How Do I Explain to Family Not to Give Dairy??

Stand up to his family and let them know that it is your child and not theirs! That what they do cause him harm and if they had any feeling for his health and well being they would not give him something that WILL make him ill. Their spitefullness is only hurting him.

If they dont listen...instead of rushing him home tend to him at the party and let them see how sick he gets right in front of them. So then your husband wont have any ground to stand on when he say's its all in YOUR head.

My husband has a hard time understanding that our daughter is lactose intollernt. He tried to give her regular milk at 12 months and she of course threw it all up on me. He also forgets to buy Whole Milk and buys low fat. I have to remind him that she needs Whole Milk for brain development. He thinks the lactose intol. is all in my head. I remind him that it is genetics and not my mind. I am lactose intol and so is my father and so is my grandfather. I told him since I am the one who feeds her and takes care of her all day long that I determine what she eats! End of discussion...next day he went and bought Lactate Whole Milk with Fortifide Calcium. I guess I won that battle.

I can understand the battle with the inlaw's. He had an issue over our daughter's weight...they thought she was fat and kept bringing it up to me. I would always have to give a list to them of what she eats. The last straw was when his Mom said "I know this is a sore subject for you but..." then it started regarding her weight. She is a baby was was at the time and she was Chubby as was I. There was nothing wrong with her Ped said so. So I had had enough and said if one more person brings up her weight that I was going to let them have it! It is my baby not theirs, they have their kids and raise or have raised them the way that want. This one is mine and I will raise her the way I feel is best. To be honest is better than what they do or did. I just dont want her growing up with a weight complex and end up with a eating disorder. Thank god they live over a hundred miles away!

Good luck to you and yours! Stand Strong!

You need to explain to his Father and to his Father's family that CPS would find all of this very interesting! How can they not see what is going on? If you truly have to take him straight home and he stays on the toilet all night then they need to get their act together and help you do what is best for your son! I think they sound like horrible people, especially if you think they get a kick out of seeing this happen! Good Luck! You sound like a strong Mom, be strong for your son!

My heart goes out to you and your son.

I have always been allergic to dairy products. I couldn't have my moms breastmilk and could not have formula, back then they would even try goats milk and I couldn't have that either. The only thing I could have was soy. When I was a baby it caused horrible ear infections, and tummy aches, and I think even some rashes. As I got older this turned into a simple ear infection and horrible diarrea, and sometimes vommiting.

I had some family memebers that when I went camping with them they tried to force me to drink a glass of milk. It made me feel horrible that they just refused to believe me about it making me sick. So I am sorry someone else is having to go thru the same thing.

The only way for the allergy to lessen is to stay off of dairy all together until his body craves it (possibly puberty). And the more processed it is the worse the tummy ache is. Cheese is a horrible thing for me.

If I were in your shoes I am not sure how I would handle the family thing. Maybe have your dr check him out and explain what is happening to him and write a note to the family stating to them it is harmful to give him milk. And then let them know that if they continue to give him things they know will hurt hiss tummy that you will have to ask a CPS mediator what you should do about the situation. They should NOT ever be giving him dairy for the fact that they should know how much it effects him.....what a nasty bunch of people to openly torture a small child like that.

I hope that you can fix this for your sweet boy, and I will send my prayers your way!

is it possible to take your son's father to a pediatrician and have the dr. explain it to him? maybe he would listen to an objective professional. i'm not sure about food sensitivities, but if your son is allergic to milk, each exposure can actually provoke a more severe reaction, including swelling of the throat, which would cut off his air supply. your son's father needs to realize how serious this situation is, so i think having him hear it from a dr. might be the only way to make him understand. good luck!
PS i wanted to mention after i read the other responses...my husband was allergic to dairy when he was a child and thought he grew out of it and started drinking milk again and other dairy products (this was just a couple years ago) and he ended up having bouts of constipation and diarreah. so now he takes those pills that help some people be able to handle dairy if he wants to eat a milkshake or something. anyway, my point is that even with a no-dairy diet, some children never outgrow it and sometimes it does get worse!

