UpdatedFrustrated & Worried. Son Started K and Is in Trouble Every Other Day!!

School has just begun. Give it time. It takes time for them to learn new skills, and following strict rules all day is a skill. Also, teachers tend to be the strictest at the beginning of the year when they are trying to really teach the rules. They tend to relax them a bit after a couple of weeks.

This sounds normal. Don't worry so much. And I suspect that getting moved down in the class is a consequence on its own. In my daughter's class, it meant they lost choice time. No need to pile it on at home. A reward chart for making it through the week with no DOWN time sounds like a better approach.

I could have wrote this same question about my son and all day kinder. It took some time and A LOT of red days and even a trip or two the principles office but he got the hang of it, made it through and all is well. He is in 3rd grade now and those days have since passed but i spent many of a night crying that something was wrong. (my daughter was so easy)
I still thank the teacher and principle for their patience.
They would always smile and say Mrs. Benedict one step forward, two steps back..
It gets better.
Many blessings

My GD had a very hard time in K. She never went to daycare or preschool so she had absolutely NO experience being in a group setting like that. We had a hard time in K, but I just kept talking to her every day about how to behave. Once she got to 1st grade, she was like a different kid. Never any problems at all and it has remained like that.

Don't get too frustrated; keep talking to him and telling him what is expected. You can practice sitting still at home - we did. But just know that he will get the hang of it and you will find huge difference in him between K and 1st grade.

Be at peace. It's wonderful that you care, but really, at this point all you know is that he's in the very beginning of the year with a very long day. Your anxiety is exactly why I didn't send daily progress notes of any sort to parents. I did not want them to be anxious. I did not want them to punish their children. It was my job to teach the children how to behave in this new grade level. Since this teacher is choosing (or her school system may require her) to communicate daily, I would suggest that you schedule an appointment with her and find out what she is doing to help your son grow in his abilities to maintain his attention in the classroom. As for the home role, I always appreciated a well-rested, well-nourished child. It also helped if the parents trusted me to work through adjustments. And it was heaven when they praised their children for doing their personal best, even if the parents had hoped for more. All my best. Keep in touch with us. We care.

Welcome to the wonderful world of boys and education.

It may or may not help to hold him back. Honestly how the educational system is structured it doesn't take into consideration the different developmental needs of boys verses girls. Teachers expect all the students to sit still for long periods of time. This is a little more difficult for boys over girls.

Have him practice at home and give him plenty of encouragement but understand developmentally he may not be there yet or it could be something else.

Didn't the school year just start? My kids just started Monday. Give it some time, adjusting to a full day is a lot for a five-year-old. Make sure he's getting a healthy, protein-rich breakfast. Do they get recess? (I only ask because some schools have cut recess out, which is sad in my opinion, kids NEED that time).

If it keeps up, I know for the kids that had a hard time sitting still in my daughters' kinder classes, they had a teachers aide walk them around the hall for a few minutes when they started to get restless, and that really helped.

Hope he adjusts quickly, I know it must be very frustrating!

Beginning a new school year is such a big adjustment in many ways. It can take up to several weeks for a child to get on a steady course. Give him time. He won't flunk out! Work with the teacher.

It's the beginning of the year. It is a big big adjustment. Sometimes you just have to shake the sillies out. Little Ks need to move during the day. Hopefully the teacher is giving them the chance. Full day is a long day!

Can you switch him to half day morning kindergarten?

Kindergarten kids, can take time to adjust. To school.
Now, this may not sound encouraging... but often times, with Kindergarten kids.... it takes until Winter Break, for them to get better at it. Or per my kids' school Counselor, it can take about 3 months. For Kinder kids, to get in the swing of things.
Then, after the kids get back to school from Winter Break, there is a big difference, in maturity and ability and about their school routines.
Kindergarten kids, do NOT... get in the swing of things, in just one week.
Nor in 2 weeks. Nor in even 1 month.

I work at my kids' school.
The Kinder kids this year... is very, difficult. Not that the kids are 'bad." But because, their maturity is just, very different from the last year's Kindergarten group. Everyone notices. I do too. And so, the Kinder Teachers... are VERY VERY much, having to, stretch an extra 5 miles in effort... and techniques... and in methods... in order to facilitate and manage, this year's Kindergarten grade/classes. And YES, they are sending notes home to the parents. Even the very seasoned Teachers, who have been doing it for 20+ years... are, strained, at trying to help these kids. Young or old, a Teacher tries, all sorts of approaches. To help their students. As best, they can... or per the School's, curriculum and rules. So keep that in mind.
It is not only, your son.
AND, keep in mind, that MANY of the "young" "new" Teachers... can be and are often, VERY good, Teachers.
I know. I know many of the "new" "young" Teachers at my kids' school... and they are VERY good, with their students. Very impressive.

