How Do Birthday Parties Work?

Sounds like the hostess has lazy mom syndrome or invited too many people. I have never heard of this. I have heard of adult only parties, but not this. That's kind of rude. Perhaps I am old fashioned. In my day even if there were twenty kids there the moms raced to the front door, dropped them off and came back at the end. I don't think my kids are that much older, so truthfully I don't think its the norm as I have the suspicion my first thoughts are on target. If you can't bring your other children then perhaps you are busy or something that day. He is only four and there will be other parties. Is there a reason why you are supposed to attend with him? If you want to be completely informed I suppose you can ask the party giver. Also you could find out why you can't bring the others. I am assuming that that way all twenty of the mothers don't bring their extra children. I have a feeling this birthday party will not be having high attendence as I am sure you are not the only one feeling this way.

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LOL. Why have we made birthday parties so complicated.

I can a mom needing to limit the number of guests if money is tight etc.

But requiring a parent to attend with the child - esp at age four seems funny to me.

Kids are happy with cake and ice cream and some simple games and time to run around and play.

2 moms found this helpful

Hmmm, I haven't had a situation like that before. My son has been going to birthday parties since he was 3. I have always either just dropped off or brought my daughter with me. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think it's riduculous to have to arrange care for a younger child so that you can supervise your child at a party. In the 6 birthday parties my son has had I've either had many kids here because of siblings, otherwise the parents have asked me if it is ok that they drop their son/daughter off because of whatever reason. Maybe when you rsvp to the party, you could mention that to the mom/dad and see what kind of a response you get. Especially for just 1.5 hours. I don't see why they wouldn't just let you drop him off, being at their home it's not like they have to worry about much like they would if it had been in a public place.
Sorry I can't directly relate, but I thought I'd share my opinion with you.
Good luck!
J.

2 moms found this helpful

Are we invited to the same party??? lol! I'm in the same situation: I called for clarification and host told me no siblings. But when I then mentioned that this was our first leave-behind party, she let me know I'm supposed to stay. Personally, I find it disappointing that a host would put this type of restraint on a family. Yes, I have a husband, but that doesn't mean that he is automatically available.

I have absolutely NO problem with parties without siblings -- this is always the host's prerogative! But in those cases, I would make it a leave-behind party, so not to cause logistics/care issues for the rest of the family. If this is a burden on cost or space, then I would re-think the party. Whether a party for adults or children, my key concern is always the enjoyment of the guests and the guest of honor. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but that's how I was taught. But...not everyone is the same as us.

I think most of the other posters have it right...if you can swing it, look at this as a great opportunity to have some one-on-one with your son. Best wishes!

2 moms found this helpful

I've never heard of any hard and fast 'rule' about siblings, so I think it is just different from party to party. We've been invited to parties with sibs ( when all the kids already know each other) and not. I have a friend with 4 kids, all close in age and I know for a fact that she NEVER assumes sibs are invited, because they all have their own specific groups of friends.

I can also see why they might want parents there, though. At age 4, a lot of kids are not yet ready to party alone, even if your son is. My son has attended a couple of parties where the mom told me that some parents were staying, but my son was welcome to stay alone, because she knew he would be well-behaved and not get upset or feel shy, etc. It's better to err on the side of caution and ask parents to stay, unless you know the child really well and know they will have fun and behave without mom there.

I think its awful to say that the party mom has 'lazy mom' syndrome!! Who knows what that family's personal circumstances, financial constraints, etc. are??? Not everyone can invite EVERY kid to parties, and certainly not all the kids in the neighbor hood. That does NOT make a mom lazy or selfish- sometimes that's just the way it is. If they can only have a certain number of kids, does that mean her child doesn't deserve a party at all??

I work full time and we have had full-on b-day parties with everyone in the families there, and just small movie parties with 4 friends. Each mom or family has to do what is best for their kid to have a good birthday- why be snotty and judgmental and hold that against them???

You didn't say how many sibs he has or how old. If your other child is a baby, then I would say just bring him. But if the sibs are older or you have 3 kids, then take them to grandma's or a sitters for the duration of the party.

Another option would be if you are good friends with another mom whose child is going, ask if she would be willing to chaperon your son at the party as well? (i would only do that if you and the other mom are good friends and she has watched your son before and vice-versa. Also, you would then owe her one, but it might be worth your while!)

