Help.. My Son Was Bad at Day Care Today..

Ask her point blank how *she* handled disciplining him for these offenses. See what kind of answer you get.

One more day? Don't be too h*** o* the little guy. Without going into great detail, tell him he must apologize to the afternoon teacher and be good at school tomorrow. Tell him he's getting to be a big boy and will go to "real school" next session and if he doesn't behave, he will be sent to the principal's office and he won't like it!

Have a good vacation....maybe the young teacher is having some issue of her own.

The up side to the kindergarten change is that it should be the same teacher all day (as opposed to a shift change) so there shouldn't be any policy consistency issues. It could just be that the afternoon teacher does things differently and it just doesn't jive with him. He could be tired, too, for that matter.

Even at kindergarten, though, the first step won't be the principal's office. There are standard practices that involve the teacher trying to deal with it first, then involving the parent, and so on.

As far as punishing for behavior at school, I would think that since he's starting kindergarten he's probably old enough to have things explained to him. If you get in trouble at school, you get in trouble at home. As to what consequences there are (at home) for specific misdeeds (at school), that's entirely up to you!

What does he usually eat for lunch? Maybe he is having a blood sugar spike and then crashes and burns and is tired in the afternoons.

i'm surprised at how many people are blaming the teacher! i don't think it's her fault, young or not, that this little boy is acting wild and being rude.
i don't think he's a bad kid either. he sounds tired and over-stimulated to me. and it's the correct thing to do for the teacher to let you know about his behavior. i would want that.
it's not really up to you to do anything but discuss the behavior with your son and have him apologize to her. i assume the daycare has consequences for naughtiness (they're in the business of kids, after all) and has used them, so there's no need to punish him or anything. but do talk to him about it, emphasize your expectations, and work with the teacher on how to help him handle his afternoons better.
khairete
S.

Lisa, I think that the answer to the problem is the teacher. She's a young college grad. She fusses to the parent because she puts the blame on the child. She hasn't learned HOW to handle children yet, and she thinks that fussing about them to the parent will fix the child.

It won't. It is HER job to handle the behavior. The morning teacher knows how to. That's why you never get bad reports from her.

Will you ever use this center for after-school care? If not, go in for an exit interview with the director. Tell her what you have been going through with the college grad. Tell her that you are not there anymore, so it's no skin off your nose, but you think a lot of the center and you want to talk about this for the center's benefit, and that of the director. Tell her that the young girl needs more mentoring, and needs to learn about how to talk to parents.

My son had a second grade teacher who reminds me of this gal you are talking about. She was actually a terrible teacher. It took my son being in third grade for me to understand what was going on. The school was in flux with principals, and she skated for a while. But once the new principal was there, it became very apparent to her that she was not teacher material. If she hadn't gotten pregnant and quit work to stay at home with the baby, she would have been fired.

I think you would be doing everyone, including the college grad, a favor, if you discussed this with the director.

As far as kinder is concerned, a seasoned kinder teacher will know how to handle your son. Give him time to get used to the new environment. He will be okay.

Hugs!
Dawn

Have you asked the morning teacher why she thinks your son misbehaves in the afternoon? How does he act with you? In Kindergarten they have systems in place that deal with bad behavior. I think you need to have a serious talk with you son about expectations.

I just wanted to add that I, generally speaking, don't "double punish" my kid. If he gets in trouble at school he WAS punished. My job, as a parent, is to help my child understand why what they did was wrong, figure out how to correct /change the behavior/situation and coach on behaviors I want to see in the future.

Depending on the age.... sometimes that can be a semantics conversation.... for example some parents would "ground" their kid and say no TV for a week if they get a bad grade on a test.
For me.... her punishment is the bad grade.
Now she and I are going to talk about how that bad grade will impact her education (not learning basic concepts, not able to go onto harder concepts etc) and then figure out what she needs to do to learn the material. In some cases that may be an increase of studying, which may naturally leave her less time for TV.
But the heart of the matter is on figuring out how the current behavior produced a result that wasn't good, understanding how to change the behavior and then getting feedback on if the new behavior achieved the desired result. If I just *take away TV*, she may or may not use that time to study and for sure she will be mad at me (which is fine, but I'd rather her feel like I am interested in teaching her how to succeed instead of just taking away her fun..... bigger lesson for the long run).

