How Can I Get My Son to Dress Himself and Be More Independent??

I am struggling with this myself. My daughter is 4 and just started really getting herself dressed with socks and shoes. She still would rather me do it, or I end up doing it because she is not listening and giving me a hard time. I just lay her clothes out and tell her to get dressed and go get myself dressed and hope when I get back it is done. If not I just wait. She is not independent at all at home but I know she can be because she is at preschool. I would say just be consistant and give him you expectations. It will take a while to turn around, but he will gain confidence and end up doing it soon enough.

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When my daughter went to preschool, she became much more independent and able to do things for herself. when the parent is removed from the equation, they have no other option. Stay in contact with the preschool and find out what he does on his own at school, then reinforce at home that he can now do this task and he will do it at home. He will try and get away with as much as they can have you do for them, so you have to be very firm and consistent. With her personality, however, she will always prefer to have things done for her. My second (like yours) is extremely independent and will often not even ask for permission, she will just dive in and do whatever she wants. This can be messy, but I appreciate her independent spirit!

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I have a !!!5!!! year old who can do it but doesn't unless we sit right on him or help him. it is really a pain but patience is called for here. not sure what the answer is. when we are all so busy and have a small amount of time set aside for dressing. maybe on the weekends is a time we can offer more time and encouragement to them so THEY can get the job done and feel good.

good luck!

atm

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Robyn,
try rewarding your son with something special he likes a few times for trying it on his own. Perhaps a favorite toy he likes or a small special snack. Lots of praise may also help as well. Or maybe you can pair him with his sister and say something along the lines of look at your little sis dressing your self, lets see who can do it the fastest and give some praise and recognition for doing so. This may also help.

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My daughter is 5 1/2 and I still dress her about half the time. I figure she will dress herself when she goes to college, haha. I'm not worried about it. Honey, I did everything for daughter, on purpose. Whenever I get frustrated, I just think, "She's only 5!" Pretty soon, she will be 15 and not want anything to do with me.

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Since this task is new to your son, begin by introducing small dressing tasks to him with an immediate fun reward following the shoes on,the pants on or the T- shirt on. Choose clothes that are not complicated. Pants with zippers and snaps can be very difficult as well as shoes with laces. Remember to encourage him to continue to dress himself, make the choice of clothing as easy as possible. Now about the immediate fun award, that could be as easy as going to the grocery store to pick out the family's food. Remember to include him in finding the broccoli and pointing to the apples. Do not go out of your way to reward him but tell him he is now doing what big boys do. Every little boy wants to be big.
Good luck!

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I have struggled with this issue as well and my son will be 4 in two weeks. I tried to encourage, praise, help, work together, give choices, all of the "soft" techniques, to no avail. I would try for a week or so and then give it up for a couple of months until he was ready. Now that I have a second on the way I realized that it is really important to me that my son is capable of getting himself dressed, at least some of the time, so I made a more concerted effort - just this week!
Here is what I did:
FIRST - I allowed an extra tweny minutes or so to our morning time so that I knew we had time for my child to succeed (you will see what I'm talking about below).
1) First of all, no play in the morning and no breakfast until we are all dressed, to the shoes. We had some pretty bad habits of responding to requests to "play with me" before we were ready and we were always rushing out the door. Or we would spend sooo much time working with our son to get dressed that we were eating in pj's. We now tell him "work first, play second" and it is simple and logical and he gets it. I wish I had been taught more of this! The first few mornings were very difficult. A lot of crying and resistance. One thing that helped was laying his clothes out in the hallway so there were no toys for distraction.
2) IF he gets ready fast enough that we are done with breakfast, potty, toothbrushing, and face washing and still have time before leaving, he gets 10 uninterrupted minutes of playtime with a parent. This takes discipline on the parents' part to be ready to go, but it is worth so much to a child, especially prior to a day of separation. He LOVES it when the phone rings and I say "oh, I can't get that right now because this is our playtime."
3) IF there is still time left after 10 minutes of play, he can watch a video while the parents are finishing up and then we leave. This is usually only another ten minutes so I don't feel weird about it (I'm pretty limited with tv watching).
4) The last thing was a sticker before leaving. I expect this part will only last another week.
And of course, LOTS of praise and appreciation.

RESULTS: Days 1,2 and 3 were pretty hard! Lots of tears, some cajoling, helping, bargaining, etc. But then I learned to walk away, busy myself getting ready and check in only every 3 minutes or so, and that really helped. Days 4 and 5 were really quite easy! He has gotten the playtime, video and sticker every day. By day 5, for the first time EVER, he did all the work. (socks are still tricky so I try to give him really easy ones)

PS I do believe that some kids are just less driven to be independent, at least at different stages. My son never, ever said "me do it!" He is a "spirited", "strong-willed" child who persists in requests for help.

