dentist, we had her tell him he would get braces because of his binky. He got home and tossed it away. (he did end up with Braces anyway) Good luck!

We had the same problem when our son was that age....in fact, I think that we held off until 2 1/2 because it was such an easy fix. In any case we did the "Binky Fairy" or in our house, the "Paci Fairy". We told him that we had to get all the pacis into a bag for the paci fairy who was going to come and take them to give to new babies who needed them. We stressed how he was a big boy, etc. Then we told him that the paci fairy would leave him a big boy present in return for giving up something so special. I think we gave him a train or something, a favorite at the time. Anyway....it worked like a charm. He's never wanted to see his paci since! Good luck!

My pediatrician said it had to go no matter what, by 2 years old otherwise it will change the shape of their mouths. Not wanting to take any chances, I took the pacifier away at 18 months. We just went cold turkey and we had a rough couple of days but my son adjusted just fine. I'll be honest, part of my decision to do so early was because I thought it was terrible all the kids I would see talking around their pacifier! Good luck.

Hi T.. I think 2 years old is a great age to get rid of the binki. Now this may sound cruel but it worked really well with our first son and intend to probably use it w/ our second in the future. Just after his 2nd b-day my fiance (boy's dad) stood in front of our son and took a pair of scissors and cut the tip off of his binki, well his eyes welled up with tears and we handed it to him and he said binki broke, he threw it to the ground. We had a few day's where he asked for it at night and nap time, but we kept telling him he was a big boy, and finally (week later) he was done with it other then the occasional times he asked for it. This worked well for us you just have got to stick to it. I have heard the garbage thing working or having just one around the house for a bit and then taking to the store or somewhere and leaving it. I hope it works out for you, it's tough but you can do it mom! Just keep in your mind that it is what is best for your son and we always want whats best for our kids!!!!
GOOD LUCK
B.

I am a stay at home wife and mother of four children with two boys ages 18, and almost 13, and two girls ages 15 and 10. All four of my children had pacifiers until they were about 2 years old. Believe me, what worked best for me with all four of my children was cutting off the tip of their pacifier, (without them seeing me do it), and when they asked for it, it was broken! They tried sucking on it occasionally for a few days, but had to give up because it didn't work anymore. I was fortunate that all of my children handled it very well. Within a couple of days they didn't need their pacifier anymore and did just fine without it. I did, however, keep an extra one on hand during this time just in case it didn't work, but I never had to use it. Good luck!

If you are ready, do it cold turkey. For a couple of days he will ask you for it maybe even cry for it. But if you are ready and can be strong, cold turkey is the way to go. My son was highly addicted and it took a whole week. I prepared my son in advance. I told him once he lost them all that was it. If your son doesn't loose them I would make sure he did. The key here is you need to be ready. If you are not than don't do it. Then you will end up giving in. Its not easy at first, but then when it is over you think that wasn't so bad. Good Luck!

I had the same problem with my now 3 year old. She only got it from me at naps, bedtime & in the car but her daycare didn't even realize she used one because never needed one there. What we ended up doing was going over to my sisters, and "accidently" left it there(or so she was told). She cried a little for it for a couple days then just quit asking for it. When it did come up, I would tell her we still haven't gotten it from Aunt's house. It was harder to break me of the routine of never leaving anywhere without a spare then her to adjust to not having it.

My daughters teeth started to protrude and binky had to go. I cut just the tiniest off the tip of the nipple. my daughter put it in her mouth, felt around with her tongue. She looked at it, handed it to me and said "Broken!" She wanted to hold it in her hands for a couple of nights, but that was it. Good luck!!

We restricted to bed and car like you did, if he wanted it at other times he had to sit in bed to have it and was fine with that. Then somewhere around 2 1/2 or so we lost it. We actually did lose it and he had known ahead of time that I was not going to buy anymore. My friends had suggested that you accidentally leave it at home or lose it while you are on a vacation or away from home for about a week and they are distracted by other things and then "forget" about it. Hope this helps!

I know it is very hard to take something away from your child that gives them comfort. You just have to be strong and not give in to him. Kids are very smart! He knows you will give in. It can be hard sometimes and even take up to a week or more for your child to adjust but it all works out. You could also try cutting a little bit off the tip of the pacifier and he will not enjoy it as much. You could also try getting HIM to throw away the binky by telling him how big he is and how he really doesn't need it anymore. It worked with my oldest son. He may ask for it back in a few days or so but just reassure him he did the right thing. Another thing I have done with sippy cups is give a time line as to when the binky will be gone and continue to remind him of it and then when that day comes, bye bye binky!

T. do you have a dog? My dog ,long ago, ate the end off of my sons pacifier. No more pacifier. When my stubborn daughter came along she would wail at night because she lost her pacifier. Needless to say many disturbed night of no sleep. My husband was tired off all of this.I cut the end off of the pacifier and told her it was broken. She looked sad for awhile, which was hard, but she survived.

we sat down and set a date with my little one and it worked well

T., My sister did this with her two kids and it worked like a charm. For her it was on their Birthday. I think it was on their 3rd Birthday. But I guess you could just pick a day and mark it on the calendar. Count down to it with your son, getting excited with him about his special big boy day. On this day your son will become a "big boy". Take all of the pacifiers from around the house, check every where, buy some balloons, tie all of the pacifiers to the balloons and let him send them off in to the sky, to be used by babies that need them. Make a special time of it and celebrate his becoming a big boy. Let him know what a good thing he has done to give his pacifiers to baby's that need them. If he asks for a pacifier, simply and mater of factly say, "You're a big boy now, remember". Then change the subject. Get his mind on something else. Say, "Let's sing a bedtime song, or in the car, make sure to have a small bag of toys to entertain him. If he really gets whining, don't give in, talk about what a good boy he is for giving his pacifiers to babies that need them. Maybe even on his big boy day take him to the store and let him pick out a special toy, his "big boy toy" use your imagination. Good luck.
K.