How Do I Get My Child Socialized?

Have some moms come to you for a playdate...Or as you get to know someone have them pick you up to go to the Gymboree, park or library. :) Also, is your husband's job something where you can drop him off at work so you could have the car? Maybe do this a few days a week?

We have only 1 vehicle.
My Husband car-pools to work, and catches the bus home.
He knows... I am home with our 2 kids and need to take them places/to appointments/to school/for my errands and for the household, and to do things for and with the kids. AND just in case of emergency, I need the car.
If at any time he does not carpool or misses the bus or is late at work, then I simply drive him to work and pick him up after work.

My Husband meanwhile, if he takes our car to work, well- it just SITS there all day, doing nothing, and meanwhile he has to pay for parking.
That does not make sense, does it?

So, I have the car.

IF my Husband needs to drive, per work, well he just takes the company car or his co-workers car. His Boss, lets him use his car.
Its no problem. He is doing, work related obligations.

Can't your Husband, do that?
Once your child gets even older, you WILL need transportation, and the car. Does he expect you to walk everywhere? And take the bus??? With a young child? What about if you have to do grocery shopping or take your baby to the Doctor or yourself?
And what if there is an EMERGENCY?
He has to think about that.

Meanwhile, you can join Mom groups. If you make friends with a Mom(s), maybe THEY can occasionally drive you around.
Does your husband feel good about that?

I don't know, but I think your Husband has to re-evaluate the car usage and that you and your child is home.... isolated, and not able to really do anything, needed or not.

Sorry, but I just feel real strongly about that.
I am not criticizing you.
Just the car usage... and you are stuck at home.
I don't think it is fair, of your Husband.

It's not fun being "new" with a child to think about too. I agree that MOPS is a pretty good place to go for both of you (mothers of preschoolers). Often held at a church or someplace, another known clubs is MOMS. They're all over, so see if there's one nearby. The MOPS club I attend is actually 95% military wives and I think it's neat to see....there's a lot of support there in getting to know women in that kind of setting, especially if they're in a similar boat (being military and moving pretty often). The children have different age-appropriate rooms with toys and games and activites there. My 16 month old son really loves it. There's toys that are not his! Music! A room that is not our house! Other children to watch and try to play alongside! It's cute to sneak up and watch him.
Are there playgrounds with smaller equipment? I've noticed that there are "big kid" playgrounds and "little kid" playgrounds. Try to hang more at the one that is age appropriate for your child and you'll see moms with children the same age. Being slightly shy, it was different for me, but I did start conversations with moms there, ask if we could meet up at the park again another time if it went well, and did casual playdates like that. Once at McDonalds, my son was running around the playland (it's indoor, air conditioned, I was pregnant, and it was H O T outside), and a little girl about 6 months older than my son was there too. They kinda played a little bit together, and I struck up a conversation with her. They were new to the area so I told them about storytime at the library, small fry club at McDonalds, and a spraypark nearby. We ended up being really good friends over time and still stay in touch regularly even though we've since moved out of state. Her daughter was a playmate for my son for 2 years.
Do check out your local free parenting magazines that have the list of monthly events to go to. Church is a good place for them to play. A lady in my Bible study talked about her granddaughter that she kept during the day a lot, and she was the same age as my son. They were in the same class at church, so one day she asked me to come by for lunch and he could play with the granddaughter. I asked if he knew who the little girl was, he said yes. I said "What does she look like?" and he thought hard and said "happy". (ha) But they got along famously and became great friends, and that lady is a great friend to me as well! There's also a website called meetup.com that you could look for playdates on, if you don't have a neighborhood playdate organization. I've never used the site but have heard good things about it.
When my oldest was that age he seemed really lonely at 18 months old. I tried everything to be his best friend, I played with him, chased him, climbed on stuff, etc, but you could just tell he wanted "friends" that were peers. I didn't have the money at that time for the daycare that I wanted to put him in, but I applied and asked if I could work for his "tuition". The plan originally was to just have him in there after naptime, part time, at the hours that I would work as an assistant (part time), for free. But after talking to some of my references, I lucked out and got paid (more than starting salary) AND he attended for free during the hours I worked. I could peek in on him whenever but I made sure he couldn't see me...it was great to see him having so much fun playing with children!
And finally: socializing can take form in different ways. As a mom, I teach him more about socialization than anyone else. If he yells or smacks me, the way I react is an opportunity to teach. Everytime we sit down to eat, that is a lesson in social skills. Sitting on the floor and playing nicely, sharing, laughing, being nice, all things they can learn better from you than another almost 2 year old. But you DO definately want to provide them with opportunities to learn how to play with peers and practice dealing with people that are different than them, and navigating feelings of shyness, happiness, frustration, etc. Once a week for a formal playdate is plenty. But we just incorporated a 30 minute trip to the park everyday at 10am and a 60 minute trip to the spraypark everyday at 4pm as part of our daily routine. It was walking distance, just part of the day, before lunch and after nap....it wasn't "official" but we saw other regulars with our schedules there all the time and we kinda got to know who was there.