Will the father go to the doctor with you, and have the doctor explain the very REAL damaging effect dairy has on your son?
As you get responses, Mamasouce gives you the option to email the page to a friend - maybe you need to copy ALL family members to let them know that this is basically a very cruel thing they are doing to you and your son. My daughter had just a dairy intolerance for a few days, and that alone was horrible. I can't imagine your son's sensitivity and having to watch every single food item.
I just checked WebMD, and they have tons of information on dairy allergies - the link below actually gives dairy substitutes to lay out what he can and can't have. Maybe something with 'MD' will make it sound more 'offical'.

http://www.webmd.com/allergies/guide/milk-allergy

If all else fails, do the visitation rights enforce family parties? Can he just not go? If your son understands that he can't eat dairy, maybe he can refuse to eat even when they say it's 'special'. Regardless, it shouldn't be a 4 year old's responsibility. Everyone - especially the father (!) needs to get rid of their ignorance and stop basically harming your son! Good luck. This is so unfair and the more I think about what you're son is going through, the angrier I get!!!

I have this issue with my youngest as well. She is completely on soy because of it. Well great grandma babysits because at this time daycare is just not an option(not affordable) when we first noticed our daughter was having serious issues with milk we told g- grandma. She is having a very hard time adjusting to it. We took a note to her from the allergist explaining what could and will happen if Madyson gets dairy products. I also make sure when she goes to g-grandmas that I keep a good supply of soy milk there. I also make sure to include non dairy products in her daiper bag for grandma to give her. Also I make a point to remind grandma before I leave about the no dairy products rule. Great grandma is older and generally keeps several grandchildren at her house at one time. I just make a point to remind her because now that she is a little more use to the situation she still forgets. I have also placed a Note really big on the refigerator to remind her. And when my daughter is at someone elses house that she is normally not at I place a stick on the front of her shirt that says very big and bold "if you dont want to call my mama dont give me dairy". Usually this works. But i would definantly take him to see an allergists if the dad and his family do not believe you. Make sure dad goes to the appointment with you so he knows just how serious it is.

It sounds like they are being very cruel. They know he is allergic and they have seen him in pain, and they lie to him anyways, and by doing so, are endangering him.

Also, children just don't grow out of allergies. Over time, they can become even worse as it causes more triggers.

My sister in law is also allergic to dairy, and we ALWAYS reserve her special pieces of food and makes sure she can eat it safe. She has had some very severe reactions also from people not protecting her from "special" products they claimed to use.

If I were you, I would not even allow my son to touch a single drop of their food. Obviously, they are going to lie and say they used the special cheese or milk... so don't trust them. Bring his own food, and be firm about it. If they get offended, just tell them that they obviously don't care for your son's health and so you have to make sure he is protected from their food.

Who cares if they get mad... it's your son who will end up paying for their cruelness!! The warning letter of an attorney and a Dr.s note, sounds harsh, but I think it would be worth it so they know how serious the issue is.

That's disgusting that his own father would allow that. I would have the pediatrician write a note. Maybe then, they'll believe you. If that doesn't stop it, I wouldn't allow my child to see the family until they start to take you seriously. If they had his best interests at heart, they would listen. I don't allow my son to see his paternal family because they all smoke and he has lung problems. They are all fully aware of his problems, and yet, continue to smoke...so they don't get to see him. When they complain, I tell them they have a choice. My son's health is the only thing that matters (after 20 days in the NICU with him, I'm a bit of a hardass when it comes to this issue) and if that hurts anyone's feelngs, then so be it. I wouldn't jeopardize his health for anything, and you sound like you wouldn't either. Give his father an ultimatum: he starts taking you seriously and talks with his family, or he'll be seeing less of his son. If it's a custody issue, start gathering proof of his father's obvious disregard to his son's health. No court would force a child to go stay with a parent who allows, and who even seems to encourage, them to get sick. Good luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with this!