Also keep in mind: MANY young kids, are full of energy and do well in the mornings. AND they can go downhill in the afternoon. Why? Because by then they are TIRED and/or may not have eaten, lunch. Even if they had lunch time. MANY kids in the cafeteria, whether they have a home lunch or have school lunch... do not, eat, much. Or at all. Why? Because, young kids like that, are SOOOOO busy talking to the other kids and playing around in the cafeteria and distracted, and thus do not eat much. Then before you know it, lunch period is finished. And a kid who has an empty stomach.. they get TIRED and FUSSY and cannot concentrate.

Do they take a nap or have quiet time after lunch?
Our son napped - and the teachers were surprised how deeply he slept every nap time right through the year (he was having a major growth spurt that year - he shot up 4 inches).
(He had a hard time adjusting to no naps in 1st grade).
He sounds tired in the afternoon.
And when he's tired, his listening skills go downhill.
Punishment at home hours after what ever happened at school doesn't work at this age.
The consequence has to happen right when the disruption happens - so really the teacher has to deal with it.
Just let him know that you want him to listen to the teacher.
When he gets home, do what you can to have him run around - play outside or go to a playground - so he's ready for sleeping well at bedtime.
Make sure he gets to bed on the early side and gets enough sleep so he's ready for school.
Some boys just have a hard time adjusting to being in a classroom.
It's only been 10 days so it might take another few weeks or a bit longer.

Where we are, they have to be 5 yrs old on or before Sep 30 to start kindergarten.
Our son's birthday is end of Oct - so he was 5 for only 2 months before he turned 6 in kindergarten.
Unless there's an earlier Oct birthday, he's usually the oldest in his class.
It's really worked out well for him.

Please, please, do not be freaked out.

It has only been a few days and this can be a huge adjustment to many children.

The teacher is informing you so you can be aware and speak with your son, but this does not mean he needs to be punished at home. Yes, you can discuss it, but let the teacher deal with him at that moment. Your jb is to back her up by reminding your son, he needs to behave for the teacher. He needs to listen with his ears to the teacher. He needs to be a helper in the class and stay in his chair during the afternoon story time, or whatever they are doing..

This is more of a heads up note to you.

You could email or send a note to the teacher to let her know you are speaking with your son. Ask her what she suggest you do on your part. And then ask what she does in these situations, just so you know what your son is dealing with as consequences.

Kindergarten takes a lot of different skills than preschool. It sounds like maybe in the later part of the school day, he kind of looses control. Totally normal.

Do you know their exact schedule at this point? Maybe see if you and the teacher can work together to pin point at what time, he is losing focus and control. And see if you two can figure out a way for him to get it back together in some way.

He is going to be fine. Just let the teacher know you are willing to work with your son and with her to make this a successful year for him.

First, just like many others I agree that kindergarteners can take a while to adjust to the new structure of school. As an educator and a mom of two young boys I also see the difference between raising and educating boys. May I suggest that you not compare hint to your girls because generally (definitely not always) girls aren't a behavioral problem. If you have time I would read articles on educating boys. Also, it seems that the long day is quite difficult since you mentioned he's getting in trouble in the afternoon. Maybe you can work with the teacher to come up with some ideas to give him ways to get out his energy without getting into trouble. Some kids can't stay engaged when they have tons of pent up energy. Don't be discouraged, all kids are different and research shows boys and girls learn differently.

Call the guidance counselor and ask to come in for an appointment. Talk to her about how THE SCHOOL can help him be successful in kinder. You can't fix this. They have to. By talking to the guidance counselor, you can ask her to work with the teacher to put together a behavioral program for him.

It's really important for them to do this so that your son is guided in this process, and not just fussed at all the time. Otherwise, he won't learn enough to be ready for first grade, and he may learn to hate school.

Look, preschool is NOT supposed to be like kinder. Little kids aren't supposed to sit still all the time. Him being in preschool was not a mistake. Your son just needs some extra support to make the transition. It's VERY important that he not be pegged as "bad", so get down to the school and get this worked out.

