How Do I Convince My Husband to Stop Giving Money to His Siblings ?

I would meet with a financial planner to separate your accounts - set aside what you need for retirement income, have another account for current household expenses (mortgage, insurance, utilities, food, repairs and all of that), and then set aside a small amount of discretionary income for each of you (that's 2 discretionary accounts). You control yours, and he controls his. When his discretionary account is empty, then he's done for the month. If he gives his golf or vacation money to the nieces and nephews, that's up to him, but he can't divert money from the other accounts. If he believes their lies, that's his problem. But it will no longer be your problem. You can use your money to go on vacation (without him, because he's out of money), or to get together for spa days with friends, or to take come fun classes or whatever pleases you. He doesn't get to go on these things on your dime. He needs to feel the pain of giving.

I echo the idea that you should meet with a pastor or priest of your husband's religion to get some clarify on what God expects. Most religions teach the importance of charity to the truly needy, but that doesn't mean giving to anyone who asks. It means making responsible choices. It also means not handicapping them for the rest of their lives by not allowing them to be responsible for themselves and know the joy of success.

Stop having discussions with his family. They aren't your problem. Your husband is your problem. They could not take advantage of him without his permission and participation. What you need to do is protect your own financial future (and "saving a bit for retirement" isn't enough), whether he agrees with you or not. They'll (hopefully) stop hating on you if you stop getting in their faces (you're justified, but you cannot win if your husband isn't on your side). You can be pleasant at family gatherings, or you can get up and go get another plate at the buffet table if the discussion turns to money. If you need to say anything, just say, "I'm going to excuse myself from private financial discussions." If they are still brutal to you after 6 months of not engaging with them, then stop going.

Once you get this squared away, I'd suggest that your children meet with a planner too. They need to learn to safeguard and manage their earnings, and they aren't going to learn this from your husband. And if history is any predictor of the future, these relatives will start on your kids when your husband is dead or broke.

i'm sorry you're in this pickle. i too would not appreciate my husband giving money repeatedly to family members without us discussing it thoroughly beforehand, not only the money gift but the parameters around the gift- ie, this is a one time thing.

but you've got a lifetime pattern to cope with here. your husband has always taken care of his family members financially, and apparently has done so throughout your marriage and your kids' childhoods.

i guess you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. it doesn't sound as if it is. if you have enough to put away for retirement, that's a huge relief.

i guess you could put yourself in the handout line, tell him that you want him to give you an equal money gift each time he forks it over to his family, and you can put it into a savings or retirement account along with your current one. at least then it will feel as if you two are also benefiting from his excessive largesse.

but it's doubtful he's just going to change at this point.
khairete
S.

Sounds like ya'll are Christians as he says God loves a generous giver. If you have a pastor or councilor that you could both sit down with to be a mediator and see if you can work through this.

Since he is clearly not going to change I think I would start having separate accounts. It's easier not to fight about money when it's already been sorted and distributed. Your retirement is in your name, of course, and I assume you own the home jointly so that's covered. Any savings or investments outside of that can be moved into separate accounts. Whatever money is coming in can cover bills first and then you can split the rest evenly. If he wants to keep giving $ away he can do it from "his" share and you can decide to save or spend your share however you want.

you need to sit your husband down and talk to him about this. you need to calmly tell him how it makes you feel when you are insulted and he says nothing. you need to gently talk to him about freely giving money to family just because they ask for it.
if talking to him fails i suggest marital counseling to have a professional help you fix this bump in your marriage.