K., we have a lot in common. My husband goes to LAN parties about once per month and I could have written a lot of what you did.
Here's the thing about the GNO. I would set a date, set it up, write it on the calendar, tell him, email him, whatever you have to do so he can't forget or claim he didn't know or anything like that. But make yourself a date in advance and plan it with everyone, including the other ladies and your hubby.
With my hubby, I was resentful because I am not good at asking for things for ME (or for help, for that matter), but then one day he asked me whatever happened to my going out and encouraged me to do it. So I'd spent time being hurt and resentful about it, and he was just waiting for me to say the word and tell him I had plans! Classic lack of communication, which we're usually pretty good with.
As for the other ladies, I very much know that frustration. I feel like I always have to be in charge, always have to make plans for anyone to bother. At one point I got really frustrated with it and gave up. I was having some PPD and I decided that my doing all the work meant they didn't really want to spend time with me, so I gave up. Well, turns out things didn't implode and they did eventually contact me and try to put it together. A lot of the problem was just ME, because I always sort of take control of things so everyone else just got used to it and let me run with things. Once I stepped down, they took over and did alright and it let me know they actually did want to be around me. Since then, I, ahem, sort of took over things a bit again, but it really helps me to know that they can and will make plans if I don't. But, hey, we're natural born leaders and organizers, right? So things just go better when we do it! :D
And my hubby still gets home really late when he goes to a LAN party. We both basically know tension will come of him going because of how late he stays, but he says the same thing...that he loses track of time, sees how late it is and rushes home. The only thing I ask is that he calls when he is on his way home (and leaves a msg if I don't pick up, because I turn off the ringer so as not to wake the kids). At least this way, if I don't hear from him, I know he's safe at his friend's house. And I only have to worry if he calls to say he is leaving and then doesn't come home for a long time, but that doesn't happen.
Good luck! I hope you get your GNO!!