Hi B.,

Just some ideas. Check out your local library they usually have a toddler story time weekly which is a great way to meet other moms/kids in your area and its free. Also, call your local hospital's community services department which connects parents in the area to play groups or at least can inform you of other resources. Also check out your local community parks class schedules which usually has either fun classes for your child's age group for a small fee. Keep going to the park, you may meet other mom's and kids and can coordinate times to be at the park at the same time. Good luck!

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Check out your local Adult Ed program. Ours is through the school district and offers a Parent Participation Program. Think of a combined preschool class with a parenting class one day a week. I've met so many neat moms through it and my son now attends elementary school with several of his PPP friends!

You just need to make the first move when you see another mom around where you live with a child your daughter's age. Go to the closest playground, library story time or just a coffee shop and observe. Even though it might be out of your comfort zone to chat with strangers it will be worth it. And if they don't seem receptive, and not all will be, then so what. At least you tried. When you do meet someone just say "would you like to get together so that the kids can play sometime?" And then hopefully you can even get a playgroup started that meets regularly. I loved doing that when my kids were small.

I was in your situation a long time ago, Marine wife. Do you live in the base or out? Taking walks around the neighborhood is a very good way to get to know the locals and see who plays outside more often. The local park, toy store and mall are also good places to find social interaction not just for your baby but for you too. I use to take the bus to popular areas my daughter loved it. Living in the base helped a lot because there is a lot of social events you could get involved in. The local library is also a good place and they have free magazine with local events a lot of times for free. Ho! Barns Nobles is great too. Hope this helps

Hey B.,
Have you tried checking for playgroups on Facebook? I found one for my area and I love it. There are tons of great activities to get involved in. Most of the groups I saw had some way to contact the coordinator and you could explain your transportation situation. They may know someone in the group that is close in proximity to you that could pick you and your child up.

HI B.,

You've gotten great advice here. Also, check out your local MOM's Club. They will have playdates for kids your daughter's age, and outings for you, too! :-)

http://www.momsclub.org/links.html#California

Good luck!
C.

At her age, kids don't really "play" with each other. They watch each other and sometimes parallel play. I would keep taking her to the park where she can watch the other kids, maybe some of them will interact with her sooner or later. You can get a really cool set of toys that other kids will want to play with and you can tell them "My baby is happy to share her toys with you, but please stay in the sandbox when you play with them. Maybe you can show her how to make a castle." or something like that, so the kids don't just think you are providing them with new toys to use on their own terms.

Also, talk to other moms and find out what kid stuff there is in your area. Lots of moms are or were in the same boat as you, and they will be happy to share info about successes they have had. good luck!

see if there's a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) , continuing education group - we have ECFE (early child family education) or API group (attached parents) in your area. You don't need to agree with every tenant of the group. That's okay. You're looking for some socializing and they are too.