So, in your case..... is the teacher to blame? Maybe. But his behavior is still not ok. You can't stick your tongue out at the teacher. Talk him through why it's not ok. At 5, he can understand, if you bring it to his level. He should apologize. You can walk him through that when he is feeling xyz what are some things to do INSTEAD of sticking out your tongue. Have him come up with one or two things to do. Then remind him before he leaves for school. Have a follow up conversation...... did you feel xyz today? What did you do? Good - it was better for you to just take 3 deep breaths. Then you weren't in trouble. That felt better didn't it?
I understand that he's 5, but he will have to deal with cruddy *bosses* his whole life. Start now letting him know that how he is treated and how he behaves are two different things.

THEN - go have a serious conversation with the teacher!!!!!! Not in this case, because you're leaving.... but in the future.

I would consider his schedule. He's doing fine in the morning, but it the afternoon he has trouble. He's 5. My son could not hold it together for a full day of preschool/daycare. He was TIRED by the end of the day, which amounted to him not being able to listen, poor impulse control and difficulty coping with his emotions and overstimulation.

My best advice is to get him into a morning kinder if you can... it may not have anything to do with the teacher. He may just be fried by 4pm. Also in kindergarten you will hopefully have a teacher who has lots of tricks up her sleeve to work with 5 year old boys. Kindergarten is different than daycare... they have to provide structure for everyone which also helps kids follow directions and stay on task.

I would talk to him about the sticking out his tongue thing. That won't go over well in school.

It sounds like he's tired and grumpy or possibly hungry and grumpy. Maybe he needs a brief afternoon nap. Not sure.
However, you do need to talk to your son about how he's behaving. He may not have an answer for why he does what he does, but you can reiterate the importance of self control and not acting up at school. Sticking his tongue out at the teacher is absolutely NOT acceptible and knocking other kids' things down isn't nice at all. This is the perfect age to introduce "The Golden Rule". Does he want other people doing things like that to HIM?

My coworker has been going through this with her daughter, but she's 4. Last week, she got sent home from preschool for pinching and then a different day for shoving and pushing other children. Mom had to leave work to go sign her kid out and then take her to a babysitter so she could get back to work. Trust me, the little girl had time to stew on how mad her mom was until she came to take her home. And, she was disciplined.

It doesn't matter if the behavior happened hours earlier, it still needs to be dealt with. It's really up to the parents to reinforce that some behaviors aren't going to be tolerated. Teachers these days have very little room to move when it comes to "disciplining" because some parents feel that no one but them can or should discipline their kids. My coworkers preschool?
Zero tolerance. The parents are called to deal with it.

So, for one thing, you're not alone.
I don't agree with blaming the teacher.
Don't ever think that you will traumatize your child for administering discipline after the fact.

Don't stress. Spend the time between now and starting his new school to just get that bug in his ear that if he does that stuff at kindergarten.....it's not going be good.

Just my opinion.

You listened to the teacher, did you get your sons side of the story?
Hear him out, then tell him it's never ok to stick out your tongue at anyone, and now that he knows it's not ok, you expect he will not be having that problem again.

My son went through a phase in preschool where he thought the teacher didn't like him.
She had no idea he felt this way.
I told him that no one knows the rules and the teacher has to explain them but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
And I explained to the teacher that he needed a brief 'make up and be friends' moment after he was corrected - and once she knew about it - everything was alright.
He out grew that stage pretty quickly.

For one more day I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Since the behavior is in the afternoon, I'd guess he's tired and/or hungry and/or having a growth spurt (where he needs a bit more food or sleep).
Do they have nap/quiet time after lunch?
A short nap might make a big difference.
My son transitioned to no naps in 1st grade and he was one crabby kid in the afternoons.
He still napped on weekends for the longest time.

I wonder if he has a bit of a crush on the young teacher? My nephew went through this at one point in preschool. He did not even realize it, until one of the older teachers observed the class. He would do anything to get her attention.. He "had to sit next to her", when he misbehaved.

