Help with My 5 Yr Old's Behavior at Home and at School.

I would strongly suggest a meeting with the school counselor, but oftentimes it can be as simple as a personality clash between the teacher and the student. My son was the youngest in his class and, when in first grade, would always try to be the class clown. He would stand up in the middle of class and for no reason just yell "chicken!" He was going through the chicken butt stage at this time, too. So, his teacher had a talk about it with me, but she was really cool about it. They had a lesson on ch words and she asked the class to make a list on the board of words that started with this sound. After all the kids were done, she said, "Okay...does anyone else know of a word? I'll give you a hint: it's Christopher's favorite word." And, the whole class yelled, "CHICKEN!" She even found chicken stickers to put on his homework. It was very cool and it helped him feel better about himself instead of being an outcast. Also, he loves to help the teacher in class, so we set up a rewards system so he could help clean up or do teacher errands if he got so many stars. These are just suggestions. Good luck!

K.,
I spent a lot of time in my daughter's Kindergarten last year and observed a couple of children who also behaved like this, just so you know it isn't unusual, or necessarily a sign being socially "challenged". Most of them were the younger five year olds, and they settled down by the time they got adjusted to their classroom....and started to feel competent. I would definitely observe the class if I were you, but I would also keep in mind that it might subside sooner than you think. If he is acting as he felt was appropriate at his old school, and is trying to adjust, it may just take time, it is definitely hard to move, and kids act out when they are scared or depressed, even though it seems counterintuitive that they don't withdraw. I would also take a good hard look at his diet. High sugar breakfast, lunch, snacks can have a hyperactive affect on some children. Some dyes negativelly affect kids who have ADHD type tendencies, which I think could be true for non-ADHD kids, and you should definitely think about making sure he gets a good dose of protein in the a.m. The energy lasts longer, and is more substantial.
Hope this helps,
N.

Hi K.,

I am an at home mom with a 8 year old boy and a 4 1/2 year old boy. My 8 year old has a late August birthday. When he was 2, his pediatrician said that she felt most boys with summer birthdays would benefit from being held back one year, mainly from social issues. I dismissed it at the time, but when he started preschool soon after he turned 4, he had similar problems as your son. At the end of that year, his preschool teacher recommended he repeat preschool another year before going into kindergarten. We did that, and haven't regretted it. He just started 2nd grade at 8, is doing very well in all of his subjects, fits in well socially and is at/near the top of his class. He is a very confident, happy child. He is probably the tallest in his class, but for a boy that's a good thing! Just something to consider....

B.

K.,
When is his birthday? Just because there smart enough to go to school doesn't mean they are really ready. Sometimes it is better to let the maturity catch up. He sounds alot like my son last year when he was 5. Now he is six and in all day kindergarten. He still occasionally talks too much but not near the behavior problems we would have seen last year. Also if you hold them back they end up usually being one of the smartest kids in the class and get lots of rewards that way.Just a thought.

It sounds like he hasn't learned much self-control. Does he show these behaviors at home at all? And practice good behaviors at home, say things like "just like at school, we're quiet in the hallways in our house." Don't criticize for failing, just, "let's try that again, we can do better."

Also, you might try getting him some good running around exercise in the morning before school, and again in the afternoon after school. High energy can be hard for boys to manage.