I think the party mom is just trying to make sure there are no unsupervised melt-downs and that the party is fun for the kids and goes smoothly. Not allowing sibs is totally reasonable- some people might have a lot of kids, for example, and these days a lot of parties are on a tighter budget too. Also, as your son gets older, he is not going to want to always be tagging around with his sibs anyway! Just be a gracious guest and respect the party hostesses' wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

I think it is unreasonable for you to be expected to attend the party and not have the sibling attend. I think at that age I had some moms who wanted to stay and others were comfortable leaving their child. Is she assuming that all families only have one child? I don't think is the norm.
M.

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I would file this under the "her party/her rules" category.

I would respect the wishes of the hostess (no matter how odd I found them) and either a) get a sitter for my other children or b) politely decline. Most likely "b" because I think it's rather ballsy to ask me to pay for a sitter and a birthday present!

2 moms found this helpful

I've never understood why parents are expected to stay at parties. If the hosts can't handle the children by themselves, perhaps they shouldn't have a party. In your case, I'd find a sitter or not go.

2 moms found this helpful

The only time I would expect parents or another adult to stay is if it was a pool party, other then that I do not expect a parent to stay. I keep my parties small, and have my 11yr old and one of her friends available to help when her younger sisters have a party.

I would call the mom, and tell her you need to bring siblings if you have to stay.

1 mom found this helpful

When is the party? I can see why a hostess would assume that on an evening or weekend, most parents could get away with just one kid. During the day would surprise me.

It does seem strange, but I would go with the flow, find a friend to watch the little one and enjoy some one on one time with the big guy.

Used to it? Probably not, I haven't run into it in 8 years of birthday parties.

1 mom found this helpful

Firstly, if you can find childcare for your other children, do so and enjoy the special mommy/son time that you'll have. However,if this isn't possible inform the host that you do have other young children and that you do not have available childcare during the party hour. If he/she cannot make acommodations for your other children to attend the party then your child should not attend and thank he/she for the invite. Maybe after alerting the host of your situation the other children might get invited as well. Good Luck!!!

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If you have a partner at home who can look after the sibling, then you could go and enjoy some one-on-one time with your 4-year old. But, I think if I was told that I had to stay and that the sibs weren't invited- and I had no one at home to watch them, then I would politely decline the invite. I can't afford to hire a sitter as well as buy a gift, to spend 90 minutes at a party, as much as I'd like to, as my kids get about 10-15 invites a year. I'd be broke on sitter fees! When I invite kids I leave it up to the parents to stay, stay with sibs or drop off. I just make sure I don't invite more than 5-7 kids, otherwise it would get crazy here!

1 mom found this helpful

Hm. I think by age 4, the parents hosting the party should let you drop off as long as you pick up at a certain time so they don't get stuck with your child. It's ridiculous to expect you to get a sitter so that you can bring the invited child. ? Just my opinion.

We have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and 1 yr old, and our 3 and 5 year olds have both gone to "kid only" parties. It's still a bit of a pain, since you have to drop them off, and leave your cell phone # in case of emergency, and usually be back 2 hrs later (I don't know what to do w/ myself so I usually go to the grocery store or Target). When we have our own kids' parties, we usually plan on the parents being there (for food planning) but I don't plan on making this a requirement, if the kids are over 3 yrs old.

You could also skip the party! Arrange a separate play date where you can exchange your gift. And bring your other child(ren).

I guess you should go w/ the flow...but see why you HAVE to be there (if it is a burden to get a sitter) and explain the deal to the parents. ??

1 mom found this helpful

All parties are different and all parentsare different. Some want you to drop off and let them run it and others prefer you t stay. I wuld say if it was easy enough to have an aun, uncle or grandparents watch te other child I would do that and have one on one time with your 4 yr old., However if thi in not possible I would just tell the mom that your child would love to attend but that you can not be there with them because you have no one to watch your other child. See what they say. The things is if to many people bring siblings it could turn into a zoo plus it puts pressure onthe hostess to buy goody bags etc for all the siblings. It's a tough call. I understand both views. Good Luck

Talk to the inviter!! I have found that mom's are so accomodating! I have had families invite my 3 yr old to go too. I have had mom's say it is ok to leave the child b/c I do not have a sitter for the other 2...talk to the person. Explain your situation! Say you do not want to be a burden but want to make their child's party special with friends. What is best??