My Brother in law talked with him and told him, he needed to behave with this teacher to show her he respected and liked her. if he misbehaved it hurt her feelings that he would behave for the other teachers but not her..

Pretty cute.

I have been in your shoes with my son as well. My parents used to always tell us "if you get in trouble during the day you will get in trouble at home too." While I always thought I'd do the same sort of thing I've realized that with a child this age if you apply a consequence hours later then it is not understood.......he's moved on and really doesn't understand why he's in trouble. Did the teacher provide a consequence to his behavior at daycare?
I did regularly have discussions with my son on the way home as to how his day was and would ask about what happened in situations. I used to have a 'deal' with him - if you have a great day at daycare we will have special outside time/go to the park/etc. etc. I also realize that this sort of promise is also hard for a child this age to grab ahold of because it's so far in advance of their thinking.

When my son has a rough day at preschool (pretty rare thankfully), we find out from the teacher what happened and the confirm the story with him- he's usually pretty on-target with his recount. If the teacher has already applied a consequence, we do not "double punish" him but we have a conversation that reinforces what the teacher has said/done.

Developmentally, he's moved on hours later so it doesn't make sense to apply a consequence hours after something happened for a young child. They cannot really "connect" the action and the consequence. LOTS of things have happened during the intervening time!

I would explain to him that he isn't to misbehave and go over what behavior you expect from him. It may be that the teacher is a new and she hasn't figured out how to manage a classroom, but I would still expect my child to behave. I would explain that he would have to have some consequences. He would have to apologize to the teacher and then he would have no TV for the night. Each time this happens his punishment would get harsher.

He could just be acting out his mixed feelings about all the changes happening. My oldest is a bear the week or two before school starts. He's 8 and he still acts out when there are big changes, even things that I think he'd be happy about. I would just tell the teacher, "Thanks for letting me know. How did you handle it?" Usually it is exactly how I would have handled it myself had I been there and I tell the teacher that so that she feels confident. Then at home I ask the kid how he his feeling about life, is there anything he feels like talking about. Remind him what it means to be respectful to teachers and classmates. Then let it go.

i always would look at the big picture, what caused the bad behavior-- Was he tired, hungry, mixed with a group of different kids at the end of the day, was he excited for your trip? talk to him about it. and talk to both the am and pm teacher to see what is going on, my guess is that the afternoon is less structured and that they combine groups of kids.

Since it's is last day --Other than correcting that you NEVER stick your tongue out ( i had to use a tiny drop of dish soap on my dd because she woudl not listen regarding this, one time did the trick)-- I think you should let it go.

He probably is tired. When they go to school all day and they don't get that nap sometimes they are just tired. He might be coming down with something too. I get cranky before getting sick. I am getting a sinus infection. I noticed today that I am having symptoms so I know I need to make sure I take the sudafed regularly.

I have a 7 year old and he gets like this in the afternoon too. The director at our daycare has him come to her office and may give him goldfish or little things to "help" her just to get him out of the situation and get a moment of attention, one on one. you may ask if this is available at your daycare of if he can "help" in another room for just 20 min or so to get him refocused.

My guess is the problem is with the teacher, not the child. If he is well behaved for the morning teacher (if she is being honest) and not for the afternoon teacher. I would definately talk to your son about how he is expected to behave.

We have always instilled in our children that they are to be on their best behavior and use their best manners when away from us and we've (mostly) gotten good reports. As long as you are discussing behavior and what is expected with your child I wouldn't worry.

M

Sounds like he is either overly tired or maybe hungry in the afternoon. My kids all act up in the late afternoon.

Since he's only there one more day, I wouldn't worry too much. See how he does in kindergarten. You're right, though. He will quickly learn he can't act up at school unless he wants to be in trouble.

He was probably tired... this was in the afternoon.
Or if he is with younger kids, maybe he is bored.
Or, maybe the afternoon teacher is not handling the group efficiently.
It could be many things.
Did you ask your son if things are more chaotic in the afternoon, per the afternoon teacher?
Did he eat lunch? Snacks? Hungry kids can't concentrate well and they get fussy. Common.