Help My Daughter Won't Do Her Chores

I believe in riding them till it is drilled in their head. I dont really have a big problem with chores and my daughter. She loves to clean the kitchen and dust. It is her room that we have battles about. But i just let it go and when she gets an attitude with anyone I send her to her room to clean it as her punishment. She hates it and gets it done quicker.

Okay, so this idea comes from MADONNA, that's right, MADONNA! SHE takes away ALL of her daughter's clothes, except for ONE outfit. She doesn't get them back until she starts doing what is expected of her. (My sister read that in a magazine) So, try it. You are a SAHM, so am I. WE don't get paid to do OUR work, so I'm not big into the allowance thing. My children are younger, but I fully intend on handling this situation like this when it arises (and I know it will). Simply tell her that ONE of YOUR jobs/chores is laundry and you don't have to do it for her if she doesn't have to do her chores for you! (of course WASH that one outfit =])

Good luck... I'll be there in a few years =] K.

P.:

If she does not do her chores, simply tell her that if you have to do them for her, she has to "pay you" with a toy/privledge etc...Don't get into a power struggle with her, just let her know ahead of time and then give her the consequence.

A.

simple...peanut butter on bread and a glass of milk for each meal until she decides to do her chores. you will be amazed how quickly she comes around. i taught kids with behavior problems (i know this is not your daughter) and it was often amusing how the simplest things like this would work.

she will try to convince you you are mean and terrible for doing this. you're feeding her, just not what she wants. give it a couple of days, tops, and she'll do her chores.

I may have to write a few of those down myself!!
The only other thing I can think of is making a chart with her name and the chores and putting stars or whatever by them when she does them and figuring out a reward system for getting them done.

P.,

You might try telling that if she don'tr take care of the cat that you are going to have to get rid of it or something like that. I have trouble at times with my son. You might also try taking away television privileges or if she has video games or a computer you could try taking away those privileges as well.

Wow! Madonna's gained my respect if the "one outfit" rule is true!
When my son was 8-9, he decided that cleaning his room was "too hard". I made it much easier..........by eliminating anything and everything that was left on the floor after he said he had finished the job. I had told him the rules before hand...he chose not to do a good job, by not putting things in their buckets and bins.(I organized his room to be easy to manage, he was choosing to make it a big deal~Drama King!) So I simple got a large trash bag and started pitching in everything! Toys,clothes, cars, Batman stuff, Ninja Turtles and all the accessories, and legos.(I think they're just as bad as a million Barbie Shoes!!!) He was in shock that I followed through with it. I was serious, as I worked hard to provide a roof over our heads and food to eat, etc....his part in the family was to help maintain the house and his things, too. The trash bag belonged to me for 1-2 weeks. I think it was at this time, he discovered "goosebump" books. He then was rewarded with a new book each week if his grades and room were kept up! It worked.
Your daughter has things she values, therefore you have leverage. If she refuses to feed the cat, then give him to another family. That will send a clear message. Can you talk to Dad, and have him reinforce the rules for your daughter? I think rules should be mobile, as in "they go with the child", not the house they are at! Again, good luck, as I have been there.

A P.S. To all Moms of children that lose their coats and jackets~ 'tis the season! After my son lost a Starter jacket, and many other jackets, year after year. Each time he'd end up with a coat from Goodwill. What ever was left on the rack, in his size was the coat he'd have the rest of the winter. That cured that problem!!!!

I love the advice from Rachel, and I may just give that a try myself. My son is 8 and has the same exact problems his is more that he forgets and I have to constantly remind him. I even have the chores written down and clearly explained. I currently am doing a $5 a week allowance and I have him the choice of losing a dollar a day when I have to remind him to do something for $.50 cents for each item I have to remind him of. (He is sort of smart and knows I have to remind him about a lot and thinks the 1.00 a day is the way to go.) lol. I have tried explaining that the cats need food and water to survive and that they can die without it, but that hasn't helped yet either. I am at a loss of what else to try, but I love the peanut butter sandwich idea, a few days on that and he should remember. I think a lot of times kids tune us out to and quit listening. I know I didn't offer too much advice, but I sure do sympathize with you. :)

I like those ideas! I do something similar, but I got it from Jim Fay's Love and Logic series! He is awesome!

www.loveandlogic.com

I get most of the books I read of his from the Spfd Library. Don't buy them--check them out!