Hi mom yes that's something to think about and if I think about it only if its family then all can come who wants to come even then sometimes a 10yr old don't want babies at there party, so yes the other child will have to stay at home. Good Luck Also back in my day all children parties turn into the audlt party have fun!

L.,

When my older son was 4, I would always find a sitter for the younger brother and take him to the party and stayed with him. We actaully have a b-day party in a week and I will take just him and stay with him. And he's 5 1/2 now. It's kind of nice because then we have time alone just the two of us (which is rare).

C.

That 's an age where you have to call the host and figure out what she/he had in mind in terms of parents staying and if its OK for you to bring sibs. It could go either way. Keep in mind tho, that if your other kids stay for the party that you need to corral them and not necessarily expect that they will get a goody bag. One thing that used to bug me is when parents would either stay or pick up a kid from our party with the little sibs who would go running in asking for a goody bag or balloon or other treat. I didn't necessarily make extras and that kind of ruins the end of the party to have to so no and have kids crying.

Hi L. You didn't say how old your 4 yr. old siblings are. Maybe they weren't invited because of their ages. Any parties my children attend, I stayed there with them. My children ate 4 yrs. apart. So if it was a party for my daughter who is the youngest. I would take her and leave my son with my husband or my mother. So share your feeling with the person who giving this party. I would wanted to attend the party with my child especially if he/she isn't familiar with them.

I would say that either siblings come or mom goes. Perhaps they have a small home with not enough room, maybe it is their first party and they do not know the unspoken rules? Call the hostess, tell her your troiuble and ask ehr what she would like you to do. This is not a wedding but a simple kids party.
J.

Party etiquette is that you don't drop off & leave until the children are 5 & older. As far as siblings attending, we never bring them unless they are specifically invited. Most kids have at least one to two siblings & if you invite 10 kids & everyone brings their siblings you could have more than 25 kids running around in your house. That would be no fun for anyone. This is a party for someone elses kid & it should be about him & his friends. It's not rude or lazy to not invite siblings. I only ask if I can bring a sibling if I know the family really well.

I agree with what Paula said. When my second son was in preschool, most of the parents (his class had a lot of "first borns") would stay, but I typically did not. I always checked with the host ahead of time. Sometimes they invited me to stay with my older son, sometimes my husband was home; sometimes I had to leave for a while to drop off at a soccer game or something. But I didn't feel like there was one rule that applied to all parties (although I never assumed my older son was invited - often, he'd never even met the birthday child.) If you haven't already, check with the mom and explain the situation.

We've had kid parties for my son for the last three years (2, 3 and 4). The only kids invited are friends of mine and now consequently, their kids are friends with my son. The parents have always stayed - but that's because they want to visit as well.

I do invite the older siblings, but am fine if they don't come (most are 6-7 and don't really want to be with 3-4 year olds). I know my one friend has had many invites for each of her children to separate parties (they're 4 and 7). She only brings the one invited. I can understand if a mom doesn't want extra kids over if you've planned for a certain amount. If I'm planning on 10 kids and 15 show up, there may not be enough goodies oro it just may TOO MANY kids in my small living room.

I've also attended all of the parties as well. I'm guessing now that he's 4, I may be starting to drop-off if requested. I do know parents have reasons behind invites (maybe too little space, maybe just a small group wanted, etc).

Good luck!

I have never had a parent that had a home party, request that I stay, and tell me that my little one could not come?!
I would call the mom hosting the party and just explain that you would love to come, but if you do, you would have to bring your younger one. Let her make that decision from there. Not everyone has a Grandparent that can just babysit whenever, and it's not fair to expect someone to pay for a babysitter. My guess would be that she will just tell you that you can drop off your child and pick up after. Maybe there is a certain child that she is worried about being left unattended? This way she made it across the board that everyone should stay with their kids. Or maybe there is a sibling that she is worried about? Seems like a lot more work for her. When I had a party for my daughter in preschool, I assumed these moms (who only knew me from drop off and pick up) would want to stay, not the case. I was fine with that, but surprised too. Maybe she is just assuming that you would want to stay? Call her, you might be surprised at what she really wants.