Oh my, this sounds like my oldest in Kindergarten! She was in trouble everyday because she was BORED!!! Is he bored? Are they willing to work with you to give him something to do while waiting for others to finish what they are doing. That was my daughter's problem. They would not give her anything to do while waiting on the rest of the class to finish. She was in the principle's office the second day of school because she could not sit still. The teacher would not listen to me that she was bored. If they would have just let her do a puzzle quietly at her desk she would have been fine. I think Kindergarten hurt her spirit a lot because she was in trouble every single day. In first grade she was diagnosed with ADD which I struggled with because I felt she was just a normal child with lots of energy. We decided to put her a very low dose of medication to see if that helped and it was night and day! I'm not saying your child is ADD/ADHD, I'm only telling you my experience. Please do not take it like that because I would NEVER tell another parent their child might have ADD/ADHD. I got mad at my daughter's school for even suggesting that she might be. I hope the year gets easier for him! Keep all communications open with the teacher, principle, and counselor at the school. I've heard of schools doing a behavior chart with rewards that really helps instead of the one that shows they were "bad" all week long. Maybe your school offers something like that. I don't know, but I know from personal experience that bringing home a "bad" day everyday makes the child feel like they are bad. We still struggle with our oldest feeling like she is always bad in one way or another. I wish her school would have done things differently.

All day kindergarten is a long day for every child, but it is especially LONG for some. Since he does well in the morning, it sounds like he hasn't matured enough to focus and "behave" all day. It takes a lot out of a kid to concentrate, follow rules, sit still, learn... Is morning kindergarten an option? That way he only has a few hours to have to do all that and then the afternoon to blow off steam. If not...

Some things that have worked for some children in my daycare who have had a hard time with behavior almost always tend to be positive in nature. Also, five year olds live totally in the moment. The teacher needs to be the one to provide the discipline. Punishing him at home after the fact has never worked in my experience.

Many people use earning stars or stickers to gain a larger reward. I have found that actually having the small reward (I often use m&'s or temporary tattoos depending on the child) given daily works better for children with impulsive behavior.

I take three of the reward and tape them to a paper. When the child breaks a rule, I calmly remove one of them and remind the child that he can still earn two. I try to keep it positive and motivating, not punitive. Another problem results in another one being taken away. Again remind him that he can still earn one. However many he has remaining at the set time he gets.

Maybe try a reward system that is broken into two segments, morning and afternoon. That way he has a better opportunity to be more successful which should be more motivating. If he can stay on his "just right spot" then he gets rewarded at 11:30am. Then, that may help provide the motivation to try to earn the afternoon reward. Then, the second reward is provided when it is time to leave. The teacher may find that a quick reminder of his reward when he is starting to misbahave might turn him around.

Another thing to think about is whether he has enough opportunities throughout the day to move around and expel both physical and mental energy. I would not be happy if my 5 year old was being punished for being distracted and moving about if he wasn't provided ample time to be active. Even adults don't sit and focus continuously all day. Most take short breaks frequently even if only to walk down the hall or make a quick phone call. Young children need it even more.

Normal. K teachers are expecting this. It's early in the year. Let the classroom settle out before freaking out.

I have a good friend with two girls that are several years older than their little brother. She laughs that she judged the little boys in her girls classes.
Then HER child got there. It's like a whole different world!

Hang on. That is not going to be your only surprise! It's a kind of crazy world that moms of boys live in. Messy, stinky, loud, forgetful, but oh so fun!
Just don't compare it to your girls or have those expectations. He just needs to learn there is a time and place for all things.

Yes, I have. You need to stop interfering with his teacher though. She needs to be the one who rewards or punishes him, you are taking away her authority by bringing this home instead of letting her handle it at school.

She should have a ton of resources at her disposal. She can have the school counselor come in and observe him, she can request an aid to help her manage her time better, she can have the principle come in and talk to him about listening better, there are all kinds of things she and the school can and should do in this instance.

Him going to child care is good. Imagine how he'd be acting if he'd never went to a classroom setting before.

When I was teaching, the kindergarteners took quite a while to get into the swing of things. Just let the teacher work with him and he will catch on to the rules and the expectations. Just because the teacher is newer doesn't mean she's inexperienced. You say she seems to know what she's doing, but may not have enough strategies? Remember she is part of a team, has had some teaching experience, and all of this is covered in their education, team meetings, and supervision.

Try not to worry about whether he's moving down a spot or two spots, whatever it is. The kindergarten teacher in my school used a "traffic light" and clothespins, moving them from green to yellow to red. There are all kinds of devices. Another colleague says kids in kindergarten don't even know what it means to "line up" so she spends the first month teaching basic skills and communication and standards like that.

It's okay - he'll get it. Try not to worry just because he's not like your other kids. It seems to you that he's having such a hard time, but my guess is, he's not alone. Kids do respond in time, and I think the best thing you can do is to tell him he will have a much better time and much more fun if he listens to the teacher and learns to follow the rules.

He's in a new environment after years at one day care, so he's reacting to the new surroundings, the new authority figure, and the larger group of kids. If, in time, the school thinks more intervention is required, they will let you know. For now, I'd try to relax and let the teacher handle it. From the time he leaves school to the time he gets home is probably too long an interval - if you start imposing consequences, it may be too much, and too separated from his behavior to have any impact. Besides, if you implement a second reward system that conflicts with the teacher's system, or if it confuses him, you may have more problems.

