How Did You Adjust Going from One Child to Two ?

We just started this recently, but I wrote down what I wanted cleaned in each room. Then I wrote down each of them on popsicle sticks. We choose at least 3 a day to get done. I even did this for the kids toys. I have different buckets for each kind of toy: blocks, cars, trains, etc. Then they pick a stick and pick up that toy only so it isn't overwhelming to them and it seems like a game to them. On Sundays, I try to make a list of what I want done on everyday, errands to run (so I can combine them) and priotorize them. The guys can help by going and getting groceries (such a big task it seems. If it doesn't get done, then you just move on. Some days, my house is a mess, but I was busy doing homework or playing with kids. Other days, only one room looks good (I try to just focus on one room a day). I end up cleaning as fast as I can during commercial breaks on my favorite shows. I unload the dishwasher on one break, load it up on the next. A lot can get done in 3-4 minutes of a commercial break, and you have time to figure out what you will do the next break!

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It sounds like you have your hands full! The good thing is that you have your BIL and boyfriend around so you DO have help. You just need to ask for it (or demand it).

My son is now 5 months old and my daughter is 2.5. She is also VERY active and my hubby works nights so I'll be honest, it did take some time to adjust to a schedule that works for us.

House cleaning gets done mostly on the weekends or after my son goes to bed. Luckily he goes to bed like clockwork at 7pm every night and my daughter goes to bed at 8 or 830 so I let her watch 1/2 hour of cartoons and often will use this time to clean, straighten up, shower or just cuddle with her. We then have our alone time reading books and talking before bed.

I do not have school or animals so that is something I cannot really offer practical advice on. Since you are a stay at home mom, I would recommend doing homework while the kids are napping or asking your BF to put both kids to bed a few nights a week so you can study. The cats should take care of themselves and take the dogs out and let them play with and run your daughter ragged! Once your baby is here, a good way to exercise and get out of the house is to take a double stroller on a walk and have your BF take one, two or three of the dogs with you.

You'll find your rhythm and then all of a sudden, your baby will be five months old and you will realize it's working out beautifully! My daughter is a HUGE help with my son. She helps get diapers, wipes, etc but if she doesn't want to help, I do not make a big deal out of it. By the time I get home from work and getting the kids at daycare, we have roughly 3-4 hours together before both kids go down for the night. After eating and bathing the kids, there is not much time. We take the time to play (often on the floor so my son can roll, have belly time, etc) and then often watch 1/2 - 1 hour of cartoons. I never thought I'd be a big cartoon fan but my daughter loves them and it gives me time to not only get stuff done but also give my son time alone too.

Good luck!

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Well, I went from one to three, and it wasn't always easy. I think you need to enlist the help of your boyfriend and brother-in-law. Get everyone together to brainstorm what needs to be done on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, Make a list, then divvy it up. Don't forgot to include doctor's and vet's visits, plus time to shop for gifts and other stuff that only happens occasionally. Blessings!

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Hi E.,

I hope you are enlisting the B-I-L and the boyfriend to help with housechores. If you aren't, you better start. It is sometimes hard for men to understand how you can't get everything done in a day while taking care of a little tornado - they are most likely letting everything go when they watch her and don't think about the fact that you are feeling "responsible" for everything else. Don't ever let them make you feel that you have to do everything yourself if it's going to get done right. Get them to agree to do certain household chores, and if they don't do it, don't do it yourself. I really mean that. If boyfriend and B-I-L don't do things like you do (changing diapers, giving baths, washing clothes, washing dishes, etc), so what - let them do it their way. Don't fuss about the difference. Escape the house on Saturday morning and go do your errands. WRITE down what time baby needs to be fed or bathed - in fact, set alarms for your boyfriend so he doesn't forget what he's supposed to do. (Men are like that.) Football games usurp everything else in the house while you're running around like a chicken with her head cut off? Have them fold clothes while they watch. Tell them to run the vacumm in the TV room with the TV volume up all the way. Get a small TV for the kitchen so that they can wash dishes and watch the game at the same time. Work around the excuses until there are NO MORE excuses. When they have no more clean clothes, they'll learn to wash them.