I have a nine year old son and he has similar chores and also goes to his dad's every other weekend. When he goes to his dad's house there aren't rules or chores because his dad feels that dad's house should be fun. But that's off the subject. For the most part he does his chores but he has to be reminded. What works best for me when he complains about doing his chores is to remind him that it is his home as well, that and he doesn't get to play with his friends or play video games until his responsibilites are taken care of. It's not fun but it works and it's teaching him responsibility. When he doesn't want to take care of the pets I remind him of the promise he made when we got the dog and if he doesn't want to take care of her that we could give her to someone that would take care of her. For the first few weeks it was tough but not it's part of his routine and he does his chores without being reminded most of the time.

Most of the advice seems very traditional, sometimes another aproach is worth a try. Children like to be respected, just like the rest of us. Sometimes talking about why one doesn't want to do ones job helps with employees & children. Often times we become bored with our responsibilities & they become a burden. Chores do not have to be work, and work does not have to be a chore. Maybe she would like to take on a new responsibility, something more chalenging, that requires her to learn a new skill & will help her later in life. Vacuming & mopping with headphones can be fun & hardly seem like work. Dishes & Laundry are also things a nine year old can learn to do with some help initially. Maybe changing chores each month would feel more grown up. I would try talking with her about the issue & even ask her opinion on a proper punishment for not doing her agreed upon chores. Then if she doesn't do what she agrees to do, she does the punishment she agreed to. It worked when I was a child for my Grandmother & I have had lots of succes with an 11 yr old, & a 10 yr old. Good luck.

First and foremost you have to establish that you are the boss and that life will be miserable if she doesn't follow the rules. My daughter is 10. SHe started having chores when she was seven. All her friends still don't have chores. She is not allowed to play with her friends until her chores are done. If she gives me trouble during the week she can't play on the weekend. I don't let her watch TV, play on the computer, play games, she can't have sweet drins or snacks... Life is just generally miserable for her. SHe is only allowed to clean, do homework and use the restroom. The first few weeks are the worst. Life will be hell for everyone. BUT, once she realizes you mean business, she will do her chores without your nagging her. It has been three years, Keanna does a great job most of the time, when she doesn't we take away ptivleges... As for the rules being different at Dad's house... Sounds like he's a vacation Dad. He only has her for two days everyother week... He doesn't want to spend them chasing her around to do chores. You both need to let her know that rules are different everywhere you go. The rules at school are different than the rules at home and Dad is no longer a primary parent and is not able to make rules and chores for her. Mom is now the primary parent and what you say goes. You should talk to your ex about this. My daughter gets upset that she has to do chores. She says her friends don't have to... Well, I'm not her friends parents. As for the cat... tell her that if she does not take care of her cat that you will have to give the cat to someone who will. Then the next time she gives you a hard time about it, don't yell at her, just remind her politely that she will lose her privlege to have the cat and drop the subject... the next school day (or whenever she is not home, maybe the weekend at dad's). Bring the cat to a friends or to your vet to be kenneled for a week. When she gets home don't even mention it to her. She will notice that Wiskers isn't home and you can calmly tell her that she lost her privledge and that you thought she did not care since she did not feed or clean after her cat... SHE WILL FREAK! Let her. Give it a day or two and then ask her if she thinks that she is ready to care for her cat. Bring the cat home. My mom did this to me when I was about 9 and I never neglected my cats again. I told the story to my daughter and she has never neglected her dog. Maybe you can scare her with "Your friends story" and then if she still wont do anything then do it for real.

PS. sorry for the horrible spelling, there's no spell check and I am a horrible typist!