My son was very active in the morning and was a 3-hour-napper well past the age of 4, so afternoons were tougher. You may be looking at that as well. I'd give it a few weeks and then see if the teacher wants to have a conference with you.

My daughter turned 6 in March of her kindergarten year. She didn't settle down consistently until that time. It was like a switch was flipped a week before her birthday.

My son's K class had a bunch of unruly little boys with too much energy. The negative effect of getting a pink slip was doing nothing. The teacher started a new plan of rewarding them for good behavior (with 2 gummi bears as they left the classroom each day) and it got much better. The teacher should come up with a reward system. You can too if you think it would help.

First of all, don't compare him to his sister. All kids are different and your experiences with them will be different too. So learn that now and the rest of their education will be easier on you.

My youngest son (1st grade this year) is also very eager to learn...so he wanted to answer all of the questions. He changed is color once every two weeks or so because he was talking too much. We worked with the teachers and sought ways to help him understand he was not the only one who could answer questions.

As far as the running in the hall, my kids would get a swat on the butt for that when they got home. That is a safety issue and not okay.

I suggest you meet with the teacher WITH your son. Realize these actions belong to your son and not the teacher. Let your son see that you and the teacher are a team and will work with him to make things go more smoothly...but if he thinks he can do something different at school then at home, there will be problems. I would also ask if he needs a nap or some quiet time, if the afternoons are the problem.

He is a young boy and schools sometimes forget that(I cannot stand the phrase 'good choice'...it implies an intentional 'poor' choice)...boys are high-energy and are not supposed to sit for hours and hours. The teacher needs to have activities to keep the students engaged at all times. I have three sons (6,9,12) and my youngest is the most difficult. He had a difficult start to his K year (we held him out because of his late birthday) so I had a talk with the teacher and we figured out that he needed to move and that would help him focus better. His teacher was wonderful at keeping all students busy and engaged and she improvised games and activities as well. When the students first came into school, a 6th grader would escort the high-energy students (usually mostly boys) to the gym where they would spend 15-30 minutes running or jumping on a mini-trampoline. This definitely helped them focus later in the classroom setting.
Too often, schools expect the same actions and behavior from all students and not all fit into their 'box'. And, this is especially true with boys.
Your son sounds like a normal 5 y.o. He needs a creative atmosphere and lots of patience. Sounds crazy but you might think about waking him a little earlier and having him do something active before school (walk/run, jump rope, etc...) I did that a few times and it really seemed to help, but, it is difficult for you! Also, make sure he eats a good protein breakfast and not sugar.
Again, he's a young, active boy and all-day school is a lot for him to adjust to and when you consider the rules and expectations, he's dealing with a tremendous change. No matter what, do not let the school suggest that he might be ADD/ADHD! Far too many schools are going in that direction to 'explain' behavior instead of considering that these are children and not adults.
Give your son time to adjust and to acclimate to his new day. Just like an adult going to a new job, this is scary and hard for him right now. Discuss options with his teacher for adding more activity (even 15 minutes per day).
My youngest is now a 1st grader and is doing much better in class. Of course, he's still active and 'wild' sometimes but that's what I expect. I make sure I keep all my boys active with sports or outside after school to give them time to run and play. They sleep better and seem to focus much better.
Good luck!!!

If he has energy in the morning and it goes downhill in the afternoon, I wonder what you are feeding him for breakfast and lunch.

It sounds like a good breakfast and perhaps a not so balanced lunch. Try to stay away from processed foods. They can tend to give the crash and burn effect.

normal boy. girls can sit still and listen at 5.. boys have a hard time with sitting and listening for 7 hours in school. my very smart boy..(just turned 6 just completed kinder) says..."school is boring.. all we do is learn.. it is not much fun". girls enjoy the social aspect of school seeing their little circle of friends..and the chit chat on the playground at recess... boys.. well they just want to run and jump and be active..

he might calm down in time.. or he might need medication to help him calm down in class.

how old is your son? Is he an old 5 or a young 5? I ask because if he is a really young 5 he may just not be ready. My oldest son turned 5 on august 13 only a week before school started. We put him in kindergarten. after 3 days it was decided by the teacher and us that he was just not ready. So he went to preschool 3 days a week instead. The next year he was one of the older kids. he did spectacular. my next son was born in january so was already 5 3/4 when school started. he also did great. youngest son turned 5 in june. he went ahead and did kindergarten that year and they pushed him on to first grade. which he had to repeat because he just wasn't ready to move on. If it is a possibility to talk to the teacher to see he may just not be ready especially now that kindergarten is an all day thing.