Help! Our Baby Screams Constantly When with Daddy!!

This is a phase you all will have to endure. It's not fun, but will pass. She'll be Daddy's little girl before you know it. Put aside some of her favorite things for when you are gone so Daddy can distract her. Start little by just leaving the room a few minutes, gradually longer. She'll get the idea that you'll be back. My daughter went through this a bit and you just have to be strong, patient and wait. Now at age 9 she sits on the front porch most nights waiting for her daddy to get home.

Super responses from the other Mommies!!

Just want to share my experience...my son began his seperation issues around 8 months old. I couldn't leave his site for a second, without what I started calling his 'phoney bologney' cry kicking in. I'd make a joke out of it, instead of running to him as soon as he cried (which was my first instinct) I taught myself to take a deep breath and then peek around the corner, while making a silly face. And, then talk to him about why he was crying or upset...I'd ask him if he was hurt...this worked great on a flat surface like a table or counter, where I'd put his bouncy chair. We would play peek-a-boo forever! In a few weeks, he was able to grasp that when Mommy was out of sight, I was not gone for good.

With Daddy, my son's father and I have never lived in the same house while raising our son, so when he left with him it was a whole other crying experience. Took us weeks, of playing in the park or going to run errands together so, he could see Mommy was just doing the same old stuff and he wasn't missing out on anything.

I like the suggestion, about giving your little girl power. It could work...wish I'd had that advice sooner!!

When I started leaving my son with my Mom, only person I trust with my Monkey Man. We started with small periods of time, like twenty minutes. I let my son, 'pick out' a lovey that was his for 'grandma time' and then we'd talk about how Mommy was going to let him play with Grandma for little bit and I'd be right back. I played up, how special that time was and once he got used to me getting out the lovey, he knew I was leaving and that he was going to spend 'special' time with Grandma. I tried to make it about the time with Grandma, and less about my leaving. That worked pretty well...now, I can leave him with her while I'm at work and he can't seem to close the door fast enough behind me!

I hope you and your family find a way to mediate your little girls needs, and their needs for lovin' time with your baby.

Best wishes!!

You have really been articulate in explaining your "problem." I could picture it exactly. :)

Well, your girl does seem to have a bad case of clingy-ness...but yes, it is developmental based... and it's separation anxiety as well. NOT anything personal against your Hubby or family members.

Secondly though, there is a thing called "object permanence." That things that "can't" be seen, come back....ie: peek-a-boo games. Try playing these kinds of things with her too. My kids loved playing this from about 7 months old.

I would also try and do some research on the web... see what comes up. My kids weren't that clingy...so I would not know at what things you could try, in your situation.

But I know what you mean about everyone loving your girl...but the "like" part is maybe hot and cold.....because yes, all she does is scream with them and they don't "know" her well enough like you do.

But, yes, babies grow out of it.... and perhaps leave her with your family members for short periods here and there... as a "routine." Kids and babies gets VERY used to "routine." So, my thinking is, if it becomes a "routine" that she stays with your parents or Hubby for certain times of the day, or periods while say you take a bath yourself or while cooking... she MAY get used to this "routine." It may trigger an awareness in her that at certain times you do certain things... that she hangs out with Daddy or Grandma for example. This has happened with my kids...they KNOW that when I am doing certain things... that THEY have "their" routine too. But it has to be consistent.

ALSO, some babies/kids just have certain personalities in which they don't like change, or anything different, and they don't adapt as easy as others. Every temperament is different in a baby.

But yes, they need comfort too... what she is going through is normal.

Sometimes, to switch gears... just try something which will make her laugh! Redirect her. It worked for my kids.

No worries, it is a phase. Although I know it is not easy.

All the best,
Susan

Hmm, my daughter was also completely against being held by others
( she would though tolerate my husband and my youngest son for a short while) but no one else ever... that started to change as she began crawling and later walking, i think mainly because she became able to follow her curiosity , and could return to me for safety.

if I was you I would free her from the sling, and urge her to follow you around to help her gain her feet.

Regarding your husband there was a drill we would do with her that I learned to use on scared pets. If your husband pretends to be scared of her, like backs off when she reaches for him, or falls back on the bed when you hold her foot against him, she will begin to feel like she is powerful and can not be overwhelmed, soon she will laugh out loud, and after a while she will begin to follow him around , he should continue to" run away" and before you know it she will be clinging to his leg not yours and will become comfortable on his lap.. ( he should not try to keep her there for a while) this worked for my 15 year old son whom she runs to cheerfully everyday when he come back from school. she is 17 mo old.

I know this sounds odd, but often mimicng what the child does does the trick, making them feel cause instead of the effect of the cause always works :)

Hi E.,

It is natural for children to favor the parent that is constantly around them. You are your daughter's world right now and that is fine and normal.

I know you and your husband must feel frustrated, you guilty and him hurt. Your daughter is just showing how she feels and as she gets older she will fit in just fine with daddy.

Both my kids favored me, but now are fine with others. My son stayed with grandmas from an early age when I worked part time so he is more independent with over night stays.

When my daughter was born health issues arrived with both grandmas so most of her baby and toddler time was with me. SHe is now six and more attached to me but absolutely great with other relationships too. She loves her daddy - ofcourse he is completely wrapped around her finger. But for the longest time she was mommy's girl and still is.

When your daughter gets a little older, daddy should have fun alone time - park trips, ice cream etc. For now, father son time should be the most important thing to focus on. If he concentrates on his relationship with your son that should take the pressure off of everyone. Just make sure he explains to your little boy that your daughter will have daddy time too when she is older, so their is no conflict later or with your son being jealous. And, if you can sneak mom/son time when the baby is napping that would be great too so he isn't jealous of your relationship with your daughter.

If you can get away with it, I wouldn't force her to have alone time with others when is so unhappy about it. It doesn't sound like it is helping anyone. Have grandma come to play with her while you are there and visible. Wait until she is ready. Right now she is probably terrified whenever they walk in the door.

I think that if you lower your expectations of your daughter, and let go of guilt of being favored and accept that this is how it is FOR NOW, everyone will be much happier.

Good luck.

thats the problem right there is that she is with you all the time. my daughter acts out with daddy and the grandparents but id just fine with me. i am stern with her but not unreasonable. she knows what is expected of her at 18mo. i also worked with her since birth to be able to leave her playing by herself as i did dishes or cooked. maybe have your husband take her outside for a walk or to play in the yard so she cant see you and she can be more easily distracted. also when you leave her with her gparents dont stretch the goodbye out it makes it waaaay worse. just give her a hug and kiss and say mommy will be back in a little bit and let that be that and go. another thing is maybe try to get her to attactchto a lovie (bear or blanket whatever). try to have her play and be distracted for 15min intervals while you do things and then gradually stretch the time. good luck this will pass but it may take time.