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When you are helping him get dressed have him help you. What I mean is when you are pulling his pants up have him help you pull them up with you. You can pretend that you are having difficulty and need his help. You can also do games with him. See who can get dressed faster, him or his sister. Or you can bargain with him, like you will help him with one sleeve but he has to try to do the other. Let him pick out his own clothes but the deal is he has to try to get himself dressed.
I hope these strategies work.

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Hi Robyn,
I definitely can relate to your struggle. I went through a milder version of this with my son who is now 6 years old, when he was about your son's age. And actually, i'm now working with him on bathing himself. He can do it- but we've done it for so long- that he prefers to play rather than do the washing. Can't blame him- but hey everybody has to learn to take care of their own selves at some point.
First of all, don't beat yourself up about what happened early on- let's face it it is easier and less time consuming to help them along when they are young. I also have a 2yr old daughter who absolutely has to do EVERTYHING herself- and boy does it take patience!!
So know what can be done? I would suggest two things- 1) spend some time with him showing him how to dress himself and be there with him as he gets frustrated. Say to him when he is frustrated that you know how difficult it is AND mommy knows that you can do it. Allow extra time at dressing time so that you are not rushed and have the patience to let him do it himself.
2) little boys want to be their mommy's hero. Tell him that you need him to dress himself now AND then tell him what him dressing himself will provide for you ( give you more time to get yourself ready, prepare breakfast,etc.)
And most importantly when he does make a valiant effort to dress himself- appreciate him enthusiastically ( Wow, you must be so proud of youself, I'm proud of you and that really made a huge difference in our morning)
Its my guess- that after a few hugs, and high fives- he'll be dressing himself in no time at all!

Hope that helps. Let us know how it goes.

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R.,

Try putting two or three outfits out and let him choose which one he wants to wear. You can also make a game of it. You can time him to see if he beats the timer; you can make a guessing game out of it - can he guess which shirt or pants you wanted him to wear?
Don't worry, in time he will become more independent.

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Sounds like me and my son. He is also 3.5. It was very difficult for me and it takes a little will power on the parents part. What I did was stop doing things for him. Little things here and there; things i knew absolutely that he could do by himself and he was just being dependent. If he threw a tantrum and refused to do something himself, it just didn't get done. He refused to feed himself, he just didn't get to eat. I slowly worked our way up to putting on his own clothes. It was hard for me, he's mommy's little boy, but eventually it paid off. Hope this works for you and good luck.

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Robyn,

There is nothing wrong with your 3 1/2 yr old not completely dressing himself. Just a note girls typically master these things sooner than boys (actually quite a few things) so try not to compare the two.

My 5 year old son (I also have a 18 yr. old daughter and twin 16 year old sons) will dress himself now but doesn't like to put on his socks and refuses to even wear pants or shorts that aren't elastic. If they have a zipper, snaps +/or belt loops he does not even want them in his dresser. I finally gave in and gave away all with zippers, snaps and belt loops.

One problem we ran into was that my husband and I put clothes on differently and we were confusing him. Particularly shirts, my husband would have him put his arms in first then his head and I would tell him to put his head in first then his arms. We did not realize that we were doing this differently until I happened to walk in on my husband correcting him putting his head in first. We since have let Daniel decide how he wants to do it for himself and that has helped.

Also I wouldn't expect him to get dressed by himself if time is short in the morning. The frustration level can get high and he may just give up. On a morning when there is plenty of time you could also make a game of it. Mom or even better dad can get dressed with your son (underclothes already on). Make it fun and let dad show how he can sometimes be clumsy when putting on clothes (be clumsy +/or slow on purpose) Try to let your son win at first unless he just gives up. Don't try to push getting dressed each day and I will guarentee that one day, down the line, you will turn around and he will have everything on with out a peep from you.

Relax and praise baby steps,

Evelyn

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I think that all kids are different. My daughter started dressing herself at 3...including picking out the outfits! That was tough because nothing matched but I wanted her to be independent so I just went with it.

My son on the other hand just turned 5 and most of the time I get him dressed. I know that he can do it; he just likes me to do it. And since he's my last one, I probably have held is hand in this area longer than I should have. I honestly think that I just need to take a firmer stand if I want him to dress himself. I can say that when it's just my husband at home, I know that my son dresses himself.

But 3 1/2 is still a bit young and I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just have him do the things he can, perhaps make a little game out of it, and don't put too much pressure on him or on yourself.

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