Siblings @ Bday Parties - Piggyback Question

I would never even consider bringing my uninvited child along to a b'day party just because her/his sibling was going.

But if I were hosting and someone DID bring along their extra child, I would include him/her in all the birthday activities. I wouldn't be happy about it, and I would probably think "What kind of parent DOES this?", but I would never show those feelings or punish the child for their parent's lack of manners. I'd even give out one of the extra goodie bags I always prepare (you know, for those kids who don't RSVP but then might show up anyway).

I DO think it's rude to assume the sibling can join in the party, but I guess some people feel entitled like that...

I've ALWAYS specified in the invite that siblings were welcome, that I just would like an RSVP with attendee's.

I've NEVER brought a child who wasn't invited (or inlcuded in the invite as a siblings OK event).

Where I am from only the child who is named on the invitation goes to the party, not siblings or moms or dads. If the parent is requested to stay at the party and help out, then they should be welcome to bring their other children. I know I wouldn't get a baysitter for one child so the other could attend a birthday party.

I have 4 kids - NEVER would I or have I brought along a sibling who was not explicitly invited to a party. If we're having a party at our home and can accommodate siblings, I go ahead and state "siblings welcome" on the invite. Unless the host indicates that siblings are invited, it is NOT OK and totally rude to bring along another child.

I don't take siblings with when one of my kids get invited. The only times siblings have gone was when they were specifically invited and it was by close friends each time.

I find it to be terribly rude to bring siblings without permission. The Host needs an exact count to make sure they have enough of everything, ya know? It is sad, but I have seen a serious trend of parents just assuming siblings are invited and bringing them w/out asking..and I think it's terrible. Especially in todays economic climate where many are struggling...some people have a hard enough time putting together a party in the first place, let alone having enough disposable income to just buy plenty of everything on the 'off chance' that siblings are going to show up un-invited.

When I throw parties, b/c I was raised with manners, if un-invited siblings do come, I do my best to be a gracious host and include them in the fun and food...after all it's not the poor kids fault their parents have no tact and I am not one to make any kid sit out and feel left out!

I leave mine at home. I assume the party invite is for the child/children on the invitation only.

We recently went to a party where I had to bring my other 3 children. My husband was working unexpectedly and I didn't have another option. It was at Chuck E Cheese, so I figured I could drop my daughter off at the party and the boys and I would sit separately and do our own thing. Before walking in the doors, they got a lecture on how they were not here for the party - do not expect cake, ice cream, goody bags, etc. When we walked in and the host saw my boys she automatically included them. (They were even double checking with me every time someone offered them cake or a drink etc since they were already forwarned against it). She even gave them party favors. In no way did I expect it and I felt badly "crashing" the party, especially since I had only bought a gift from one child. But she insisted. I then gave the birthday boy presents from my boys next time I saw him at school.

long story short - siblings should not crash. Sometimes there are unexpected circumstances that they may have to tag along. Siblings should not be expected to be included in the party festivities, but can accept graciously if the host insists.

If siblings showed up to my party, i would attempt to include them in everything possible, but I probably wouldn't have extra goody bags for them.

My opinion is that the person who is named on the invitation is the ONE who should attend the party and participate with his/her friends. Each child is an individual and parents should not expect to take a boatload of children to a party when 1 has been invited. The ONE child should be able to participate in activities with his/her friends independently.

That said....I would never leave a sibling out and make them feel weird if they showed up because that sibling does not know or understand etiquette and how it looks to the host and other attendees for the parents to make the assumption.

If a parent intends to bring a sibling, I am sure it would be appreciated if the hostess is aware of this so the hostess knows how many people to account for and how much extra to budget. That is just good manners.

I think the biggest difference between now and the 'olden' days is that back then parents had no problem just dropping off their kids and coming back at the appropriate time.

Today parents wouldn't even dream of it unless they really, really knew the parents.

Now when my kids are invited it is usually just them, with the rare occasion where one or more of mine might have to go along, but I do always ask.