Regardless of the disagreement this comment will get from pet lovers everywhere, I have to say that with your busy life, you really should consider getting some of your pets another home before the baby comes. My goodness - a full-time student too? You are burning the candle at both ends, and everyone, you, the children, and the pets will suffer for it.

My mother-in-law who had 3 kids by the time she was 25 years old, told me one time that 1 kid took up 100% of her time, and 2 kids took up 75% because they eventually ended up entertaining each other. Of course, she had a girl first who acted in every respect as her younger brothers' mom, LOL! The point is, you will have a tough time at first because infants demand all your energy. It will eventually get a little easier because they will play with each other, and you'll be more used to living with 2 children by then. (And if you have help from the grown-ups in your home.)

Good luck!
D.

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Listen to Angela K. Ask for help and expect to get it. The chores should be divided evenly, not just fall on you.

Everyone should have some time off too. Find some girlfriends and make a regular date. Just sitting in Starbucks for an hour sharing your life will really help.

Number two child will be easier than you think. You are a seasoned mom now, used to the routine, but start working on those men in your house now so they are used to doing their part.

Take care of yourself physically. When people say they have no time for exercise I cringe. Anyone can find 20-30 minutes a day to take a walk. The benefits are worth it. Eating right and adding vitamins in will help your energy and mood. Health and Nutrition is part of my job. Let me if I can help.
Congratulations on the baby to come!
P.

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Enlist the help of your daughter! During my baby's 1st nap, we wash all the bottles together and we fold laundry or do whatever she can "help" with. Even if washing the bottles means she fills and pours one bottle while I do the rest, at least it becomes an activity instead of a chore. Or, for laundry, I have her put each ball of socks in the drawer... one at a time. It makes chores take longer, but it is better than trying to keep her busy with something else.

When the baby is awake, teach her to talk to the baby or show him books and toys. Now my baby is 6 months and my daughter's favorite game is Screaming "Hi Jacob!" and making him laugh.

So, get your quality time with her during the baby's 1st nap. Get time for yourself by making her nap at the same time as his 2nd nap. And then get quality time with the baby right after her bed time before the last feeding of the night.

All the other times, just be together and be creative in enlisting her "help".

I won't lie... It's hard... but now that my son is 6 months and interacting better, it is much easier.

hello, other people have given you some good advice on here. when people say you can't do it all by yourself that are right! You need the help of other people. I try and clean during the week but not all of it get's done because I am caring for the kids and it's just too much. Ask the people that live in your house hold for help. It is a big adjustment going from one to two children but you will get used to it. I had my second son in June and it is hard but it is so great to watch the kids together. Making list is great for what you want to get done but don't try and do too much. I am going to start making a list for cleaning the house and I'm going to try and do things are certain days and leave the bigger stuff for when my husband is home on the weekends. I know how you feel because my oldest is very very active also. I also stay at home with my children and even though I feel burned out most of the time too, I wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck with everything! Oh are you having a boy or a girl?

I agree to have your boyfriend and brother in law to help around the house. Also, know that the world won't end if you don't get everything done!! If it helps, make a priority list of things that have to get done on a daily, weekly,and monthly basis. If the bottom things on the list don't get done, don't stress about it. Either have someone help you out, or just do it as soon as you get the chance. My house isn't perfect, but it's presentable. I would rather have memories of spending time with my kids than of cleaning my house. When I worked f/t, my DH helped out a lot around the house. He still helps out, even though I'm now a SAHM. I have a 2.5 y/o and a 2 month old. Some days I don't get anything done except taking care of the kids, but I don't stress over it. You'll find a balance, but it will take time. Congrats on the new addition!

Lists, lists and more lists! I write everything down, especially during the "baby brain" days. Keep a magnet list on your fridge and I keep a small notebook in my purse. Jot down anything from writing thank you notes to grocery stuff and "to do" lists.

Also, find a really good calendar/planner. I'm a graduate student and at first, I tried to keep my school and home calendars separate and that was a disaster. Track your assignments and activities all in one book.

Finally, pick a day and consistently take time on that day (mine is every Sunday so I know what's going on for the upcoming week) and review all of your lists, check your calendar and your syllabus for school.

Having two kids is awesome! You will love watching the bond between them grow. Just remeber to let the little things go. The house should meet health standards, but it doesn't have to be perfect! You will find your way - I wish you a safe delivery and enjoy your new family!

