Help with My 11 Year Old

Hi K.:

I found instead of punishing my son for a bad behavior I turned it around and rewarded him for good behavior. Make a chart or use a calendar and tell him each time you find the light off or the toilet flushed, he will get a sticker or check mark. When he collects a certain amount of stickers he will be rewarded with either something he has been wanting or taking him someplace he wants to go. Before you tell him about it, you might want to decide how many good behaviors it will take to earn the prize. Or decide together! You can get real creative with this and maybe give him little prizes each week with a big prize after a few weeks. My son loved money so each time he did what I asked, I put money in a jar and then when he collected a few weeks worth we went to the toy store and he got to pick something out. I think this gives them a positive feeling instead of a negative one! Best of luck. M.

Kids all grow through different phases. Yes, I said grow.
It's all part of the process. Repitition is the key. I have a teen son and I still have to repeat myself. It all gets better. Always make sure to catch them being good. I had a prize box I worked out of. I would pick up things at the dollar store and yard sales. Wehn the kids were good they'd get to pick a prize. They lived for that prize box.

I too have an 11 year old son that is quite forgetful. Do not worry it is normal. As it may seem like a pain, the only way to make the situation any better is to give him frequent reminders. I can tel my son one thing and he will turn around and forget what I said only seconds later. What we do is remind him and sometimes have to walk him through the steps. It can be VERY upsetting, but just remember that this is another one of these fabulous stages that our children go through.

As far as the smell is concerned, try pet enzyme cleaner. In the pet stores they sell stain and odor remover for pets. One of the best brands is Nature's Miracle. This is a fabulous product that not only works for our new puppy but other overwhelming smells.

Just don't get frustrated. Taking things away from him will not help. He will forget that you told him! Ha! Just remind, remind and remind until it gets done. Have him go and double check when he says that he has done something. It will get better.

I had the same experience with my daughter when she was that age. It seemed to be a phase. I know that is not what you really want to hear right now, but she soon started flushing the toilet again. As for the smell, try using a small amount of ammoinia and water. Wipe everything down, even the walls and then mop your way out. It should help, if not eliminate the smell all together.

She is 14 now and still leaves lights, tvs, radios and computers on all over the house. You hve the right idea with taking the sports away. If it's something that seems to be important to them, they might start taking charge of the responsibilites given. Don't forget to praise and encourage when the chores are done. This is important for them to know that as parents we see the good as well as the bad behavior. These years are hard, I know, I'm dealing with a teenager that seems to know everything. This is not going to be fun. Good luck and I hope everything works itself out.

Not sure about the help with the forgetfulness, but a couple of drops of tea tree oil into the toilet water and the smell should disappear!

C.~
www.TotalWellnessInfo.com

Try making announcements. For example, "Jimmy, I noticed the light was on in basement.", "Jimmy, the toilet hasn't been flushed." It works for me. Instead of telling my children to do something, I make an announcement from where ever I'm at in the house and then it's up to my child to take responsibilty to do the right thing. If he/she chooses not to do the right thing, there are consequences. When my daughter was 9, now 11, she would always leave her shoes lying around the house. One morning getting ready for school she couldn't find her shoes. The school bus came and she was still looking. She went to school in her slippers. I guess the only natural consequence for not flushing the toilet would be having to clean the toilet. And, you're already doing that. That's great. Taking a privledge away on a daily basis should work along with the cleaning, like no TV or outside play. I don't think taking away basketball will work, because it's not an immediate consequence. I hope this helps. Good Luck. :)