When I through a party I always plan for a few extra's, siblings tagging along, even uninvited ones, really don't bother me. The more the merrier I say. I even had a party at a hall once (free MIL ran it) and a family was walking down the street with about 4 little ones and the desperately wanted to jump in the bounce house. the poor mom was trying to explain that they weren't invited...yadda, yadda when I said it was fine. They even got some cake, food and a party favor. Again, I always plan for extra's.

I can't ever see where making a child felt left out is okay. Granted parents should be a little more considerate of the host, but a kid is a kid and can only do what the parent says and if they say your going, well they are going.

I would assume that the siblings are not invited, unless their names are also on the invitation. If siblings are not on the invitation, I would expect the parent to not bring them. As an over-planner, though, I'd probably have extra food and cake, so I could swing handling an extra guest, but it's still rude to just assume a sibling can come.

Never assume it's acceptable to bring a sibling of the invited child if the only name on the invitation is the invited child. If the invitation reads "Child and a Parent" then those are the only people invited. If siblings aren't mentioned, then they're not invited.

Obviously sometimes there are exceptions such as when it's family inviting family, but even then sometimes the activities are geared for age-appropriateness.

I would never expect a host to provide a goodie bag or extra cake servings or food for uninvited guests. It would be the uninvited guest that's rude. However, two wrongs don't make a right. The hostess "should" provide food and cake if it's available, and if she has extra party favors that would be nice to share. It doesn't mean the rude guest was correct. It just makes the hostess a good hostess.

I recently hosted a birthday party for my grandson. It was at a place where I had to pay for each child. I wrote in each invitation that regrettable only the child invited would be allowed to participate in the activity. That I was sorry if that caused any inconvenience but this was not something I had control over. That the other kids and the adults were invited to join us after in the party room for cake. So only 7 kids from the class showed up. None of them RSVP'd so I was not too surprised.

I did have some that brought younger siblings and those kids and adults were welcomed but they were not invited to participate in the activity by the person performing the activity. It was a lot of fun and the kids all enjoyed it.

I don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. It is the utmost rudeness to take other kids to someone's activity and expect them to be able to participate.

No I would never bring a child to a party they weren't specifically invited to. Luckily I don't think anyone ever did that to us (other than the siblings of family friends and cousins who WERE specifically invited.)
Glad I live in an area where common courtesy is still the norm!

I only take the child that is invited, however in rare cases i have had to bring the sibling but i always check with the host and offer to pay for that child. that is very few and far between though. i believe the child who is invited is the child that goes.

If one child is invited then ONE child goes. Unless the mother says to me, "Oh, go ahead and leave Sebastian, he will have a great time." The same for my younger son. If he gets invited then my older son stays home.
The party is for the child that is invited.

If parents are expected to stay, I assume that any siblings too young to stay home alone are likely going to be carted along, unless the parents are both available, their other kids don't have activities they need to be at and they don't mind not spending their family time together. I mention the presence of the other child to the host when I RSVP, and if that's not ok then we don't go. I do not hire a sitter so that one of my kids can go to a party.

If parents are dropping kids off, then I assume that it's only for the invited child.

My answer is twofold. First, invitations are only meant for the person or persons who are named on the invitation. That applies to any and all invitations, including children's birthday parties.

However, once someone shows up to an event I am hosting, even if they were not invited, I do everything I can to be hospitable. That means serving them whatever refreshments I have and being gracious in general.

I have never brought another sibling to a party they were not invited to. I would probably flip, well maybe not flip but I would tell someone I only invited the one child. If they are the paranoid type that just can't leave their child then they can explain to their child why they can't attend the party.

I have never had to deal with this mind you, most of the parents around here are normal like me.

Now if I asked a friend to help me out and then have other kids they need to bring then of course I will make accommodations for that child. Not goodie bags or anything because they are not a part of the party but whatever food is served and cake they can have.

I don't understand why some people on this board act like this is awful, that it is mean. I grew up like this, my kids grew up like this, no one was scared for life. I have asked my older kids about this, they are 22 and 24 and they said they would have been pissed if they had to put up with their friends sibs.

Sorry but mine is not a popular opinion but it seems to me that some parents think it is everyone's responsibility to accommodate their inability to say no to their children. I suppose it works if it is the norm but here it is not.
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Looking at some of the answers it also looks like these are group friendships. Around here kids make friends, the parents do not arrange friendships, we don't organize play dates, our kids say I want to play with Suzie and we make arrangements for them to play, solo, because they are friends.