I can certainly see why this would be frustrating, but it's tough to always include siblings when some families have LOTS of them. You invite 10 kids your child's age and end up with 30 kids of all ages running around your house. And then you need food, cake, and possibly goodie bags for all. It becomes too hard to do. If she's inviting 18 there's no way she can include all the siblings. So, even if this isn't how you'd choose to do it, I'd go with the flow if you can. That said, if it's really a hardship to find something for your youngest to do for a couple hours, explain this to the host. Moms are generally pretty understanding and she might be willing to make an exception, though you run the risk of putting her in an awkward situation.

There are no hard and fast bday party rules. People do what they need to do. I had a party for my son where no sibs were invited becuz to invite even one extra sib would have meant inviting everyone's sibs, more than doubling my guest list, and my son didn't want a party that big. You have to assume evrryone makes ruls to meet their own needs so let the party planning parent make the rules for her own party. You can do it differently when it's your party. If you can't comfortably abide by the rules she needs you to follow, simply decline the invitation politely.

I have 3 children, but my youngest are 14 months apart. What I used to do when one was invited to a party and not the other, is call the parent and ask if it was okay to bring my other child.

I have 7 yr old boy girl twins. They are in differenct classroooms and usually both are not invited to the same party. They have been to both drop off and parent mandatory b-day parties. In our case, most of the parties are not in a home but at a paid venue. I don't think it's fair to add additional cost to the parents by bringing uninvited siblings. I apply the same thinking to house parties as well. We are in the downtown area where space is an issue. While the family may have enough space for the invited guest and their parents, that space may quickly disappear if all the siblings come as well. If a parent needs to stay, my husband or I try to plan something fun for the uninvited twin or arrange a play date or sitter. If none of these are viable options, we don't go.

Who told you that you should attend? If it was not the host then it may not be true. Four is about the age where some parents like to let their children be independent and others are not ready so they stay. I remember four well! I always had to ask, "do you need me to stay or is this a drop off party?" If it was the host who told you then I would politely call and say, "my son would love to come but I don't have care for my younger child so I will have to pass this time." That gives the mom the chance to say oh bring your child or just drop off your son. THen it is her choice.

I see your frustration and felt it when I was new to all the bday parties however now that I have been through it, I have found it is best to just bring the invited child because it is their friend. The experience changes when you have a little brother/sister tagging along. Each kid deserves that special time. If you are in a bind, then I would ask if you this time their could be an exception. Plus, remember when you are planning your kids parties, prices are expensive for more kids and if you brought your other child to the party, they will expect to do the same to yours! Good Luck!

Hi L.
Everyone is different for my Daughters (only child) 5th b-day in August I invited the whole class (20) plus siblings and yes parents too, however it is the only party i have all year so i don't mind having 60 - 70 people over for a few hours.I have also gone to plenty where there are no siblings. I do also believe untill around 6 or 7 parents still stay for the party. I help out alot at my daughters school so I know the kids really well at 3 or 4 you really want the parent around, I would not leave my Daughter at a party even now and she is very well behaved and 5. Anything can go wrong, also you don't know how many people will be there, the siblings are hard also because you don't know if they have room in the house/area for party and also the financial aspect. Yes you can certainly ask if the sibling can come however that puts the hostess on the spot, what if she has 10 people ask? If it was stated no siblings I think it's wrong to ask. sorry i know thats not the answer you were looking for, my guess is it was stated for a reason.
I agree with Dawn L completely.
V.

Hi,
I really think that you are asked to attend, because of the age.
Personally I wouldn't even consider leaving a 4 year old at someone's
house alone. Will a lot of people be there? How well do you know the parents?
How well does your child know the birthday child? It can be overwelming at that
age to be in that situation. Also, there may be bathroom issues that best be taken care of by a parent. Besides all of that, perhaps the birthday parents just want to get to know the other parents better. If they work out of the house, it's hard to meet other parents.

My guess is that your younger child would be welcomed at the party, but I would not expect them to have a goody bag for him to take home. Ask the b-day parents if it would be ok to bring your younger child with you.

Have fun! Soon your child will be attending ALL b-day parties by himself.

: ) S