Hi K.,

I don't know how helpful this information will be but lets give it a try. First, a little about me. I have two children, ages 8 & 12. Before my 12 year old even started school, we had isssues. I ofcourse knew I had issues with my child but didn't recieve much help. When my child entered kindergarden, I asked her teacher for some resourses to get some assistance with my child and her behavior. This teacher was teaching for her first year. Her comment to me was " who do you need help with?" I was happy to see that these same tantrums, outbursts ect. did not happen in school. However she was clueless when it came for dispensing advice. It was still a little early for testing for ADHD. Now as she entered first grade, her teacher was a 15 year veteran. She actually contacted me within 1 week of school starting to discuss her behavior and how we may recieve help. She was a great role model and somebody that has vast experience with children and thier behavior. It was recommended that I have her evaulated for ADHD. Never once did she diagnose or suggest a disorder but had some real concerns for her. I did bring her to a fabulous pediatrician and it was decided to medicate. She was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Most of us know what ADHD id, attention, defecit, hyperactive, disorder. ODD, is oppositional defiance disorder. I was not too happy about medications but at this point I was willing to try anything! I had severe doubts about ridaline and did not like the side effects for her. She threw up 15 times in one month. Thats always a great way to start, but it was the most commenly used drug at the time. Thankfully, I found another pediatrician that had worked in the pediatric field for 35 years and retired. He got board with retirement and pursued a challenge of just dealing with behavior issues. He would not except any side effects of drugs and understood my concerns with the results so far. I spent almost 4 years with his practice and then I moved to Arizona. We have been here 3 years and once again, I am looking for a pediatrician that is willing to adjust her medicine. She is now 12 and weighs a little over 75 lbs. When I originally moved here, her new pediatrician wanted to switch her to straterra. Her size, frame and body structure was and probably will always be petite. Because Adderall is a stimulant, and her size, she wanted her off the adderall and switched to straterra. Her hyperactivity was under control but the violent verbal and physical outburst continued. I had to insist that she be placed back on the Adderall. Remember, I was very reluctant to even try medication. If it was just the hyperactivity, I could deal with that. But, I was becoming concerned with the defiance. I once told the doctor that I would only medicate during the school year, not in the summer, not on the weekends. He was all for that, only to end up increasing her doses. I cryed in the pediatricians office because I was a bad mother with a diobediant child and do not want to medicate but now I need to increase her dosage. I will tell you now, what a change. I can tell within 5 minutes of speaking with her weather she is medicated or not. I do believe that these medications are overprescibed, and alot of people are misdiagnosed.

Look into your family background, does any mental disorders run in your family? ADHD, ADD, depression, physical or verbal outburts? Your husbands family? My child was doomed. Mental disorders run in both sides of my family. PLease do not think that I want you to have a child with adhd or any other disorder but you can't rule this out. I would recommend that you sit in your childs classroom. If the teacher has a problem with you being there, than I would first question why? What is the teacher trying to keep from you. I would also give your child time to adjust to your move. You both have been thru alot of changes. Have you considered counseling? Either family counseling or anger management classes. I am a true believer in counseling. Just remember, you know your child the best. Ask for advice but you have to make any final decisions. Don't be surprised if somebody tells you that its your parenting skills. Try not to fall in that guilt trip. Continue to ask for help, you are your only childs advocate.

Good luck! Don't give up. Your child is our future. I have played this game for many years and I am back in the game again. Its time to re-adjust or maybe even change her meds. This time I have to see a child pshychiatrist. Good news, he only lives 35 minutes from where i live and its not covered on my insurance but I will prevail. I will do anything that will help further my childs education and social skills. Its been a tough road, and an uphill climb but she is worth it, and so is your son.

Continue to be a parent that is willing to seek and ask for advice. You are doing your job as a parent, as difficult as that may seem. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see the reason for many years to come. But there is something that we need to learn or it would not be happening to you!

God Bless! I hope this helps a little, maybe alot.

H. B.

I would definately follow through and observe him in class. A child's education is the parent's responsibility. Teachers and schools are only a resource. Taking an active role by collaborating and brainstorming with the teacher about ideas that might help just shows that you are a caring and involved parent. If he is bored he does need more things to do and the teacher needs to follow through with that at school. I would also suggest practicing at home how he should behave at school. Pretend with him, and play school at home. He needs to understand what kind of behavior is expected of him. As one mother suggested, you could talk to the teacher and consult a doctor about his problem being of a medical nature. But would you want to go the easy way and just medicate him? That should be a last resort. He needs consistent reinforcement of rules and expectations. He may need to be reminded daily by the teacher and this may be making her life tougher as a teacher, but this is her job. Work with her and come up with a game plan together that she initiates and follows through with at school and you initiate and follow through with at home.

I have had issues with my 4yr old. He has sensory issues when he is overstimulated he gets out of control. My son has been in the special education program in school since he was 3 for he issues (mostly speech..he just started to really speak). when he is overstimulated he can't focus making it hard for everyone around him. My solution was moving out of a big city to a little city where there is more attention being given to a smaller group of children. I might have gone to the extreme where now the school he is in his graduating class will be about 21. We have found the class to be more structured and he has adapted wonderfully. Good luck it does get better.

I can kind of answer from the teacher's point of view, one of the best things to do is get on a system where when he is behaving in school, the teacher places a sticker on a sheet and every week turns it in to you and you reward him as you feel is fit, ex: a special treat he doesnt normally get in the during the week, or maybe a special movie friday nite. I worked in a day care center for many years before I had kids and this system works wonders.

K.
I am wondering if your son has a medical issue expecially if e has outbursts with out control. My only advice would be to talk to his teacher and see what she thinks and then your doctor. Just get things checked out and get tis undercontrol before it gets worse.
Good Luck
A. B