Sometimes we make friends with the other parents but the kids are friends first. I suppose that is why I don't understand the other view, because the way friendships are made is different from my world. It makes sense if this family is friends with this family, it doesn't make sense when this child is friends with this child.

If I may need to bring a sibling I will ask if that is ok when I RSVP. If they say no I will find someone to watch him or we don't go to the party. If they say yes, its fine, then yes I do expect they will include him. Luckily my kids are close enough in age that they share the same friends so this is rarely an issue.

It is nice to "include" the siblings but when there is only one person on the invite that is who the party is for.

Are your children going to work at the same company and do the same job all their lives? I don't think so. It is part of life to know that you can not always go where Tommy or Sally go. The world is not made up of "attached at the hip sibling groups". Yes it would be nice for the parents to get a break from all their kids at once but that does not happen.

Besides the mom who planned the party planned for a certain number and when you crash the party you don't get to get the good stuff planned. Sorry but not everyone wants to have the whole sibling group for one person who does not know the other kids. It is called boundaries and etiquette. So if only one name one person attends the rest stay home or go to the park but not the party.

I will get off my soapbox now.

The other S.

PS When will the invited person get to do experience something special without all the siblings attending? Each person is an individual and not a group. Life is not fair and the sooner they learn it the better they will be.

The child(ren) whose name is on the invitation is the only one invited. My son is friends with many siblings and so then we put both names on the invitation. It would be incredibly rude to bring a child who had not been invited.

We've never been to a birthday party where the siblings weren't invited. Often both my boys are friends with the birthday person and the youngest always has to come because she's still too little to leave with someone.
We have always included siblings and parents when ever we throw a party. We don't do parties at those over priced places so it's never been an issue as far as needing a specific head count and footing the bill per person. I hate going to parties at places like that too to be honest.
I think the problem here is that birthday parties have turned into something almost as epic as planning a wedding these days! This lends itself to exclusion. I feel it should be "The More The Merrier", having everyone celebrate. As a side note, our wedding was planned to include anyone and everyone. We didn't have a place that needed a head count, we didn't have a plated dinner but instead had a very large buffet, heck some of our invitations said can you invite others in the group because we didn't have address for each individual. We posted a blanket invitation on the bulletin board at both my husband and my work at the time and we absolutely LOVED it that way!
We have turned down one invitation because the sibling wasn't invited. Both my sons are friends with the birthday boy. The party was at a laser tag place. My oldest was old enough but my youngest son was a month away from being the minimum age for the locations cut off age of being too young to go. So, because we knew the older would be a pill about being able to go while the younger would have to stay home and would rub it in and be mean about it neither got to go. We gave the birthday boy his gift at a later time.

I only take the child invited to the party. If I can't find a place for the other sibling to go then I RSVP, no to the invitation.

As a hostess, I will make extra siblings feel welcome...however, I am pretty sure that I will not invite that child again in the future. The party places charge by the head...so if everyone brings a sibling the cost of the party you budgeted for just DOUBLED. Some people will bring multiple siblings....

There are some mom's who are friends and I know they have several children and have a deployed husband or husband who works out of town...then I will write on their invitation, please bring the siblings, or all the siblings names.

But to take a sibling to a party they were not invited to...is a big breech of etiquette.

Well see my kids are still little, only 3 and 5 (and not in K yet) so pretty much all the people we hang out with, see both my kids all the time, so both of them get invited to the same places 98% of the time. Of course I never let the little one go if his name is not on the invite or if we aren't close friends of the family. Plus, I still feel like we're mostly at the age where at least I stay at the party b/c it's my friends and their kids. I think next year will be different when my daughter is in school and this becomes more of an issue. And, when that happens I'm sure my son will be confused and sad but never in a million years would I just bring him anyway!

I'm a fan of including siblings, but my kids are homeschooled and we do things as families.

In fact, my daughter has a friend that has 4 brothers. They will all be invited to her bday party. I'd feel bad excluding them.

