Helping Son Settle into Kindergarten - Social Skills

N., I have a child who had the exact same issues in Kindergarten. If he hadn't been so smart, he would never have moved on to first grade. Kindergarten was pointless and he didn't end up learning a thing. You mentioned a paraprofessional... is this one for the entire class or assigned specifically to your child. I would ask for a functional behavior analysis to be completed. This will help you all figure out why he is doing this. He could have ADHD or sensory processing issues that may be causing him to have this impulsiveness. I am of the mind set that almost all children who act this way must have something holding them back. Why would they want to act this way otherwise when all it does is get them in trouble.

To Mallory - you said, "all of the moms knew about him and discouraged their kids from going near him" about the other child similar to this one and that you requested that he not be in their class. Encouraging children to ignore the child or not include him in activities is not going to help things at all. You are basically encouraging children to bully that child. It broke my heart to read that sentence as I remember that my son was never invited to play dates or birthday parties - to think it may have been more the parents than the children is just horrible.

When you talked with him, did you ask HIM why he thinks he doesn't "behave"? What did he say?
Rather than consequences, have you considered rewards? You could send in a sheet of stickers, and have the teacher give him a sticker at the recess break, if he can go that long without misbehaving. When you pick him up, see if he has a sticker... and high 5 him! Then, when he collects say, 5 stickers, take him for an extra trip to the park, or buy him an ice cream. Or whatever reward you think would fit and work for him.
After he starts getting the hang of it.... have him get 2 stickers... one if he is good up until recess break, and after the return from recess he can earn a 2nd one from then until the end of the day (?)... When you pick him up... see what he has. Maybe one from the morning, but none from the afternoon. Or one from the afternoon and none for the morning... or maybe he'll have both! Up the "reward" threshold from 5 stickers, to 10.

It's worth a shot...

Hi. My first son who was an only child for 16 years was the same way... a class clown of sorts. He just wanted people to like him. My gram and I were always giving him so much love and attention that he craved it at school too. Frankly I feel (now looking back) that he was trying to build his own confidence and his kindergarten teacher seemed really great with the whole thing. Seating him in the right place and remindng him of what is expected and why. The why is super important because he is smart enough to understand. But I would like to really say that the teacher could be newer and not have the understanding and patience that is needed. She could be more worried about having control than helping him. I know he is not perfect.. no one is, but the teacher should really be able to figure this out. Dont' apologize too much is what i'm trying to say...she did go to school for this and should have skills to deal! The right teacher is so important. My son is now a great student in his freshman year of college.
H.

The parents need to talk to him very gently about it, separately. A lot of it is due to anxiety and feeling like "how do I fit in here"?

Not sure what advice to give here but I will tell you that there was a kid in my son's Kindergarten last year like yours and none of the kids wanted to play with him and all of the moms knew about him and discouraged their kids from going near him. Most of us requested our sons to not be with this child for first grade. Poking and annoying other kids borders on bullying so please don't make excuses for him. Be open to whatever plan the teacher wants to put in place. She is the one with experience with this kind of thing.

EDIT:
@ Melinda
Sorry-but if a child is going to poke and tease my little boy I will ABSOLUTELY encourage him to stay away from him. Any anti-bully message will say for the child to walk away and ignore and THAT is what I have coached my son to do. How dare you accuse the victims of being the bully-you are doing nothing but making excuses for poor behavior. I know how difficult it must be but parents of kids with these behavioral issues need to take ownership of them. I do hate to see a kid ostracized but if he is going to be mean to all the kids and disruptive to the class in general then I don't want my kid around him. Sorry.

You did not mention any prior social interactions in group settings. Did your son attend pre-school? Has he ever attended any type of group activity, such as a swim lesson, music class etc? How did he do in those situations? You did say that he is used to being around older children and adults but I cannot imagine that this is behavior that he has learned from them. I was a teacher prior to having children and I think that it is important to know how he has been in other social situations and what your expectations of him are at home at times like meals, bed etc... before any suggestions could be given.

Is your son attending a full day or half day kindergarten? Have you talked to other parents, especially the boy's parents? If not, talk to them and see if they are getting any of the same feedback. You could also ask the teacher how many children have the same or some of the same issues. I'll bet you are not alone. Kindergarten has become 1st grade in many respects. Talk to your son and his teacher and see if there are specific times that he has more self control than others. This may tell you if he is hungry or isn't getting enough recess time. My son was in an 8 hour kindergarten and they had one recess and it wasn't enough for all the kids. That changed but it didn't happen until the following year. I would also tell the teacher that repeatedly having your son sit at a table alone will only teach the other children that they should keep their distance and that he is a kid who gets in trouble. Hopefully the teacher will have constructive suggestions. If not, that will tell you a lot about the situation. Good Luck.