Unfortuanetly you are not alone. Many mothers feel the same way. When I was preparing for my second child I leared to prioritize everything in my life. Of course your kids are always number one. Everything can go by the waistline. I did things when I could. Ask your brother in law and boyfriend to help you out. The time you have with your kids only happens once, everything else can wait.

I give you a lot of credit for going to school at the same time though, that is something I could not do. It's important to remember not to stress yourself out over stuff that really doesn't matter. Keep in your mind what really does matter instead.

Good luck to you and congratulations.

My solution was lots, and lots, and lots of Coffee! And a really helpful husband. We didn't have any other outside help but him being there and doing more than half of the work helped immensley. Congratulations!

I just had my 5th baby a month ago and I would just say that you need to focus on the essentials only. You can't get it all done in one day. My "system" in the house is that I and the kids and my husband focus on keeping the house tidy on the weekdays. That means, no major organizing but keep the floors picked up and clean, beds made, dinner fixed, dishes done and bathrooms tidy. On Saturday, we run any errands that need to happen, like grocery store, shopping, etc. On Sunday afternoon, we do the deeper cleaning; toilets, tubs, mop the floors, dusting, etc. You MUST enlist the help of the other people that live in your household. Talk to them now and get into the routine before your baby comes.

If you don't want to be burnt out, then don't try to raise a child and work or go to school full time. You are essentially trying to have two full time jobs at once? Who wouldn't be burnt out? You can have it all, but not all at once. Raise your children, and then worry about a career.

if you can care for 5 pets, then 2 children will be a snap! & with 2 men in the house, get their help & get your game plan in place before your 2nd child arrives. Do not attempt to do it all by yourself!

Hi E. - wow, you have a full house and a full schedule! Hopefully your boyfriend and your brother-in-law will be more help than your dogs and cats! I remember feeling the same way - overwhelmed and not even able to grasp how I could add any more. My oldest son was almost 4 when my second arrived and he was VERY accustomed to the status quo. Your daughter is 2 and she will almost certainly enjoy playing with "her" new baby.

The first few months will be hard and you're going to be really tired. You are absolutely going to need long-term help from your family if you want to keep your previous schedule. You'll need to delegate to your boyfriend and your bil for certain.

Take heart because we women are strong. Somehow the strength and the love comes day by day and we are able to do some very hard things. Dont forget to pray for patience!

I hope that you are at least taking the summer semester off of school. For the first couple weeks you should not be doing anything not directly related to caring for your children. Something else that helped me tremendously was getting a moby wrap and wearing my daughter when I was trying to get things done. When she got older, I switched to an ergo. Those 2 things were well worth the cost of having them! I don't know what your feeding plans are, but for at least the first few months, I was able to put my daughter in the moby and nurse her while I was washing dishes, laundry, or vacuuming. Obviously if you are using formula, this won't be an option.
If you can, hire a teen or preteen to come and play with your 2 year old while you get some rest. The younger she is the less it will cost you and since you will be home, you don't necessarily need someone older.
Your boyfriend or brother in law should already be taking care of the animals, especially the kitty litter which can be dangerous for pregnant women.

Thats a lot on your plate! Perhaps it's time to sit down with boyfriend and brother in law and let them know how you're feeling. Even if they both work full time, they will have much more energy than you once you have your new little bundle of joy- and so alerting them ahead of time that you will be needing their help more will give them time to prepare (don't ask me why, but guys just need that mental preparedness thing!!!).
Writing out a "chore list" for the adults in the house would be perfect for this. That way the men know exactly what they need to do, and you'll have more free time to take care of your babies.
Hopefully they'll understand how hard it is to take care of ONE baby, let alone two!
Good luck, and congratulations!

You have received lots of good tips but the best thing anyone told me when I had my second child was this: "She was born into a different family." I was feeling guilty that my second didn't get to do the same things as my first, or even that I couldn't give her the same amount of attention as I did my first, just because she's second. My friend said she was born into a different family - meaning there are things that my 2nd experienced (like the love of a big sis, a big sis to learn from, watch, play with, etc.) that my first didn't have. And it's all good, just different. My first two are 17 months apart. I wish you all the best.