I would not include my other child as a guest if she was not invited. If I needed to attend and did not have other arrangements of course I would bring them along and do the best I could. We did my daughter's bday at chickfila and it was for the one kid only. I didn't even have to write it on the invite. I planned on ordering a tray of nuggets for the parents who did not want to just leave their kids but they all ended up ordering food on their own. Some had siblings with them and when the kids played on the play area of course they played together but when it was time for party stuff the siblings just kept playing away from the party. Towards the end the other parent and siblings showed up and they simply got their own dinner too. no one expected anything more of us than just their kid.

I would not expect all of my children to attend a party when only one was invited. However, if I were hosting and one mother said could Tommy come too? I have to work and can't find a sitter or he always feels left out I would include him and he would be treated just like all the other kids because he is a guest also.
On the other hand if on the day of the party a mom simply drops off her child at the party and a sibling comes along, I would explain that I only have enough gift bags, party hats ect for the other children, he can stay and play but I wasn't expecting this child so I have no gift bag for him/her.
Way back when my daughter was little and we did birthday parties at home I allowed ONE child for each year she was old -- so 5 yrs old 5 kids invited. The only exception was my friend's son was in my daughter's class so both he and his sister were invited and the little boy gave someone for my son to play with.

I always try to put myself in the heart and mind of the other person ---- How would I feel if this happened to me.........
Especially a child I would not want to hurt a child when all it takes is a little kindness to not hurt that child.

ADDED:
I think in most cases the child has little choice in situations like this. Mom says get in the car we are going to the birthday party and she goes in and drops them off and leaves, what is the child to do? Or even if she calls ahead and says both kids will be there (host thinking I only invited 1) the kids have little say in this. So just suck it up and be kind to the child and speak to the mother at a different time.

Well, I have an only - so no issues with siblings coming along. However many of her Friends have sibs and I don't mind at all if they tag along to DD's birthday parties. I do expect that the parent RSVPs for all kids and supervise their younger children while the older ones play - it has never been a problem at all.
I did have a few older sibs attend as well and they usually just play with the birthday crowd.
I do have party favors for all kids that RSVP and I do not mind if sibs participate, if they are old enough.
While I agree that when I was a kid my sis never came along when I was invited (or vice versa), I also understand it was a different time back then. We had grandparents and Neighbors close that would watch one child when the other one went to a party - nowadays many people live away from family and don't trust/know their neighbors... it can be difficult and expensive to get a sitter for the other child(ren). So since our parties are for DD to celebrate with her friends, I would rather they bring their sibs than not to come at all.
Eventually they will have drop off parties and it will be a moot point.

If I am needing to take my other child with me I always ask not assume. Now that they are older its not as much of an issue but hen younger I didn't send them to a party alone. I always made sure there was another adult besides the host there to watch after my oldest. So there were times that my son could not go because my youngest couldn't and didn't have anyone to watch youngest.

Only the child whose name is on the invitation is invited. Only the child whose name is on the invitation should come. For venue parties, the host has to pay by the head, so uninvited kids either don't get to participate or the host has to cough up extra dough.

I have 2 boys, 4 and 6. I have done both, let the one go and the other one stays, or ask the host if the sibling is ok to come to. I or my husband always attend the party with them, and then do something fun with the other one. When I have hosted parties, I have no problem having the siblings come, and would never leave a child out of a party regardless of the reason, I think that's wrong and really bad etiquette. I think the best rule is to either ask, or don't bring the sibling.

Whenever my youngest who is autistic is invited to a party we call ahead of time to RSVP of course but prior to making the commitment will ask if my older daughter can come along as well as we have no sitter. It has never been a problem. However I would never just show up with a sibling unannounced. Yes, my husband and I attend the party along with our children together as a family. We would never at this point leave our children alone and of course no we do not expect to be catered to at all as adults.

I know many kids who's parent's would not let their kid go unless they had the sibling along. I am an only child and so is my daughter but I always know when I invite one of these friends whether a playdate or a bday party the other is invited. I always make sure to have stuff fortboth them. Never a play date problem. The one time I see there was a problem was my daugther went over to a friends house who had a younger sister. The two sister's were fighting and the older didnt want the younger around. My daughter was stuck in the middle and it was a problem. And the father didn't really help matters on it, basically saying the little one had to be with them playing together. My daugther didn't have a problem with it but the sister did. Made for a very bad and stressful playdate for my kid. Never sent her over there again.

I have a son who is 15 years older than my daughter so it's kind of like "only children" so I haven't had to do this myself. In my experience (and observations), the only time additional guests came were if it was family or family friends (in which case all were really invited) or if the parent said "hubby has to work, is it ok if Bobby comes too". The only other time I have seen it was when my son's grandmother decided to bring her neighbors two children (the girl was her granddaughters bf and the boy was the little brother) both of which was unannounced and unaccounted for since it was otherwise just family.

My daughter did go to a party w/ my sister and nephew once. It was their family (BIL's side) and they had asked the hose ahead of time. Ironically, my daughter got a favor bag (in fact, they gave her double everything because they didn't have many girls there and it was a girl's party) and my nephew (the invited child didn't get anything). My girl was thankful but I thought it was a bit rude to invite boys and not give them the a bag too.

I have an only, but siblings always turn up at his birthday parties. Since, so far , the parents have done a good job of supervising them I have not raised a fuss about it. I try to be gracious and accommodate them if I can. It's not their fault they were dragged along.

I only bring along the invited child. I always make arrangements for the other. Only once did I ask if I could bring my older son, and that's because it was an evite and I genuinely didn't know if he was invited or not. I also made it VERY clear when I asked that I was 100% ok with needing to leave him home and how I completely understood that older siblings might not be ok. I had only asked because the birthday girl also had an older sibling so I thought older kids might be ok (and it was ok).

I think paper invites are much better than evites for just that reason - it's easier to make it clear exactly who you want at the party.

I always ask if I am not sure. Most of the families that we party with all have multiple siblings and we all allow the kids to come to the party--its not just for the birthday kid's friends. We all party together. But, my son did have a sleepover and it wasn't for any siblings--it was hard to say no to the kids who came with their parents at dropoff. Not sure if I will do that one again. As far as party favors, I see both sides. As a host, if I think its a possibility that someone will bring their little bro or sis, I make sure I have something extra for them. It may not be the whole party bag, but something special for them---Its a tricky one.

When my 4 year old gets invited to a party, I have to bring my baby with me too. He's under 1 year old and can't participate anyways, and I always mention that at the door (like at Chuck E Cheese or something I tell them NOT to count the baby, or if they have to count him, I will pay for his entry on my own). Now I am thinking I have my own spin off question. When do I have to stop doing this?? LOL

For the record though, when I invite a child to a party, if I know that child has a sibling that is very close in age, I invite the sibling to come along too whenever I can. I realize this is not always possible though.

I'm totally with you on this one. It's extremely selfish to assume that your other child/ren are invited to a party and just bring them along! Who does that? And then has the audacity to be offended if these uninvited children don't receive party favors, etc?

OK, so I can totally understand if you don't have a choice in leaving the other kids home alone or don't have options for daycare. BUT, you have to have the respect for the party throwers in contacting them ahead of time to let them know. Not all parties require the parents to stay, anyway.

ONLY the invited child goes to the party, and/or ONE other parent if the invitations says so.

It is RUDE beyond words, for people to bring all their other kids or family to a party and it is ruder... for them to then expect they can participate in and do and eat and have everything at that party, too just the same as the invited guests.

I converse with the hostess. If I'm not comfortable conversing with the hostess, I'm not comfortable sending my kid to her house. I sometimes ask the hostess if the invitation is for one of my children or all of my children, for clarity. There was a time when, for my own convenience transporting kids after school, I asked if it was OK for a second child to attend the party. I'm glad my friend felt she could be honest enough with me to say yes, but the kids will have to share a goody bag. We were all fine with that answer. In all of these situations, I never assume it's OK to bring the whole family. It is always better to just call the hostess and ask. On the flip side, really what kind of a hostess would exclude an uninvited child? That's just petty. Even if the party is held at a location where there is an entrance fee for each child, surely the hostess can talk with the parents who bring the extra child, explaining the fees that the parents would have to pay for the other kids to participate.